


The Happiness Equation

by mbs0916



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-04
Updated: 2015-03-10
Packaged: 2018-02-16 04:21:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 112,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2255703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mbs0916/pseuds/mbs0916
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard Searches for Happiness</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Universe Expands

**Author's Note:**

> This is a posting of a story I previously posted at fanfiction.net

The Happiness Equation

Part 1 The Universe Expands

May 24, 2010

Leonard walked into his apartment, still a bit intoxicated. He had just made a fool of himself in front of Penny and before that, Leslie Winkle. As he closed the door behind him, a sharp pain radiated from his right side and seemed to jump into his left leg where it transformed itself into a molten flow of lava down to the very tips of his toes. Leonard quickly made his way over to his desk chair and sat down. The pain dissipated after a few minutes and he was finally able to open and boot up his laptop. He immediately typed in the address for the website that Sheldon used to diagnose his many imagined symptoms and began a search based on the symptoms with which he was suffering. After a little bit of time to narrow the parameters (he was sure he had not contracted a 15 foot parasite from the islands of Galapagos) he made an initial diagnosis of appendicitis. That having been decided, he called directory assistance and had them patch him through to a taxi service.

Having called the cab, he picked the phone up once again and dialed the dreaded number; the number to reach his mother. But unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on your point of view, her machine answered immediately saying that she was not at home but she could be reached on her cell phone (in case of emergency). Evidently, this wasn’t enough of an emergency because his mother had never given him a cell phone number with which to reach her. He thought maybe he ought to wake Sheldon. He was sure to have his mother’s number, as close as they seem to have gotten, but that thought ended the possibility of that avenue being taken. Then he did something he had sworn to himself that he would never do. He picked-up the phone and dialed his father.

An hour later he was sitting in the emergency room of Our Sisters of Mercy Hospital. He had filled out all of the paperwork and was ticking off in his head all of the preparations he had made. After asking his father to be his emergency contact for what he felt would surely be a laproscopic surgery if not more invasive, he had set about to send Sheldon an e-mail explaining that he was spending some time with his father (a small white lie, but he had spent some time with him on the phone) and sending his department head an e-mail explaining that he would most likely be in the hospital and recovery for at least a week. He also requested that he not let anyone know that he was out for medical purposes. Then he had written a short e-mail to Penny apologizing for the rude way he had propositioned her and asking forgiveness. He then gave her the same cover story about needing to spend some time with his father. He set this e-mail to send at 8:00 a.m. because he was afraid she might still be up and on her computer. He decided he was a coward for not apologizing in person, but that is who he was now.

He also sent an e-mail to Howard and Raj, just to give them a heads up that Sheldon would be in a bad mood and that he was sorry. So now he was in the ER waiting for his turn to be prodded and poked and diagnosed. He had asked the taxi driver to bring him across town because he had wanted to eliminate any possibility that he would run into Dr. Stephanie Barnett. Although they had parted on amicable terms, it might still be a little awkward for them to meet each other in this type of venue. Well as is too often the case, the fates conspire against us and as a nurse finally led him into an examination room, who would be standing there but Dr. Stephanie Barnett.

“Oh crap”, Leonard moaned just as another wave of nausea came over him and he projectile vomited across the room directly onto Stephanie’s shoes.

“Well, I know we’re not dating anymore but did you really need to dump on me again” Stephanie said, but immediately regretted it. “Sorry, a small attempt at humor.” Then speaking to one of the nurses, “Victoria, could you call an orderly, and bring Dr. Hofstader a cup of ice water? Thank you.” She looked down at the chart that Victoria had handed her as she and Leonard had entered the curtained off area. “Huh, I see you have diagnosed yourself with appendicitis, or did Dr. Sheldon do that for you?” she said with her voice dripping with sarcasm.

“No, no, just me” Leonard said as the doctor walked over and started to examine him. She had him lay on the table and she began to palpate around his abdomen. When she lightly touched one area, Leonard tried to double over in pain, but she anticipated this and held his torso to the table.

“Diagnosis confirmed Dr. Hofstader. I’ll check up front at the desk and see who is on-call for surgery. It seems quite inflamed. It may wait ‘til morning but I would be more comfortable if it were to come out tonight.” She turned to walk toward the front desk.

“Dr. Burnett… Stephanie?” He called to her and she turned to give him a questioning look. “I know this may sound funny to you, as you know my friends, but I listed my father on the emergency contact info and I would like to request (if I can) that after surgery only family is allowed back during visiting hours.”

“That is of course your right” she said with a puzzled look on her face. “Has the friendship dynamic altered since I was spending time with you and your friends?”

“I just don’t want to worry them. I left them messages indicating that I was spending time with my father. Trust me, it’s better this way” Leonard replied.

“And what about Penny?” Stephanie asked.

“Penny?” he said with a questioning tone.

“Is she ‘family’? I assumed that’s who you were attempting to end up with after we parted ways.” Stephanie probed.

“Penny is just another girl to whom I was unable to bring happiness. We parted ways a while back but are trying to remain friends for the children’s sake, i.e. Sheldon. He didn’t take the break-up very well.” He reached up a wiped away a tear. “The pain is getting a little unbearable.”

“Do you want something for the pain?” She asked and he shook his head in the negative. “And for your information, when we were dating, you brought me a lot of happiness. Don’t sell yourself short, Dr. Hofstader.” And with that she walked off toward reception.

What seemed like hours, but was probably only minutes a nurse came in and began to prep him for surgery. The nurse informed him that a Dr. Schröedinger would be performing his surgery and he just laughed and said that he hoped the cat would be alive. The nurse just gave him a funny look and then glanced down at the syringe that she had just used and checked the contents on her chart. Seeing nothing that would cause delusions, she just shook her head and continued her prep work. Forty-five minutes later, Leonard was completely under and being wheeled into the surgical theater. Dr. Stephanie Burnett, who had clocked out, sat alone in the gallery and watched with baited breath as Dr. Schröedinger began this completely routine procedure.

 

May 25, 2010

At nine o’clock on the dot, the phone rang and Sheldon picked it up. “Hello, Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Well hello Dr. Hofstader, what can I do for you?” He listened intently to this woman he so admired. “No, I didn’t attempt to call you last night… No Leonard’s not here, I received an e-mail from him this morning that he was going to spend some time with his father.” He waited for a reply, but the phone remained silent. “Are you still there?”

“Something is wrong Sheldon” she said in a very small voice that, for some reason, made the hair on his neck stand on end. “I know that Leonard harbors ill feelings toward me, but his father… If Leonard called his father… Where is that little waitress girlfriend of his. She’ll know what’s going on. Leonard was always a sharer with those he loves.”

“Leonard and Penny are no longer in a relationship, although they are attempting to remain as friends for some unknown reason. I will check with her after eleven and call you back with any information that she has.” Sheldon explained.

“Why after eleven? Sheldon, this is important.” She said, her voice becoming a little stronger.

“Penny has forbade me to knock on her door before eleven in the morning, except for dire emergencies” he further explained.

“Sheldon, consider this a dire emergency” she said. “Tell her I made you knock.”

“Fine, I shall go and inquire, but if she goes all Junior Rodeo on me, will you come visit me in the hospital?” He said with a short snort to indicate that he was trying to use a little humor. “I’ll call you back as soon as I learn anything.” And he hung up the phone to walk across the hall.

Knock, Knock, Knock Penny Knock, Knock, Knock Penny Knock, Knock, Knock Penny

He was about to knock again when Penny opened the door holding a lasso.

“What the frack Moonpie? It’s only nine in the morning on a weekend. Do you want to hogtie yourself or should I do it?” She snarled.

“Penny, I ask for special dispensation. Leonard’s mother called me on the phone and asked me to come speak to you.”

“What does Leonard’s mother want with me? Did he call and cry to his mother because I wouldn’t do him last night?”

“To my knowledge that phone call never got completed. When Leonard called his mother she wasn’t at home and she called him back this morning. I told her that Leonard had gone to spend some time with his father. This seems to have upset his mother greatly and she asked me to come inquire of you if you knew why he went to see his father. She seems to be genuinely upset about the fact that Leonard spoke with his father.” Sheldon summed up for Penny.

“The only time he ever mentioned his father was when he said that his dad borrowed his hugging machine when he was younger?” She squinted her eyes. “For someone with so many mommy issues, it makes you wonder why he never mentions his father.” Penny tossed the lasso behind her onto the couch. “If he called his father last night, wouldn’t the number be in the phone’s memory?”

“I hadn’t thought of that.” He turned to re-enter his apartment but stopped short and turned to face Penny. “Thank you.” He lowered his eyes and stepped backwards into the apartment, leaving the door open.

Penny considered the situation for a moment. Sheldon was acting strange. A thank you that was not coerced because of “social convention” and he had left the door to his apartment open. She started to take the few steps that would bring her to Leonard’s door, but hesitated when she realized that “social decorum” required she change out of her baby shorts and top into more “decent” apparel. Ten minutes later she walked into Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment just as Sheldon was putting the phone back in the cradle. “Did you get in touch with his father?” she asked.

Sheldon sank down into his spot on the sofa and looked up at Penny. “I called the number that Leonard last called and his father answered on the first ring. I asked to speak with Leonard and he said that Leonard was still asleep. He then told me that he and Leonard have planned to spend some time together over the next sennight or fortnight.”

“Sheldon. Speak fracking english.”

Sheldon cocked his head to the right and stared at Penny as a thought occurred to him. “Ah, you are not familiar with terms sennight and fortnight. They are proper english and mean in respect seven nights or fourteen nights. They do seem to have fallen out of use since the popularization of the, quote, seven day week, unquote.”

“I am familiar with the terms… I just didn’t know what they meant.” She paused a moment. “Is Leonard okay?”

“As far as I can determine, he is fine. His father indicated that he is sleeping peacefully and that he expected him up any minute to join him for breakfast.”

“So what did you make of his father?” Penny asked. “Did he sound friendly?”

“His voice was a bit deeper than Leonard’s, but had the same basic timbre and I noticed the tendency to use the same colloquialisms that his son uses. It seems obvious that even though Leonard does not now speak of his father on any regular basis, he spent a lot of time with him when he was forming his linguistic skills.”

“Sheldon” she said with an inflection of promised pain.

Sheldon flinched and said, “He sounded friendly.” She backed off a little and her shoulders lost a little of the tension she had coiled preparing to lash out. “His mother did not have the same reaction when I informed her of Leonard’s whereabouts.”

“What do you mean?” she said as she sat on the sofa next to him.

“She became very inquisitive as to his whereabouts, and when I said he was with his father she replied that ‘that didn’t tell her where he was.’ I got the impression that she did not know how to get in touch with Leonard’s father so I gave her the number and she hung-up on me immediately. Penny?” She tilted her head at the implied question. “Am I missing some point of interpersonal communications?”

“I think so Sheldon, I think we both are.” Penny said as she reached over and laid her hand over his, and to her surprise, he let her.

 

Leonard slowly opened his eyes and surveyed the hospital room in which he was laying. His first conscious thought was ‘Well, I guess I survived’ and that was followed a second later by ‘Why?’ Then he scolded himself. He was one of the lucky ones. He had a job he loved and he had friends. Friends whom he had lied to and deceived; which he would continue to do so for their sakes. And then he saw Penny’s face in his mind’s eye. He remembered when he had first met her and she seemed to bubble over in smiles and grins of joy. Then he had invited her over for dinner and her smile had dropped just a bit. She had put up with his and Sheldon’s weird antics that night and thus he had been hurdled into the future with the hope that this beautiful, funny girl might actually see through the social awkwardness and some day return his affection. But she had become a black hole for love and collapsed his love into singularity and all that remained was the echo of love trapped on the event horizon. Forevermore, he would only be able to show a façade of love in the form of friendship to all those travelers that would encounter this edge of darkness.

The door of his room opened and a young nurse; no not nurse, for she was wearing a tag that said orderly, entered his room. She walked over and began cleaning off the table that sat at the side of the bed when she noticed his eyes were open.

“Mr. Hofstader, good to see you are awake. Can I get you some water or ice?” she said as she poured a cup of water from a plastic ewer.

“Thank… thank you.” He said as she handed him the cup and he raised the straw to his lips. He took a short sip and sat the cup back on the tray table that she had maneuvered in front of him. “Please, call me Leonard”

“Well hello Leonard, my name is Jill.”

He paused just a moment but finally composed himself and said, “Good to meet you, Jill. I guess I’m going to be a burden on you for the next couple of days.”

“No burden and not a couple of days.” She said as she raised the head of the bed to a better angle and helped him raise his head as she moved and fluffed the pillows behind his head. “I saw your chart and unless you’re a bad boy and get an infection, you should be leaving by tomorrow. It looks like you will be one of the last patients I get to send home. Tomorrow is my last day also.”

The door opened once again and Leonard’s father walked into the room “Good morning son” he said and sat in a chair next to the bed. “Your color is looking a lot better, though that may just be the natural light versus the florescent light from last night.”

“What are you doing here sir?” Leonard asked of his father.

“You called me last night and said you thought you were about to need surgery. What did you think I would do? You’re my son.”

“I called you because I needed a number for the hospital to have in case of emergency. I didn’t expect you to come all the way here just to sit there and wait for me to wake up.” Leonard said. Jill waved goodbye from the doorway and slipped out.

“I’m sorry, but when you reached me, I was in Las Vegas at a convention and I couldn’t be that close knowing you might need me and not come. Besides Jessica insisted she wanted to meet you.” He reached over a brushed a stray lock of hair out of Leonard’s eyes.

“I am assuming Jessica is the lady of which mother said she divorced you over.”

“That would be the one. Though I would hope you would at least listen to my side of the story.” He sat back in the chair and tented his fingers in front of his face. “Leonard, I’ve let this go on too long… I love you son.” He paused for a moment to gauge Leonard’s reaction and when he received none he forged on. “Do you want me to qualify that last statement?” When no answer was forth coming he continued. “In fifth grade when you did the report on space exploration for your show and tell and you asked me for my autographed picture of Neil Armstrong. Do you remember that? Well I do. I remember being so proud of you, because you had found something to be passionate about so early in life. I told you that you could borrow it if you would be very careful.”

“But then you changed your mind and told me I should do my report on something that mattered, like the psychological impact of modern technology on the human id.” He said with almost a shudder in his voice.

“Yes, I was convinced by external forces that your talents and intellect could be better utilized in solving the mysteries of the human mind rather than exploration of cold, dark space. And I am sorry that I tried to manipulate you in such a way. You were and are an exceptional mind and an exceptional person. I have lived with that betrayal for almost fifteen years. I knew the moment I retracted my approval that you would never forgive me. You were my last chance and I had blown it. Your brother and sister were already poisoned against me and I had just handed her another victim. But I loved her and I could deny her nothing.” He seemed to sink even further into the chair if that were possible.

“If you loved her so much, why has she always asserted that you didn’t and that you were… oh god I can’t believe I’m going to ask this… were unable or unwilling to perform your husbandly duties?” Leonard asked.

“I always wondered exactly how much your mother told you about our lives. We were both academics and that fostered a lot of professional jealousy that spilled over into our personal lives. I began spending a lot more time at my office and going to conferences, anything not to be around your mother. Now don’t get me wrong, I have never stopped loving your mother. And I never stopped loving you and your siblings. It just became to painful to love someone and not feel that love being returned.”

“But for the last ten years, you haven’t been there. When I graduated from high school, college and then got my Ph.D., you weren’t there.

“I was there, hidden in the back, afraid to approach you because I knew that all you wanted to say to me, was ‘I told you so’. And I would have deserved it.” He was leaning forward toward Leonard. “I couldn’t take the chance that you would tell me you never wanted to see me again, so I never gave you that opportunity.”

“That is not a logical way to think, but then again perhaps it is. If you never open the box, the cat can always be alive for you.” He reached and picked-up the plastic cup and brought the straw to his lips. He sat it back down. “For the record, if you had let me know you were there, I would have said thank you and given you a hug.” His father stood up with a tear in his eye and leaned over to kiss his son’s forehead and squeeze his shoulders. “I love you too dad.” Tears streamed down each cheek. “We have a lot to talk about. Things won’t be great over night, but we’ll keep moving forward and try to work things out.” Leonard closed his eyes and said, “I’d like to get a nap now if you don’t mind. You go on and get some rest too. I’d like to talk further when I’m more rested.”

“Sure son, you get some rest and Jessica and I will check in with you this afternoon” and he turned and left the room. Leonard hunkered down into the bed and closed his eyes. Within moments he was softly snoring and dreaming of surfing through space on a silver surf board.

 

Howard was driving himself and Raj home in his mother’s Buick. They had been spending the weekend in a small town near the Mexican border hoping to get lucky with some illegal alien girls who were desperate enough to think they would marry them. Sheldon had called him and told him to get to Penny’s apartment immediately.

Raj had his head back against the headrest and his eyes closed. Howard jerked the wheel to the right and then back to the left and Raj yelped at he sat straight up. “What in the name of Gandhi was that?” he said.

“Oh, so you’re awake. You might as well take over the driving then.” He began to pull over to the shoulder. “We are about an hour out and I’m having trouble keeping my eyes open.”

“You could’ve just woken me up normally, you didn’t have to make me almost pee myself.” He opened the door as Howard brought the car to a stop and walked around the front of the car as Howard walked around the back. As he positioned himself behind the wheel, he asked again, “Tell me exactly what Sheldon said when he called.”

“He just said that Leonard had left him a note saying that he was gonna spend a couple of days with his father. Then he said Leonard’s mother had called and was upset to hear that he was gonna spend time with his dad. Which goes to show that Leonard might have known his mother’s reaction, and that is what he is referring to in the e-mails he sent us.”

Raj had gotten the car up to speed and engaged the cruise control. “Has Leonard ever mentioned his father to you” Raj asked.

“No, but then he hardly ever mentions his brother and sister either, and he won’t talk about his mother unless there is the impending doom of a visit. I bet that boy has some major family issues.”

“This coming from the stereotypical Jewish man living with his mother, and said boy has never mentioned his father either.”

Howard shot Raj a look that could wound severely if not kill. “My father… he passed when I was six. And the one thing I remember about him is that he told me he loved me everyday that he was with me. My mother has never told me that. I’m sure she loves me, but she has never said it.” He sniffled a bit and turned his head to look out the side window. “You are very lucky to have two parents that love you.”

“They are constantly getting on my case and want to control my life. How can you say that they love me?” Raj protested.

“They vid-call you at least once or twice a week. That could be their way of letting you know that they are thinking of you. Can you honestly say you would be happy if they quit calling?” Howard asked with a slight quiver in his voice.

“So, what do you think of the Penny/Leonard situation?” Raj interjected and turned all his attention to the road in front of him.

 

Leonard awoke some hours later to movement in his room. He opened his eyes to see Jill standing over his bed. “Hey Jill, what time is it?”

“It’s just after three in the afternoon. Don’t move too much, your IV got detached while you were sleeping. I’ve called a nurse to have her reinsert it and then I’ll get you and the bed all cleaned up.” The door opened and a nurse came in. “I’ll be back as soon as the nurse is through getting you all hooked up again.” Jill stepped out into the hallway.

A few minutes later the nurse left and Jill returned as promised. “Hey” she said, “Let’s get you all cleaned up and comfortable.”

“Just what is this going to entail?” Leonard asked.

“I’ll get you to stand and walk over to the chair. I’ll change the sheets because they are drenched in saline solution and then we’ll get you into another hospital gown after we sponge you down and dry you off.”

“Umm… that’s what I was afraid of. No disrespect to you, but can I do the sponging, drying and changing myself? I’m a little uncomfortable with a… a… pretty girl seeing me au naturale, if you know what I mean.”

“No problem” she said, “but can I ask you a bit of a personal question?” He nodded is head yes. “I would usually let a family member or girlfriend help with that part, but you have had only the one visitor. Are you from out of town?”

“No, I live and work here in town. I just don’t have any close family nearby and my friends, well, they don’t know I’m here. Can I ask you a personal question now? Don’t worry I’m not some Wolowitz that hits on every girl I see.”

“What the heck is a Wolowitz? But sure, if you don’t mind if I keep the option of not answering.” She agreed gracefully.

“You mentioned that tomorrow was your last day. I was just wondering if…” her eyes widened in anticipation of having to create a lie at the assumed come-on from this sweet guy, but she was surprised by the completion on the question… “you were leaving for another job, if you were leaving the area or if you were being redacted?”

It took a moment for her to process the question, but she finally composed herself and answered, “yeah, umm, no, umm, no, and kinda.” She paused a moment to see if he had followed her response and he nodded his head in the affirmative. “Me and three other staff are the latest in the lay-offs. I really should be more upset than I am, but I’m just looking at it as an opportunity to find something a little more, I don’t know, exciting. I’m gonna take a week off to clear up some things I’ve been putting off and then start job hunting full time.”

“I may have an idea” he responded, “for the job hunting part. I work in the physics department at the college and I have an acquaintance in the genetics department that is looking for a PA. If you’re interested, I’ll be glad to get you an interview with her.”

“Sure, that sounds great, but what’s in it for you?” she asked.

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“Sure. Okay” she said giving him a look that conveyed doubt.

“If I tell you this, please keep it to yourself. It’ll make me sound crazy.”

“Friend confidentiality has been invoked. Consider me your priestess of the church of closed lips and step into my confessional.”

“That’s funny; a simple ‘I promise’ is enough for me.” She smiled and nodded for him to continue. “When I was in surgery, I don’t know if it was the anesthesia or if I actually died for a moment, but I saw a bright light and things became very clear. I saw glimpses of my future and the futures of my friends, but the clearest impression I got was that I needed to adjust my priorities. I need to refocus myself on being happy in the long run instead of just in the here and now. I think that includes helping my friends find happiness. I don’t want this to come out the wrong way, but I would like to consider you a friend. Now don’t get me wrong, you are an attractive, kind and intelligent girl, but I’m not looking for a relationship beyond friendship. I don’t want…”

“She hurt you pretty badly, huh? Tell your priestess about it.”

Three hours later, she had finished cleaning him up, clocked out of work and returned to continue his confessional. At just after 6:30 his father returned with Jessica to spend some time with him. Jill had introduced herself and excused herself telling him that she would check in with him when her shift started at 7:00 in the morning.

As soon as Jill had closed the door behind her, Leonard’s father had introduced him to Jessica and the sat in the chair next to him. “I hate to jump straight into the deep end, but ‘what are you doing?’ he asked Leonard.

“I don’t know what you are talking about, father”, he glanced at Jessica and then back to his father. “I don’t believe this is an appropriate venue for the implied question.”

“I’m your father, not your therapist. I think given the implications, any venue is appropriate. Son, her name is ‘Jill’ do you not find that a bit troubling?”

“I find her to be very nice and friendly and I hope to call her friend. All other   
thoughts are irrelevant. The moniker ‘Jill’ is totally a random occurrence” he told his father.

“Son, I hate to bring up the topic of your mother…”

“Then don’t dad. I know what you’re going to say. My befriending of a girl named ‘Jill’ is an attempt to bring to fruition the nightmares that started when I was six years old. That, in my dream I died and that someone named Jill was the recipient of the news is a prelude to it actually happening. You don’t have to worry dad, I now know the owner of the voice that spoke those words in my dream. If my plans come to fruition, then in the next six weeks that voice will no longer be a factor.”

“So you are still having the nightmares?” his father asked.

Jessica walked over and sat next to the bed. “Are you having nightmares, Leonard?”

“Not very often, and usually only after a stressful day or an overly emotional one.” He looked closely at Jessica. “Tell me Jessica. How did you and my father become… involved?”

“I sorta thought that might be one of the first things you asked me.” She paused for a moment, looked over at Leonard’s father and then back to Leonard. “Let me just get one thing straight. I did not steal your father from your mom. If she had not asked for the divorce, your father would still be married to her and your father and I would still be only friends. This trip to Vegas was our first weekend as a ‘couple’. Your father refused and I agreed that we needed to let some time pass before we took that next step.”

“Are you saying that my mother divorced my father without reason?” Leonard asked.

Leonard’s father answered. “Your mother asked for a divorce because Jessica and I had begun a correspondence between friends. No matter what our feelings were, we remained friends only. Out of respect and my love for your mother. I truly and dearly love your mother to this day, but she could not return the love I gave her. She only ever reduced my feelings to the base chemical reactions and socio-economic requirements for male-female interactions. She couldn’t understand that someone else would want to be my friend. So I didn’t contest the divorce. I took a chance that I could find happiness and love, because I finally understand that love can exist in one direction; i.e. I love your mother still, but love that is reciprocated is so much stronger and much more vibrant.”

“Are you happy, father?” Leonard asked. “And you, Jessica, are you happy knowing that he still has love for my mother?”

“That is exactly why I love your father,” she replied. “Anyone who could turn his or her love on and off like a faucet, would not be worthy to be loved.”

“I love Jessica and she loves me, that is something that I hope you have in your life; if not now, someday.”

They talked long into the night getting to know each other again and building upon the foundation that they had shared when Leonard was a young child. When Mr. Hofstader and Jessica left so that Leonard could get some rest, they made plans for Mr. Hofstader to pick him up when he was released and take him back to their hotel to rest for a couple of days before they took him home to his apartment. Leonard had told him briefly about his relationship to Penny and its end. He was not happy that Leonard had decided to keep his surgery from his friends, but he would respect his choice.


	2. Things Begin to Cool

May 29, 2010

Four days later, Leonard, his father and Jessica entered apartment 4A to find Sheldon, Howard and Raj eating Thai food. After formal introductions, Leonard told the trio that he had spent the last couple of days getting reacquainted with his father and getting to know Jessica. Sheldon asked if Leonard had called his mother, because she had seemed worried.

“No. No, I haven’t talked to her since… I need to explore other options for interacting with my mother.” Leonard evaded.

“Other options” Sheldon inquired, “What other options are there? You either speak to her or you don’t. She has made every effort possible to get in touch with you since you ran off on your little camp-out with your father. I must insist that you pick-up the phone and call your mother.”

“Sheldon, ahhhh, for one thing, don’t talked to me like I’m a child and two, you can call my mother and let her know I’m home. You seem to be better at communicating with her than I am. Like one freaking cyborg to another.” He took a breath and was about to start on another tirade when the door opened and he turned to see Penny walking into the room. His demeanor switched from confrontational to what an outside observer may call reluctant. “Hey Penny, its good to see you. Are you having a good week?”

“Hey Leonard, the probable son returns. Yeah I’m having a great week,” she said as she gave him brief hug and slouched toward her seat and picked up a takeout container and started to eat.

“Yeah, I’m pretty probable” he said under his breath. “Penny, I’d like to introduce my father and his girlfriend Jessica. Jessica, this is my friend Penny.”

“I think she means prodigal” Sheldon said.

“Sheldon, we all know what she meant. Let it go, please.” Leonard said as a sidebar.

Jessica walked over to where Penny was sitting and extended her hand in friendship. “Leonard has spoken of you fondly, Penny. It is good to finally meet you.” She took a step backwards and looked to Leonard and gave him a brief nod that was meant to convey understanding and approval. “He tells me that you are an actress. Have you been in anything I might have seen?”

“Oh, that is why my week is great. At work today, one of my customers gave me a card and asked me to contact his casting agent. He said he was a producer for a new syndicated show called ‘The Inferno Project’. It’s about a team that is tasked with investigating a space anomaly that is approaching earth. He described it as sort of a ‘X-Files meets Grey’s Anatomy’. Which reminds me, do you have X-Files on DVD that I can borrow? But anyway, the part would be small, like the main character’s stepsister that she doesn’t really like. It would probably be a one off character for a couple of episodes, but if people like the character, she may be written into series 2. Assuming it is picked up after the first series airs.”

“Well that’s great Penny. I’m sure you’ll do great, but I don’t think any of us has X-Files on DVD. We lean more towards the Sci-Fi as opposed to supernatural and although the initial focus was on the sci-fi, they tended to intertwine the supernatural in with it and I for one never really connected with the premise. How about you guys, any of you have X-Files on DVD?” Leonard look around at his friends and that all indicated no with a shake of their heads. “I’ll be glad to look and see if there is somewhere on line that you can watch it in streaming video. You do know that there was like 10 years worth of shows, right.”

“Wow, ten years. What’s that like 200 episodes? I guess I’m gonna have to stop rewatching ‘Sex in the City’ DVDs for a while. Oh well, say Leonard, would you like to watch some of them with me?” She asked.

“Sure, I’ll see if I can watch some with you, but I may be putting in some extra time at work. When I called Dr. Gablehauser to let him know I would be returning to work tomorrow, he asked me if I would be interested in putting together a grant proposal on this project I have been trying to get him interested in.” Leonard said.

“Is he finally showing some interest in the DWS project?” Sheldon asked, and Leonard shook his head in the affirmative.

“What is a DWS project?” inquired Penny.

Howard jumped in with excitement, “About three years ago, Leonard postulated that studying light under extreme pressure conditions might indicate a possible variation of the general theory of relativity.” Penny just stared at him with a look of ‘what’.

“Leonard wants to send a submersible with an instrumentation packet into the Mariana Trench to determine if light reacts differently to matter at greater pressures per square inch. I told him three years ago that the pressure could be recreated on dry land in the lab…” Sheldon started to explain.

“You cannot recreate the variables that may exist in that depth with the saline content of the water, the cold of the depth and in some spots the heat from the magma vents.” Leonard countered.

“Well, that sounds exciting, Leonard. I’m proud for you. I hope you get the chance to design the experiment.” Penny said as she took another bite of her Thai food.

Raj whispered in Howard’s ear and Howard said, “Good point. Leonard, is this grant proposal going to require any engineering and numbers crunching… you know… I would be glad to work with you on the schematics and Raj here can crunch numbers like the cookie monster chowing down on oreos.”

“That was my first thought when Dr. Gablehauser asked me to do the grant proposal, but he told me that I was to work on the proposal alone and any engineering requirements would be handled by a team that had been put together solely for that purpose.” Leonard said.

“Oh well, that’s okay,” Howard started, “Have you seen the new eye candy in the genetics department? Dr. Bambi hired a new PA and I met her in the cafeteria today.”

“You know if Dr. Bambilina ever hears you call her Bambi, she will roast your nuts over an open Bunsen burner.” Leonard told him.

“Is that Dr. Sandra Bambilina?” Leonard’s father asked.

“Yes. Do you know her?” Leonard asked.

“Know of her, she and I were on staff together at Princeton for a while. She has a great reputation in the field of genetics”

“She was one of the first to successfully use data from the human genome project to formulate a series of drugs that could possibly lead to advancements in the fight against diseases with a genetic component.” Sheldon broke in.

“Yeah, yeah, but the PA has got a tush to die for.” Harold said.

“And a pistol to kill with.” Leonard added. “She carries a pistol and she’s not afraid to use it. Jill has been pre-warned about you, Howard”

“Who warned her and about what?” Howard asked.

“I and ‘you’re always on the prowl’. Jill is a friend and I got her the interview, which led to her being hired. A friendly warning, don’t tread on Jill, you might get burned.” He turned to look at Penny who was still eating her Thai food, “well if ya’ll don’t mind, I think I’ll turn in, I’m a little tired. It’s been a long day.” He turned to his dad and Jessica and said “I’ll walk ya’ll to your car.” Leonard’s father and Jessica said their goodbyes and left with Leonard.

After they had closed the door behind them, the room was dead silent for a moment until Penny broke the silence. “So that was Leonard’s father, huh. He seemed pretty nice; nicer than his mother if you ask me.”

“Penny, I don’t see how you can say that. The amount of time you have spent with his mother and the few moments that you spoke with his father are not enough to create an accurate comparison. Besides his mother is the more logical minded of the two” Sheldon admonished Penny.

“Okay, let me propose an experiment. You spend a week, o sorry ‘sennight’, with a poisonous viper and then one minute with a cute puppy and then tell me you can’t  
make a comparison” Penny rebutted. Sheldon just turned his nose up and said he was going to bed.

Meanwhile as the two Hofstaders and Jessica made their way toward the car, Jessica walked a little faster and left the father and son to talk alone. “Leonard, I’ve been reluctant to talk about this, but son, when you said you knew the voice that, in your dream foretold your death… who was it?”

“If I told you that the moment I heard Jessica’s voice I recognized it, what would you do? Leonard asked.

“I’ll have her on the next plane to the east coast and I’ll never see her again. I’ll make the reservations as soon as I get back to the hotel and I’ll explain to her why we can never talk again” his father said as he hugged his son and walked toward his car. Leonard reached out and grabbed his father’s arm.

“Stop, dad. It’s not Jessica.” Leonard admitted. His father turned back toward the car and yelled to Jessica that he would be another few minutes. He then faced Leonard and just continued to stare until Leonard finally continued. “Okay, Okay… Four years ago Sheldon and I were getting home from work and we saw Penny moving into the apartment next door. When we finally got past the ‘Hi’s, and we started to introduce ourselves I realized immediately this voice belonged to… well you know.”

“And yet, according to what you told us the other night, you pursued this girl relentlessly knowing that she could be the lynchpin to bringing about your own death.” He turned so that he could put his arm around his son’s shoulder. “That worries me son. It doesn’t bode well that you actively sought to befriend this girl, when you had the foreknowledge of the outcome.”

“Come on, we’re scientists. We don’t hold to the belief that we can see the future or that psychics can tell our fortunes by looking in our palms. We know that the lines in our palms are created in the womb based on pressure and the travel of the amniotic fluid over them as we develop. The position of the stars at our birth doesn’t guarantee our happiness or our personality. We are shaped by the world and the people around us,” Leonard said.

“Son, as an anthropologist, I have been to many places and introduced to many cultures where they would say that this so-called science is hocus-pocus and the beliefs in soothsayers and witches and psychics is totally rational.” Mr. Hofstader began.

“This is the real world. Not some third world or even backwoods hillbilly America.” Leonard countered.

“There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy…” Mr. Hofstader continued.

“I need to cling to science, dad. It’s the only comfort I've ever had that didn't let me down or lie to me. I know you are worried… but if everything is set in the stars then we don’t have a choice anyway. I can see where my life is but I don’t know where I am going or how fast I’m going to get there. I want a direction to my life even if that means not knowing where I stand at the moment.” Leonard summed-up.

“An interesting interpretation of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, but I take your point.” He wrapped his arms around his son and gave him a long hug. As he drew back he said, “We have to be heading back to Vegas in the morning. I’m giving a talk at one of the symposiums, and I can’t beg off. Promise me you’ll call and let me know how you’re doing. And I want to hear how that grant proposal goes.” He turned and walked to the car where he opened the door for Jessica, climbed behind the wheel and drove toward their hotel. Leonard looked after them for a moment and with a feeling of dread, re-entered the building and began to climb the stairs to apartment 4A.


	3. What's the Matter

June 23, 2010

“Crap, Crap, Crap…” Leonard walked into his office and sat behind his desk. “What am I going to do? I can’t do this. What was I thinking?” He had his head in his hands and did not see or hear his office door being opened.

“Hmm-Hmm” Leonard jerked his head up startled and was surprised to see Jill standing in the doorway. “Talking to your self, that’s not a good sign.” She teased.

“Well, in the last couple of weeks, I’ve been the only person that I could talk to without feeling like I was lying to the person.” Leonard responded.

“Well isn’t that from your self-imposed secrecy?” she asked.

“I’m doing what’s best for my friends. It’ll be for the best in the long run.”

“And just what are you basing that conclusion on?” she asked.

“Do you think that Penny would be any happier if I told her that I had dreamt that she would be the harbinger of my death? Or that her success was not based on her talent but on the fact that I called in a favor and promised to act as a technical consultant for the series she will be hired onto? Do you think Wolowitz would appreciate it if he knew that I talked with his mother and convinced her to call Bernadette and spend some time with her, so that she might give him a second chance?” Leonard paused for a moment and Jill slowly nodded her head from side to side. “And if this project goes through” he motioned to the paperwork on his desk, “Sheldon will get nine weeks of the apartment to himself.”

Jill sat in the chair opposite to Leonard and asked, “So you make everybody happy except for Raj and your self.”

“If you have any ideas for Raj, I’d be glad to hear them.” Leonard said as he stood and began to pace behind his desk.

“I just might” she responded. “I have a friend back home that I think would be perfect for him. I think if we work in tandem, we may be able to get them together.”

“But the minute they meet, he’ll clam up and it will be nowhere but downhill from there.” Leonard said with exasperation in his voice.

“I think I have a way around that. If I get him to meet ‘Bobby Sue’” she said making air quotes, “by the time she makes her way out here he’ll at least be partially comfortable with her and then a little extra deception, I’ll have them walking down the isle or riding an elephant down it; whatever his people do.”

“Sounds like a good start, can we talk about this more, later?” he asked. “These reports are about the kill me; I have to have them finished for a 9:00 a.m. video conference and it looks like I could be here all night. But it’s Halo night and the guys are expecting me home with Thai food by eight.”

“How about I help out there too? I can take your place in the game and let you slip out and get some more work done?” she offered. “I can hold my own at Halo, and I would love to meet your friends.”

“You say that now, but once you meet them, you may regret it.” He said with a grin. “I regret meeting them every day.”

“I know better than that. They’re your friends so you look past their faults and see them for their true selves. They are good friends to you too, if all the stories you have told me are true. Good friends are hard to come by. Hold onto them with everything you have.”

“Well I hope that I can now count you as one of my good friends” Leonard said with a slight chuckle. “You’ll be a jewel among hogs’ ears if you will be my friend.”

“I have been and always shall be, your friend” she said as she gave him the Vulcan salute.

“Oh, nice. I see you watched the Star Trek movies that I let you borrow.” He sat back down at his desk. “But you do know, Spock said that as he was dying. It was meant as a goodbye.”

“Yeah, but in the bigger scheme of the movie series, it was representative of the fact that not even death could separate friends. Spock knew that Kirk would still be his friend, no matter where his journey into the undiscovered country took him.” Jill said.

“Nice reference, again” Leonard said impressed, “You must have gotten through the whole series. But now, I have a ton of paperwork. How about you come by after you get off and we will make the final plans for how things will work tonight. Sound okay?”

“Sure. I should be able to get away by 6:30 or 7:00 and that will give us plenty of time to pick-up food and make it back to the hall of justice by ‘Halo Time’” she said as she stood to exit Leonard’s office. She turned just before she reached the door. “Leonard? I just want to make sure you realize, I said it in a joking and frivolous way, but I meant it. I am your friend and I consider you a friend. I will always be there for you.”

Leonard stood and took the few steps that brought him to stand directly in front of Jill. In that moment he wondered why he had never realized how beautiful she was, and tall. She stood at least 3 inches taller than him and that fact was accentuated by the erect posture with which she carried herself. “Jill…” he started, but had to clear his throat. He wondered why his thoughts of friendship that he wanted to confirm were so hard for him. “Jill…” he started again. She lowered her eyes to his and held them there as if imprisoning him. “I have really come to treasure our friendship too. In the few short weeks I’ve known you, I have come to rely, maybe too much, on you. I’m sorry if I have been putting too much of my burdens on you. Its just nice to have someone that I can talk to about just about anything.”

Jill laid a hand on his shoulder and said “Leonard, don’t you think a second more about that. I…, I was going to say that after what you did for me, how could I not be there for you. But truth be told, whether I had gotten the job or not or hell if you hadn’t even gotten me an interview, I have no doubt that we would have become fast friends. Now before we start getting all mushy, I’ve got to get back to work.” With that she turned and walked out the door before Leonard could respond.

 

Penny had drawn the lunch shift at The Cheesecake Factory and the rush was finally beginning to slack off. She took advantage of the slowdown and attracted Bernadette’s attention and beckoned her over to the bar area. As Bernadette approached, Penny asked her “So how were tips for you today?”

“Not bad, I had a table of college jocks and I raised my hemline a couple of inches and snagged a pretty good tip. Even though they did run their gutter mouths, but it was worth it for the tips. How ‘bout you?”

“Miserable as usual. I don’t know why people don’t tip me as good as they do all the other waiters.” Penny said. “Hey, I don’t want to be nosey, but you don’t seem your old chipper self today. Is something wrong?”

“Something strange happened this morning,” Bernadette said in a low voice. “Howard’s mother called me and asked if I would meet her for an early dinner today. She was pretty insistent and I finally agreed. I have no idea what she wants to talk to me about.”

“I never did understand exactly why you and Howard broke-up; other than the fact that he’s Howard.” A chill ran down her spine with just the thought of a relationship with Howard.

“Howard, I agree, can be a handful, but he is really a nice guy deep down. I was really starting to fall for him until…” she paused, “well, when I saw how his mother treated him it upset me. I have parent issues myself, so maybe I’m not so tolerant of seeing others treated badly by their parents. Its just that every time I met her, I just wanted to rip her head off and crap down her throat.” Penny’s eyes grew wide and the venom in Bernadette’s tone. “I know, I know, I shouldn’t say things like that, but Howard is really just a frightened little boy doing his best to find someone to love him. If his mother loves him or ever did, she keeps it very well hidden.”

“Well just promise me that I won’t have to come and bail you out of jail for matricide” Penny joked.

“It would just be homicide. Matricide is the murder of your own mother. But I get your point.” She grinned at Penny and added, “I’ll make it look like an accident.”  
“So you see, if you teleported from here to say a moon base, it would not be the same you. The real you would be dissolved into atoms that would float off into the ether and the new you would be assembled from atoms at your destination. Even though you would be identical, down to the last molecule, you would be a separate entity.” Leonard told Jill as they reached the third floor landing.

“But that doesn’t answer my question” she said, “why does the elevator not work?”

“There was an incident a couple of years ago and the landlord company hasn’t gotten around to fixing it.” Leonard replied.

“Well someone should light a fire under their butts,” she said as she reached up with her free hand and gingerly touched her left eye that was beginning to turn a deep purple. “It’s been a long day and three flights of stairs isn’t helping.”

“I repeat my offer, I’ll do the Halo thing and then finish my work afterwards,” Leonard offered again. “I’m further along than I thought I would be. It won’t be a problem.”

“No, I’m actually stoked to play. I haven’t played the newest version. None of the friends I’ve made out here are into first shooter video games. I haven’t been able to play since I got discharged and returned stateside.” They reached the fourth floor landing and Leonard handed one of the bags he was carrying to Jill so he could retrieve his key and open the door to apartment 4A. As they entered Jill saw three men whom she knew had to be Raj, Howard and Sheldon. She walked up to the man she assumed was Howard based on Leonard description of his outlandish fashion sense and said directly to him “Howard Wolowitz. I hereby serve notice. If at anytime I feel that you are coming on to me or you say anything in my presence that I deem lewd or repulsive; whether it is directed toward me or any other woman present, I will slice your manhood off with my combat knife and stuff it down your throat.”

“Howard, I would like you to meet my friend Jill.” Leonard placed his hand on Howard’s shoulder and just smiled. “You see that black eye she’s sporting? Three men came into Dr. Bambilina’s office today to try and coerce her into turning over her research to the clients they represented. Out of the three of them, only one of them was able to land a punch when Jill intervened. Those three men are currently under arrest and will be going to prison as soon as they are able to leave the hospital.” He turned toward Jill and smiled as he continued, “I suggest you take her seriously.”

Howard sat down hard and just stared up at Jill. He made motions with his mouth but no sound came out. Sheldon came out of the trance he seemed to be in and said to Howard, “You’re in my spot. You can’t sit in my spot. Move out of my spot.” His voice became more insistent with each declaration.

“Shut up, Sheldon. She just threatened my life. I would think that even you could overlook a small faux pas like sitting in your precious spot.”

“She didn’t threaten your life. She merely stated the criteria for you to continue living in the condition you currently exist. It is up to you to decide if those criteria will be maintained.” Sheldon explained.

Jill turned her attention to Sheldon. “Don ‘t think you are getting off scot-free, Geek Boy. I have a bone to pick with you too. I understand that you have voiced the opinion that Leonard’s, and to some extent Howard’s and Raj’s contributions to science, are not as relevant or extensive as your own.” Sheldon bristled and started to speak but Jill cut him off. “I don’t give a rat’s ass about your opinion, and without any empirical data that is exactly what your opinion is. From what Leonard has told me; which he has backed up with documentation; he has been instrumental in confirming a number of theories from very respected scientist. You on the other hand, in the last four years have only set forth one major scientific idea and you have been unable to prove it, even with the help of your ‘friends’.” She turned and proceeded to shoo Howard out of Sheldon’s seat and as he moved she sat in his seat. She turned her head to look directly at Sheldon and challenged him with her eyes to say anything.

“Leonard,” Sheldon shrieked, “I need you in the kitchen”.

Leonard took the few steps that brought him to stand in front of Sheldon. “Okay, say what you have to say. But just know, she is my friend and she’s staying, whether you like it our not.” Sheldon grunted and started to speak but Leonard continued, “I suggest that you get used to her.”

“She’s sitting in my seat, Leonard. No one sits in my seat” Sheldon said in a quivering voice.

“I bet, if you ask her nicely, she’ll move and let you have your seat”

Sheldon looked at Leonard as if he had lost his mind. Then slowly he made his way over and stood above Jill, who just looked at him with a smirk on her face. With an attitude that was noticeably a façade, he said “Jill… Uhm, I was wandering… uhm… would you mind… uhm… letting me sit in my seat?”

Jill gave him a big smile and said, “Sure cupcake, I’d be glad to let you sit here.” She stood and moved to a chair across from Sheldon’s spot. He sat down quickly and looked relieved. “Now cupcake, will you do me a solid in return?”

“And of what would this ‘solid’ entail?” he asked.

“I would like you to tell each and every person in this room, excluding me, that you appreciate them and you value their friendship. Tell them why their friendship is important to you” she said, never taking her eyes off of him.

Leonard walked over and stood behind Jill and put his hand on her shoulder. “Jill, that’s enough. We don’t want to give him a seizure. Please, quit picking on Sheldon and let’s eat so we can get to the Halo.”

“Okay, bubba, I’ve had my fun. Don’t worry Sheldon I won’t make you do something that you obviously do not have the ability to do.” She gave Sheldon a wicked smile like saying she had won; she had pushed him to his limits.

“Hold on just a second. Are you implying that I am unable to communicate to my friends any empirical data that proves that I am their friend?” he asked.

“Actions speak louder than words. I don’t think you have any data that would lead me to believe that you have ever acted as a friend to anyone in this room,” she taunted.

“Stop. Jill, stop now please. You’re going too far. I want this line of conversation to cease.” Leonard said and Jill nodded her head in the affirmative. “Sheldon, Jill is sorry. She apologizes for making you uncomfortable. Let’s all just eat our food and we can start our Halo night.”

Sheldon, Howard and Raj all just picked up their takeout containers and began to eat, but none of them took their eyes off this new force of nature that had become part of their lives.

 

Twenty minutes later Penny walked in still dressed in her waitress uniform. She stopped short when she saw the subdued look in the trio’s eyes. “Okay, what’s going on here?” she asked as she turned her attention toward Leonard.

“Penny, I would like to introduce Jill, my friend” he said gesturing toward Jill, “and Jill, this is my friend Penny”

Jill stood and met Penny halfway across the room. “Good to finally meet you Penny” Jill said as she proffered her hand to Penny who took it graciously.

“Good to meet you too. Leonard has told us all about you.” She wrinkled her nose and squinted her eyes. “Something…something is… different.” She glanced around the room and turned to look at Howard and Raj. She walked over to Leonard and said quietly “Howard isn’t leering. Is something wrong?”

Leonard just smiled at her and said “Jill served him notice that he had better behave himself and Howard has taken it to heart.” She gave him a questioning look. “Just enjoy it while you can.”

“Whatever” she said. She walked over to the kitchen counter and picked up her takeout container, opened it and took a bite. “Would it have killed someone to put this in a warm oven to keep it warm.”

“My bad” Jill said. “I think I got everybody riled up and they forgot.”

“So…” Leonard said trying to derail any confrontation, “Let’s get this Halo night started. Raj and I will team up against Sheldon and Howard.” He looked at his watch. “I can play for about thirty minutes and then Jill will take my place, so I can go and get some work done.”

“Work?” Penny questioned. “I was hoping you would help me run lines for my audition tomorrow. I don’t understand exactly what my lines mean, they’re all in technical terms and I was hoping you would explain them to me.”

“Sorry Penny, but I have a conference call to prepare for and I have to have these reports ready to transmit by nine in the morning. I’m sure Howard and Raj would help you run lines.”

“That’s okay” she said dejectedly, “I’ll get on the internet and google the terms I don’t recognize.”

Jill spoke up. “I know we sorta got off on the wrong foot, but I would be glad to help you out with running lines. Leonard was telling me a little about your show and if there is any military terminology, I might be able to help. Also, I’m a little bit of a sci-fi geek myself, I may be able to offer some suggestions about that aspect of the role too.”

“Okay…” Penny said suspiciously and reluctantly, “that will be great. I could really use any help I can get.”

“You’re going to do great in your audition tomorrow, Penny. I have every confidence that you will be the next great Sci-Fi babe of the airways” Leonard said with a huge smile on his face as he sat down and picked-up his Halo remote.

“From your lips to God’s ear” Penny said. But the game had started and no one save Jill had heard her impromptu prayer.

 

An hour later found Jill and Penny in apartment 4B. Penny handed Jill a beer and settled into a seat on the opposite end of the sofa and began to sip from a glass of lemonade.

“So Jill, now that we’re away from the guys… Tell me a little bit about yourself” Penny inquired.

“Not much to tell. I grew up in a rural town in Alabama. When I turned eighteen, I joined the Navy. Did two tours of Shore Patrol, one in Iraq and one in Afghanistan. After my discharge, I wanted to be near the water, so I settled here in Pasadena. I met Leonard a while back and we became friends. That’s my story in a nutshell.”

“So.. you and Leonard?” Penny said softly.

“Are friends. He made it perfectly clear and I am of the same mind that friendship is all we are looking forward to. I have some issues that I have to deal with and Leonard… well he doesn’t mind those boundaries that I have requested.”

Penny just nodded her head and waited for Jill to ask her something about herself but Jill just busied herself looking over the script she had picked-up off of the coffee table. After a few moments Penny came to the conclusion that she was not going to ask about her so she asked another question. “Has Leonard told you about… us?”

Jill raised her eyes to look at Penny and squinted trying to decide exactly how much she should confide in her. “He did speak about you in some detail. I gather that at one point he was quite smitten by you and that you returned his affection to some degree. I surmised from his description of certain aspect of his life that you had an intimate relationship that lasted a while but ended, again guessing at this, about two to three months ago.” Penny looked at her with astonishment written all over her face. Jill continued “I do know that he considers you a friend and values that friendship. He would do anything in his power to see you happy, just as he would any of his friends.”

“Just how long have you known Leonard” Penny asked. “and how did you meet him?”

“We met about a month ago” Jill replied. “And as far as how; that is a question that I am not comfortable answering. Not because it is embarrassing or there is anything untoward about it, but that is an aspect of Leonard’s life that he has asked me to keep confidential.”  
Jill could see by the look on Penny’s face this was not a satisfactory answer, but she knew she would not pursue it any further, yet.

Penny and Jill worked for about two hours running lines and Jill was very helpful with most of the terminology and made some great suggestions about how her character would react in the circumstances dictated by the script. At about eleven-thirty, Jill said her good-byes and headed out toward her car.

Penny knew she should get some sleep so she would be well rested for her audition in the morning, but she was to wired to sleep. What did Jill mean when she said there was an aspect of Leonard’s life that she evidently didn’t know about. She paced the room for a while trying to wind herself down, but she could tell it wasn’t working. She thought back over the past year. Her friendship with Leonard had blossomed into a physical attraction. She was still confused by that; Leonard definitely wasn’t her physical type; not at all. As she had so many nights the last couple of months, she grabbed a canvas tote chair out of her closet and left her apartment to walk to the roof. The roof had become her sanctuary of choice. She could gaze up at the night sky and reminisce about the times she had been there with Leonard. They had been good times. In fact the entire time that she had spent with Leonard in their ‘physical’ relationship had been great. She had never had a relationship that was as caring and comfortable as the one she had with Leonard, but something had been missing. Maybe, she thought, she didn’t deserve someone as caring and wonderful as Leonard. Leonard was smarter than her, at least on most non-social levels, but she knew that was not the crevasse that separated them. She had come to terms long ago with the fact that perceived intelligence was not what Leonard loved about her. And that hurt more than anything. Why did she not love this man who gave her 100% of himself to her. If anyone deserved to be loved, it was Leonard. As she opened the door for the roof access, she was surprised to see across the way a person sitting on a lounge chair looking up towards the sky. Then she heard a voice she didn’t recognize, but it wasn’t coming from the person seated in the chair.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, but I’m going to need to log-off and head home. My wife needs help getting the kids to settle down and I’m long past due.” The voice said from what she now realized was a video call on the computer.

“Sure, no problem. I’ll touch base with you sometime this weekend and will go over the notes that I will e-mail you tomorrow” Leonard said as he pressed a key and Penny could see the screen revert to its wallpaper as she walked up behind him.

Leonard had heard her as she opened the door and as she approached him from behind, he smelled the distinct fragrance of the vanilla lotion she used when she was getting ready for bed. “Hey Penny” he said without turning. “It’s a little late to be up and about isn’t it?”

“I was just coming up to relax a bit and try to wind down. Sorry if I’m interrupting anything.”

“No, I was just finishing up. I have my notes for the morning and took care of a couple of other small chores and now I’m heading to bed. I’ll get out of your way and let you relax” he said as he shut down and closed his laptop. He stood and bowed his head slightly toward Penny. “Have a good night and good luck tomorrow.”

Penny reached out her hand and touched his arm. “Stay a few minutes, please.” He looked at her for a moment trying to decide if that was a good idea. “Please” she said, “I just want to talk for a while.”

Leonard acquiesced and sat back down on the lounge chair. “Okay, for a few minutes” he said and waited for her to talk.

She opened up the chair she had brought with her and sat down facing him. She just looked at him for a few moments and then ask, “Can I ask you a question?” he nodded yes and she continued, “You have to promised to tell me the truth.”

“I promise that if I answer you, I will not lie.” Leonard said and he nodded his head to let her know she could proceed. But she just sat there and darted her eyes back and forth from him and the night sky. “I can’t answer a question that is not asked. You can ask me anything. I owe you that much.”

“That’s just it Leonard. You don’t owe me anything. You gave me everything you could and more. It’s me that owes you. I owe you an explanation, but I don’t…”

“Penny” Leonard interrupted, “I’m not asking for explanations or excuses. I don’t need them. We are friends, let’s not jeopardize that by delving into our, for a lack of a better phrase, sordid past. Let’s set the time machine to the future and not look to the past.”

“I just need to say this, ‘I couldn’t say what… you know… you said, because I’ve never been able to say it.” She saw his jaw tighten and his eyes narrow. “I don’t think I know what that word means” she said as she twitched in her seat.

“Penny, let me ask you a question” he said and she nodded okay, “what was it about Kurt that made you love him?”

Penny felt like she had been hit in the back of the head by Thor’s hammer, and the irony was not lost on her. She remembered telling Leonard the night that they had met that she still ‘loved’ Kurt and now she was telling him that she couldn’t tell him because she didn’t know what it meant. And where did that Thor reference come from. And did she just end a thought in a preposition? “Leonard… I know it sounds like I was lying when I said I didn’t know what that word meant. But you’ve got to understand, I used that term with Kurt because I didn’t understand.”

“Please just tell me the reason you can’t love me is because…” Leonard started.

“I didn’t say I couldn’t love you… this isn’t coming out right” Penny bemoaned.

“I know I wasn’t, and still aren’t, as buff and muscular as he was. I hope that is the reason that you could love him and not be able to love me.”

“Why would you say that, Leonard. I was very comfortable with you… physically” she said.

“Comfortable… surprisingly, I’m happy with that terminology. I probably shouldn’t be, but I am.” He stood and walked toward the ledge overlooking the front of the building. “What is the scene that you are using for your audition?” he asked as he turned back to face her.

“What. Oh just a scene inside the lab where Judy, my character, has to justify to the commander, who she’s been sleeping with, should allow her to go on the next mission to stop the event from happening” she said. “But I don’t want to talk about that right now. I want to know what you meant when you said you didn’t want it to be because of the physical thing.”

“I could have understood if it was mainly because I’m a nerdy homunculus, but if it is not that, then that opens a potential can of worms.”

“Such as” she posed.

“Could it be that you are still at a point in your life where the ‘bad’ boy is still an attraction. You wouldn’t allow yourself to love me because I didn’t treat you like crap and sleep around on you. Or maybe it just something as simple as the fact that as a prospect for a long term relationship, I’m too boring to contemplate spending any measurable time in a relationship.” He stood. “Those were rhetorical questions. I do not expect nor do I want a reply. I really do hope you have a great audition tomorrow. Try to remember your friends when you get your first Emmy for best actress,” he said as he walked past her. He stopped and turned, gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and disappeared down the steps and closed the door behind him.

Penny watched him go. She wanted to scream at him and tell him to come back but instead she ran to the door and rushed down. She caught up with him just as he was about to open the door to his apartment. “Hey, you can’t say something like that and just walk away. Maybe I could quote, love, unquote Kurt because when I broke up with him he fought to get me back. Maybe if you had fought harder I could have said… you know.”

Leonard set his laptop on the floor in front of his door and turned slowly back to face Penny. It was taking a tremendous effort on his part not to raise his voice as he told her “for someone that I love and for any friend, including you, I would venture any harm or task to protect them. But I will not raise a single finger or tell a single lie to manipulate someone into caring for or loving me. Maybe if I slapped you around or cheated on you and then lied and said I had changed, then maybe you could love me.” She took a step back but he continued, “I have said that I love you and will not retract that statement because that retraction in itself would be a lie. But, Penny, you have to understand; I don’t blame you for not loving me. It is not in you nature to love someone like me. I am comfortable with that fact.” She started to speak but he silenced her by raising a finger. “I know this is going to sound odd, but I have an appointment in the morning, very early, with the psychic you introduced me to. Would you like to come with me and see what she has to say about all of this?”

“You made an appointment with a psychic? Am I missing something?” she asked.

“I still don’t believe in psychics, but recent events have necessitated that I explore the possibility there may be something to the spiritual world.” He turned and picked-up his laptop and said as he opened the door “I’ll be in the lobby at seven in the morning if you want to accompany me. Goodnight” he said as he closed the door behind him.

Penny stared after him and wandered what stars had aligned to convince Leonard to see a psychic and what was she going to wear when she went with him.


	4. Full of Energy

June 24, 2010

Leonard woke up early the next morning. He had a lot of preparations to make before he could meet Penny in the lobby; and he knew she would be there. A chance to see Leonard consulting with one of her precious psychics was a temptation he knew she could not resist. He felt a little bad for the things he had said to her last night, but he took solace in the fact that they were true and if she ever did realize that, her life would be much better. After a quick shower, Leonard was leaving the apartment thirty minutes before he was to meet Penny in the lobby, but that would give him time to duck down the block to the Java Hut and pick up a latte for himself and a cappuccino for Penny and still be back in time for her to show up, he assumed about ten minutes late as was her habit.

He picked the keys up out of the bowl and opened the door to exit. To his surprise, there, about to knock on his door, was Bernadette. “Hey, long time no see. How have you been Bernadette?” Leonard asked. Bernadette just stared at him and her lip was quivering. She did not speak. “Bernadette, is everything okay?” He put his hand on her arm and she looked down at his hand. “You’re scaring me Bernadette. Please say something.”

“It’s Howard” she said meekly, “I need to know if something is wrong. Is he okay?”

Leonard moved his hand to her chin and raised her face to look at him. “He’s fine, as far as I know. What is this about?” Unbeknownst to him, Penny had risen early, unable to sleep and had heard a faint noise from the hall. She was now peering at the two of them through the peephole in her door. When Bernadette did not respond, he took her by the hand and led her down the stairs. “I was on my way to get coffee, come on, we can talk as we walk.” As they disappeared down the steps, Penny walked back over to her couch and sat to ponder what was going on.

Once out of the building, Leonard walked slowly so that Bernadette would not have to rush to keep up. He did not press her to talk, he assumed she would in her own time. About half way to the coffee shop Bernadette broke her silence, “Howard’s mother called me and asked me to meet her for dinner the other day.” Leonard stopped walking and sat at a bench that they were passing. Bernadette sat beside him and continued, “I had prepared myself for her to continue her campaign to get me to stop seeing Howard, even though we broke up more than six weeks ago. I figured she just wanted to drive another nail in the coffin. But… when she said she was sorry that she had interfered, and that she wanted to know if I still cared for Howard, my mind started to spin out of control and all I could think of was that she was dying; that she wanted to make sure that there was someone to take care of him when she was gone. And then my mind jumped to ‘maybe he’s the one dying and she wants to make him happy while she can’. Leonard, I haven’t slept more than a few minutes at a time since that dinner. It was all I could do not to break down and beg her to know what was going on. I think I’ll go mad if I don’t know.”

Leonard pondered for a moment the implications of the events that he had set in motion. He said softly, “Have you talked to Howard about this?” She shook her head no and a tear streamed down her cheek. “I’m going to ask you a question, but feel free to not answer,” she nodded her head, “Do you love Howard?”

She looked at him with sadness in her eyes and said, “Yes, but…” she looked away from his gaze, “I love him, but I’m afraid that he doesn’t love me or if he does, it’s because he is settling for me.”

“Bernadette…” he needed to say something, but what, “What kind of coffee do you like?”

“Just black. Why?”

“Hold on right there, I’m gonna run get our coffee and then we’ll talk some more.” He turned and walked a little further down the street and into the Java Hut. He placed his order and was lost in his thoughts as he waited for his order to be filled. What could he say to Bernadette? It was his fault that Howard’s mother had called her. He wished that she had not jumped to conclusions, but knew that was the natural thing to do. A few minutes later he walked out of the coffee shop with three coffees and a decision. He approached Bernadette and handed her the cup of coffee in his right hand.

She stood as she took it and said, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have laid this burden on you. I’ll talk to Howard and figure out what’s going on.”

“Listen,” Leonard said. “I think this is all my fault.”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Please, I need to tell you something. I saw how happy Howard was when you were dating, and you seemed to be happy also… so I made a decision.” He paused, afraid to continue, but her inquisitive eyes beckoned him on. “Something happened a couple of weeks ago…”

“Are you talking about what happened with Penny” she asked.

“No, Penny does not factor into this part of the equation. I’m not really sure of the actual catalyst, but something changed in… let’s call it my ‘Happiness Equation… I saw a new variable that I had not seen before. A variable that I had the power to manipulate. By changing or exerting a force for change on that variable, I can effectively determine the final value.”

“Whose happiness are we talking about, Leonard?” she said as she can to a halt and tugged at the back of his shirt to make him stop.

“That’s just it. The equation is ultimately about my happiness; and I know that sounds very self serving, but the variable that has the most immediate effect on my happiness is the happiness of those around me. If I can help my friends find happiness, then I will be much more likely to find happiness for myself.”

“What does that have to do with Howard and me?” she asked nervously.

“I called Mrs. Wolowitz and we met to discuss Howard. I told her that I thought that Howard had strong feelings for you and… here I was just guessing… that you returned those feelings for him. I really gave her a quilt trip and convinced her that she should get to know you and give Howard a chance at happiness. I’m sorry if I was out of line, but seeing as we are having this conversation, I feel as if I was at least close to the truth about how you feel.” They had reached the front of Leonard’s building and she stopped short of going inside.

“Does Howard know what you did?”

“No, and I’ll ask that no matter what you decide to do about it, please don’t let him know. It might hurt his pride. Just know this, I did this as much for you as for him. I consider you a friend and I believe that Howard has it within him to be the person you want him to be. He just needs you to help him see that.”

She gave him an inquisitive look and asked, “What brought on this eureka moment? You’re not… you know…?”

“Dying? No, nothing that melodramatic. I just decided I needed to work on making myself happy and that seemed to be the best path to my being the happiest person I can be.” He leaned in and gave her a brief hug. “I’ve got to run now, Penny should be waiting for me. We have an appointment with her psychic this morning.”

“You going to a psychic? This has got to be another one of your schemes.” Bernadette said.

“Partially, but it’s a little more complicated than that. You have a great day and go in happiness.” She stood on her tip toes and hugged Leonard with all her strength. As she pulled away, she kissed him on the cheek, then she turned and walked happily to her car.  
As Leonard turned, with a true smile on his face, toward the door, he saw Penny standing in the lobby looking directly at him with a look of shock on her face.

He approached the door and she opened it for him. As he stepped inside, he handed her a cup and said “Cappuccino with 4 sugars and cinnamon. Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah, do you want me to drive?” she asked. She was dying to ask about what he was doing with Bernadette. This feeling of jealousy was not a welcome feeling. She had never felt that way during her relationship with Leonard but knew that ‘green eyed monster’ from her years of living with Kurt. Why was it rearing its ugly head now. Leonard wasn’t hers. That was her own decision, she had no right to be jealous. “So that was Bernadette, huh?” ‘Damn why did I say that?’ she scolded herself.

“Yeah, she was just checking in to see how Howard was doing” Leonard said as his eyes found something interesting to look at down the hallway. “Why don’t we take my car. And after we have met your psychic, I’ll let you drop me off at my office and you can use my car to drive into Hollywood. I sometimes worry that your car will leave you stranded somewhere and I want to be sure that you make it to your audition.” He opened the door for her and they stepped out into the clear morning.

“Oh, thank you sweetie. But won’t that leave you stranded at work. You won’t have a way to get home if I’m not out of my audition by 5:00” she said.

“No problem. Jill can give me a ride home, so you can take your time. Hell, go out a celebrate after you get the part. I’ll be fine. Jill is going to come over and we are going to… we’re going to work on scenarios for the DWS project. It’s the final phase before implementation.”

“You’re that close to getting your project approved?” she asked.

“Oh, it’s been approved. We are just finalizing the schedule for deployment. I should have data starting to come in within six weeks. Four months from now I’ll have all the data collated and my final report done.” He opened the passenger side door for her and she slid in. He walked around the back of the car and got in behind the wheel. “Next stop, Psychicville.” He pulled out into traffic.

Penny sat uncomfortably in the seat beside Leonard. She had been in this car, alone with him, hundreds of times, but now she felt extremely uncomfortable. She felt like the two foot space that separated them was a thousand miles. She missed the ease with which she had once been able to talk to her ‘friend’. Why couldn’t she have just responded to him when he had said he loved her. She knew she didn’t love him as much as he seemed to love her, but wasn’t that pretty common in relationships. She had some feelings for him, if not she would never been in a physical relationship with him. She did love the way he made her feel when they were cuddling after an intimate moment. In fact she considered those moments in the afterglow to be more intimate than the actual ‘coitus’ as Sheldon would put it. No other man she had been with had made her feel the way Leonard made her feel. In his arms she was special. She could feel the warmth of his soul when he held her. She felt something she had never felt before when he looked into her eyes. She wished she could put a name to that feeling, but a description eluded her. Maybe if she was a ‘braniac’ like Leonard she could figure it out. And that was another thing that held her back in this limbo. She would never be able to be more than a simple conversation for him. He would tire of her mundane thoughts sooner or later and it would most likely be sooner. She needed to find a way to stay in his world as a friend because she didn’t think she could survive without him in her life.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Leonard said as he drove down the street leading to Madame Olga’s. “Sorry, that sounded a little too ‘Wolowitzy.’ What’s on your mind.” He asked.

“Oh, nothing important as usual. I was just trying to figure out why you would be going with me to a physic. You said you don’t believe in them” she said. Leonard shifted in his seat and looked nervously at Penny. “You did say you don’t believe in psychics, so why are we here?”

“I need to make a little confession, well really a pretty big confession.” Leonard started and Penny could tell by the stress in his voice and the paleness of his skin as the blood seemed to drain from his face that he was nervous. She put her hand over his hand that was on the gearshift and squeezed. His posture straightened and he seemed to take some strength from the contact. He smiled at her and continued. “It’s true that I don’t believe in psychics and the like, but it is more out of hope than actual scientific fact. I don’t believe, because if I concede that what they do and are is real then… what happens to me is real. And if that is real, then I’ll have to live each day waiting for it to happen. Because I refuse to give up what I want, just to…” he shuddered as he said the words that had been on his mind for the last three years. “I won’t give up ‘this chance at happiness’ just in the hope of surviving a few years more than I would if I gave up my happiness.” With that said, Leonard seemed to slouch and relax. He pulled into the parking lot of Madame Olga.

“I didn’t follow that at all, Leonard. Are you saying that you have psychic abilities and that you can see your own future? Is something bad going to happen to you? How can you stop it? What can I do?” Penny said in a panic.

“It’s just a dream Penny. A dream I’ve been having since I was six years old. It’s just a dream. Let’s go in and hear what Madame Olga has to say.”

They exited the car and Penny grabbed his hand as they walked toward the door. The gravel of the parking lot crunched under their feet and Penny stopped them short of the two steps that led to the door stoop. “You know I’ll always be here for you, right? Whatever she says, whether she says something that confirms your fears or not, I’m here and we will change the future, even if I have to steal a time machine from the Star Trek.”

Leonard laughed at her attempt to cheer him up and her reference to ‘The Star Trek’. He lifted her hand and kissed the back of it and said, “Thanks sweetie. I believe you would.”  
Then he pulled her forward and the walked in the door to their future.

 

As they entered the front room of Madame Olga’s, the light of the day vanished to be replace by the subdued light of candles set sparsely about the room. They only had a moment to assess their surroundings before a young woman of no more than twenty beckoned them into a room adjacent to the room they had entered. Leonard had called the night before and Madame Olga had informed him that the psychic he had seen once before with Penny had been called home. Leonard had expressed his sympathies, and Olga had laughed and informed him that she had been called home to Romania in order to care for her mother-in-law, who was sick. They had both laughed and he had made the appointment for this morning. 

The young lady greeted them and introduced herself to Leonard as Madame Olga. She greeted Penny as if they were lifelong friends and she bid them sit next to each other on a sofa that lined the far wall. Leonard was surprised to find Olga was so young. He had been expecting an old woman in gypsy clothes with beads and braids. And she was supposed to be snaggle-toothed. She saw him staring at her and said, “Should I go back and put on something more to your expectations, maybe bring my grandmother in and have her sit here and pretend to have the sight. Sorry to disappoint you but I prefer Capri pants and normal clothes. Sorry if that disappoints you”

“No, no” Leonard said. “Just not what I was expecting, but in my line of work, sometimes the unexpected can lead to great revelations. Please, accept my apology.”

She nodded at him and said “Studying the world whether with math and science or intuition takes a great amount of patience. I commend you for your devotion to you chosen path. Now, Penny, if you don’t mind, I’ll have a sitting with Leonard first if you wouldn’t mind stepping through to the antechamber to give Leonard some privacy.

“If you don’t mind Madame Olga, I would like Penny to be present during my reading. I would feel more comfortable” Leonard said.

“I usually don’t do readings with others present, even married couples, but if Penny has no objections and you’re sure…” she questioned as she looked at Penny.

“Are you sure Leonard, this can get pretty personal and with… you know what we talked about, it could get pretty weird” Penny said.

“Please, I want you to stay with me” Leonard replied. She nodded her head ‘okay.’

“Well, let’s get started” Madame Olga said.

“Don’t we need to sit at a table with a crystal ball and Tarot cards or something” Leonard asked.

Penny snickered and Olga said “more of your preconceived notions. This isn’t about objects. This is about the energy of the universe that surrounds you and weaves the strands of time and matter around you. If you would… please move to each end of the couch away from each other. Your auras are too close and it is hard to read when they commingle because of proximity.” They each slid apart from one another and repositioned themselves on the ends of the couch. “Okay, that’s better. Although it seems that your auras are still reaching out towards each other like they are trying to find each other.” Leonard looked at her and squinted his eyes in a challenge. “But the part of the aura that is reaching towards each other is a layer of the aura I call the ‘amicae superior’ which reacts to the mind’s search for friendship. It usually takes on a hue of green and some mediums, especially the inexperienced ones, mistake it for jealousy.”

She leaned forward and seemed to reach out to touch what she was seeing. Her fingers glided along an unseen, to Leonard and Penny, strand of aura and then she seem to grasp something between two finger and she let out a startled yelp.

“What was that?” Penny asked as she looked between Madame Olga and Leonard.

“Umm… I’m going to need to reschedule you for another day. No charge for today’s session.” She stood and began to walk out of the room.

“Madame Olga,” Leonard said “Please, can you just finish the reading… like we scheduled. It is important that this happens today. We both have big events in our lives that we need guidance in.” She turned to look at him and pondered his request.

“Okay, a quick reading, but I assert that I need to see each of you again in private. I’ll continue only if you both promise to return, separately within the week.” Penny nodded her head and when Leonard hesitated, she moved over to his side of the couch and punched him in the arm. He nodded is agreement.

Olga sat back in the chair but stayed rigid in the chair, not leaning in toward them as before. She began “Leonard, I see a father returned to you. A relationship renewed. I see water and lights and success written on your face. I see you surrounded by friends cheering. There’s a shadow, a dream that eats away at your soul.” She shuddered. Leonard looked at her with expectation in his eyes as she continued. “You’re six years old and scared, but the dream is not what you think. It’s not your death you are seeing, it is only the life you have lived being removed so you can find a new life of happiness in a land of darkness. The bond of friendship is strong between you and Penny and that makes you happy. Friendship is the most important thing you value about Penny.” She turned her attention toward Penny. “I see you among the stars, in a uniform. No not the stars, yes stars, I mean… a ship to the stars. I don’t understand that.”

“I’m going for an audition today for a television show about a spaceship. Does that mean I’m going to get the part?” Penny asked.

“I can’t see it that clearly, but it looks that way to me.” Olga shifted in her seat and looked toward Leonard. She leaned in closer to Penny as she continued. “I see a man; tall, blond and the most striking gray eyes. He’s holding your hand and putting a ring on your finger. All your friends are there. I see a tall lanky man with straight black hair. He looks like he doesn’t want to be there. There a little Indian fellow and a… I can’t believe I’m going to say this… a stereotypical Jewish man with the most awful clothes I ever seen. And there’s Leonard standing with them. He has a smile on his face as you lean in and kiss the… yes… he’s a groom and you are the bride.” Olga sat back hard in her chair. “I’m sorry, that’s all I can see right now. Please let yourselves out. I need to rest.”

Leonard and Penny stood and they both said their thanks. Leonard took out his wallet to pay, but she waived him off and grabbed his hand. Olga said, in voice that seemed to come from another world “We will settle this later. You must return and let me finish what I cannot do today.” She squeezed his arm tighter than he thought possible. “You owe me a great deal ‘Man of Dreams’. You must return. Give me your word.”

“Okay… okay, I’ll come back” he said and she released her grip on him. He looked at Penny and she looked stunned. “Come on Penny, I’m going to be late for work.” He walked out of the room toward the front door.

As Penny walked past Olga, Olga seemed to recoil away from her and Penny gave her a questioning glance. Olga said quietly “He is a true friend and will always be so. He just needs you to let him go. Let him be free to be your friend. I’m…” she reached up and stroked Penny’s cheek “I’m so sorry Penny, but what you have between you is the most precious thing in the world. Embrace it and it will make your soul fly with joy.”

“But you just said we would only be friends. That I was destined to lo… marry someone else” Penny pleaded.

“There are many strands that must be woven to see the full tapestry of our lives. There is energy and light that can only be seen when the world seems its darkest. But that energy is what the rest of our lives needs to continue forward. You can be that energy for each other. He will need you to be his friend over the next couple of months. He will need to know you are there if… when he returns from his journey of discovery. You all need to be there.”

Leonard stuck his head back in and asked “You coming Penny?” She just nodded her head and followed him to the car. It was a long ten minute drive to the University where he got out and she walked around to get behind the wheel. They said a brief goodbye and he said he would see her when she got home from celebrating her new role on the television show. She simply acknowledged his presence and pulled away from the curb. All the while, all she could think of was ‘What did Madame Olga mean’.


	5. The Space Between

July 15, 2010

Raj sat next to Jill on the sofa and ate his Indian food. He hated Indian food night and he anticipated spending a majority of the evening running to the water closet. He took a moment to glance sideways at the pretty girl that Leonard had introduced to the group just a few short weeks ago. Jill was nice, not withstanding the first impression she had made on Howard. But she had made her point and Howard had been much less creepy when she was around and he knew that Penny appreciated that as well. She smelled nice too. She had finally realized that working around a genetics lab with all those chemicals, she needed to step up her use of perfume. She had also gotten in the habit of leaving extra clothes and toiletries in a duffel bag that she kept in Leonard’s closet. On those occasions when she deemed that a little extra fragrance would not “do” she would take the time to shower and redress before sitting down to dinner with them. And she had become a regular. She usually ate with them two to three times a week, but she was never around on the weekends. She and Leonard had disappeared the last three weekends and not shown up again until he saw Leonard at work on Monday morning. When Raj had asked Leonard about it, he had responded that he didn’t know where Jill was, but he took the time to get out of the city and ‘rough it’.

Jill saw a far away look in Raj’s eyes and took the opportunity to speak with him while everyone else was out of the room. “Raj” she said in a conspiratorial tone, “I was wondering if you would do me a favor.” He gave her a simple smile and shook his head in a guarded ‘yes’. “I have a friend named Bobbie that is planning on coming out here from my hometown to check out USC. He is looking at pre-med and since we are so close, he thought he might see if he likes the left shore. He is planning to come out and stay a couple of weeks with me next month.” Raj bobbed his head in understanding. “What I was hoping you might do for me; was to maybe… let him know what to expect. I can give you his e-mail address, if you don’t mind” she finished with a questioning tone.

He gave her a shy smile that morphed into grin and then gave her a ‘thumbs up’ sign. She leaned over to him and gave him a hug. “Thank you… thank you.” She straightened up and looked him in the eyes “poor Raj, I really wish you could talk to me. Does the fact you that you can’t talk to me mean that you think I am ‘gorgeous’ or… do I scare you?”

Raj shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t know what to make of this woman seated next to him. She was beautiful. She was scary. But he loved her being around. He would miss her if she decided not to stick around. He took out his phone and sent her a text message. Her phone rang and she took it out of her purse. She looked down at it and she blushed. Raj had never seen her blush. “I ‘heart’ you too, Raj” and she laid her hand on his arm and kissed his cheek. “I have got to find a way for you to talk to me. I have this funny feeling that you have the sexiest voice.” He blushed deeply and lowered his eyes.

Raj was rescued from further embarrassment by the arrival of Howard and Bernadette. The two walked boldly into the apartment, said polite hellos to Jill and Raj and then proceeded to pick-up two containers of takeout food and sat down to eat.

Howard finally spoke up and asked, “Where’s everybody? We brought a movie to watch while we ate.”

“Well” Jill said, “Leonard’s still at work and Sheldon said that Amy was picking him up to ‘partake of caffeine in a social exchange’. I think he was referring to a coffee date.”

“What about Penny?” Bernadette asked. “We were supposed to run down to the mall after dinner.”

“I haven’t any idea about where she’s at, but I wouldn’t mind filling in for her if she’s unable to go” Jill said.

 

Meanwhile across town (Actually it is only five blocks away) Sheldon sits across the table from Amy and they are sipping coffee in silence. Finally Amy breaks the ice by asking, “Is your beverage at an acceptable temperature and is the flavor to your liking?”

“The flavor is quite… delicate. Most of my experiences with coffee have been with purveyors that valued strength over delicacy. This establishment seems to prefer to bring the flavor out of the beans. How did you find this place?” he asked.

“I have a friend that works for a coffee roaster and he told me that this place used their coffee. I gave it a try and have been coming back for the last three years. Royal Cup coffee is the only coffee I will drink now” she said.

“I would have to concur with your decision. I’ll have to make this a regular for Thursday nights. Royal Cup coffee is my new Thursday night social convention. Would you like to join me for this weekly convention?” Sheldon queried.

“I cannot commit to weekly, but I would gladly partake of your Thursday convention when available” she answered. “Wheat and carbohydrates baked into handheld snacks and covered with sugary goo?” she offered, proffering and plate of pastries to him.

“No thank you, my digestive system is not accustomed to high calorie and starchy snacks this late in the evening. It will completely throw my schedule off tomorrow. So, while I appreciate the offer, I must decline.” He looked into her eyes and saw reflected there, an understanding, but he instinctively knew that that understanding had nothing to do with sugary goo. She too saw something in his eyes and wondered to herself if he might transcend the already seemingly perfection he held in her eyes. Could he be the completion she sought in every aspect of her life. She would make sure she was free for as many Thursday nights as she possibly could. She gave him a sexy smile and he furrowed his eyes in confusion. He turned back to his coffee and gave her a genuine smile in return.

 

Penny walked down another hall searching for Leonard’s lab. This was the tenth hallway she had tried and she was getting frustrated. Just as she was about to give up and follow the exit signs to get out of this labyrinth, she heard a familiar voice just down the hallway. It was Leonard and it sounded like he was reciting strings of random numbers. As she arrived at the open door from which his voice was emanating, she stopped short of entering the room. He was flitting around the room adjusting dials on one machine and then another. She saw the look on his face and her heart dropped. He was so happy here in his element. How could she destroy this happiness that he had found? But he had the right to know. She knocked on the doorframe and waited. He was so intent on his tasks he did not hear her knock, so she knocked again (louder this time). He turned from the instrument he was adjusting and his eyes lit up when he saw Penny standing in the doorway.

“Hey” he said, “Come on in, I was just finishing up with a few things.” He walked over to the door and took her hand and led her over to a desk in the corner of the room and guided her into a chair. “How did the audition go? Am I talking to the next mega-star?”

Penny’s audition, three weeks before had been rescheduled for today, because the premier of the show had been an overwhelming success. The entire crew had been thrown into a frenzy in order to get the first six episodes in the can so that they could take advantage of the momentum. The character that Penny was auditioning for, would not be used until the 9th episode in the series.

“Great, it went great. I met with the casting director and after a few minutes of questions and general acting exercises, she offered me the role.” Penny’s face did not reflect the happiness she should be feeling.

“So, what is the downside?” Leonard asked. “You don’t look happy.”

“Leonard…? She glanced toward the window, anything not to look Leonard in the eyes. “When she hired me, she went ahead and processed me so I could start work on Monday…she sent me over to medical services and they gave me a physical.” She paused and Leonard waited for her to continue. After a few moments, he realized she wasn’t going to continue and he reached out and put his hand on her shoulder. This seemed to bring her back to reality and she turned to Leonard with a look of determination on her face. “I… Leonard… I’m pregnant.” she finally blurted out.

Time seemed to slow down to a crawl. Leonard knew that it was impossible for the flow of time to alter without a dramatic increase of gravity, but he saw each nanosecond pass and heard each beat of his heart echo in his ears. He finally was able to regain his focus and saw that Penny was staring at him. He squeezed her shoulder with the hand that had remained there and gave her a slight smile. “Penny…” he blinked and struggled to compose himself.

“Please, say something” she pleaded.

“Give me just a moment. I don’t want to say the wrong thing…” he started. “I… Penny… first of all, I love this child with every fiber of my being. I will always love our child.”

“You’re not even going to question that it’s yours?” Penny asked.

Leonard was taken aback and asked feebly “Should I be questioning it? I know you said that you didn’t sleep with that menu guy, and we had unprotected intercourse about 7 weeks ago, when you were drunk. That would seem to be an optimal amount of time to be here at this stage of just finding out that you are with child. Am I wrong in my assumptions?”

“Just like you to over analyze everything. I may have been with someone since that night. You may not be the father.” Penny said angrily.

“Okay, sorry I jumped to conclusions, but that doesn’t change anything for me. If the father will not step forward and be there for you, I am” Leonard said, a bit crestfallen.

“I’m sorry Leonard, I didn’t mean to snap at you. Of course you’re the father. I haven’t been able to think about being with anyone else since we… since I broke up with you. The truth is the menu guy, as you call him, never had a chance. I was just fooling myself into thinking that I could move on so quickly. I have in the past, as you know, but I really cared… still care for you and just because I realized that you deserve someone that could give you back the love you so freely offered, doesn’t mean I don’t care for you. Sorry, I’m rambling.”

“I’m sure you have a lot on your mind. I’m rambling quite a bit in my head too. But I need to make one thing very clear. You are not alone in this. I’m here. You have your family back in Nebraska. You have our ad hoc family here with Raj, Howard, Sheldon, Bernadette and Jill. I’m sure I can speak for all of them, maybe not Sheldon, but most of them when I say they will all be here for you” Leonard spilled out in one long breath.

“Okay… thank you for all that. But Leonard, there are options. We have other avenues we can explore” Penny said in a whisper.

“Please tell me that by options, you mean that we can get a larger apartment for you or buy a small house in which to raise our child. Or by options, you mean natural child birth versus letting the doctors give you medicinal pain medication for delivery” Leonard’s voice rose as he spoke.

“We are talking about a life altering… thing here” Penny said, standing her ground. “I have a chance at a career I have worked hard to achieve. We are never going to be a happily married couple. It would be wrong to bring this child into a world like that.”

“Then you are talking about ‘options’. Well consider this option; adoption. I will take care of you for the next nine months. I’ll pay all of your medical bills. When you get to the point that you are unable to work, I will assume all of your bills and rent payments. It is my understanding that “Operation Inferno” will be filming for the next five months and then be on hiatus for at least 6 months. That will give you an ample amount of time to complete the pregnancy and return for the second season. Anything you need, I will provide. When our child is born, I will gladly apply for full custody and you will be free from any responsibility.”

“What makes you think that they will bring me back for the second season, if there is a second season? I’m just a short term character as of now.” Penny turned away from Leonard once again.

“Then what is your argument here?” Leonard lowered his voice back to a normal timbre. “That you are opting for a more dramatic scenario, i.e. abortion, when you may not even have a career to go back to.” The phone on the desk rang but Leonard ignored it. “Please will you consider my offer? I am being 100% serious when I say that I love our child. I know that given what…” The phone rang again.

“Are you going to answer that? Penny asked.

Leonard huffed and reluctantly picked up the receiver. “Hofstader here… Yes ensign… repeat that reading for me…” He shuffled some papers around on his desk and found the one he was looking for. “Okay, got it here… We’re going to need to run a level three diagnostic on the port sensors and rerun the preliminary acoustic and lightwave calibrations… not ten thousand feet, ten thousand meters… stream the data directly to me here and I will collate it and send back the changes to be made… I am aware of the time involved… I don’t care, I said a level three and I mean a level three… just get me the data and I will take care of the commander… bye.” He hung up the phone and walked around to the monitor sitting on a desk behind him and switched it on. He stared at it for a moment until a stream of number started scrolling down the screen. He turned back to Penny.

“I know that given” he started again, “the circumstances of the conception that you may feel trapped, but although you were quite inebriated, and I was mistaken in my assessment of your intentions, I was acting out of love for you when we had intercourse…”

“What has that got to do with the situation? Penny asked.

“I want you to know that our child was conceived in love. I know you don’t love me and could never love me, but don’t punish our child for my shortcomings. Our child will not be raised in a loveless environment.” The computer chirped and he glanced toward the screen. He typed in a few letters and returned his attention toward Penny. “I beg you, don’t make a hasty decision.” A single tear streamed down his cheek.

“Leonard…” she reached up and put her hand on his cheek. “It’s still early. Anything can happen. But I promise I won’t make any final decision ‘til I talk with you. And you’re wrong. There is nothing about you that prevents me from loving you. It is something within me… what you said the other night, it made me think. I’m going to take sometime during the hiatus and go home to Nebraska. I need to sit down with my family and talk about some things. I need to fix whatever about me that is broken. I don’t want to lose you as a friend, and I can see myself being with you in a loving home. I just have to find away to get there.”

“That is sweet of you to say,” he said as he contemplated his next move. He needed to discourage her from trying to fall in love, but he wanted her to be flexible enough to remain his friend and allow his child to come into his life. “I have a proposition. It’s going to sound radical but hear me out before you say ‘no’. This is a unique situation. I, as you well know, am in love with you. I love the child that you are carrying. I propose… pun intended, that we marry for the duration of the pregnancy and… possibly three to six months after our child is born. At that point, we file for an uncontested divorce and our child has my name. This benefits you by giving you a stable home life whilst pregnant and makes the transition to parenthood easier.”

“Yeah, that’s radical alrighty” Penny laughed nervously.

“Don’t misunderstand me. I am not suggesting anything untoward. It would be a completely platonic arrangement. I would stay in my own apartment until you needed me to stay with you, and then I would stay on the couch. I understand that you may want to continue with your social activities, I would just ask that you be discreet in doing so.” Leonard said in a flourish. Just as he was about to speak again, the computer that he had been tampering with began to shriek. He reached over and twisted the knob on the speaker and the volume dropped to silence. “This is for the child, Penny. Even though I love you, I’m not sure that I could ever accept the idea that you might love me one day. Our window of opportunity is past and we need to work at remaining friends. I will love you until the day I die, but even if you were to tell me that you loved me now, I would always wonder if it was merely a result of outside forces and internal misinterpretation of data.”

“I don’t know how to respond to that. I’m really not sure I understand half of what you said, but I get the gist of it. I do have feelings for you Leonard. I’m sorry it’s not enough.” She said.

“All I ask of you is to love our child. If you love our child, you could loathe the very thought of me. Just love our child.” He reached out again and gently placed his hand on her abdomen. “This is the most important thing in the world.” He took a step backwards and turned towards the window. “I know you need some time to think and the weekend is coming up. How’s this for a plan. You take care of all the things you need to do to get ready to begin filming on Monday and have a great first day of stardom and I will meet you at Guiseppe’s Italian restaurant Monday evening at 8:00 for a celebratory dinner, to celebrate your new job. I’ll be away for a few days, but I’ll be back early Monday morning. I want to give you some space, but I need you to know… this child means everything to me.”

“Oh, that reminds me. I brought you your car back. I guess you’ll need it this weekend.” She reached in her purse and produced his car key.

“That won’t be necessary. I have arranged for alternate transportation. I bought a new truck this morning. I will need more space for hauling equipment and needed something with four-wheel drive, so I bought a pick-up truck. You keep the car.” He reached into a desk drawer and pulled out a sheet of paper. “Here is the title signed over to you. Consider ‘a safe car’ my first gift to our child.”

“I can’t accept that Leonard. You’re just doing this because you feel guilty about getting me pregnant.”

“First of all, I found and signed the title before you knew you were pregnant. Second, I don’t feel guilty. I am excited by the prospect of being a father. I only feel bad that you are not as happy as I am.” Leonard said.

She took the title from him and said, “If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure” he smiled.

“Okay, well… lots of things to do. I’ll see you Monday night.” She said as she turned and walked towards the door. She turned just short of the doorway and said, “Leonard, I’m not sure how I feel about all of this right now, but thank you… thank you for being supportive and not going nuclear on me.” She turned and left before he could respond.

As soon as she was out of sight, Leonard collapsed into his chair. His mind had gone blank and he could feel an icy chill traveling up his spine. He was brought back to reality by a flashing message on his computer screen. He turned the speakers back on and the wailing of a siren filled the room. This was going to be a long night, but he had to get things in order so he could sign out at noon tomorrow. He had to be there when Ashley made her debut.


	6. Collisions

July 19, 2010

It was Monday evening at 8:05 as Penny walked into the Italian restaurant. She looked around to find Leonard, but did not see him anywhere about. The hostess looked at her and asked, “How many for dinner?”

“Umm… I’m looking for a friend. We are meeting for dinner. I guess I beat him here. There will be two.” Just as she finished her request, Howard and Bernadette walked in and saw her. “Bernadette! What a coincidence. Leonard and I are meeting here for dinner.”

Bernadette just looked at her and said; “You do realize that we are all here, right. He’s assembled us all for some big announcement. He asked us all here. Even his dad is here.”

Penny could feel something rising in her. Fear. Anger. They were both there. Had he brought all of their friends here to ambush her? If he told them all that she was pregnant, did he think she wouldn’t follow through with an abortion? Did he think that he could manipulate her into bowing to his demands? How dare he try to manipulate her?

“They’re all in the backroom already. Raj called and said we were the only ones who had not arrived” Howard said as he took Bernadette’s hand and led her towards the back room. Penny fumed as she followed them into a small room with a large oval table in the center.

Howard had been right; they were all there. Leonard sat at the head of the table with Sheldon and Amy directly to his right and Leonard’s father and Jessica sitting to his left with one empty seat directly to Leonard’s left. If he thought she was going to sit there at his side and be the brunt of his announcement, he had another thing coming. Raj sat at the opposite end of the table from Leonard with two empty seats to his left and one to his right. Penny stepped forward and took the single seat next to Raj. Jill walked in from a side room and sat next to Leonard. Maybe, she thought, he had not planned on her sitting next to him. She turned to address Raj.

“Hey Raj, how’s they hangin’?” He just smiled and gave her a thumbs-up sign. “Ah, Raj. Come on; spit it out. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

As Howard and Bernadette made their way to their seats, Leonard stood and addressed the group. “I want to thank all of you for coming tonight. I want to start out by sharing with you all some great news.” He looked across to where Penny was sitting and thought that he saw her tense up, and the look on her face seemed to convey the idea of silent fury. He was confused, but he continued on. “As of 3:15 this afternoon… Project DWS606 started streaming data and is officially online. And to make things even better, the Commander of the research surface ship informed me that he had successfully requested and been granted use of the Navy’s newly commissioned research sub that will be able to ferry crew back and forth from the Marianna site… thus negating the need for me to spend the next nine weeks on site. I’ll be able to conduct all the experiments from the confines of my office.”

He looked over to Penny and expected to see a look of happy surprise but saw only a look of terror. He was confused, but he continued on. “But enough about my good news; we are here to celebrate some exciting things happening in our lives.” He gazed around the table and his eyes landed on Howard. “I would like to take a moment and congratulate Howard. He has reconciled with the beautiful Bernadette and they seem to be happier than ever.”

Howard raised his hand in thanks and then rose to his feet and spoke. “Thank you, Leonard. I would just like to say” he reached down and took Bernadette’s hand and pulled her up to stand next to him, “that I believe I am the luckiest man in the world. I want to thank…”

“Hey,” Jill broke in. She stood and raised her glass in the air. “A toast to Howard and Bernadette. It’s easy to see that ya’ll make each other happy. Thankfully the universe…” she gave Howard a look that was meant to convey ‘Listen and stay quiet’, “has seen fit to give them a second chance at happiness.”

Bernadette took hold of Howard’s hand and stood up by his side and said, “whatever fates have conspired to bring us this point, to them I give thanks.” She gave Leonard a knowing look and then she glanced toward Penny. Penny’s face had settled into a stoic continence and she wondered what was going on beneath that surface. She would have to find a way to get Penny alone, and maybe return Leonard’s favor.

The whole table raised their glasses and then took sips of their drinks. Leonard spoke up again. “The next item for celebration is a little bit more personal to me.” As he looked around at the group sitting around the table, he hesitated when he saw the look of panic on Penny’s face. He needed to talk with Penny alone as soon as he could. But he continued on with his thought. “You have all recently been introduced to my father and his friend Jessica. Bernadette and Amy, you haven’t been formally introduced but this his my father and Jessica.” He stepped over and put his hand on his father’s shoulder. “Father, Amy and Bernadette” and he motioned to each of the women. “I am happy to announce that my father has taken a teaching and research position at UCLA and they will be moving to LA within the next couple of months. They also…” and he raised his glass again, “have told me that they are planning to marry as soon as they have established residency in the state.”

Everyone except Sheldon raised their glasses and voiced their congratulations. Sheldon raised his voice and asked “Leonard, have you talked to your mother about these revelations?”

“No Sheldon, I haven’t spoken to my mother in quiet a while. I assumed you have been keeping her informed as to my well-being” Leonard said derisively.

Leonard’s father spoke up. “I have been in contact with Leonard’s mother, and while she is not exactly overjoyed with my being back in Leonard’s life, she indicated that my remarrying did not affect her in a negative fashion. She extended her best wishes in our coming nuptials.”

Sheldon just scoffed and sat back down and Amy followed suit and put her hand on his forearm. He looked at it like it was the hand of a scaly alien for a moment and then he put his hand atop hers, turned and gave her a sly smile.

“Well I guess the next item on the agenda should be a congratulations to Sheldon” Sheldon look up at him quizzically. “I received an e-mail from Dr. Gablehauser Friday morning asking me to prepare some opening statements for the banquet honoring Dr. Sheldon Cooper being named to the Hawking Chair of Theoretic Physics at Cal Poly. It comes with an endowment and guest lecturer privileges.” He raised his glass again. “To Dr. Sheldon Cooper, congratulations”

Sheldon sat stunned but rebounded quickly as he said, “Well… this is well deserved.”

There seemed to be a general mumbling all around the table. Finally Amy stood and raised her voice above the others. “Well done Sheldon. I expect this is just one more accolade in what will be a steady stream throughout your natural life, and if there is an order to the universe and it includes any semblance of quid pro quo based on usefulness and intelligence, then it will continue on when you succeed in uploading your consciousness into a superior robot body.” She hastily sat back down after saying her peace.

“Huh” Penny mumbled.

“Thank you, Amy Farrah Fowler” Leonard said, “For that… tribute to Sheldon. Okay, moving on. We have one more thing to celebrate.” He looked across the table at Penny and motioned for her to stand. She rose slowly as Leonard continued. “I am happy to announce that Penny started her first professional acting job today.” He raised his glass to her and said “Congratulations and many happy years in your chosen vocation. Okay, that is all that I have. Does anyone else have anything to announce?” He glanced around the table and no one rose to the request. “Well then, let get down to ordering and enjoy and evening of good food, friends and conversation.” He sat back down as the waitress began to take everyone’s order.

Thirty minutes later the food had arrived and everyone was enjoying themselves. Leonard stood and excused himself. Penny got up and followed him out of the backroom. When she exited out of the backroom, she looked around to find Leonard, but he was nowhere in sight. She turned and walked down the hallway to her left and saw the restrooms at the end. Leonard must have gone to the restroom, she thought. Should she wait for him out here like a loser, or should she barge in and confront him. Barge, she decided. She reached out and turned the doorknob, but the door would not open. She heard Leonard’s voice from the other side of the door.  
“Just a moment. I’ll be through in a jiffy.” Leonard said.

“Leonard, It’s me. Open up” Penny said.

“What’s wrong,” he asked.

“I just need to talk to you.”

“Can’t it wait ‘til I finish?”

She shook the knob again. “No, let me in.”

He opened the door and stood there with his shirttail hanging out of his pants. He began to walk out of the door, but she pushed him back into the restroom and relocked the door.

“We need to talk… in private” she said. “You weren’t planning on telling anybody what we… you know... we talked about the other day, were you?”

“That is not my news to tell… not at this point… but I wouldn’t be upset if you wanted to share your news with everyone.” Leonard started pacing in the small confined area.

“What you said out there… you not going ‘on site’ for your project, that wasn’t because of… you know…” she stammered.

“I won’t lie to you and say it didn’t factor into my decision. I don’t want to be gone for three months while you are here, well…”

“I was afraid that was the case. Leonard, I don’t want to be the reason you don’t pursue your career.”

“Believe me when I say that I didn’t do it for you. I did it for our child. It is no sacrifice; believe me. I am looking forward to our journey together.” He stepped backwards and leaned against the sink behind him. As he settled back, his shirt rose up and his lower abdomen was exposed. Penny glanced down and saw the line of discolored skin and gasped.

“Is that a scar?” she asked as she point at Leonard.

“Yeah, an old scar, no big deal.” He said.

“Old scar, my butt. I’ve seen every inch of your body, and that was definitely not there six weeks ago.” She countered.

“We’re getting off topic here.” He evaded. “Why don’t you want me to tell everyone about… you know?”

She looked up from his scar and looked him in the eye. “It’s because…” she averted her eyes again and her bottom lip quivered as she continued. “Because it’s not news. Not anymore.”

Leonard was confused. He waited for her to continue, but she kept staring at the floor. Finally, he couldn’t stand it any longer and he asked her, “What do you mean ‘it’s not news anymore’? What is not news?”

She seemed to call on some inner strength and raised her eyes to meet his. “The doctor called it a spontaneous abortion. I’m sorry Leonard. I didn’t mean to blurt it out like that. I’ve just been afraid all night that you were going to say something and then I’d have to… (sniff sniff) tell everybody that not even God thought I would be a good mother.” Leonard stood and wrapped his arms around her. “I promise I didn’t do…”

“Shush,” Leonard said. “I’m familiar with the term. I know you wouldn’t do anything like that, without talking to me first” He rubbed her back in a soothing circular motion. “I’m so sorry this happened to you.”

“No, I’m sorry. I know you were happy about the prospect of being a father, and you’ll make a great father someday.” She pulled away from him and dried her eyes with her sleeve. “I don’t know why I’m crying so much. You well know that I wasn’t excited by the prospect of being a mother. But I’m sorry for you.”

“Hey. No matter what your intentions were towards motherhood, your body had begun preparing itself for the months to come. You as a woman, are hardwired to care for a baby. Any doubts you might have harbored, were overridden by your body’s chemistry. This sadness you must be feeling is natural.” He held her for a few moments more and then eased his bear hug and held her arms as he pushed her back to look her in the eyes. “Hey, we’ll get through this, as long as we are here for each other. Anything I can do for you, just let me know.”

“You’re not mad at me?” She asked. “I mean, you gave up your project to stay here with me. Maybe you can get them to reinstate you. Maybe you can go on your project.”

“If we’re being all honest here, I wasn’t being completely truthful when I implied that the new research sub was the only reason that I wasn’t going on site. The truth of the matter is that I didn’t pass the physical. They wouldn’t let me go even if they hadn’t gotten the sub.” He confessed.

“Was it because of the scar on your tummy?” she asked referring to his operation scar.

“No” he said offhandedly. “That has already healed sufficiently as to not be a hindrance.”

“So what is the scar?” she queried.

“Everyone must be wondering where you got off to. Maybe you should head back. Tell them that I’ll be back as soon as I can” he said as he nudged her towards the door.

“I’ll go but just know I’m not going to let the scar thing go. I’ll get it out of you soon enough” she threatened. She turned toward the door but stopped and turned to embrace Leonard. “I’m so sorry, but thank you for understanding.” She released him and turned and was out the door before Leonard could react.

Leonard looked at the door as it closed, reached over and relocked it, took the few steps into the stall and immediately regurgitated everything he had eaten for dinner. He was finally able to compose himself and walk to the vanity where he washed his face with cold water and made himself look presentable. He opened the door and walked back towards the room he had reserved and prepared to join in the celebrations with his friends and family.


	7. Black Holes Begin to Form

July 27, 2010

Penny had not slept at all the night before. She wasn’t sure if it was quilt or anger. So now she stood at Leonard and Sheldon’s stove cooking oatmeal. She turned when she heard a noise from the hallway and greeted Sheldon as he turned the corner.

“Hey Moonpie. I’ve got oatmeal ready for ‘Oatmeal day’. Do you want a glass of orange juice or would you rather have milk?” she asked.

“It has to be milk with oatmeal and may I ask what you are doing here this early in the morning? I thought you returned the extra key to our apartment when you confiscated Leonard’s key to your apartment after you dumped him like last week’s leftover …”

“Whoa, hold on” Penny interrupted him, “I just wanted to talk with Leonard this morning before I went into work.”

Sheldon picked up a bowl from the counter and went to sit in his spot on the couch. As he settled in, he said, “Well, the best laid plans of mice and men…” he made a face as he took his first bite of oatmeal.

“Just say what you’re gonna say without your little gibes.” She turned and walked toward the hallway. “I’ll just go wake him up.”

“Don’t waste your time. He’s not in his room. In fact he’s not here anywhere.” Sheldon told her.

She turned back toward him with a look that conveyed ‘explain’ which of course went unnoticed by Sheldon. She blurted out “what do you mean. Where is he?”

Sheldon looked at her like she had grown an extra head and sighed in resignation. “About one thirty this morning I heard Leonard’s phone ring and when he answered, it sounded like he was talking with someone about his project. They talked for a good thirty minutes and then I heard him conclude the conversation. I thought he would settle back in to sleep, but not ten minutes later, I heard the front door open and close. When I woke up for my 4:00 a.m. restroom run, I found a note taped to the bathroom door. It indicated that he would be out of town for a couple of days.”

“And you don’t find that odd?” she asked. “You have no curiosity as to where he might have gone. What kind of friend are you?” she almost screamed at him.

“Hold on just one minute. Just who do you think you are? I may not be the best friend in the world, but you are just putting on airs. I’m not the one who led him on for 8 months and then when he finally transmitted his emotions, categorically dumped him and ran in the other direction.” Sheldon said accusingly.

“You make it sound like I set out to hurt him. I really cared… care for him.” Penny said as she slumped into the chair next to Sheldon.

Sheldon looked at her in a disapproving manner and said, “Well, didn’t you? Can you honestly say that you began your relationship with Leonard with the intention of ending up with him in the long run or did you just jump in ass first and…”

“No!”

Sheldon looked at her expecting her to continue, but she just continued to stare at him. Finally he spoke up.

“No, what? He asked.

“No… I don’t know. I really like Leonard. I value his friendship more than you could ever know.”

“You don’t see it, do you? He asked.

“See what?” she asked.

“See, what has happened to Leonard over the last three months since you ended your relationship” Sheldon stood and took his now empty bowl over to the counter, rinsed it out and sat it down. He opened the refrigerator and took out a carton of milk and poured himself a glass. He turned back towards Penny and saw her staring at him, waiting for him to continue. “There are typically two reactions to a break-up. The most common is for the jilted party to retreat into a shell and cut himself off from his friends and family. And I must admit that was my first impression as to Leonard’s reaction. But further events have changed my conclusions.”

“Do you really think Leonard feels jilted?” She said as she stood and walked to stand in front of Sheldon. “I mean, ours is not the first relationship that has ended for him. I mean, Dr. Stephanie, Leslie Winkle, and that Vietnamese girl he talks about.”

“She was North Korean,” he corrected.

“Whatever. I’m not the first girl who broke up with him.”

“No, but you are the first girl who broke-up with him after his having told them ‘I love you’. If his rants following your dumping are any indication, he has never said that to a person that was not immediate family. He seemed to insinuate that your betrayal…”

“Betrayal! First you say that I intentionally set out to hurt Leonard and now you say I betrayed him. You must really think that I am a true witch” she said, her voice rising.

“I don’t think you are a witch per se. But I do think that you may be borderline narcissistic. That means that you tend to be more interested in your self, rather than the world around you.”

“I know what narcissistic means, Sheldon. And I’m not narcissistic. No more so than anyone else.”

“Making a declaration as to one’s position, does not make that position true.” She stared at him in confusion with anger slowly taking over her features. Sheldon slumped his shoulders and continued. “Actions speak louder than words.” And with that final declaration, he stood, walked to the kitchen set the bowl and now empty glass of milk on the counter, exited the kitchen and walked down the hall to his room. He hoped she would quickly take the hint and leave. He couldn’t stand the thought of that bowl and glass sitting on the counter. As soon as she left, he would rush back in there to wash, rinse and put away all the dishes from the breakfast that Penny had prepared.

Ten minutes later, he was still sitting on the edge of his bed. Penny was making a god awful noise in the kitchen. What was she doing, he thought. Finally, though, he heard the door to the apartment close and he clandestinely made his way out into the living room. What he saw took him by surprise. The kitchen was spotless.

~Ten Minutes Earlier~

Penny watched Sheldon turn his back on her and walk down the hall. He didn’t even say ‘good day’ or ‘get out’; he just acted as if she wasn’t there or she didn’t exist. ‘hold on a moment’ she thought. ‘Is this what he was referring to as narcissistic behavior? Was she so wrapped up in how this was affecting her that she couldn’t even consider that Leonard not being here was impacting Sheldon as well?’ She sat down in one of the chairs that encircled the kitchen counter and pondered what had transpired in the last half hour. She had come over to try and confirm her status with Leonard. He seemed to be handling the situation well, but she needed to feel him out as to how the news she had given him was going to change things between them. No, not between them; her. She didn’t want Leonard to think badly of her. She needed him to love her like he always had loved her. She knew now, without a shadow of doubt, that Leonard had loved her since the day she had first met him. She had played it off for years as an infatuation because of her beauty, but now she understood that he did truly love her. When he had said those words to her, she had reacted with fear and shock, but it hadn’t been a surprise. She realized in this moment that she had known he loved her and with an equal level of certainty, she knew she loved him. She stood up from the stool on which she was sitting and walked toward the door. She stopped herself and looked around the apartment searching for… she was searching for Leonard. She knew he wasn’t there, but she had come to count on him to be there for her when she was hurting. But she now understood that the most painful thing in all the world was the realization that she loved a man that she had hurt so deeply, she was afraid he would never be able to love her again.

The next few minutes were a blur to her. She had to make things right; put them in their proper places. She began by sorting out her emotions. She loved Leonard. She would make that clear to him as soon as she could. She took out her phone and hit the speed dial number for Leonard’s cell phone. It went straight to voicemail. She did not leave a message; this was not something you did in a recording; and then she thought, ‘this isn’t something you should do on the phone either.’ She had to find out where he was and let him know how she felt. Her head was telling her to walk to the door and keep walking until she found him, but her feet turned toward Leonard’s kitchen. She couldn’t leave without making sure everything was in its place. What if Leonard came back before she could find him? What if he saw the mess on the counter and equated it to the mess Penny had made of his life. What if he saw the mess and went berserk and dashed everything into the floor and shattered any chance of her putting the pieces back together. She had to make sure everything was perfect before she left.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew she had gone a little bit psycho. But that didn’t stop her. She cleaned Leonard’s kitchen so well that she thought ‘even Sheldon would be impressed.’ Having finished cleaning, she turned and walked out of the apartment.

~Leonard’s Apartment~

Sheldon stood in amazement at the spotless kitchen. He walked over to the cabinet and took down the Battlestar Galactica Bowl he used for ‘Oatmeal Day’ and inspected it. He could not find an errant smudge anywhere. He then opened the cabinet that held the glasses and looked intently at the arrangement of glasses. He reached up and moved his Doctor Who glass a smidgen to the left and closed the cabinet. As he turned to move to his spot on the couch and turn on the television, he heard a soft knock at the door.

Knock Knock Knock Sheldon

He waited for an additional two repetitions, but none came. He eventually made his way over to the door and opened it to find the expected Penny looking at him with an anxious look on her face. “Hello again, Penny.”

“May I come in, Sheldon? I need to ask you something.”

He took a step backwards and opened the door wider for her. She walked in and sat down on the far end of the sofa. Sheldon closed the door and navigated to his spot and sat down. He looked at Penny with a glare of ‘let’s get this over with.’

Penny was wringing her hands as she looked at Leonard’s roommate. This was the person that knew the man she loved better than anyone else in the world. How could she ask the question that had occurred to her as she had begun to descend the steps?

“Penny” she heard him say and she realized the silence had grown uncomfortable. “Penny, why did you knock just now? You knew I was here. You knew the door was unlocked and you usually just walk right on in. What has changed in our ‘friends’ dynamics that you decided that you needed to begin to knock in order to gain entrance?”

She wanted to say ‘I love Leonard and I need to know how to get him to love me again’ but she didn’t want Sheldon to be the first person to know she loved Leonard. Leonard needed to be the first person to hear those words. So she simply said, “I thought you may need a ride to work… and I want to know the second type of reaction.”

~ Bernadette’s Apartment ~

Howard knocked on the door and waited for Bernadette to answer. He was about to knock again when he heard the door hardware make the familiar sound of unlocking and opening. Bernadette stood there in a ragged pink bathrobe and just stared at Howard. She finally asked, “What are you doing here so early?”

“I thought I might make you breakfast and we could visit before you had to go in to work,” he said. He held up a plastic bag and continued, “I brought eggs and salami, as well as mango/passion fruit juice.”

“Sounds great,” she beamed. “Come on in, I’m gonna just jump in the shower. Can you find everything you need in the kitchen?” He nodded his head in the affirmative and she leaned in and kissed his cheek. “I’ll be out of the shower in twenty minutes.” And she turned to run down the hall.

Howard set about to cook breakfast and wait for the love of his life to return, bright eyed and bushy tailed. He didn’t understand why Bernadette had cut him off short when he was about to thank Leonard the night before. His mother had let it slip that Leonard had been his advocate in convincing her that Bernadette was someone that made him happy, in ways not just limited to the physical attraction she offered. She and Howard had talked after that slip for what must have been hours. They had started with his love for Bernadette and wandered all about the conversational landscape. Howard was now aware that his mother was so ‘protective’ because of her fear of being alone and he was able to assure her that no matter what, he would always love her. And his mother had finally said those three words to him and broken down into an episode of sobs.

Bernadette entered the kitchenette a while later and sat at the small table as Howard dished out their eggs and poured them each a glass of juice. Howard never got around to asking Bernadette about not letting him thank Leonard. He was to busy asking her about her plans for the day, and being truly interested. They parted ways as they each headed to work and made plans to get together that evening at Leonard and Sheldon’s place for pizza night.

~ Jill’s Office ~

Dr. Bambilina entered to outer office and saw Jill working on paperwork. “Jill. Here is the bottle of placebo pills you asked me about. Mind telling me what you plan to do with them?”

“Don’t mind at all,” Jill said. “ I’ve got a friend; Raj over in the Astronomy Department; that has this thing where he can’t talk to girls. I think he has been informally diagnosed with Selective Mutism.” And then she told her boss the whole story of how she and Leonard planned to help him with her friend from back home.

~ Sheldon’s Apartment ~

Penny was sitting on the couch waiting for Sheldon to complete his pre-work routine and decided that she would try to call Leonard one more time before they left the apartment. She dialed his number and it rang twice before he picked up the receiver.

“Hey Penny. What’s up?” Leonard asked as he answered his phone.

“Hey Leonard. I was hoping to get a chance to talk to you this morning.”

“Well, you got me. What can I do you for?”

“Are you somewhere that I can come talk to you?” she asked.

“Not really, I’m a couple of hours away from Pasadena. Do you need me to come back?” he asked.

“No, it’s okay. I’ll…” she paused as she heard a commotion coming from the phone.

“Leonard.” Penny heard someone scream in excitement. “What are you…” Penny heard Leonard exhale abruptly as if the wind had been knocked out of him.

“Ashley, sweetheart.” Penny heard him say, and then a muffled few moments of a conversation that included Leonard saying “I love you too, sweetheart.” Then the phone became silent again as, Penny deduced, Leonard put his hand over the mouthpiece.

A few moments later, Leonard came back on the line. “Sorry ‘bout that. Listen. I have a meeting this evening at a restaurant just north of Hollywood at a restaurant called Adam’s Barbeque. It’s at Exit number 297 on Interstate 5 North. If you get away from the studio early enough, I can meet you there about 8:30. That shouldn’t put you getting back to town too late.”

“I’ll try to get there… Leonard… where are you?” Penny asked in a shy tone.

“I’m visiting… I’m with some family.” Leonard said. “Listen, I’ve got to go. Give me a call when you get through with shooting. Bye.” And he hung up the phone.

‘What the hell just happened’ Penny thought as she pressed the off button and looked up to see Sheldon standing by the door tapping his foot. This was going to be a long day.


	8. The Event Horizon

July 27, 2010

Leonard pushed the off button on his cell phone and set it on the table. He looked at the young girl who was standing one step away with an expectant look on her face. As soon as he had set the phone down he held his arms wide and she launched herself into his arms.

“Can we go to Bertha’s for breakfast? Can we go to the Ice cream store for lunch? Can we go to the park and feed the ducks? Can we…” she bubbled.

“Whoa, sweetheart. You have soccer camp today.” He paused for a moment and then smirked at her. “It’s Bertha’s, camp and then…” Her eyes were lit up and they questioned him with intensity. “…then we are going to the planetarium.”

Ashley squealed and hugged Leonard as a woman walked into the kitchen. “If you’re going with us to Bertha’s, little lady, you better run get ready for soccer.” She said in a stern voice that was belied by the smile on her face. Leonard jostled her hair as she turned to run out of the room.

“You’re spoiling her you know?” she told Leonard.

“As if you don’t everyday.” He retorted. “I’ve seen how happy she is to get home from school. And I’ve seen her run in the door and not stop until she’s found you and gets a hug from you.” He reached up and grabbed her hand. “She’s spoiled you and you’ve spoiled her, but it’s the best kind of spoiling there is. You’ve spoiled each other with love.”

“Pashah, you’ve wiggled your way into her heart too, and I dare say she’s wiggled her way into yours.”

“I cannot tell a lie.” He said with a huge grin on his face. “She’s got me wrapped around her little finger.”

~ Penny’s Car ~

Sheldon was about to have a fit. Although Penny was driving the well-maintained former car of Leonard, she still drove with complete irreverence to the civilized rules of the road.

“If you want to continue our conversation from earlier, I would prefer not to be in fear for my life.” As he said this, she made a quick jerk of the wheel to change lanes and Sheldon shrieked like a little girl.

“Chill out Shelly. I’m a good driver.” She paused for a moment for the declaration to sink in and then continued, “Now, tell me what you meant by ‘second type of reaction’.”

Sheldon gave her a look of resignation and proceeded to explain what he had meant. “What I am about to tell you, you have to promised will remain between us. I am invoking the doctrine of ‘Pinkie Swear’ to assure your silence.” He extended his arm and wiggled his pinky in her face. She took her right hand off the wheel and gripped her pinky around his. With the ‘Pinky Swear’ in place, he continued. “Some of this is speculation, but most is based on logical deduction.” She glanced at him with a look of ‘what are you talking about’ but she did not interrupt him. “Something happened the night he left to spend time with his father. Since that time, he has often disappeared from work without so much as a ‘I’m taking the afternoon off’.”

“Well, he’s got that new project he’s working on. He could just be going out to the naval base to work on that.” Penny hypothesized.

“That would work to explain that anomaly, but not all of them. I have also observed that when he is home, he spends an inordinate amount of time on his computer.” Sheldon continued.

“Well, duh. This is Leonard we are talking about. He’s always on his computer.” Penny interrupted.

“That’s true, but his habitats have changed dramatically. I’ve noticed that he has installed a screen kill command.” He saw Penny about to ask a question, but preempted her with the answer. “A screen kill command is a keyboard shortcut that allows you to completely blank the screen with a macro; a combination of keys pressed simultaneously or in sequence. It is generally used to keep what you are doing on your computer hidden from anyone who might be trying to read over your shoulder.” Sheldon turned in his seat in order to observe Penny more closely. He needed to see her reaction to his next statement. “Fortunately, I am more stealthy than I look and my eidetic memory comes in handy. I believe he is having clandestine relationships with a least three people, possibly more.”

“Who?” Penny said as she turned her head toward the passenger’s seat to see Sheldon glaring at her with unabashed curiosity. “I mean what makes you think that?”

Satisfied that his hypothesis relating to Penny and Leonard’s on again off again relationship seemed to be proven by her interest in the ‘who’ question as opposed to the ‘what’ question, Sheldon tried to force her eyes back to the road by desperately glancing back and forth from her eyes to the road ahead of them. She finally took the hint and returned her full gaze to the road. He proceeded with his dissertation. “It would appear he has been communicating quite frequently with a Miss Marple, an Ashley and a Paul Harris.” 

At the name Paul Harris, Penny interrupted him. “Paul Harris is the name of the executive producer of ‘Project Inferno’. He’s the one that gave me his card and told me to call the casting director.”

“That would explain why your name was in the e-mail that I saw him sending to this Paul Harris.” Sheldon squinted his eyes in concentration. “I just got a brief glimpse of the first paragraph, but it referenced the role of Amelia and the possible plotlines that may extend that character into the second season. It also implied foreknowledge of the announcement that the series was being extended to include a second season, although it has yet to be aired to the public. It was my understanding from the brief glance at his e-mail that the Sy-Fy channel had picked it up and requested the second season be produced at the same time in order to facilitate replacing a drama that was teetering on the brink of cancellation.”

Sheldon looked over at Penny and her jaw was slack. She also had her brow furrowed in deep thought. Finally she said, “So I didn’t get the job on my own. Leonard somehow got the job for me. He… it was a ploy… a ploy to try and get me outta his life. He found a way to get me what I’ve always wanted so I would walk away from him.”

“That makes no sense whatsoever.” Sheldon said. “How would getting what you want, extricate him from your life?”

“Don’t you see,” she said, “If I hadn’t turned up preg…” She stopped herself before she finished the word.

Sheldon sat up stiff backed and said “Pull over. NOW.”

Penny slowed and found the entrance to a restaurant parking lot. She pulled in and parked lopsided in two parking spaces. They sat there for a full minute before Penny finally said, “I didn’t mean to tell you that. It… I told Leonard last Thursday night.”

“You’re going to be a mother?” It was half question and half statement. “If that is true then the subsequent actions of Leonard do not track logically.” And then it dawned on him. “Leonard was able to determine that he is not the father. But… even if he deduced that, he would not abandon you. I believe it is part of his, for lack of a better term, moral fiber to stand by a friend in a time of need. And you are definitely in a time of need. Your organizational skills are sadly lacking. You would most likely misplace the child within hours of returning home from the hospital.”

“Sarcasm does not become you Sheldon,” she hissed.

“Sarcasm? Oh you thought I was being… No, but I see your point. As much as a baby cries, it would be almost impossible, even for you, to loose it in such a small space. I don’t understand why Leonard would leave town at a time like this.”

“Because after I told him, and yes the baby is Leonard’s… I told him that I had miscarried.” She paused as a tear rolled down her cheek and she concentrated on not letting her voice crack. “At the dinner party last night, he said he was not leaving to work on his project. That was because I had told him I was pregnant. I confronted him about it and told him that… it was no longer an issue. I had been reading a book on pregnancy and the term spontaneous abortion caught my eye. So I used the term to make Leonard believe I was no longer pregnant.”

Sheldon stared straight ahead, out of the windshield. How should he react to the revelation from Penny? On the one hand, he knew that Leonard was an emotional person. He always seemed to act with his ‘heart’ rather than his ‘head’. On the other, Penny had made the deduction that her lack of forethought, i.e. not using birth control, should not hinder Leonard in his pursuit of his professional goals. But then another thought occurred to him. “Penny? What are your intentions with Leonard’s child?”

“What do you mean, what are my intentions with ‘OUR’ child?” She put a great deal of emphasis on the word ‘our’ but then she lowered her voice to just above a whisper. “I admit that it took me by surprise and that I wasn’t prepared for the news, but… well when I told Leonard…” she paused and lowered her eyes to her lap. Sheldon reached over with his hand and tentatively patted her hand, which was still holding onto the steering wheel. She looked up at his hand like it was the hand of an alien. She finally regained her voice. “Sheldon?” He just looked at her waiting for her to continue. “Leonard was ready to do whatever it took to be a father to our child. But I took that option away from him.”

“Penny” Sheldon interrupted. “What are your plans for your child?”

“I want our child to have a father that loves him. I want… I want our child to know that I love their father.” She choked out as she began to cry uncontrollably.

~ LAX ~

Jill sat waiting for her friend to retrieve her luggage so they could make their way back to Jill’s apartment. Finally she saw Roberta trudging down the concourse with one bag on her shoulder and another trailing behind her. When Roberta saw Jill stand up, she replaced her ‘I’m so tired’ look with her ‘OMG my friend’ look. She quickened her pace and soon stood eye to eye with her friend Jill. Jill took the handle of the trailing bag with one hand and put her other arm around Roberta’s shoulder in a hug.

Once they were in Jill’s car and headed back in the direction of Pasadena, the topics changed from ‘how’ve you been’ to ‘tell me about’. The first thing Jill had asked was if Raj had gotten in touch with her via e-mail and Roberta had confirmed that he had, and that she had perpetuated the ruse that she was a he. Once they had gone over the plan one more time, Roberta finally asked the question Jill knew had been simmering since she stepped off the plane.

“So” Roberta hissed, “Tell me about this Leonard.”

Jill forced a smile onto her face and said, “I’ve told you all about him in our phone calls. He’s a great guy. A great friend.”

“A good enough guy to finally get you over…” But Jill interrupted her.

“Listen” she said sternly. “I told you that was a subject not to be broached. I value your friendship, but if you pursue that topic, I’ll drop you off at a local hotel and we’ll call this whole thing off.”

“Whoa, sorry. I thought that… well it’s been over two years…” Roberta began.

“Sorry to snap at you, but the subject is still… uncomfortable. Let’s just say that Leonard and I are friends and that is all we will ever be. He’s comfortable with that and so am I. In fact, he’s the one that came up with this little ruse for Raj.”

~ Cheesecake Factory ~

It was two-thirty and the lunch crowd had finally dwindled to a slow trickle. Bernadette had just sat down in a chair that was discretely put out of the way in a corner of the kitchen area when a balding man stuck his head out a door nearby and said “Bernadette, you have a call. You can take it in my office, but make it quick.”

She quickly stood and stepped into the office. The manager returned to his desk and just glared at her as she picked up the receiver. “Hello, this is Bernadette.”

The manager furrowed his brows as he listened to just one side of the conversation.

“Bernadette, this is Penny”

“Hey, just couldn’t stay away could you?”

“Yeah” Penny said sarcastically. “Listen I need a favor”

“Sure, what do you need?” Bernadette asked.

“I am actually going to be able to get away from the lot by about four or four-thirty, and I need to drive up north a ways to meet Leonard. I was hoping you might be able to get away and ride with me. I could really use the company and we haven’t had the chance to chat lately.”

“Well… I get off in about an hour and I don’t have plans for tonight. Sure, as long as we are back before too late. I have a lecture I need to attend early tomorrow morning.”

“Great, I’ll pick you up from your apartment as soon as I can get there. Thanks… I’ll see you soon.”

~ Sheldon’s Office ~

Sheldon stood in front of his whiteboard. Only this time, it wasn’t covered in equations; it had a timeline drawn on it. He had put the current day to the far right and labeled it Penny: 8 Weeks Pregnant (July 20). At the beginning of the timeline (Far Left) he had labeled: May 24 Leonard impregnates Penny. Just to the right of the May 24 he wrote Leonard disappears for five days with father. To the right of that, June 23 Jill introduced to group. Then further down to the right, July 15 Penny gets acting job.

~ Howard’s Office ~

Jill and ‘Bobby’ walked into Howard’s office without knocking and he just stared at them as they rounded his desk to stand directly in front of him glaring down.

“Howard, you are going to sign on to a little project I have going.” She leaned forward to glare at him with an even fiercer gaze. She jerked her head backwards to draw his eyes from her gaze to her friend ‘Bobby’. “This is my friend Bobby and she is going to attempt to befriend Raj. The catch is that she has been masquerading via e-mail as a man and she is going to continue that ruse in person. This is what you will do. You will act as if ‘Bobby’ is just another guy at all times; that means no lewd remarks or come-ons of any kind. You will attempt to facilitate their becoming friends to every extent.”

Howard interrupted “That’s all good and well, but as soon as he knows the truth…”

‘Bobby’ spoke up. “They’ve thought of that. Jill has procured an experimental drug from her employer. It is in the same class as Paxil and other mood enhancing medications. Over the next month or so, the medication will slightly alter Raj’s brain chemistry, without the side-effects previous drugs caused.

“I have talked with Raj, and he started the regimen yesterday” Jill said. “When we feel he has had time to begin to benefit from the treatment, we will ease him into the fact that ‘Bobby’ is actually Bobby Sue.”

“You don’t think he will be mad at being manipulated?” Howard asked.

“That’s where you come in. It will be up to you to find a way to break it to him” Jill explained.

“That’s asking a little much. He’s going to be pissed” Howard protested.

Jill leaned back down in his face. “I know you have figured out what Leonard did for you.” Howard nodded his head in the affirmative. “Well” she continued, “this is what Leonard is doing for Raj, and you’re not gonna stand in the way. You either help or I tell Bernadette that you were to selfish to help a friend.”

“Okay. Okay, I’ll figure out a way to break it to him” Howard acquiesced.

“Good. Now. Get on the phone and call Raj and Bernadette. The five of us are going to dinner so the acquainting can get started” Jill instructed.

“It’ll just be the four of us. Bernadette called earlier and said that she and Penny were driving up north to see Leonard tonight. They won’t be back ‘til late.” Howard picked-up the phone and began to dial.

Jill took out her phone as she waved good-bye to Howard. She and ‘Bobby’ turned and proceeded out the door. When they were in the hall, she hit a speed-dial button and put the phone to her ear.

~ Adam’s Barbecue ~

Leonard’s phone rang and he looked down at the table to see the caller ID. It was Jill calling from her cell. He reached to pick it up, but before hitting the answer button, he said “Sorry Dirk, Al, I need to take this. It’ll just be one moment.” They both nodded their okays. “Hey Jill. What can I do for you?”

“I just talked with Wolowitz and he said that you were up north somewhere and that Penny and Bernadette were headed there to see you. Where are you and what are you up to?”

“I’m up here visiting my friends. My project got postponed for some technical problems, so I’m taking some time off until we can get some new equipment online.”

“It would have been nice if you had told me.”

“Have you checked your e-mail today?” Leonard asked with a hint of mischievousness in his voice.

“Well, no.”

“Listen, we need to talk in more detail, but I’m actually in a meeting right now. Can I call you back later?” he asked.

“Sure. I need to update you on the ‘Bobby’ Project.”

“Great. I’ll talk to you later tonight. Leonard out.” he said and hung up the phone.

Leonard turned his attention back to the men that sat across the table from him. Dirk Pitt was a tall man with dark hair and wise eyes. Leonard could tell just from the few hours he had spent with him that Dirk was a man of action. In just two hours of phone calls and discussion, Dirk and Al had convinced the Admiral in charge of the DWS project to allow NUMA, the National Underwater Marine Agency, to step in and assist with the equipment problems. NUMA, it turned out was a quasi-governmental agency. While not a budget item in the governmental hierarchy, they did receive funds based on projects undertaken for the government. NUMA had over two hundred ships and other marine vessels doing projects all over the globe.

“Leonard” Al said, “You said that the required depth could only be achieved if you launched the ‘Puppy’ from the base that shall not be named.” Al wiggled his eyebrows as if he were making a joke.

“Let’s just call it ‘THE Base’ and stop with all the cloak and dagger stuff” Dirk scolded Al. He turned his gaze back to Leonard. “I’ll get Max to work on the modifications we have setout for our prototype ‘Puppy’. I’ll call into headquarters and have Hiram run some simulations with the altered configuration and we will meet back here at about 8:30 tonight to report on what Max and Hiram have come up with,”

Al had explained ‘who’ Max was. Max was a hybrid computer with an AI interface that was able to manifest as a beautiful woman in hologram form. Hiram was the programmer and had modeled Max on his lovely wife. Max still freaked Dirk out, but he was beginning to get used to ‘her’.

“So you’re gonna go check out that Auburn Roadster you were telling me about?” Leonard asked Dirk.

“Yep, Lauren and I are going to take a short drive over to Remlap and see what kinda of shape she is in.” Dirk said. As he finished his sentence a beautiful woman walked in the door of the restaurant and made a bee’s line to their table. She walked up behind Dirk and wrapped her arms around him. “Hey sweetheart, did you have a good trip?”

The beautiful young lady leaned over and kissed his forehead before saying “It was uneventful. My office manager called and told me you’ve gotten you an Al into another mystery.”

“No mystery this time, sweetheart.” Dirk turned and gestured to Leonard, “Lauren, this is Leonard Hofstader. Leonard, This is my beautiful wife, Lauren.”

Leonard stood and extended his hand. “Mrs. Smith. It’s a pleasure. You are the Honorable Representative from Colorado if I am not mistaken.”

“Yes, but my most important moniker is Dirk’s wife” she smiled down at Dirk.

“I’m starting to get a cavity here” Al said. Lauren just glared at him and sat in the empty seat between Dirk and Leonard.

“So, what’s the adventure this time?” she asked.

“Well, our friend Leonard here is working on a project that…” Dirk started.

“Leonard here is doing some mumbo-jumbo science stuff down in the Marianna Trench and one of the pieces of equipment he had requisitioned from the Navy sorta went kaplooey.” Al interrupted.

“The captain of the support ship…” Dirk continued with glance toward Al, “worked with Al and me on a project in the Antarctic a couple of years ago. That was around the time we started coming up with the idea for the ‘Puppy’. He remembered us, and gave me a call to see if we might be able to help out. Luckily, Al and me were close by to check out the Auburn.”

“Over the past three hours, we have put together a strategy to get Leonard’s project back on track” Al said with bravado.

“I say, ya’ll go check out that car and then meet me back here about nine o’clock and dinner’s on me” Leonard said. They all agreed and left to check out the Auburn Roadster.

~ A Restaurant somewhere in Los Angeles ~

Howard, Raj and ‘Bobby’ sat about the table chatting as the waitress served their meals to them. After setting the four meals in front of the guys and the empty chair, she asked if anything else was needed and then left when they replied in the negative.

“So, Bobby, what do you think about California so far?” Raj asked. Just as he finished his question, Jill returned to the table and sat back down.

She winked at Raj and said, “Did you miss me, Rajjy baby?” He just shrugged his shoulders and smiled shyly.

“He was just asking me what I thought of California” Bobby said. She turned her attention back to the guy would believed she was one of the guys. “Well Raj, I like what I see so far…” she wiggled her eyes at him, “…I really like the people.”

~ Location Unknown ~

Leonard opened his eyes. There was a bright light somewhere above him, but it was being diffused by something covering his eyes. He attempted to lift his hand up to move the item covering his eyes. His hand would not move. He tried the other hand. It would not move either. What was going on here? Then he heard a voice that he recognized. It was his mother.

“Just uncover him and let’s get this over with. I have an appointment to have a brain scan done.” Leonard’s eyes were suddenly uncovered and the bright light shone in his eyes. He tried to close them, but they would not shut. He saw his mother lean over and look at him without any emotion on her face. It was then that he finally came to the realization that he was lying flat on his back and he was paralyzed. “That was Leonard Hofstader.” he heard his mother say. “I will leave the disposition of the remains to his father.” That is all that she said before left the room.

It seemed like hours before he heard another voice. The diffuser had been placed back over his eyes. “Is this him?” he heard the voice of Jill ask. The diffuser was removed again and Leonard saw the face of Jill looking at him. “How did it happen?” he heard her ask.

A voice he did not recognize said, “It just happened. It was nothing spectacular or interesting; just a non-descript death of a non-descript nobody.”

“He never did amount to much did he?” Jill asked. “Oh well, he was useful while he lasted.” She disappeared and he heard a door open and close and then the sheet was place back over his eyes.

That is what it was, a sheet. He finally knew where he was. He was in a morgue and he was lying on a slab, waiting for an autopsy to be performed. His only thought at this revelation was to wander why they had not closed his eyes. He wished they would close his eyes.

Then he heard a voice enter the room and he begged whatever power there was in the universe not to let the sheet be removed from his eyes. He could not bear to see the face that belonged to that voice. The voice of Penny pierced his very soul as she said, “Do I really need to be here. I barely knew him. I mean I was just his neighbor.” He saw a hand take hold of the sheet and begin to remove it. “No, I don’t want to see him.” The hand was removed and he heard Penny say “Leonard, Leonard”. The light above him dimmed and he heard another voice say, “Maybe we should leave him be.”

He recognized it as the voice of Bernadette. For some reason her voice was soothing and he wanted to hear more from her. He tried to respond to her but he couldn’t seem to form the words. “Leonard, are you okay?” Then he felt pressure on his arm and a more persistent query from Bernadette. “Leonard, please wake up?”

Was that all this was a dream? Could he just wake up from this nightmare? He strained and was finally able to open his eyes. He raised his head from the diner table and sitting there in the booth across from him was Bernadette and… Penny was there too. He blinked at them for a few times and said, “Hey, I must have fallen asleep. Did ya’ll have a good trip?” He smiled and said, “You’ve gotta try the mincemeat pie. It is great.”

~ Author’s Note: I have lovingly borrowed the characters of Dirk, Al and Lauren from a wonderful series of books by Clive Cussler. He does a wonderful job of creating and developing characters as well as suspenseful action. If you love reading and like adventure stories, please pick up a Clive Cussler Dirk Pitt novel. ~


	9. The Theory of Relativity

July 27, 2010

“You’ve gotta try the mincemeat pie. It is great.” Leonard stalled for a moment so he could wrangle his thoughts into some semblance of order. Penny and Bernadette just stared at him as if he had been speaking in Klingon. After only a few moments, he felt that he had successfully culled his emotions from the dream through which he had been suffering. “Bernadette, it’s good to see you. I wasn’t expecting you to be along for the ride.”

“Hey” she said with a lilt of confusion in her voice, “I tagged along so me and Penny could catch up on girl talk.”

“Well, I’m glad you did.” Leonard smiled at the girl with whom he was fast becoming good friends. “It’s always good to see someone with a smile on their face.” She blushed at this and Leonard simply smiled.

“What did you have to do or give-up to get me the job on Project Inferno.” Penny blurted out. Leonard jerked his head in her direction, as she continued. “Don’t try to deny it.”

“I wouldn’t dare,” he said as he lowered his gaze from her. “To deny it, would be a lie and I would never lie to you. But to be perfectly clear, I did not get you the job on Project Inferno, I simply got you the opportunity to audition.” She gave him a look that conveyed doubt. “Paul Harris is an old friend from my college days, and he asked me about a year ago about being a technical advisor on a new show he was pitching. At the time, I had declined because of my work schedule, but a couple of months ago… well things changed. I found a new focus in my life and I found that I could help out without too much of an increase in effort.”

“So you didn’t do this for me so that I would somehow drift away from you and not be a part of your life?” Penny asked.

“Penny.” Bernadette interrupted. “There’s something you should know.” Penny peeled her eyes away from Leonard to look at Bernadette quizzically. Bernadette reached her hand up onto the table and put her hand on Penny’s. “Penny… you’re not the only person that Leonard has seen fit to… intercede for.” She took her hand away from Penny’s and extended it across the table and laid it on Leonard’s arm.

“I don’t believe that is relevant,” he said as he glanced over at Bernadette.

“Whoa, now,” Penny said. “Bernadette, what are you talking about?”

A look passed between Bernadette and Leonard. He shook his head almost unnoticeably in the negative but she responded by arching her eyebrows and said, “Penny, it wasn’t chance or fate or even Howard’s mother’s goodwill that steered me back into Howard’s life. It was Leonard’s efforts in brow-beating her to get to know me and accept me in Howard’s life.”

“I didn’t brow-beat her; I simply had lunch with her and talked about what a nice person she was depriving her son from getting to know.” He looked at Penny and said, “It was nothing. I just had to open her eyes to see what was so obvious… Howard is in love with a wonderful girl and that girl…” he moved his arm and grasped Bernadette’s hand in his “…is the best thing that has ever happened to the son she loves.”

Bernadette sniffed and used her free hand the wipe a tear that had escaped and run down her cheek. “Thank you Leonard” she said as she squeezed his hand tighter.

“So I’m not the only one to benefit from your benevolence. So… what brought on this streak of…” Penny began.

“I’m not going to go there. Can you just accept that I wanted to do something good for my friends…”

“And what? Do something to make their lives better so that they move on? Find something in their lives that can eclipse the need for you to be there? What is the endgame here Leonard?” Penny queried.

“There is no endgame. Can I not just do something for my friends without being suspected of plotting some great ‘Evil’?” Since when is doing something nice, reason for distrust?”

“Since… Since… oh just tell me what your angle is?” Penny demanded.

“Penny, calm down. Please” Bernadette begged.

Leonard raised his voice just slightly and spat out “I know your hormones are still out of whack, but even so, accusations like that are uncalled for.”

“What is he talking about, Penny?” Bernadette asked.

Penny looked at Bernadette and her face visibly softened. “Sweetie, I was gonna tell you as soon as I found the right moment.” She turned her body toward Bernadette and continued. “I found out a couple of days ago that I’m pregnant.” Bernadette just stared at her.

“What she meant to say was, that she was pregnant” Leonard said. Penny turned away from Bernadette and squared her body with Leonard. His eyes took on a defensive glare and he continued, “It… We…” He glanced away and stared out the window into the night.

“Leonard… about that,” She began, “I am so sorry. I…”

Leonard turned back toward Penny and looked her directly in the eyes. “No Penny, ‘I’m’ sorry. I know you are going through a rough time and I’m being a brute.”

Penny was fighting to keep the tears from flowing. Bernadette was shell-shocked. What was going on here? Leonard sat contemplating the conversation for the last few minutes. He replayed the argument in his head and then he heard again the words that Penny had said just moments before. ‘I’m pregnant’. Was she using the wrong tense or had she lied to him?

“Excuse me,” he said. “Could you repeat what you just said to Bernadette?”

Penny wrangled all her courage and verve and said, “I’m pregnant.” She refused to look away; she just looked at Leonard and waited for him to react.

“I’m gonna run powder my nose.” Bernadette stood quickly and walked away from the table leaving Penny and Leonard alone.

“Why,” he finally said to break the silence.

“Leonard…” Penny said, as the tears finally broke free. “…I came here tonight with one purpose, and I’m going to say what I came to say before we talk about that. Leonard… I… I love you.” She paused, waiting for a reaction from Leonard. Leonard sat dead still and just opened and closed his mouth over and over. “Did you hear me?”

“Why?” he repeated.

“I love you, Leonard”

“Why would you lie to me? Especially about something like that.”

She wanted to say ‘I love you’ again, but she didn’t want to sound needy. Instead she said, “What happened that time you spent with your father?”

“You are seriously gonna take that tact? You’re going to gloss over the fact that you lied to me about miscarrying my child by asking me about an event that has absolutely nothing to do with you.” Leonard could feel rage building inside him and he fought to control it. He took a deep breath before he continued. “You know… this is just great. You accuse me of having an endgame; but what’s yours? I mean, did you claim you lost the child so that you could get rid of it without me questioning you? Why did you tell me in the first place if…”

“If I what? Was going to kill our child. Is that what you were about to say?” Penny came up out of her seat and stood looking down at Leonard. 

“Leonard, do you need some assistance?” Came a voice behind Penny. She turned to see a short and chubby strawberry blonde girl that looked like she was sixteen years old.

“Thanks sweetie, but we’re okay” Leonard said as he stared at Penny who finally took the hint and returned to her seat. “Becky, could you bring us three slices of mincemeat pie and three glasses of milk. Thank You.” She just nodded her head and walked back toward the kitchen. “Listen Penny, I… this has taken me by surprise, again. I need a minute to think. Can you let me do that? Can you let me have a minute to get my thoughts together?” She nodded her head in the affirmative and sat back in the booth.

A few minutes passed, as Leonard seemed to stare at a fixed point on the wall behind Penny. She was beginning to get antsy when Bernadette returned to the table.

“Is it safe?” Bernadette asked, but had second thoughts about saying anything else. She could see that the tension was still there.

“Please, have a seat. I’ve ordered us some desserts, but if ya’ll didn’t get a chance to eat dinner, they have great burgers.” Bernadette sat down next to Penny and stayed silent. Leonard just smiled at her and continued, “If you’re not in the mood for a burger, the chicken wings seem to be very popular. I’ve never had them but everyone seems to rave about them.”

“Have you had enough time?” Penny said with sarcasm dripping off her tongue. “Do you think that we can talk about this in a civilized manner?”

“Maybe I need to go powder my nose again,” Bernadette said.

“”No need to do that,” Leonard said. “The unpleasantness is over. We are going to continue in a friendly fashion and work through or situation.”

“It’s a situation now?” Penny asked.

Leonard turned to Penny and said, “Do you ever get the feeling that your life has ceased to be a sitcom and has turned into a drama? Listen. My offer still stands. I will support you financially and however else you need support. I will be there for our child. But know this, I will be an active part of his or her life.”

“Are you going to ignore what I said before?” Penny asked.

“I heard what you said and I reiterate what I told you not long ago. I will do everything I can to help you and our child. But, I believe that circumstance or possibly fluctuating hormones levels due to the pregnancy prompted that declaration.”

“Is there anything I can say or do that will change your mind?” she asked.

“I don’t know anything that could change my interpretation of the data available to me.”

“What about new data? What can I do to change the data?” she asked.

“Let’s just stick with what we know… I know this is bad timing, but the project is back on track. The only thing that has changed is that the equipment we will need to complete the experiments is being supplied by NUMA and… well I’m actually going to be going to… I’ll be on-site for the duration of the data collection period. That’s six weeks… on-site.”

Penny just stared at him. She needed him and he was leaving her. “I thought you said you weren’t going to be allowed to go. You said you didn’t pass the physical.”

“NUMA is taking over the project. NUMA is a civilian organization and is not subject to military restrictions.” Leonard countered. Pitt and Al got me cleared with their Admiral.”

“You said they weren’t military and then you say they report to an Admiral” Penny questioned.

“Retired Admiral. Admiral Sandecker. He was one of the founders of NUMA. We’ve been working all afternoon planning modifications on their submersible ‘Puppy’. We’re meeting later on to finalize a plan of action to commence the project.” Leonard explained.

Penny could feel her chest constricting. She was starting to feel completely out of control. She said the first thing that popped into her head. “Yes” There, she had said it. The die was cast. Leonard just looked at her with confusion. The look on Bernadette’s face went beyond confused. “Yes” she reiterated.

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand.” Leonard said.

“Yes…” Penny said again. “Yes… I will marry you.”

Leonard was stunned. “I didn’t realize the question was…”

“You offered…” she started.

“I offered when you told me you were…”

“And I still am, so the offer should still be valid.” Penny reached across and tried to take hold of his hand.

Leonard took his hand from the table and laid them in his lap. “Okay, but original terms and rules apply.” Bernadette sat back stunned. Just as she was about to say something, two men and a beautiful woman walked up to the table.

“We leave you alone for a couple of hours and come back to find you surrounded by beautiful women” the tall man with dark hair said.

Leonard looked up at the voice to see his new friends Dirk, Al and Lauren. “Dirk, hey. I would like you to meet my friends Penny and Bernadette. Bernadette, Penny… my new friends Al, Dirk and Dirk’s beautiful wife Lauren. Please, join us. So Dirk, how did the expedition go?”

“I bought her and my office is arranging transportation back to D.C.”

“So Dirk, Lauren, Al; how would ya’ll like to attend a wedding this Sunday?” Leonard asked and he could see in the corner of his eye a small smile appear on Penny’s face. He took a notepad and pen out of his shirt pocket and wrote an address on it. He tore off the top sheet and handed it to Penny. “Here is the address for Bear Creek United Methodist Church in Woodland, California. Eight o’clock Sunday Morning I’ll have a Preacher and paperwork ready for the ceremony. I just ask one favor…” he asked as he looked at Penny “…on our fifth date, you wore a beautiful floral print dress. Will you wear that for the ceremony?”

Dirk, Al and Lauren all had a look of ‘what the’ on their faces but Dirk spoke up. “Congratulations Leonard and Penny. We will be honored to be there for your nuptials. And you can count on me and Al to throw you the best stag party anyone in Woodland has ever seen.”

“Thanks for the offer, but I doubt our schedule will allow for the time between now a Saturday and I already have a recital to attend on Saturday night.” Leonard said.

“Who’s recital are you going to?” Penny asked.

“A friend is taking piano lessons and I promised a couple of weeks ago that I would be there.” Leonard said as a grin spread across his face. “Well, I think Penny and Bernadette need to be heading back to Pasadena before it gets too late and we…” he motioned to Dirk, Al and himself “have some fine tuning to do on that navigation program for ‘Puppy’.”

The waitress picked that moment to bring the pie and milk. So Leonard ordered three more pieces and beers for the new guests and they talked pleasantly for a while. Once the pie was finished, the girls said their goodbyes and headed back toward Pasadena.

Once they were on the interstate, Bernadette asked, “So are you gonna fill in all the gaps on that spectacle I just witnessed?” So Penny spent the hour and a half drive bringing her up to date on the soap opera that was Penny and Leonard.

~ Bernadette’s Apartment ~

Howard, Raj and Bobby sat on the sofa talking about the sights of interest in the Los Angeles area. They had been summoned to Bernadette’s apartment by a phone call. In the brief call, Bernadette had been mysterious and demanded they all be there when she and Penny arrived. She had said it was urgent. They had contacted Sheldon, but he had declined, saying that he would not be ‘summoned’ at this time of the evening as he and Amy Farrah Fowler had settled into their spots on the couch to watch Fantastic Voyage on DVD. Jill had retreated to Bernadette’s bedroom in order to allow ‘the boys’ to be able to talk freely.

“So what do you think the emergency is?” Raj asked.

“Well, when I talked to Bern earlier, she said that she and Penny were driving up to have dinner with Leonard,” Howard responded. “What is the deal with Leonard these days, anyway?”

“Tell me about this Leonard guy,” Bobby said. “Jill’s told me a little, but she’s been a bit tight lipped about the details”

“If you had asked that question two months ago, I would have said that he was a run-of-the-mill experimental physicist that only had mediocrity in his future,” Howard said, “but after he broke up with Penny…”

“After Penny broke up with him,” Raj corrected.

“After Penny broke up with Leonard,” Howard resumed, “he doesn’t seem to be the same person that he was.”

“Are you saying that his personality changed?” Bobby asked. “Did the break up affect him so greatly that he’s gone into a depression?”

“That’s just it.” Howard countered. “Yes, he was hurt by the break-up, and we…” he gestured to Raj and himself, “…didn’t help the situation any. We probably made it worse for him. But he seems to have rebounded quite well.”

“What do you mean?” Bobby asked. “How did he rebound?”

“Well one thing that I believe helped him rebound from the depression, was your friend Jill,” Raj answered. “The night that he introduced Jill to our little gang, was the first time I saw the old glimmer of joy in his life again.”

Just as Howard was about to add to Raj’s statement, the door opened and Bernadette entered with Penny close on her heels. As they came in Penny looked around the room and asked, “Where’s Sheldon?”

“He said he would not be summoned and refused to come,” Howard said.

Penny took out her phone and dialed Sheldon’s cell phone. When he answered, she said in a calm, deliberate tone. “Sheldon, you will get over here to Bernadette’s apartment right now.” She listened for a moment and then said, “That was not a request, you will be here within thirty minutes or I will implement contingency number 5.” She hung up the phone without waiting for an answer. She turned her attention back to the group that was staring at her with shock on their faces.

Jill had heard voices in the outer room and walked out of the bedroom just in time to hear Penny’s last statement. “Okay, what’s so important we all had to meet this time of night?” she asked.

“We have a little while before Sheldon gets here.” Penny said. “What we are going to do until he gets here… ya’ll are going to tell me exactly what is going on. There is some kind of conspiracy going on here. Something happened when Leonard spent that week with his father, and I believe that you… Jill, you know what that was. And you Howard; Bernadette told me what Leonard did for you and her. What else do you know? Did you know that he was responsible for me getting my role?”

“He got you the role on Inferno? I didn’t know that.” Howard said. “And I didn’t know what he did for me until last week. My mother finally ‘fessed up to it, and Bernadette corroborated it.”

“So you knew about it before Howard, and you didn’t see fit to tell me,” Penny said as she rounded on Bernadette.

“Yes,” she leaned menacingly into Penny’s face, “He told me the morning you and he went to the psychic.”

“Leonard went to a psychic?” Raj blurted and immediately covered his mouth.

“How do you know he went to a psychic?” Howard asked Bernadette. “Have you been spending time with Leonard behind my back?”

“How can you say that; accuse me and your friend of something untoward, knowing what he did for us; us as a concept and construct?” Bernadette countered. Howard had the good graces to look embarrassed. “Yes, Leonard went with Penny to a psychic, but it was Penny that told me, not Leonard.”

“Now that I think about it, something’s not right with that either. Why did he all of a sudden change his views about psychics? I think he was playing me.” Penny reasoned. Then she turned to Jill and asked, “Did he tell you what his plan was? Do you know why he decided to go to a psychic?”

Raj leaned over and whispered into Howard’s ear and Howard said, “He convinced my mother to be nice to Bernadette and get to know her. He paved the way for me and Bernadette to get back together again.” Raj just started to nod his head.

“So this Leonard guy did all these nice things for ya’ll and your reaction…” Bobby said as she turned to address Penny directly, “is to ask what he is conspiring to do. Have you thought that maybe he was conspiring to try and make his friends’ lives a little happier?”

“And you are?” Penny asked.

“Hey, back off sister,” Jill said as she stepped between Bobby and Penny. “Penny, this is my friend Bobby. He’s visiting me for a while from back home. He’s here to check out the UCLA Medical School. Bobby, this is Penny, my friend Leonard’s ex-girlfriend.”

“Make that Leonard’s fiancée,” Penny said and every head in the room turned to stare at her. She stood uncomfortably as she turned to look at each of her friends in turn. When she saw that Jill was about to speak, she cut her off by speaking first. “I… I could have handled that better; I know, and I was going to wait until Sheldon was here so I could tell you all at once, but I…”

“You what!” Jill said in a raised voice. “You finally decided that he was finally beginning to crawl out from under your little thumb, so you go up there and start screwing with his head again?”

“Don’t you dare assume that you know anything about me and Leonard” Penny fired back. “Little Miss Come Lately. You’ve known him for what, a couple of weeks and you try to lecture me on what Leonard feels?” She strode across the room and was about to launch herself at Jill when she felt an arm encircle her waist and hold her back.

“Stand down, Penny. Let’s just all calm down before this gets out of hand,” a vaguely familiar voice said. When Penny turned toward the voice, she was surprised to see Raj peering at her. He continued, “Let’s not say anything that we can’t take back.”

“You’re… you’re talking to me. You actually talking to me,” Penny said aghast.

“Yes I am,” he said as he seemed to be contemplating the situation. “I just thought… well if I didn’t stop you, one or both of you might get hurt, and I couldn’t let that happen.” He started to shy away again as if he were retreating back into a mental shell.

Penny saw his retreat and acted in desperation. She couldn’t let him fall back into the silent friend she had known for the last three years. She had to act quick to keep him communicating with her. To that means, she grabbed his shirt and pulled him towards her and embraced him in a bear hug. “It is so good to hear your voice. I love the way you say my name. Say it again Raj”

“Penny,” he whispered.

“That’s lovely, but say it out loud. Say it so I can hear the sweet melody of my name on your lips.” Penny begged. She looked over Raj’s shoulder and saw Bobby approaching. Bobby simply laid his hand on Raj’s back and began to rub slow circles in a clockwise direction. “Raj…” Penny said again, “Please speak to me.”

“I’m proud of you, Raj.” This came from Bobby. Penny’s head was spinning. Someone she had never met before tonight was insinuating himself into an intimate moment with one of her best friends. She was about to confront this Bobby when Bobby said, “Raj we are all proud of you. Can you tell us what you’re thinking?”

It started as a squeaky few syllables but finally rose to a timid declaration. “I… I think… that… well maybe I…” he turned to face Penny. “Don’t be mad. I love you and I love Jill. I don’t want you to fight.” Jill was wrapping her arms around him before he knew it and he relished the feel of her embrace. And then there was another set of arms around him and he opened one eye to confirm that it was Penny. He began to cry and then there was a hoard of people around him reaching and grabbing, trying to make contact. He immersed himself in the emotions that were swirling around him. After an eternity of emotional turmoil, his world began to shrink back to reality. He disentangled himself from the throng of friends and took a step backwards so that he could get them all in his field of vision. “Thank you. Thank all of you. I…”

Knockknockknock Bernadette knocknockknock Bernadette knockknockknock Bernadette

Every one turned to face the door. Of course he would show up now. He had impeccable timing. Raj turned from the group and went to open the door for Sheldon. As he opened the door, he saw Sheldon standing there with a look of exasperation on his face. Amy Farrah Fowler stood slightly behind him. “Come on in Sheldon,” Raj said. “Amy, glad you could join us.”

“Are you drunk, Raj? You’re not slurring your speech as bad as you usually do when you’re inebriated,” Sheldon remarked.

“He’s had a break-through,” Bobby said as she walked up behind him, “and I for one am very proud of him.” She put her arm around his shoulder a squeezed him tight.

“What precipitated this astonishing break-through?” asked Amy.

“I think it was the imperative to keep Jill from punching Penny’s lights out,” Howard snickered.

Sheldon looked from Penny to Jill and said, “That would not be a wise thing to do. Hitting a pregnant woman might be detrimental to the parasite that currently inhabits her womb.” And with that, the room once again broke into a cacophony of wonder, suspicion and disbelief.


	10. The Special Theory of Relativity

July 28, 2010

Leonard, Dirk and Al had worked right up until Adam’s had closed and then they had adjourned, along with Lauren, to the log cabin that Leonard called home on the weekends. When Al had no longer been able to stifle his yawns, Lauren had insisted that they call it a night. Leonard had convinced them to bunk down with him instead of driving the 40 plus miles to the hotel in which they were staying. Dirk and Lauren had finally agreed to take Leonard’s bedroom and he and Al had hunkered down on the sofa and recliner in the den.

As had become his habit on weekends, Leonard awoke precisely at 5:30 a.m. and quietly made his way to the backdoor and stepped out onto the back porch. He quietly slipped on a pair of hiking boots and set off for a leisurely stroll down to the river below. When he reached the riverbank, he settled down on a fallen tree and closed his eyes. For the next thirty minutes, the only plans he had were to relax his mind and listen to the sounds of the universe. A moment later, he heard a twig snap and the rustle of leaves. He opened his eyes and saw Dirk walking up the bank of the river. “Good Morning, Mr. Hofstader. You’re up and at ‘em early this morning.” Dirk said.

Leonard just looked at him for a moment and marveled at how Dirk looked as if he had had slept for eight hours instead of the three that Leonard knew was all that was possible. “You’re chipper yourself,” Leonard responded. “I hope you slept well.”

They sat on that fallen tree for over an hour and talked sparingly about marriage and love. Leonard found Dirk’s perspective on mingling marriage and an adventurous life to be amazing. He sat spellbound as Dirk summarized his relationship and finally his marriage to Lauren. They eventually made their way back up the hill to the cabin. They entered to find Lauren standing at the stove cooking eggs over easy.

“I saw you heading back up the hill and figured you would be hungry.” She placed the first two eggs on a plate that had two slices of toast already on it and handed it to Leonard. “I hope you like fried eggs,” she said to Leonard. She turned and cracked two more eggs into the skillet, then she placed two more slices of bread into the pop up toaster.

“Do I smell breakfast?” Al said as he walked into the kitchen.

“You jump in the shower and I’ll have your breakfast ready when you get out.” Lauren said as she continued to cook. “We have four people and one bathroom. We’ve got to do this in an orderly fashion.”

~ Apartment 4A~

Sheldon sat in his spot and ate the bowl of cereal he had made himself. Unfortunately, BBCAmerica had seen fit to change their schedule and Doctor Who was no longer shown at this time of the day. But Sheldon had compensated. He hit the play button on the DVD player and his Classic Doctor adventures featuring the Fourth Doctor began. He heard a door shut down the hall and looked up to see Amy walk into the living area. “Good morning Amy. I trust you slept well.”

“Yes, quiet well. The third set of sheets that I put on Leonard’s bed proved to be adequately hypoallergenic. I was able to maintain a restful state for approximately four and one quarter hours before I was forced to rise and sit at the desk until I could confirm that you were awake.” She looked at him sitting there with his bowl of cereal and said, “I compliment you on your quietness. Previous attempts at having apartment mates have been unsuccessful because they were all to loud.”

“That reminds me,” Sheldon said, “I’ve asked Howard and Raj to come by this evening to move Leonard’s belongings into Penny’s apartment. If they are to be married, he’ll have to move in with her.”

“That would seem to be the social convention,” Amy agreed.

“With Leonard moving across the hall, that leaves his room available.” Sheldon started. “Would you consider occupying that room on a more permanent basis? I would gladly revamp the roommate agreement to fit your ‘different’ status.”

“Please expand upon the term ‘different’. I do not believe I like that term,” Amy said.

“Oh. No, I mean ‘different’ in only the best possible connotation. You are more intelligent and… well, just overall, a better fit as a roommate than Leonard could ever be.” Sheldon surmised.

“I would need some time to analyze the variables and make a determination as to the viability of such an arrangement. But… initial reaction is to accept the offer. I will make a determination in 48 hours.” She then proceeded to the kitchen area and made herself a bowl of cereal and joined Sheldon on the couch.

~Bernadette’s Apartment~

Howard awoke on the couch and gazed around the room. He remembered staying behind after everyone else had finally left around midnight-thirty. Once everyone had stopped talking at once, Penny had reluctantly brought everyone up to speed on her pregnancy. She had even admitted to her deceit in telling Leonard she had lost the child. At that confession, Jill had launched into another tirade and Raj had stepped in once again. ‘Bobby’ had backed him up and Jill finally settled back down to let Penny continue her story. Penny had informed them that she and Leonard had set a date and time for the wedding and asked if everyone could be there. Something about the way Penny told the story of their decision to marry struck Howard as wrong, but he couldn’t put his finger on it.

Bernadette walked into the room holding a cup of coffee in each hand and proffered one to Howard. “Thank you,” he said. “You look absolutely ravishing this morning.”

“I came back in after washing my face for bed, and you were asleep on the couch, so I just put a blanket over you and let you sleep.” She sat next to him and sipped her coffee. “Last night was quiet a wild ride, wasn’t it?” she asked.

“Yeah, it was.” He turned toward her. “What was your impression of the story Penny gave about the wedding?”

Bernadette looked at him for a moment. She felt some loyalty to Penny but even more to Leonard, and her fledgling relationship with Howard didn’t need a half-truth lingering over it. She took a calming breath and said, “Penny didn’t exactly tell the whole story. Leonard did pick the place and time, but it was Penny that initiated the talk of marriage; at least this time. She told me later, after we were on our way home, that Leonard had offered marriage as…”

“So Leonard asked; she said no and then she changed her mind?” Howard stated as a question. “She turned him down and then he turned around and gave in when she changed her mind. That’s whipped, even for Leonard.”

“I believe Leonard truly loves Penny and he would do anything to make her happy, and marrying her is what is going to make her happy… for now.” Bernadette stood and walked over to a window to gaze out at the rising sun. “But I don’t think this is going to turn out the way Penny, or even Leonard, thinks it will.”

“How do you think Leonard wants this to turn out?” Howard asked as he stood and walked over to the window and placed his hand on her shoulder. “And for that matter, why did Penny change her mind and decide she wanted to marry Leonard?”

“I think Penny had it right when she said Leonard was paving the way to change his life, but I think it was at the molecular level as opposed to the atomic level,” Bernadette said as she turned to face Howard. He just stared at her in confusion. “I believe that he was, indeed, trying to help us all find happiness; but not to extract us from his life completely. I think he wants to forge a new life with a focus outside our little group. It’s simple evolution; his needs are outgrowing his comfort zone. He needs to expand his circle of friends… and family.”

~ Jill’s Apartment~

“It was nice of you to let Raj stay here last night,” Bobby said to Jill as Jill was pouring out cereal into two bowls. “I really think the bombshells that your friend Penny dropped last night really hit him hard.”

“I didn’t want him to slip back into his shell. It was amazing to see, or hear, him when he…” Jill began to say.

“…When he leaped to your defense,” Bobby concluded for her.

“I hope that was part of it, but most likely, it was because he was afraid for Penny. I’m pretty sure that Raj is afraid of me,” Jill concluded.

“That’s not entirely true” came a voice from the kitchen doorway. Raj walked in and sat next to Bobby at the kitchen table. “I’ll admit that you did rattle my cage when we first met, but over the last few months I’ve discovered your little secret.” Jill and Bobby looked at him with a tinge of fear in their eyes. Had they been found out and how would he react? Raj looked between his two newest friends and said, “I know you’re just a big teddy bear.”

Jill was noticeably relieved that he had not discovered their ruse, but could not pass up the opportunity to get in one swift jibe. “Oh, so you think I’m ‘BIG’ do you? You think I’m fat and you have the gall to say it to my face.”

Raj did a double take at Jill and was about to babble some sort of defense when he saw the smirk on her face. He decided to riposte and said, “I think you have the biggest…” he paused to see what reaction she would have to that particular terminology. Her eyes grew to twice their normal size and he thought she was about ready to bite his head off. “…heart I have ever encountered” he finished and her eyes softened almost to the point that he thought he saw a tear beginning to form. She dropped all of her innate defenses and scooped him up into a bear hug.

“Raj, Raj, Raj. Why did it take you so long? That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.” Jill slacked off of the hug just a bit and he could feel one arm leave him completely, but it returned a moment later and carried the body of Bobby with it, as his hug with Jill became a group hug.

Something wasn’t right here. He had not been in too many hugs before and very few involving another ‘guy’, but… wait a second… this isn’t a ‘guy’. This ‘Bobby’ didn’t seem to… “Uhm, Jill… what’s going on here? Who…” Raj began to stammer.

Jill pulled back to be able to see Raj’s face and what she saw was confusion that was blossoming into comprehension. “Okay Raj. Hold on just a minute and don’t freak out on me. I can explain.”

“Raj… Let us explain before you…” Bobby started.

“Before I what? Before I lose my cool and bite your head off for lying to me.” Bobby pulled away in order to give Raj the room he needed to express himself. Raj looked back and forth between them a few times before he bowed his head slightly and said, “You’ve been planning this for weeks, haven’t you?” Jill and Bobby just nodded their heads in the affirmative. “Well… I guess I have to thank you.” The girls were stunned. “I’m assuming that since you aren’t currently laughing at me, that you didn’t mean your deception as a joke.”

“No, absolutely not” Jill said with emphasis. “We only had the best intentions. Leonard thought that if you had the opportunity to get to know Bobby before your condition had a chance to kick in, that maybe we could supercede the effects of it.”

“And when Jill told me about this nice guy that couldn’t… well you know… I had to meet you for myself. And everything that she told me about you was true” Bobby said.

“So if I hadn’t realized it just now during the hug… by the way, is that painful?” Raj asked Bobby as he glanced at her chest.

“Not the most comfortable I’ve ever been” she admitted. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom, and set my puppies free.” They all laughed as she left the kitchen.

“So when were you going to tell me; when the medicine was up to full strength?” Raj asked once again.

“See, that’s just it. We didn’t know if it was going to work at all. We were playing it by ear. But that all became a moot point when you pulled your little stunt last night. When you spoke up and stopped Penny from attacking me… well, you made me very happy.”

“Well I couldn’t let you hurt Penny, even in self-defense. And besides, I guess the drug that Dr. Bambilina has me on just kicked in a little quicker than she thought it would” Raj surmised.

“About that…” Jill said, “Now don’t get all pissed at me and everything but…”

“But what?”

“Well that medication she gave you… well it’s a placebo,” Jill blurted out.

Raj just looked at her and became very quiet. Jill began to panic because she was afraid that this last bit of information might have sucked him back into the grips of his selective mutism. “Well…” her heart leapt when she heard this one syllable escape from his lips and she launched herself at him and kissed him squarely and firmly on the lips.

~Woodland California Town Hall~

Leonard sat outside the door to the office of Judge Wendell Jessup and tried to calm his nerves. He had called the judge this morning and asked for a meeting because Penny had sprung on him, her news of his fatherhood (revisited) and her decision to exercise her option of marriage. The plans he had made over the last two months seemed to be threatening to fall apart, but he could still see the brass ring and he would continue to fight to claim it. His phone chose that moment to ring and he pulled it from his pocket. He looked down at he number and it was one he did not recognize. He thought for a moment about whether or not to answer the call, but finally hit the talk button.

“Hello, this is Leonard,” he said.

“Leonard, this is Al. Where are you right now?” Al blurted out.

“Hey Al. I’m in downtown Woodland at the County Courthouse” he answered.

“Is there a secure location in the building? Somewhere you can go that is safe?” Al insisted.

“What’s going on Al?”

“I’ll explain when I get there. I’m about forty minutes out. I’m almost back to the airport and will be in the air in ten minutes. Is there an area close to the courthouse that I can land my ‘copter?” Al summarized.

“I’ll be in the office of Judge Jessup when you arrive. What am I trying to secure myself from?” Leonard asked.

“Ensign Goggins is rogue. He sabotaged your equipment. When I confronted him, he brained me and went AWOL. I’m assuming he may be coming after you to cover his tracks. Did you ever tell him about spending time in Woodland?” Al said and Leonard heard the props of a helicopter begin rotating in the background.

“I talked to him this morning and told him I was meeting with Judge Jessup. I’ll go into his office and have him lock us in. He can call the security desk and have them not let anyone in without an ID.” Leonard had stood and was walking up to the Judge’s clerk’s desk. “The High school football field is about a half mile away. You can radio the sheriff’s office and I’m sure Robert will have someone meet you there with transport. If you can let them know the situation, I’ll keep this line clear and wait to hear from you.” He hung up the phone and turned to speak to the clerk. Just as he was about to speak, he heard the door to the outer office open and he turned to see Ashley and Jane walk into the office. “What are you guys doing here?”

Jane smiled and said “Wendell called me and said you had asked for a meeting with him. He said it might be good for us,” she gestured between herself and Ashley, “to be here. I told him we would wait in the outer room until he called for us.”

Leonard turned to the clerk. “Amanda, let’s all get into the Judge’s office. We have a bad situation here.” She stood and proceeded to walk towards the inner door and Ashley stepped forward to take Leonard’s hand. He looked down at her as she looked at him in a questioning manner. “Hey sweetie. It’s good to see you, but we need to get inside where it is safer.”

“What are you talking about?” Ashley asked.

“Let’s get inside and I’ll fill all of you in.” They all stepped through the door that the clerk had opened and entered and as soon as they had cleared the doorway, Leonard turned and locked the door behind them. He turned to see Judge Wendell Jessup standing behind his desk and asking Amanda what was going on? Leonard stepped in to explain. “Judge” he began, “I just got a call from a colleague with whom I am working. It seems that he found out that one of the ensigns that was assigned to our project was sabotaging our equipment. Al, my colleague, called to inform me that this ensign was most likely headed this way to confront me. If you would, please call down to the entry security and ask them not to let anyone in without ID. The man’s name is Ensign Goggins, and I’m afraid he may be armed.”

Judge Jessup reached for his phone and punched a few numbers. After a moment, someone answered and Leonard could hear raised voices over the voice on the phone. The judge said a few quick commands and hung up the phone. “He’s already in the building. He knocked Harry over the head and headed up the stairs. That was Frank on the phone, Harry’s okay, but he said the perpetrator set off the metal detector as he went through. That’s why Frank was able to respond before he got out of sight. He’s dispatched the two remaining security people to follow the ensign.”

Ashley was clinging tight to Leonard’s leg and Jane had stepped over to put her hand on Ashley’s shoulder. Leonard looked down at Ashley but he spoke to Judge Jessup. “Have you got a back way out of here?”

“No.” replied the Judge. We are on the third floor and the only way out of the office is through the front door.”

“What about that door?” Leonard asked pointing to a door opposite the desk.

“That’s a private bath,” the Judge replied. There was a loud knock at the door. No not a knock, some one was trying to kick the door down.

“Everyone in the bathroom,” Leonard exclaimed and he herded all of them through the door. As soon as everyone else was in, he closed the door and locked it from the outside. “Be as quiet as possible. Everything will be okay.” He heard muted rebuttals and recognized one in particular. Ashley was begging him to come inside with them. He put his head against the door and said sternly “Ashley, sweetie. Ya’ll need to be as quiet as possible. I… I love you so much. Everything is going to be…”The door splintered behind him and he turned abruptly. He thought he heard someone say through the door “not without me” but he was too focused on the large angry looking man standing in the doorway.

“Your little buddy is too smart for his own good. If he had just kept his nose out of things, I could have just disappeared.” He brandished the weapon in Leonard’s direction. “But now… he’s got everyone looking for me. I need to get out of the country, and you’re going to help me.”

Leonard needed to stall for time. He had to give the security team a chance to make their way up here. “So… who exactly are you working for? I mean, what interest would anyone have in the research that I am doing?” He stood as erect and tall as he could. He wanted to make this traitor as uncomfortable as possible.

“You raised some red flags with the Chinese when they heard the Navy was involved in research for new underwater power conversion equipment.” Goggins said.

“New underwater power conversion equipment? He questioned. “Ohhhh” he said as it dawned on him, “You reported to them that our experiments were military projects and thus had weaponry characteristics. You lied to your handler in order to get a larger pay day.” He looked at Goggins with distaste. “You were lying to the people you were spying for. What were you thinking you could do? You sabotaged the equipment, why, to prolong the paychecks?” 

“When you told me that the data you collected was going to made available to the scientific community, I knew the Chinese would realize I had lied to them. My only hope was to make sure the project never got off the ground. Then I could claim that you were unable to get the military project to…”

“That the experiment was a failure,” Leonard surmised. “Okay, so what happens now? You are on the run. And I will just proceed with the project as soon as you disappear. We both get what we want. You can just run. I’ll tell the naval investigators that I have no idea where you went.”

“You know that won’t do. Even if the US Navy gives up on finding me, the Chinese never will,” the ensign said.

“Why would they pursue you? As far as they’re concerned, the project is a flop.”

“But when you do get it back on track, complete it and publish your data, they’ll realize I cheated them. They’ll send someone after me.”

“Then I’ll not…” Leonard started.

“Don’t try to lie to me. Of course you would proceed. No, the only way to stop them from hunting me is to kill the project, and Mr. Hofstadter, you are the project.” He raised his gun and pointed it at Leonard’s head. The ensign and Leonard both turned to see Ashley standing in the now open doorway of the bathroom.

“You leave my daddy alone,” Ashley said as she stomped toward them, but the hand of Jane reached out and stopped her progress. Ashley tried to pull free but Jane’s grip was too tight. “Let me go.” Her eyes pleaded with Leonard to reach out and grab her, to pull her to him. “Daddy, please…” she began to cry. That struck Leonard with the most ferocious blow; she was crying. He had heard her call him daddy, and while that was a surprise, he was shocked that tears were now streaming down her face.

Leonard turned back to the ensign. “Whatever you are going to do, don’t let this precious little girl have to witness it. Let’s just walk out of here and we’ll find away to get you away safely. Then you can… decide. Just let me say goodbye to my daughter.”

The ensign lowered his gun slightly and said, “Say what you want to say, but it ends here. There is no reprieve for you.”

Leonard turned fully toward Ashley and the others that stood behind him. He took one knee in front of Ashley and said, “I need you to go back into the washroom. I need you to be strong for Miss Jane and the others. I love you so much sweetheart. I came here today to sign the papers that would make you my daughter, but I don’t need a stack of papers to prove to the world that I love you and you love me. I saw the love in your eyes the first time I met you. You saved my life that day and you have been saving it everyday since.” Ashley was openly crying now. “I need you to know…” He brushed a stray lock of hair from her face “I love you now and forever. Do you remember me telling you the story about the Big Bang and how that once the universe stops expanding in billions of years, how it will start collapsing again?” he asked. She nodded her head yes. “Well, when the universe starts to collapse, maybe then my love for you will cease to expand, but it will never diminish. My love for you will hold the universe together, because it will always exist.”

“Leonard…” She hugged him and he felt as if she might squeeze him into a singularity, “Daddy…” she said softer this time, “Please make him go away.”

He had never asked Ashley, or even Jane, how Ashley’s birth parents had died. He knew they had passed away, because she had been in the foster system since she was five years old. “I need you to take care of Aunt Jane. She’s gonna need you to be strong for her.” He squeezed her hand and then brought it up to his lips and kissed it softly. “Now, go in the washroom and turn the water in the sink on.

She leaned in and kissed him on the forehead and then took his face in her hands. Leonard looked into her eyes and saw, not an eight-year-old girl, but a soul that was as old as the ages. She lowered her eyes from his and looked at the ground. “I love you daddy.” She took a hand from his face and wiped a tear from her cheek and then rubbed her arm under her nose. “Please don’t…”

“Shhhh, beautiful. I can’t tell you that I’m gonna be here for you. I won’t lie to you. I’m scared, but…” She launched herself into his arms again. He felt the barrel of the gun poke him in the back of the head. He pushed Ashley backwards toward the washroom. “Go on now, take care of Aunt Jane.” Jane took her by the hand and led her into the washroom. Jane glanced over her shoulder at Leonard one last time and gave him an almost imperceptible nod of acknowledgment. He turned back to look at the ensign and said to him, “When I told you to run the level three diagnostic; that’s when you did it, wasn’t it? What exactly did you do to the equipment?”

The ensign had changed his position in the room and settled in behind the desk. “No need to try to stall any longer. The guards are outside in the outer office and you are going to get me safely out of the building. Tell them that we are coming out and to clear the building or I’ll shoot you in the back of the head.”

Leonard stepped closer to the door and said, “We’re coming out. He has a gun and HE WILL SHOOT ME if you make a move to stop him. I am going with him willingly in exchange for him leaving the hostages unharmed. Please let us leave without incident.”

A disembodied voice replied, “Am I speaking to a Leonard Hofstader?”

“I’m him. The ensign is here for me; no need for anyone else to get hurt” Leonard reiterated.

“We have the building cleared of all other civilians. You have an unhindered access to any exit you want” said the voice. The ensign stood up and walked up behind Leonard. He pressed the barrel of the pistol in to Leonard’s back right at the level of his heart.

“We’re coming out, if I see even the slightest motion or hear one noise that I don’t like, I’ll kill him.” He nudged Leonard forward and they walked into the outer office. Leonard could see the top of a head behind a filing cabinet and a moment later the person was in full view. The officer stood stock-still and held his gun at his side pointed toward the ground. That was Larry. He had written Leonard a ticket for speeding the first weekend that he had spent here in Woodland. The next day he had seen him at church and had introduced Leonard to his wife and two sons. They had become friends when Larry had been assigned to run the background check on Leonard when he had applied to adopt Ashley.

“Don’t even think about it Bubba,” the ensign said as he looked at Larry. Larry just nodded in acquiescence. As they approached the door that led to the hallway, Leonard looked back at Larry one last time and he saw Larry give him a smirk and a slight nod. They did not see anyone else until they were at the front exit of the courthouse. As he opened the door, he could see that the street was deserted for as far as he could see. On top of the building across the street, he could see a figure standing. He recognized the figure as Sheriff Robert Rampy. He stood there with his hands held over his head so the ensign could plainly see him. Ensign Goggins glanced up at the Sheriff and prodded Leonard forward toward his car that was parked halfway down the block. Leonard went over everything in his head. Larry and Sheriff Rampy were two of the three Officers that worked the small county in which Woodland was situated. They worked the immediate area around Woodland and left a bulk of the county patrolling to the state police. That left Kevin as the only officer that he had not seen. Then it clicked in his mind. Deputy Kevin had been a sniper in the first Gulf War and had been sent into Iraq as a training officer after the 2001 terrorist attack in New York. He looked back up at Sheriff Rampy and as soon as his eyes met the Sheriff’s, Leonard saw him drop both hands as if he was dropping a flag at a drag race. Leonard didn’t even have time to think, he threw himself at the ground and prayed that he would not regret that decision.

Leonard forgot to put his hands down to cushion his fall and his head hit the sidewalk in a thud. There was a pop and then silence. He felt the blood ooze down the side of his face and was thankful that death seemed to be relatively painless. Except for the throbbing in his head, he didn’t feel a thing. He laid there for what seemed like hours. He thought about Ashley and hoped that she would forgive him for leaving her. He prayed that she would go on to be the gentle caring person that he knew she could be. He thought back to last Friday when he had been at her piano recital. She had played beautifully. He had heard a lot of people try to play the piano and while Ashley did not have the natural talent he had seen in some, she had the determination and patience to become as great if not better than any of those ‘naturals’.

The recital piece she had chosen played in his mind as he lay there waiting for the end. Why was he still able to think? Wasn’t there supposed to be a bright light or eternal darkness. He began to hear a buzzing in his head and then the buzzing became a screech. Suddenly the world was a cacophony of sound and he could not separate one noise from another. He felt his body being prodded and realized something was turning his body over on his back. As he turned over, he opened his eyes and looked into the eyes of Officer Larry.

“Are you hit?” he asked. Leonard just stared at him uncomprehending. Larry started to run his hands up and down Leonard’s body. “I don’t see any entry wound. Leonard? Can you talk to me?”

Leonard turned his head and saw the body of the ensign lying a few feet from him. The gun that had been pointing at his back lay well out of reach of the dead man. He fought to find his voice, but was being hampered by the overwhelming urge to vomit. He was finally able to suppress and found his voice. “Is Ashley okay?” He looked back at Officer Larry and was relieved to see a smile appear on his face as he shook his head in an affirmative gesture.

“She’s fine. One of the security guards is with the four of them. They’re all fine.” Just then his walkie-talkie squawked and he reached to answer it. “Go ahead” he said into the mike that was attached to his shoulder.

“What’s the situation? I’ve got a little girl here that is about to come running out the door,” said a voice that Leonard didn’t recognize.

Leonard looked over at the body on the ground and told Larry, “Tell her to stay put. I’m okay and I’ll come to her.” Larry relayed the message and Leonard began to stand. As he got to his feet, he saw Larry taking off his shirt. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“You have… matter… all over your shirt and in your hair. Take it off and put my shirt on. Ashley won’t wait long before she takes matters in her own hands and comes to you. Wear my shirt and,” he took a handkerchief out of his pocket, “wipe the side of your face with this.” Larry handed him the handkerchief and Leonard wiped his face and hair. Larry took the handkerchief from him and touched up a few spots that Leonard had missed.

~ Judge Jessup’s Office – One Hour Later ~

Leonard had thought that Ashley would never let him go. As soon as he had entered the Office she had plastered herself to his side and had refused to let go. He spent the first few minutes assuring her that he was okay and he continually assessed her well-being. He had probably asked a thousand times if she was okay, but she never got annoyed with him. She just answered him each time, “I’m okay now.”

Al had arrived a short time later and he had asked all the same questions, and they happily repeated that they were all okay. He had ducked out to speak with the Sheriff and had gotten in touch with Dirk and Lauren to let them know what had happened. When things had begun to calm down, Judge Jessup had stood up from his desk and walked over to put his hand on Leonard’s shoulder.

“Leonard, do you think you would be up to signing those papers now. I know… well paperwork is paperwork,” he said.

Leonard looked up at him and then dislodged Ashley from his embrace and looked at her in the eyes. “I need to tell Ashley some things before she decides to let me sign those papers,” he said.

“Have you changed your mind,” Ashley said in a feeble voice. “You don’t want to be my daddy anymore?”

“Oh, sweetheart,” he wrapped his arms around her again. “I want nothing more in this world, but you may not want to be my daughter after I tell you what…”

“Never, never, never. I’ll never change my mind.” She squirmed in his lap as if to burrow further into him. “I don’t care. You’re my Daddy and I love you.”

“Thank you sweetheart, but let me tell you about it before you make up your mind.” Leonard relaxed and laid back in his chair and pulled Ashley’s wiry frame to his chest as he began his story. “I love you more than you can know baby and that will never change. But you just know the part of me that spends a couple of days a week here in Woodland. If you decide that you still want to become my daughter, you’ll have to come with me to Pasadena and meet the family that you are getting, along with me.”

“I know I’ll love your family as much as I love you,” she said without hesitation.

“How would you feel about having a Mommy too?” he asked and saw her ears prick up. How could he just blurt out the next thought? He wanted to ease her into it, but he didn’t seem to have the linguistic skills to convey this to her, so he just blurted it out. “This Sunday, I am marrying a woman that I have loved for a long time.” He saw her eyes widen in surprise and he thought he saw a touch of fear in them. “Hold on sweetheart. I love Penny, the girl I’m talking about, but that doesn’t mean I love you any less. You may be too young to understand this, but there are different kinds of love… Think of it like this; you love me and you love Aunt Jane, but you also love ice cream.”

“That’s not the same at all,” Ashley said. “If I never got to eat ice cream again, I would be sad, but not as sad as I would be if…” her voice trailed off.

Realizing his mistake, the fact that she had lost both her parents, he tried to change tact. “Think of it like this. You love ice cream and you love music. Both bring you happiness, but music makes you happiest when you are making it. Listening is fine, but your fingers on the keyboard brings it to life for you. You are my music, Ashley. Just you being in my life makes me so happy, but my soul touching your soul and together seeing them soar is what makes my love for you unique. No one will ever have that special ‘Ashley’ soul that makes the kind of music we make together. Not even your brother or sister. I will love you both just as much, but each love will be unique.” She looked at him in awe. “That is the great thing about love; it can always increase with diminishing its core.” He thought to himself, ‘that sounded way to technical’.

“Oh, it’s like that movie we watched the other night,” he squinted his eyes and tried to think to what movie she could be referring. “You know,” she continued, “The movie about the blob of goo that kept getting bigger. Love is like the blob, if you keep feeding it, it will grow bigger than the world.” She smiled at him and came to a conclusion. “I can love you and a mommy and… even a little brother.”

Leonard just grinned back at her and said, “well tomorrow we will go to town for your doctor’s appointment and then I will have the pleasure of introducing my daughter to my family and friends.” He nodded toward the Judge who, along with Jane had listened intently to the exchange and the Judge slid a sheet of paper and pen to the desktop in front of Leonard. Leonard picked up the pen and, without hesitation, placed his signature on the line that would alter his life forever. And having done so, he became the happiest man alive.


	11. Collapse

July 29, 2010

~ Asimov Studios ~

Leonard sat in the office of Paul Harris waiting for Penny to arrive. His friend Paul had finally been able to convince Ashley to go with him on a short tour by promising to include a stop at the soundstage where her favorite show was filmed. Ashley had reluctantly let go of Leonard’s hand and taken hold of Paul’s hand as he led her to the door. She had just left a few moments ago, but Leonard was already missing her. He wrung his hands and looked to the door. He wished with all his heart that the door would open and Ashley would run back in and jump into his arms, but he knew the next person through the door would be Penny. He stood and walked over to the window and stared out. He heard the door creak and turned his head slightly to see Penny enter the office. He turned back to the window and took a deep breath.

“Good morning Penny”

“Hey Leonard, Paul sent me a message and asked me to come see you in his office.” She edged a little closer to him and tentatively laid a hand on his shoulder. “It’s good to see you. How have you been doing?”

“We need to… Listen…” he turned to face her, “…if you still want to get married there is someone… something you need to know.”

“Are you trying to say you don’t want to marry me?” she asked as her voice cracked. “I know I manipulated you into it, but you did offer originally.” She took a step back, away from him. “Leonard… when I said I love you, I truly meant it. I know you think I’m only saying it because of my situation…”

“Our situation.” Leonard corrected. “I am part of what is happening here, but…”

“Yes, you’re right. It is our situation. But I need you to know that I think I have loved you for a long time and I have just been scared. Having said that, I KNOW I love you now. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” She took a step forward as she saw him turn toward her. She placed a hand on his cheek and leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips. “I love you Leonard Hofstader… and I love our child.” She placed her hand on her abdomen.

Leonard could see that Penny was doing her best to hold back tears. He reached and placed his hand over hers on her stomach. “That is definitely some common ground.” He pulled his hand back and averted his eyes. “I need to tell you something and I’m afraid you may not like it, but it’s something that I cannot..; no, I will not change.” He turned and walked back to the window and gazed out. Penny walked over and stood behind him without touching him.

“You can tell me anything. I want you to trust me.”

“Penny… there are things about me you don’t know. I’ve sorta been living a new and different life for the past couple of months.” He turned to face her. If he was going to say this to her, he wanted to see her reaction. “Do you remember the night that I got drunk and came to your apartment and asked you to…”

“Have coitus?” She asked as she gave him a knowing smirk.

He had the grace to look embarrassed, but he did not avert his eyes. “Yes. Yes, that. Well, That was the same night I disappeared for a couple of days.”

“And don’t think I’ve forgotten that. You show up a few days later acting all mysterious, and I come to find out later that you’ve been butting into everybody’s lives.” She paused and smiled at him to hopefully counteract any perceived sting that may have accompanied those words. “Thank you.”

He looked at her with a question in his eyes. “I don’t understand.”

“Thank you,” she repeated. “Thank you for helping me get this acting job. I don’t think I ever got around to telling you that.”

“No need to…”

“Let it go Leonard. You have to let us thank you. It doesn’t mean as much to me if I can’t be appreciative for it.”

“You’re welcome.” His shoulders drooped slightly as he reaffixed his gaze on her. He began again with his voice just a slight bit quieter. “While I was away… I met someone.”

Her eyes widened in fear, but she caught herself and set her reaction back to neutral. It was after all, her own fault. Timidly she said, “Do you love her?”

His eyes brightened and he nodded his head, “Yes, I love her more than you can know.” He reached out and took her hand in his. “The first time I ever saw her, she saved my life. She…” he could see by the tremor of her upper lip that she wanted to cry and realized that Penny thought that he had found another woman. He had to set her straight. “Penny,” he cupped her face in his hands, “She… she is my daughter.”

“I don’t understand. You have a daughter?” Her emotions were in turmoil. He could see the expression warring on her face. He thought he could see fear, anger and for fleeting moments happiness. Could she really even consider being happy for him? She finally worked up the courage to ask him, “Do you love her mother?”

It was his turn to look confused. “I never got the chance to meet her mother.” And then it dawned on him that he was not giving Penny enough information. “Oh, I see,” he said. “No, you don’t understand. Ashley is my daughter by choice; not by birth. I adopted Ashley. I decided about a month ago and I signed the papers yesterday afternoon. I just needed you to know, so if you wanted to change your mind…”

“Change my mind? Is that why you did it? So I would change my mind?” she said as she tried to hold the panic out of her voice.

“No,” he said with a slight hint of irritation in his voice. “I would never use my daughter as a pawn. The die was cast weeks ago, before I found out you were pregnant; the first time. I did accelerate the process just a bit so as to make the adoption final before we… you know… got married. Know this, Penny, Ashley is my daughter; you bear no responsibility for her. But I have the responsibility as her father to try to see to it that she does not get hurt. If we continue on this course and we get married on Sunday, I can’t proceed with the marriage being a sham. I thought I could for our baby’s sake, but I can’t let Ashley live in an environment like that for even one day. If we get married, I need to know that you are committed to a loving marriage and that you are willing to work at making it last. For our baby’s sake as well as Ashley’s.”

Penny was crying now. Leonard could see her shoulders shaking, but she never took her eyes off of him as she said, “I accept those terms, but not because of an obligation to our baby or even to you and Ashley; but because I love you and I love our baby, and…” she paused in order to give her next declaration a weighted significance “I love Ashley with all my heart because I love you and if she makes you happy, I’m happy.” She wrapped her arms around him and held on for dear life.

They sat down on a small sofa that Paul had in the corner of his office and they talked. It had been a very long time since they had talked more than just a few sentences at a time. After about an hour, Leonard stood and helped Penny stand. They walked to the door and stepped into the outer office where they saw Ashley and Paul sitting at the receptionist’s desk eating ice cream.

“We were just coming to look for you,” Leonard said as Ashley looked up to see him and immediately launched herself into his arms. He grunted in a theatrical manner and she giggled.

“I missed you daddy. Mr. Paul took me to see where they film…” She babbled on.

“Whoa sweetheart. Calm down.” He gave her a reproachful look and said in a stern voice, “And where may I asked is my ice cream?” and he too broke into giggles.

“Daddy,” she whined and then broke into a smile. “I’m eating yours. I ate all mine before we left the food place.”

“Oh, so that’s how it is,” he winked at her, “You love me, but you love ice cream more.”

“No daddy,” she corrected him, “I love ice cream, but I love you more.” She stood on tip-toes and gave him a peck on the check and then said, “and I love peanut butter ice cream mostest.” They both broke into laughter. It was at that moment she registered the presence of Penny and she took a step back from Leonard and stepped in front of Penny. “You must be Ms. Penny. My daddy told me that you and him are gonna get married.”

Penny was taken aback a bit by Ashley bluntness, but she extended her hand in greeting. “Yes, I’m Ms. Penny, but you can just call me Penny.”

“Thank you ma’am, but Mrs. Marple reared me to be courteous, and it wouldn’t be polite. If my daddy is gonna marry you, I’ll give you the respect you deserve.”

Penny felt as if she had been hit in the sternum, but Leonard stepped in and said, “Ashley, I think that it would be just as appropriate if you were to refer to Penny as ma’am when a salutation is needed. I think ‘Ms. Penny’ is a little too formal for this situation.”

“Are you gonna be my daddy’s wife?” she asked Penny.

“I would like very much so, to be Leonard’s wife. I love him, and he has said he loves me,” she began.

“But it is a different kind of love.” Ashley said with authority. “He said he loves me and he loves you, but they are both as big as the universe but different.”

Penny smiled up at Leonard and said to Ashley, “That’s true, but can I tell you a secret?” Ashley nodded her head and Penny leaned in to whisper in her ear, “I love your daddy and he loves you. Do you know what that means?” Ashley shook her head slightly to indicate that she didn’t know what that meant. “That means,” Penny answered, “That means that I love you too. I love your daddy and daddy loves you, so I just gotta love you.”

Ashley looked at her Leonard and asked, “Is that true daddy? Does she have to love me?”

“I don’t know if she has to sweetheart, but I believe she does love you,” he said to Ashley. He reached over and turned Penny to him and looked into her eyes. “I can see the love she has for you. It’s in her eyes.” Ashley reached one arm around Leonard and the other around Penny and drew herself into a hug with them.

“Ma’am?” Ashley posed as a question to Penny, “Do you think that… well after Sunday… I can call you momma?”

Penny caught her breath and had to steady herself before she said, “I would love that, precious.”

~ Apartment 4A ~ July 29, 2010

Leonard sat in the chair that he had once felt to be the center of his home. But now, it was just a chair in someone’s apartment. He had been shocked and a bit upset to discover that all his belongings were gone from his room, but upon contemplation, he thought it was all for the best. He and Ashley would have to find a new place; one large enough for him, Ashley, his new born child and hopefully Penny.

His new friend Dirk had insisted on taking them all to dinner the previous night to, as Al had put it, ‘get their minds off of the ensign situation’. The dinner had helped, but for the entire evening, Ashley had been plastered to his side. He had allowed her to sleep on the couch at Mrs. Marple’s and he had settled into a spot on the floor where she could reach his hand. It had been early in the morning before he felt her grasp loosen and she had finally fallen asleep. But he had remained awake to think. Dirk had offered him a position with NUMA’s Los Angeles office. He would still be in research, but it would be more focused and allow him to have a more flexible schedule. He had accepted on principle, but said he would need to think a bit about the details before making a final decision.

Upon arriving at the doctor’s office this morning for Ashley’s check-up, he had spent the hour or so that she was with the doctor, on the phone. He had told her that he would like to be with her, but she had convinced him that she was more comfortable going through the exam without ‘A Man’ being there. He had relented, but told her to call out if she needed him for anything.

As he sat thinking about the future, he became aware of a bright light shining through the window of the apartment. He looked toward the light and shielded his eyes. There was a voice yelling from the direction of the light. “Leonard, you need to run a level three diagnostic. Your circuits are overloading and the system is about to go into shutdown. The sensors need to be recalibrated and the potato skins are ready to come out of the centrifuge.”

Leonard was confused. The person yelling at him wasn’t making any sense. He shut his eyes as the light grew brighter and then, just as suddenly, the light was gone. He opened his eyes and the room was normal. He staggered over to the couch and sat down in ‘Sheldon’s spot’. He was trying to figure out what was going on, when he heard the door open and Penny walked in with Ashley. As soon as she saw him, Ashley ran to him and jumped into his lap. She was crying. “What’s wrong sweetie?” he looked up to Penny with a questioning glance.

“I don’t know,” Penny said. “We were shopping for a dress for her to wear to the wedding and we were having a good time. She picked out a beautiful dress and some very pretty shoes. Before we left the store, I suggested we look at bathing suits, ‘cause I have a friend that has a pool. I thought we might go over there one evening next week and go swimming.”

Leonard gently pushed Ashley away just far enough so that he could see her face. “What’s the matter honey?”

Her face showed a mixture of fear and anguish. She buried her head in his chest and sobbed out “I’m ugly. How could anyone love me?”  
Leonard said in a voice so stern that Penny did not recognize it, “You are not ugly. You are the most beautiful girl in the world.” He stroked her back for a minute before he continued, “Sweetie, what happened? What happened to make you think that anyone could possibly think you weren’t beautiful?” She straightened up so that she could speak softly into his ear. He listened intently and when she had finished, he replied, “Oh sweetheart, don’t you know that… that… it doesn’t make you ugly.” He looked up at Penny and she could see that he was struggling to find words. She saw his face take on a look of determination as he kissed her on the top of her head and he said, “I think we need to let Penny know our little secret.”

Ashley sat back in surprise. “You said that you wouldn’t tell anybody. I promised not to tell them about you and you wouldn’t tell them about me.”

“Some secrets are good to keep, but sometimes we have to let the people we love know our secrets so they can love all of us, not just the parts we want them to see.” He pulled her back into an embrace. “How about I tell her my secret and if you want you can tell her yours when it comes to the time in the story. Okay?” She sat up and nodded her head in a yes.

After a few minutes, in which Penny had gone to the kitchen and made chocolate milk for her self and Ashley and brought Leonard a glass of water. Leonard took the glass and settled back into the sofa. He looked from Ashley to Penny and began to speak.

“The night that… well the night that I disappeared, I checked myself in to Our Sisters of Mercy emergency room. I was having abdominal pain that radiated out from my side all the way down my leg. I had made a preliminary diagnosis of appendicitis and that was confirmed by the doctor on call.” He did not mention that the doctor was his ex-girlfriend; why muddy the waters. “Well they took me into surgery and all went well. I awoke the next morning to find my father at my bedside.” He paused for a moment and looked at Penny. “I need to apologize. I’m sorry for what I said to you that night that I came to your door. It was uncalled for and ungentlemanly.” She gave him a small smile to indicate her acceptance of his apology. “Well all went well that day and when the evening came, well, I started to feel alone. I know it was my fault. I had sent my father back to the hotel, and Jill had left for home and well, I couldn’t bring myself to pick up and call the one person whose voice I so desperately wanted to hear.”

“Oh sweetie, you should have called.” She placed her hand on his arm. “You should have come to me and let be drive you to the hospital; I would have been there for you.”

He lowered his eyes and continued without acknowledging her declaration. “I must have been having a nightmare during my sleep that night. I don’t remember, but when I woke up from the dream, I felt someone holding my hand.”

Ashley chimed in at this point. “I was walking down the hall to find a nurse. I wanted something to eat; I was hungry. I heard someone crying and I looked around. It was coming from his room.” She nodded his head toward Leonard. “I walked in; the door was open, and I asked him if he was okay. But when I got over where I could see him, well… he was asleep. I didn’t know you could cry and be asleep, but there was tears on his face and his nose was all icky. Well, I couldn’t help it. I reached over and squeezed his hand. And you know what he did? He stopped crying.”

Leonard smiled at her and continued the story, “I don’t know how long she had been there, but I woke and knew that my life had change at some point in the night. Ashley was there when I awoke and … I had made a decision the night before. I was going to get well enough to leave the hospital and get in my car and… just go. There was nothing and no one to hold me in this… place. But when I saw Ashley and felt her hand in mine, I knew that the anchor that I so desperately wanted was there with me.”

Penny just sat there with a stunned look on her face. “So,” she said. “I had alienated you to the point that you no longer wanted to be in the same city, or what, even the same state with me?”

“This wasn’t about you Penny. I didn’t like who I had become. I realize now that I was just as much at fault as anyone that I was not happy with my life. I had to change something at a fundamental level if I was going to make a change for happiness.”

“Daddy,” Ashley said in a low voice. “Tell her about… tell her why you love me.”

Leonard looked at her with a question in his eyes. “What do you mean sweetheart? There is no way to put into words why I love you. If I started now and listed all the reasons I love you, we would be here forever.”

“You know daddy. You love me because…” she made an exaggerated motion with her chin to point toward her chest.

“That’s not why I love baby. Do you think that my love is merely a reaction to…” he pulled her in closer and cooed in her ear as she began to sob. “I love you for a million different reasons. But because I may think you need me is not one of them. I hope you need me, but… know this. I need you just as much or more than you may need me.”

“Ummm, I hate to be a pest, but ya’ll lost me,” Penny said in confusion.

“The sweet potato cobbler is ready to come out of the oven. Unicorns are dancing on the Jupiter moon. Kahn. From the depths of hell I stab at gallifrey. Moon Base Alpha is lost in space.”

Leonard jerked his head and looked around. “Who’s saying that?”

Penny just looked at him calmly and said, “I’m lost.”

Ashley responded directly to Penny without acknowledging the continued presence of Leonard, “Leonard loves me because he knows that no one else will ever love me because I have…”

Leonard watched his world dissolve around him and the world went black. He struggled to find some light that he could focus on and he finally spotted a slight shimmer coming from the doorway. He stood carefully and slowly made his way to the light. As he approached the door, he reach up and slowly opened it. When the door was fully open, he saw a figure standing there. As his eyes focused, he saw Dr. Stephanie Burnett holding her hand out to him.

“Welcome back, Dr. Hofstadser,” she said and he shut his eyes and welcomed back the darkness.


	12. Echoes of Love

Dr. Stephanie Barnett knew something was wrong as soon as she saw Dr. Schroedinger look up into the gallery. She was on her feet and headed down the stairs before she heard the heart monitor sound its alarm. When she stepped through the double doors into the operating theater the monitor showed a flat-line and Dr. Schroedinger was shouting clear and applying cardiac paddles to Leonard’s bare chest. Leonard’s body arched off the table and then slammed back down. The cardiac monitor continued to remain flat. She instinctively grabbed hold of his hand and whispered his name. The doctor indicated to his nurse to reset the machine and increase the setting.

“Stephanie, you have to let go of him. I need to shock his heart again.” She look up at him and nodded as she released his hand. The doctor once again yelled ‘clear’ and placed the paddles on Leonard’s chest. He arched violently and collapsed violently back down on the table.

“Leonard” Stephanie yelled as she heard a slight beep. She looked over to the heart monitor and saw one blip and she held her breath until she saw another blip and then a third. Finally the rhythm became a steady pulse and Stephanie took hold of his hand once again. She leaned over and said to his unconscious form, “Don’t you dare do that again, do you hear me. Don’t you dare scare me like that.” She felt a tear roll down her cheek. Then she saw him open his eyes and look directly at her. “Welcome back Dr. Hofstader” she said as the anesthetist applied another dose of gas and he closed his eyes again.

She turned to the surgeon and asked, “What happen Steve?”

“I’ll be damned if I know. When I incised, his appendix wasn’t where it was supposed to be. I found it right behind the gall bladder. It’s not the oddest place I’ve found an appendix hiding, but…”

“What made him flat-line?” Stephanie asked as the surgeon again approached the open abdomen of Leonard. A nurse walked over to Stephanie and handed her a surgical mask. She put it on as Dr. Schroedinger proceeded.

“When I probed the evidently inflamed appendix… I swear it recoiled from the instrument. It was as if it knew what I was about to do.” He gingerly reached in and touched the angry looking organ. He looked at the anesthetists for his ascent to proceed. The gas passer nodded and he continued on with the removal of the appendix. “Anyway, everything seems to be back to nominal. Let’s just do this by the book and get him out of here and into recovery.”

“If you don’t mind,” Stephanie said, “I’ll stick around… just so he’s not alone.” The surgeon gave her a knowing look. “He’s a good guy… and a good friend.”

The surgery proceeded without any further incidents. As the nurses transported the unconscious Leonard to the SICU to allow him to be watched carefully over the next few hours, Stephanie put her hand on Steve’s shoulder. “Thanks Steve.”

“Just doing my job,” he said as he turned to her. “He’s more than a friend, isn’t he?”

“He WAS someone special to me for a while, but we parted ways a while back,” she said as she reached up and rubbed her eyes. Steve patted the hand on his shoulder and let the topic lie.

~ 7:10 a.m. – Penny’s Apartment ~

Stephanie knocked rapidly on the door. She subdued the urge to knock three times and call out Penny’s name. She wouldn’t let the memory of Sheldon’s quirk guide her actions. She waited a full minute before she lifted her hand to knock again. Just as she was about to rap on the door, the door flew open and Penny stood there with anger flaring in her eyes.

“What the hell? It’s seven o’clock in the morning.” It was then she finally recognized the person standing at her door. “Stephanie, what are you doing here?”

“I need you to put on some clothes and come with me,” she started.

“What are you talking about?” Penny insisted. Penny saw Stephanie visibly slouch and avert her eyes. “Stephanie… what are you talking about?” She waited for Stephanie to respond, but after a few moments she noticed her chin was quivering. “Stephanie…” and then it dawned on her that the only connection that she and Stephanie had in common was Leonard, “…is Leonard okay? Oh God, what’s happened to Leonard?”

Stephanie finally raised her eyes to look directly at Penny. “Leonard is in Our Sisters of Mercy.” She again averted her eyes and slipped back into silence.

Penny tensed and her back came immediately to full rigidity. “Damn it, tell me what’s going on!” she exclaimed. She grabbed Stephanie’s arm and jerked her forward. “Why is Leonard at the hospital?”

Stephanie wrested her arm away from Penny’s grasp and took a step toward the door. “I made a mistake. He… he’s okay. He’s going to be upset with me.”

“Why is Leonard in the hospital?” Penny insisted.

Stephanie focused her thoughts and turned back to Penny and said, “I’m sorry Penny. I think I overreacted. Leonard is fine. He came into the emergency room last night and… he has a few stitches, but he’s gonna be okay now.”

“You didn’t drive all the way across town and wake me up to say he’s okay.” She stepped back into her apartment and grabbed some flip-flops and put them on. She stepped into the hallway where Stephanie had begun to walk down the stairs. “Hold on, I’m coming with you.” She glanced briefly at the door across the hall and questioned if she should wake up Sheldon. Stephanie turned the corner and disappeared and Penny rushed down the stairs behind her.

Stephanie got into her car and Penny got into the passenger’s seat. No one spoke until a few minutes from the hospital. Stephanie’s phone rang and she hit the answer button as she put it to her ear. “Stephanie here.” She listened for a few moments and then laid the phone in her lap. Penny just stared at her as she felt the car accelerate. She was about to ask who was on the phone when Stephanie spoke. “He’s awake.”

“You said he just had a few stitches. What is going on?” She watched Stephanie wriggle uncomfortably in the driver’s seat. “Please, Dr. Barnett tell me what’s…”

“Leonard had an emergency surgery last night” Stephanie blurted out, unable to hold in the fear any longer. “He had an emergency appendectomy, and there were… complications.” She paused to contain the tears that were threatening to fall. “But he’s okay. The surgery was able to be completed and they just called to tell me he was awake and they were moving him into a room to continue his recovery.”

“What complications?” Penny insisted. When Stephanie would not respond to her she leaned forward in her seat and turned to look into Stephanie’s face. “You tell me now, what complications or so help me… I’ll grab the wheel and steer us into oncoming traffic.”

Stephanie knew it was a bluff, but she also knew that it was a threat born of exasperation. “Leonard…” she began, “well he sort of… Leonard flat-lined.” She stole a quick glance at Penny and saw horror on her face. “He was flat-line for seventy-three seconds. But he’s okay now.”

“Does flat-line mean what I think it means?”

“It means his heart stopped… he was clinically dead for a minute and thirteen seconds.” Stephanie slowed the car and pulled into the parking structure for the hospital. She found a spot in the section reserved for doctors and brought the car to a halt. As she turned the ignition into the off position, she turned her body to face Penny. “He’s okay Penny. I came to you because I think it would be good to have someone there when he needs to… Damn it, he’s gonna need a friend to be there for him. And even though…” she paused.

“Even though what?” penny asked.  
“Even though he told me not to let anyone into his recovery room, that was before…”

“Why did he not want me to be there for him?”

“It was my understanding that you and he had ceased to be a couple and that I extrapolated from his reaction to my questions that he valued your friendship but did not want to be construed as testing the strength of the bond that still existed between you.” She opened the door of the car and exited it. As she walked toward the entrance to the hospital, Penny fell in beside her.

“I really don’t know if I followed that whole… whatever, but you need to know this, I am Leonard’s friend and if nothing else, I will be there for him.” Penny stopped Stephanie with a hand on her arm and moved to stand in front of her. “Did he specifically ask that I not be allowed to see him?”

“He just asked that no one other than family be allowed to see him or even know that he was here,” Stephanie said.

“Then he didn’t mean me,” Penny said as she jutted out her chin, “I am his family a far as I’m concerned. He is closer to me than any brother or sister that I…”

“I’m sorry, I can’t make that call. It is in his chart and the nurses will have to get his permission before you can enter his room. But he’s awake now. I’ll talk with him and tell him you’re here.”

“If he will see only family, how can you get in to see him?” Penny asked.

“I’m his admitting physician,” Stephanie said with a bit of attitude. “I’ll see to it that he let’s you in.”

~ Fifteen Minutes Earlier ~  
Leonard’s Hospital Room

Leonard opened his eyes slowly. He was lying in a bed that was not his own. The last thing he remembered was being in his old apartment with Penny and Ashley. They were talking about Ashley’s liver transplant and trying to make Penny understand why she was too embarrassed to wear a bathing suit. He remembered hearing someone talking, but when he had asked them about it, Penny and Ashley had ignored him. Then the door had opened and Stephanie Barnett had walked in. Had he passed out? Had they had to bring him to a hospital? That may be it, he thought, because this is a hospital bed. He turned his head to the side and he could see that he was hooked up to an IV stand and there were electrodes attached to his chest. He could see the blips moving up and down showing a steady heartbeat.

Then his thoughts turned to Ashley. She must be worried sick. He had evidently passed out and the only way he could have gotten to the hospital was by ambulance. He prayed that Penny was able to keep Ashley calm and her self calm for that matter. Then the thought of why wiggled its way into his brain. Why had he passed out? Was it something simple or could it be more serious. If it were something simple, would they have him hooked up to a heart monitor? He shifted his weight a small bit and a pain stabbed him deeply in the abdomen. He moved his hand to his side and moved it slowly toward the old scar that was on his stomach. He was expecting to feel the cold flesh of a scar, but his hand encountered a bandage covering the area. Had his scar somehow become infected and caused his lightheadedness? He pressed gingerly on the bandage and the pain again shot through him. Definitely something going on there, he thought.

The door to the room opened, allowing light from the hallway to spill in. A nurse in light blue scrubs entered and walked to the side of the bed with the monitors. “Good morning Mr. Hofstader” she smiled at him. “Can I get you something to drink, water or juice?”

“What day is it?” Leonard asked.

“Well, okay,” she said in a questioning tone. “ It’s Tuesday.” She looked up at the IV bag and made a note on the chart she had set on the tray table.

“And the date?” Leonard asked on a whim.

“May 25th,” she replied with a questioning look. She looked at the chart more closely. “Oh, looks like you had a bit of a rough night. Your confusion is understandable.”

“What do you mean ‘rough night’?” he asked. “I just had a dizzy spell and passed out.”

“You’ve had major surgery, sir; an appendectomy.”

“That was months ago. Did my incision get infected? Is that why I passed out?” Leonard asked the nurse.

“I’m sorry sir, but your chart says that you were admitted via the ER last night and had an emergency appendectomy. Your doctor was Dr. S and you were brought to this unit from SICU after you had stabilized following an… Well, I’ll let Dr. S fill you in on the rest.” The nurse then walked toward the door. “I’ll bring you some juice and a container of water in a few minutes.” And then she was out the door.

Leonard’s head was reeling and he subconsciously shook his head from side to side to ‘clear the cobwebs’. The last couple of months could not be unreal; it wasn’t a fiction. Ashley and Jill… if what the nurse said were true… could he live without them? Would he be able to live without them? And then the pieces started to fall apart and he began to sob to himself. His friends Dirk and Al; he remembered them as if they were lifelong friends, but he knew now with a certainty that he had only imported them into his hallucination. They were characters from a series of books he had loved since his childhood. And that would explain why he had memories of events that took place outside of his own ‘experience’. Paul Harris, his producer friend, was indeed a friend from college, but he had attended his funeral just over a year ago. But Ashley and Jill; they felt so real; he could still feel the love he had experienced when he first woke to find Ashley sitting beside his bed.

And then he felt his heart freeze with anguish as he remembered his unborn child. Penny and he were going to be parents. No, he thought, that’s not true. But what if it was? The events leading to the conception began before the alternate time line had split off. Maybe Penny was pregnant and she just had not discovered it as of yet. He closed his eyes trying to calm the thoughts swirling through his head. He made a mental note of all the things that were most dear to him, and they all seemed to no longer exist. He was about to reach over and press the button to call the nurse when the door opened and Stephanie walked in. She walked straight to his bedside and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Hey, how you doing?” she asked with concern evident in her voice.

How much should he confide in her? He needed, more than anything, to figure out… well he wasn’t even sure what he needed to figure out. He decided that he would need to search for answers on his on. “Alive and kicking” he said in response to her inquiry.

“Have they filled you in on the events of last night?” she asked him.

“The nurse said I had an appendectomy and I was brought in here for recovery,” he responded.

“Yeah, well, there were a few surprises. Not the least of which was that you flat-lined before the surgeon even began to extract the inflamed appendix.” She paused for a moment and just looked at him. “You were dead for over a minute Leonard. You scared the hell out of me. Seventy three seconds and…”

“What effect does that have on the function of the brain?” Leonard asked and she looked at him with a question in her eyes. “I mean…” he continued, “Is seventy three second long enough for the neurons in the brain to start being affected. Would seventy three seconds be adequate to induce hallucinations in a person?”

“Are you saying you had a near death experience?” she asked.

“Well, I don’t know if I would call it a near death experience; can you have a near death experience if you actually die?” he said nonchalantly.

“A minute or so does tend to be the threshold for people saying they saw things… you know before they come back.” She reached over and took his hand.

“Could you see if you can find where they put my cell? I need to make a few calls and let some people know where I am” he asked her. But the truth was something else. He needed to call Jill. And Ashley would want to hear from him too. The Ashley he had created had to be out there. You could not feel that much love for someone that did not exist.

Stephanie had reached into a bedside stand and retrieved his phone. “I had them put it in here,” she said “when you were transferred from SICU.

He took the phone from her and nodded his head in thanks. “Do you think I could get a few minutes alone to make some calls?” he asked her in a pleading voice.

“Sure, no problem,” she stood to walk out of the room. “But if one of those calls is to Penny, well I’ve got her right outside.”

He didn’t know whether to be angry or upset or if he was honest with himself, there was a possibility this feeling might be thankfulness. “I wish you hadn’t done that,” he finally said.

Stephanie stood with her back to the door and just looked at him with pity on her face. She didn’t move a muscle and Leonard worried that the effects of his temporary death might have altered his perception of the passage of time. Finally she spoke, “I won’t let her in if you don’t want to see her.”

He sighed heavily and said, “No, go ahead and let her in. She’ll just get upset if she drove all the way over here and I don’t let her in. You didn’t tell her about the… you know… crossing over to the other side thing; right?”

“Well, yeah, I kinda did.” Stephanie said. “I’ll step out and let her come in.” She backed closer to the door and was about to step outside when she turned back and said, “I’m glad you’re alright Leonard. I’ve never been more scared in my life than when I thought you were gone.” And with that she was out the door.

Leonard set about the task of preparing himself mentally for the turmoil he knew he would encounter as soon as Penny walked in the door. How could he broach the subject of her possible pregnancy? You don’t just ask an ex-girlfriend ‘Are you up the duff?’ out of the blue. He only had moments to consider it before the door swung open and he saw Penny peer around the leading edge with a look of concern and ‘bedhead’. Stephanie must have woken her up when she had called Penny and it was a little flattering to think that she hadn’t taken time to pull herself together before she raced off to check on him.

A moment later she was at his bedside with his hand in hers and any hopes that Leonard had that some happiness might be harvested from this sea of misery were dashed on the shores of despair. Penny was wearing a pair of navy blue sweat pants and an oversized t-shirt that displayed the logo of Oklahoma University. This was her bedtime outfit of choice for when, as she called it, her Aunt Flow visited. She only wore the outfit to bed when she was on her period. And if she was on her period that precluded the notion that she might be carrying his child.

“Hey sweetie” she cooed, “you’re okay now. I’m here.”

Leonard just looked into her eyes and all he saw reflected there was a life that would be filled with nothing but a loveless existence. There was no one left in this world that would or could love him as the unborn child he had so desperately wanted to shower with love. His two children; a child they had not even named and Ashley were lost to him. He withdrew his hand from Penny’s hand and the tears began to flow.


	13. A Tale of Two Universes

Penny had retreated to a chair that sat beside Leonard’s hospital bed. She had tried for a while to get Leonard to talk to her, but every time she said something to him he seemed to regress a little bit further and cry a little bit more intensely. Leonard had finally gone back to sleep but she could swear that she could still see sadness on his face even now. Had the experience of dying changed him, she pondered? She had heard stories, mostly around bonfires when she was in high school, about people who died and came back to life, only to turn into monsters. No, she thought, those are only stories meant to scare us. People don’t really change like that. God please, she prayed silently, don’t let Leonard be changed like that. I need the Leonard I’ve grown to… well you know. She was disgusted with herself; even in her own unspoken soliloquy she could not say those three simple words. But that was the problem; they were not simple words. She had said those words too many times in her life and they had become meaningless. Yet, she still didn’t understand why she couldn’t say it to this wonderful man who meant so much to her. If anyone in her entire life deserved to hear those words, it was this man lying in the bed next to her. As that thought crossed her mind, she was reminded of the many times that he had lain beside her in her own bed. Even on the nights that he had spent at her apartment or she at his, and they had not ‘made love’, she knew that love was present. Those were the nights she felt most close to him; watching him sleep. The innocence that shown on his face while he slept was inspiring. But now as she watched him sleep, the look on his face was sadness, and though she wanted to blame that on the surgery and its aftermath, she knew that she had done that to him.

After he had slept for a while, she quietly made her way to the restroom. When she turned on the light, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and she recoiled in a moment of vanity. Her hair was a mess; she wore no make-up and she was bloated. She remembered back to the first month of her and Leonard’s physical relationship. He had fallen asleep on her sofa after a late evening of watching movies; she had subjected him to Sex and the City and The Notebook, all in one night. That alone should have told her that he was devoted to her, but he had gone even further. She had put a blanket over him and retired to her bedroom to put on the very clothes she was wearing now and settled in to sleep. She awoke the next morning to the smell of coffee and bacon coming from the kitchen. She had been so surprised; she got up and walked to the kitchen without stopping in the bathroom to fix her hair or anything. She walked up behind Leonard who was at the stove and peeked over his shoulder. He had not turned but simply said ‘Good morning beautiful.’ It was then she had realized that he had never seen her without at least a preliminary primping. She started to turn in order to walk back out of the room, but he reached behind himself and took her hand in his. He brought it around in front of him and up to his lips. He gently kissed her hand and then turned toward her. He smiled as he looked into her eyes and leaned in and kissed her forehead. He took a step back and looked her up and down and then said, ‘You are the most beautiful creature on this, God’s green earth.’ Her soul had melted at that moment but the only reply she could muster was ‘Please, Leonard I look a mess.’ He had just smiled and turned to finish cooking what was on the stove.

As she attempted to manipulate her hair into some semblance of order, she shed a single tear at that memory. How was it that he was able to see beauty in her where none existed and she could not acknowledge the obvious beauty that surely everyone could see in the soul that was Leonard? She quickly did what little she could do to freshen up and used the restroom before she walked back into the room where Leonard still lay asleep. She decided to step into the hall and look for Stephanie. She needed to ask her some questions about the possible implications of Leonard’s death experience.

As the door closed, it made just enough noise to awaken Leonard. He opened his eyes and was disconcerted to find that he was still in the hospital. He had hoped he would awaken and find Ashley looking down at him asleep on the sofa. But he was slowly coming to the realization that that was never going to happen. He needed to begin to readjust his mind to the fact that this was his reality. It was now, and always had been. Ashley, his unborn child and Jill were all just a dream created from the failing neurons of a brain that was starved of oxygen. But that, he argued with himself, did not mean they were any less real to him. Ashley and Jill and… Jackson, he would call him Jackson, would always be real to him, and he refused to keep calling his child ‘my unborn child.’ People would think he was crazy if they knew what he was thinking, but they would never know. This was a life he would keep close to his heart and away from the prying eyes of family and friends.

Leonard reached up onto the table that was stretched across his bed and picked up his cell phone. He had intended to call his father and update him on the outcome of the surgery, but as soon as the phone had booted, he dialed the ten-digit number to call his friend Jill. The phone rang three times and a voice answered with ‘Frisco’s Bait and Tackle, can I help you.’ Leonard thought about just hanging up, but instead he answered, “Sorry to bother you, but is there someone there by the name of Jill?”

“Sorry, no Jill here. The only Jill we have is my mother, and she retired about four years ago,” a man said.

“I apologize, I must have dialed the wrong number, have a good day,” he said and he pushed the off button. He felt his heart sink. He knew there was no possibility that his friend Jill would be at a number his mind had randomly generated as her cell-phone number, but he had had to try. If he was going to act irrationally, he might as well take it to the extreme. He dialed another ten-digit number and hit the send button. It rang just once this time before an automated recording informed him that the cellular number he had dialed was not in service. That was what he had expected because it was obvious that he had created the fictional Jane Marple, basing her on his favorite character from Agatha Christie. And with Jane being a figment of his imagination, it followed that Ashley too was a figment.

For a brief moment, he felt hope flare in his heart. Maybe he was looking at this from the wrong angle. He accepted the fact that where he was now was in fact reality, but that did not preclude the idea that other realities may exist. Maybe somewhere out there, was a universe where Ashley was a nine-year-old girl who loved a man named Leonard. He hoped that the Leonard in her universe appreciated the love she had only for him.

He decided he had stalled long enough and dialed the number to reach his father. The phone rang twice and the voice of his father answered in what sounded to Leonard to be a very weary tone. “Hello, Leonard. Is that you?”

“Yes father, it’s me. I was just calling to let you know that the outcome of the surgery was satisfactory and that I am now in recovery. I should be released either late today or sometime tomorrow. I will talk to the nurse and have her replace your name as emergency contact with a local acquaintance. You are hereby released from any burden of responsibility.” Even as he said it, Leonard could recognize the coldness of the words, but he couldn’t help but remember the father that had been there when he awoke from the surgery in ‘Universe Beta’ and he felt bitter. He knew it was irrational; he had avoided his father just as much as his father had avoided him. He realized the phone had been silent for to long and was just about to make his salutations and end the call.

“Son,” his father said in a sheepish voice, “I… I deserve that. I deserve the distance that you are trying to maintain between us, but… Son, I’m asking you… please can I have a second chance?”

Leonard heard the sincerity and fear in his father’s voice. That fear was reciprocated in his own thoughts. He had never received the love he so desperately wanted from his mother and by proxy he had felt that his father denied him love also. But was he right to assume that his father’s lack of affection was proportional to his mother’s. True, he could not remember his father ever having said that he loved him, but he did remember his father spending time with him and even trying to teach Leonard the game of baseball. He responded to his father’s question, “Let’s just call it a sacrifice fly and say the past is past and start a new game.” He wasn’t sure if the metaphor worked; the game of baseball was still a mystery to him, but he felt as if he had gotten his point across.

They talked for about thirty minutes before Leonard heard his phone’s tone indicating that the battery was near depletion. He quickly gave his father his e-mail address and asked him to send him all of his up to date contact information. As he neared the end of the call, Leonard ventured an “I love you, dad” and held his breath.

“I love you too, son,” came the reply without hesitation and Leonard let out his breath. Leonard smiled as he pressed the end button to terminate the call. He relaxed his body from the state of rigidity he had assumed during the call and wondered in amazement as he felt a single tear trace down his face and he relished the feeling as it cascaded onto his bare chest. Finally, he thought, ‘A tear of happiness.’ He was happy. He knew they had a lot of issues to work through, but he knew without a doubt, that his father truly loved him.

He laid there for a long while thinking about all the things that he wanted to talk about with his father when he again got the chance to talk to him. But then his mind wandered back to Ashley and Jackson; he knew he could never replace them, but how could he learn to live without them being a part of his life on permanent basis? Maybe, he thought, it was a multi-verse situation. If he couldn’t cross back over into that universe where he was happy, maybe he could find a way to bridge the universes and communicate with his family there. ‘Maybe’ he thought ‘I should be checking to see what mental facilities this hospital has to offer.’ He snorted at the thought and set about to makes plans as to how his was going to test his hypothesis.

He was just beginning to formulate a plan of action when he saw the door cracked open and Penny leaned in to see if he was awake. “Come on in, I’m back to normal; well as normal as I ever was” he joked. Penny opened the door further and walked in as Howard and Raj joined her.

“Hey” she said as she sat in the chair again and motioned to his friends, “I called Howard and Raj and they said they wanted to come see you.”

“Hey, how ya doing there buddy?” asked Howard, and Raj just waved his hand.

“I’m good; everything is fine.” He turned to look directly at Penny who reached up with a facial tissue and wiped his damp eyes. “I apologize for earlier,” he said referring to the crying spell. “I… I react to the anesthesia that way. Same thing happened when I had my tonsils out when I was twelve. I’m sorry if I scared you.” Penny looked at him as if she did not believe him. “The doctor says it’s quiet common,” he followed up.

Raj leaned over and whispered in Howard’s ear. Howard looked at him with questioning eyes but relayed the question to Leonard. “Raj wants to know why you didn’t call us last night. We could have driven you here and…”

“Weren’t ya’ll down in San Diego last night?” Leonard asked.

Howard and Raj just looked at him like he was crazy. Leonard realized too late that that bit of information was a remnant of the alternate universe and had come to him as a result of being able to see an overview of all their lives. He backtracked and said, “I thought I overheard you talking to Raj the other day about going down and crossing the border… maybe seeing if any girls were desperate enough to believe that you could get them a green card.”

Raj looked shocked but Howard just had the look of ‘Hey, that’s a good idea.’ “No,” Howard said, “That idea has never crossed our minds. You sure it was just the appendix. Maybe the sleepy gas went to your head.”

“I don’t know, I was in a lot of pain. Maybe I just… anyway, everything turned out okay.” He looked at Penny and she looked at him in disbelief. Had she told them about his experience in the operating theater? “Penny, would you mind checking with the nurse and see if she can bring me some ice and water when she gets a free moment?” She nodded her head and stood to walk out of the room. “Thank you,” he said as she exited the room.

As soon as she was out of the room and the door had closed behind her he addressed Raj and Howard. “When she gets back, ya’ll need to convince her to leave with you.” They both looked at him as if he were crazy. “She has work this afternoon and if we don’t make her leave, I’m afraid she’ll feel obligated to stay here… and keep me company. There’s really nothing she can do and she can hardly afford to be off of work. She barely makes ends meet as it is. I will not be the reason she can’t pay her bills next month.”

Raj, finally able to speak said, “Don’t you think that is a decision she should make? Play the pity card dude, she may be up for a little hospital bed…”

“Even if I was capable of that…” Leonard interrupted, “That is not how I will get her back. In fact, I think I may be over it. I may be ready to move on.”

“Well at least play it for one last fling. You have the perfect in, man,” Howard backed up Raj. Penny picked that moment to re-enter the room. She had met the nurse as she was coming to check on Leonard and had thus been right outside the door and heard the exchange between Howard, Raj and Leonard. She had set her mind that no matter what any of them said, she was not going to leave Leonard to stay here by himself.

“Hey. The nurse said she would be in momentarily to get your vitals and she’ll bring you some water when she comes.” She sat back down in the chair and reached up to take his hand in her hand. “Okay…” she said in a tone that would brook no discussion, “This is how it’s going to be. Howard and Raj are going to take their slimy little minds and go to work. When you get there, you will find Sheldon, tell him what is going on and then you will tell him to come here after work to stay with Leonard while I go home and get cleaned up and changed. Raj, you will be Sheldon’s ride here and you can take him home when I get back to stay here with Leonard through the night.” Howard started to speak, but Penny cut him off. “It is not up for debate or negotiation.”

“Penny,” Leonard said in a soft voice. She turned her gaze on him and he almost physically shrank back, but he ventured on, “that is not necessary. I am perfectly fine here. The nurses have been great; they check on me quite often. And you…” he returned her stern gaze, “Have to get to work. I know you are on the afternoon shift today so you can attend that acting class tonight.”

“That’s not important; you are. Do you know how hurt I was when Stephanie showed up at my door this morning? Why would you call her and not me? I was right there across the hall and you called her to take care of you.” She raised her free hand as if she was going to punch him in the shoulder but at the last moment she laid her hand over the hand that was already in her grasp.

“I didn’t call Stephanie; she just happened to be working a shift in the emergency room when I came in. Hell, I thought she still worked at Baptist Regional…” he started to say that was why he had instructed the cab driver to bring him here, but he let it lie. “But the fact of the matter is this; I came here alone because there was no need to disrupt every ones’ lives. I’ll most likely be here another day or two and then I will take a few extra days to recuperate before I go back to work.” He looked over to Howard and Raj. “Ya’ll head on to work, and if you would, look in the top left drawer of my desk and bring me my charger for my phone on the way home tonight.” He paused a moment and then finished, “Thanks for coming by to check on me; I’ll take care of everything here.” He tilted his head to indicate that he was referring to Penny.

“Are you sure?” Howard asked.

“Very. I have it under control.” Leonard shooed with his free hand. “Go on. Get to work.”

They said their good-byes and left. The door opened again and the nurse came in to do her rounds. Leonard sipped on the water she brought and crunched on the ice. As soon as the nurse had left the room Leonard prepared himself for what he had to do. But before he could say anything, Penny was up and pacing the floor around his bed.

“I know you are going to try and get me to leave, but I won’t.” She took the few steps that brought her to the very edge of the bed. “I don’t care what you say, I’m staying.”

He recoiled and almost lost his nerve but he stood fast and began the argument he had been forming since she had left to get the nurse. He had figured that any argument Howard had proffered would be shredded to bits and thus he had begun to form a back-up argument. Howard had not even gotten a word in before he was shut down. Now it was up to him.

‘Volley One,’ he thought. “Penny… thank you. Thank you for being here as my friend. I couldn’t ask for a better friend, but what kind of friend would I be if I allowed you to lose a whole day of work just sitting here watching me fidget and sleep?” She started to protest. “I know what you are going to say, but please, for my sake; Go in to work and if you want, I’ll let you bring me a bacon burger and fries after you get off work.”

“No deal, Leonard. I’ve been where you are when I had a broken leg one summer. There is nothing more lonely than being in a hospital room all by yourself.”

‘Volley Two.’ “Okay, I didn’t want to tell you but… I called Leslie when I woke up and she said she would be right over. She should be here within the next twenty to thirty minute. I didn’t say anything, ‘cause well she’s another ex-girlfriend and I didn’t want you to be…”

“Not gonna work Leonard. If it’s true, I’ll leave when she gets here. But I don’t think it’s true.” Penny sat down in the chair with a flourish and dared him to rebut her.

‘Volley Three. Time for the Nukes’ “Okay, look at it this way. Either you leave and go to work or… I have the nurse call security and they escort you out. You don’t have to go to work, but you can’t stay here.” He looked her in the eye and did not blink. He had to get his point across to her. He saw a look of hurt shadow her features and almost gave in, but this was for her sake, not his.

“You wouldn’t dare,” she said in horror. “You wouldn’t have me kicked out.”

“I don’t want to, but Jill, you have to understand…”

“Who the hell is Jill?” she exploded.

“What are you talking about?” he asked, stunned by her use of the name Jill.

“You just called me Jill. Who is Jill.”

“I have a friend named Jill, but…” he paused and considered, ‘why would the name Jill creep up in this conversation?’ He closed his eyes and continued, “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for. Jill is a girl I have been seeing for a couple of months… as a friend. We became friends when I met her at…” He stopped. This was getting to close to the truth. “I apologize. I promise I will never mention her to you again.”

“You have a friend named Jill that I have never met and you have never mentioned her before, and now you say that you will never mention her again. Something about that doesn’t make sense.” Penny stood in an attempt to tower over him and offer some intimidation.

“I apologize again. She has never been a part of this life and she…” He was confusing himself so he knew Penny had to be clueless. “Let’s just say that there is no reason for me to have mentioned her; it was just a slip of the tongue. There is no reason that the topic should ever be broached.” He attempted to steer the conversation back to its intended course. ‘Final Volley’ “Penny, please sit down. I need to say something and… if you are standing over me… well I won’t be able to say it.”

“Is this going to be another excuse for me to leave?”

“This is going to be a truth. Something I thought I would never say to you; but something that needs to be said.” She blinked her eyes dramatically and slowly lowered herself into the chair. She remained silent and Leonard thought he saw a flash of apprehension on her face. “I want you to know that from the first moment I saw you, there in your apartment, that I have loved you. It didn’t start out as this all consuming love, but I knew I loved you from the very beginning.” She smiled at this and he almost refused to continue, but he knew it had to be said. “I did some really stupid things; and talked my friends into doing stupid things, just so that I could remain within your orbit. I don’t regret those actions, not a single one…” he had to avert his eyes in order to prevent the tears glistening in his eyes from pouring down his cheeks. These last three years have probably been the happiest I have ever known and I know they are the most significant ones to date, but there is a life to be led. If I let you stay here today, that life will be forever altered. I truly appreciate the thought that you want to stay as my friend, but sitting by my bed and serving vigil is not the act of a friend; it is the act of a loved one. Know this Penny without reservation; I do love you but I am no longer in love ‘with’ you. I know you care about me and I know that just as I can state that ‘I am and always will be your friend’, I know you would say the same of me.” She started to speak but he held his hand up. “Please let me finish. I believe that loving someone is an instinct; we do not choose who we love, but being in love is a choice. I can’t help but love you, but I choose to not be in love with you; just as you have made that choice in respect to me. Thus, if you stay, you will be mudding the waters, so to speak. If you stay, I fear that my heart may override my intellect and give my soul false hope of love. Please, I asking as a friend please leave me and go back to your life.” He finished with his voice barely audible but he knew she had heard every word.

“Is that really how you feel? Have I hurt you that deeply?” she asked.

“You have not hurt me, Penny. If you had said those words and not meant them; then you would have made me vulnerable to be hurt. But not lying should never be construed as hurtful. I admit at the time it did sting; but only because I didn’t understand the reasoning. I hope you have had and will have many times in your life that the love you feel for someone is returned in kind. That feeling of mutual love is the most powerful force I… anyone could ever hope to experience.”

“Are you talking about your friend Jill? Is she the one that you’re in love with?”

“That is outside the bounds of this conversation. I am not now, nor have I been since our separation in a relationship.” He had to steer this conversation away from its current trajectory. “It’s getting close to noon. If you’re going to get to work on time, you need to be leaving. I’m asking again as a friend. Go to work and then go to your class. You have great things ahead of you, but you need to stay the course.”

“My heart tells me to stay; damn your logic and stay. But its also telling me that you would resent me even more than you do now if I do stay.” She stood and stared down at him. “Are you sure this is what you want from me? I could curl up in the bed next to you and we could cuddle for the afternoon,” she said in a playful voice.

“And that would clarify the situation how?” he said in a stern voice.

“It wouldn’t” she pouted. She started to make her way to the door but turned around and said, “You’re saying all this just to get me to leave aren’t you?”

“Everything that I said, I truly believe.”

“Then say it again and I’ll leave you here alone” she said hoping that he would not be able to say it.  
“Penny” he said as he looked at her and through her, “I am no longer in love with you.” She stared at him for a brief moment and turned to walk out the door. As the door shut behind her Leonard said in a voice so small that he wasn’t even sure if it was out loud, “And the sky is green, and the grass is blue and I don’t love you.”

He fought for a moment to hold back the tears but eventually let them come. And to his surprise, they were dry within minutes. He felt a weight on his shoulders lift and he settled back into the hospital bed a finally slept a peaceful sleep for the first time in ages.


	14. A New Journey

Leonard sat on the couch in his apartment watching a marathon of Roswell on the Sci-Fi network. It had been two days since he had been released from the hospital and things were starting to get back to normal. He was getting his strength back and he contemplated taking a walk down to the park and sitting outside for a while instead of sitting on this freaking couch. Sheldon had been quite accommodating since he had visited him in the hospital; he had even offered to let Leonard lay on the couch with his head in 'the spot'. He had even offered to stop by the restaurant and pick up the Indian food for dinner. That is of course with the assistance of Raj and his car.

Howard had stopped by during lunch and they had sat in silence until Howard broached the subject of Penny. "So where do you and Penny stand?" he said out of the blue.

Leonard smiled slightly at the uneasiness in Howard's voice. "We don't stand anywhere. She's just an ex-girlfriend who is now... just a friend and I'm... okay with that."

They had talked for the rest of the hour about unimportant things. Howard had left and Leonard had gone back to his marathon but his mind began to wander. It was almost five o'clock and he couldn't fight the urge anymore. He picked up his cell phone and scrolled through his contact numbers until he found the name he was looking for and he hit the send button. He waited for an answer and wondered what he was going to say when she picked up the phone. The phone rang twice and then he heard the connect.

"Hello. Leonard is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me," he said. "I'm sorry to call you out of the blue..."

"No, don't apologize. I've been meaning to touch base with you; its just that I thought it would be a little uncomfortable... you know."

"I know what you mean," he replied. He was feeling uncomfortable himself. "Listen... I was wondering. Do you have any plans for tomorrow? I know it's a Wednesday and you used to have that day off of work and..."

"I'm free tomorrow; but I don't understand. Are you asking me...?"

"No, nothing as seedy as that. I would never... Howard is my friend and I would never do that to him. Well I did once, but that was someone he barely knew. He cares for you Bernadette, and even if you aren't together anymore, he still cares deeply for you. No, I'm just asking for a favor." He let that sink in for a moment before he made his pitch. "I was wondering if you would mind being my chauffeur for the day."

"I don't understand. Has something happened?" Bernadette asked.

"It's just that, I recently had an appendectomy and I am unable to drive at the moment," he confessed. "But I need to go and see... I need to take a trip, it would be about four or five hours round trip. I'll understand if you don't want to or if you feel uncomfortable; it was just a long shot."

"I'll admit, I'm a bit taken aback, but there is no hesitation based on level of comfort. I've always considered you a friend and that has not altered with the dissolution of mine and Howard's relationship." She paused for a moment and then said, "So where are we going?"

He and Bernadette talked for about ten minutes and he gave her a little information on what he had in mind for the next day. She had agreed to pick him up in front of his building at 9:30 the next morning. After he had gotten off the phone with Bernadette, he had begun to write down a few notes about his other life. He remembered it as if it had all just happened, but he knew that if he didn’t give himself something look back on, the memories would soon start to fade and become hazy. The most powerful image he had of that life was Ashley’s smile and he would not lose that. If he ever found that he could not remember her smile then life in both worlds would not be worth living. He had just put his notepad in his briefcase when the door opened and Penny walked in and went immediately to the refrigerator. She opened it and took out a sports drink and walked over to Leonard who had now made it back to the couch. She proffered the bottle to him with the cap removed.

“I know you haven’t been eating enough and you haven’t been hydrating,” she accused. He took the bottle and sipped it. She continued, “ Have you been relaxing today? Did you take a nap this afternoon?”

“Yes mommy,” he said with a smirk on his face. But he regretted it immediately as he saw a look of horror on her face.

“That’s not funny. I’m just trying to be helpful,” she said in a small voice.

“I didn’t mean it that way. I just…” Why was he apologizing? He always seemed to do that and he needed to stop. “Penny… If we’re going to make this friend thing work, you’re… well both of us are going to have to let go of the things of the past. That night was a mistake and I have apologized for it. I will not apologize over and over for the same mistake. If you accept my apology for the awkward way that I handled that conversation about our parents then so be it. If you don’t accept my apology then… well you’ll have to figure out a way to deal with it. I will not apologize again.”

“Sweetie, there is nothing to apologize for. I forgave you the moment I knew you regretted saying it. I just… you just reminded me of an intimate moment and I felt a little twang of regret”

“You thought about that as an intimae moment?” He was confused; that night that they had almost made… had coitus was far from intimate. His bungling had ended in an embarrassing debacle and she had ejected him from her apartment.

“Of course it was an intimate moment. Do you think I lay half naked in bed with just anyone? Don’t answer that; it was a rhetorical question.” She sat on the couch next to him and put her hand on his arm. “Sweetie, I did things with you that I had never done with anyone else.” She stared into his eyes as if she was afraid to lower her eyes; as though, if she took her eyes away from his then he would vanish into the ether.

"This is becoming uncomfortable for me," Leonard said as he turned away from her and attempted to stand. "I'm asking you... please, let's change the subject." He turned to look down at her and he saw a look of sadness on her face. "Tell me how your day was."

"I think it would be best if I left." She stood and walked toward the door.

"Don't go, Penny." Leonard stepped toward the door and blocked her egress. "We can do this. We just have to get past the awkward stage." He grabbed her hand as she tried to walk around him and continued, "Please Penny, I need your friendship. I don't think that..." he let go of her hand and moved from in front of the door in order to allow her to pass. "...I need you to decide if friendship is going to be enough for you."

She made a feint for the door but stopped and turned back toward Leonard. "I don't know if I can do this." She seemed to lose all of her steam. "Leonard..." The door swung open and Sheldon entered followed by Raj and Howard.

"The food has arrived; no thanks to Raj." Sheldon sat the food on the coffee table in the center of the room. "He was driving like a madman."

"I'll see you guys later," Penny said as she turned back to the door.

"Wha... and just where do you think you are going?" Sheldon demanded. "I brought your Tandori Chicken. You did not give me timely notice that you were not going to be joining us for dinner. Your cut comes to $11.73. Kindly settle up before you leave. You can take your food and eat it at your leisure." He gave her a look of disgust.

She hesitated at the door and looked between Sheldon and Leonard and looked as if she wanted to cry. Leonard spoke up and said, "Come on Penny, just sit down like old times and let's have a friendly dinner. We can work out all the other details later." he sat down in the chair at the head of the couch and watched her as she seemed to ponder the situation. She edged toward the couch and slowly sat down. "Great," Leonard said as he reached for his Curry Chicken. "Howard, how was your afternoon? Did you find a solution for the mounting of the high def camera you were working on?" The conversation turned to mundane topics and Penny was happy that everyone seemed to ignore the awkwardness that had filled the room just minutes before.

When everyone had finished their dinners Leonard stood to begin collecting the containers. Penny stood at the same time and told Leonard to sit back down. She proceeded to clean up the remnants of the dinner and then she made her excuses and headed back to her apartment. Leonard let her go and returned to the conversation the guys were having about which superhero had the most stylish costume. The debate lasted well over an hour and Leonard finally decided he could not care less about the topic and left the apartment. He walked the few steps across the hall and stood in front of Penny's door. He raised his hand to knock but hesitated. He stood there for over a minute contemplating why he was there. What did he think he could accomplish by stirring up the emotions again. He was about to turn and return to his home when his hand seemed to take on a mind of its own and he rapped on the door. He stood there petrified and after a moment he thought that maybe he would be lucky and she had not heard. He turned to walk away just as the door cracked open.

"I don't think I can do this right now," said a squeaky voice. Leonard turned back to see Penny standing in the doorway wearing her 'Hello Kitty' shorts and a t-shirt that was emblazoned with the phrase 'Technesium Makes Me Hot' in a font that seemed to drip like wax. She looked to him as if she might have been crying and she had removed her make-up in preparation for going to bed.

"Sure... no problem. We can talk later," he said. He started to back away but stopped. He stepped up to her and put his arms around her and hugged her tightly. He released her and quickly turned and disappeared into his apartment. Penny just stood there in shock and leaned back against the open door. A tear escaped her eye as she slid down to the floor and quietly sobbed. She eventually stood and made her way back to her bedroom, but sleep did not come easy for her that night; her mind was too full of regrets and what ifs. When sleep did come, her dreams were full of fields of wheat and cyborgs playing the cello.

~ Wednesday A.M. ~

Leonard was waiting at the curb when Bernadette pulled in front of the apartment building. As he slid in to the passenger’s seat, he handed her a cup of coffee from the Java Hut. She took it from him and sipped it tentatively. “Most people, when they give me coffee assume that I like sweetener in it. How did you know I take it black?” Bernadette asked as she pulled the car out into traffic.

“You told me” he said and then realized that this was another mistake. She had told him in a different life. “Or maybe I overheard you once when we were out on one of our double dates,” he covered.

“Speaking of that… I’ve heard Penny’s side of the story, you know, about ya’ll’s…” she stopped talking.

“You can say it. …break-up,” he finished for her. “I’m not a teenager anymore. I can handle the emotions that come with the dissolving of a romantic relationship.” He put on an obviously fake smile and she looked at him with pity in her eyes.

“I know how it feels…” she started but had to stop and swallow a lump that was forming in her throat. “…when something you think is special turns out to be... just another mistake."

"I don't think that me and Penny was a mistake. I really learned a lot from my time with her and I won't sully my memory of that time by amplifying any negative aspects." He turned his head away from her and stared out the window. "I know now what love is supposed to feel like and even though she could not reciprocate, I have a benchmark as to what to look for if I am ever lucky enough to meet someone who affects me in a similar fashion."

"You make love sound like it's a mathematical formula." She glanced over at Leonard and expected him to rebut her but he just continued to stare out the window. She decided it was time to change the topic. "So, where are we headed to?"

"Just a little further north, about forty miles and then we'll take exit 297; then go east about ten miles. There's a little town called Woodland." He turned to look at her. "I want to thank you again. I really appreciate you giving up your day off to help me out."

"No need to thank me; I'm happy to do it. I really miss hanging out with you and all the gang." She took her hand from the steering wheel and placed it on his leg. He glanced at her with a questioning look and she removed her hand and returned it to the steering wheel. "Is that the same Woodland that was in the news last month?"

Leonard looked at her with confusion. "What? What are you talking about? What was Woodland in the news for last month?"

"If I remember the story correctly, it was about a young lady from the town that was serving in Iraq and had been killed. I think she was some kind of hero; she was a medic or something and she saved a guy's life before being mortally wounded when she tried to get another sailor out of the combat zone. One thing that struck me as funny; funny as in coincidental, not funny as in hilarious; was that she was born and reared in Woodland and then she went to school out east and ended up living in a town in Alabama called Woodland too."

"A small town in Alabama," Leonard said and then a thought struck him. "Bernadette? Did they have a picture of this girl Jill in the news story?"

"Yeah, I think I remember seeing one. Why?" she asked.

"Was she a redhead?" he asked with apprehension.

"Yes. Come to think of it she was. Did you see the story too?"

"I don't recall seeing the story, but I must have done. How else would I know that she was a redhead?"

"Did you call her Jill?" Bernadette asked.

"Yeah, didn't you say that was her name?" he replied.

"No, I don't remember the name from the news. You're not telling me something, Leonard."

"I don't know what you're talking about." He paused for a moment and then posed a question to her. "Do you think that this world, this reality, is all there is? Do you think that maybe we live in just one layer of an infinite number of layers... or universes?" She didn't answer him and he turned back and leaned his head on the window. They stayed quiet for the next little while and Leonard eventually dozed off. When he finally roused from his sleep he realized they were exiting the interstate.

"Well hello sleepy-head. Did you have a good nap?" Bernadette asked as he awoke.

"Yeah, I guess." He looked out the window at the new scenery. "So, if I remember..."

"I thought you said you had never been here before," she accused.

"No, I haven't, but... I don't know, maybe I saw it in the news story, but I think there should be a restaurant called Adam's Barbeque just up here on the left." They drove for a ways and the small community that had cropped up around the interstate exit gave way to rural fields. "Well, I guess I remembered that incorrectly."

"I'm not following you. One minute you say you remember something and the next you say that you have no basis for remembering. You can't have it both ways." She slowed the car and pulled over to the side of the road. Once the car had come to a complete stop, she put it in park and turned her entire body to face Leonard. "What are we here to find?"

He slowly turned his head to face her. He wanted so badly to spill his guts and tell her that he had a daughter out there somewhere and he would do anything to find her. Would she understand or would she turn around and drive him straight back to Pasadena and check him into the psychiatric ward. "Someone told me there was a good diner called Bertha's out here in Woodland and that they great homemade desserts."

She looked at him skeptically. "Is this Bertha's going to like Adam's; will it be a figment of your imagination too?" Just as she posed the question she looked to the right side of the road and saw a small billboard advertising 'Home cooked food at Bertha's 2 Miles Ahead'. "Well I guess that answers that question."

They sat in silence for the next few minutes as they entered a small town that had a town square. In the center of the square was a fountain, which had the figure of an angel atop it. Bernadette slowly drove around the square and found a parking spot across the street from Bertha's. They got out of the car without speaking and walked across the street. They entered and sat in a booth close to the door. They had just settled in when a middle-aged woman approached and greeted them.

"How ya'll doing this fine day? Can I get ya'll something to drink?"

Leonard deferred to Bernadette and she ordered a cup of coffee and Leonard ordered a glass of orange juice.

"Do ya'll know what you want or would you like a minute to look at the menu?" the waitress asked.

Leonard looked at Bernadette and she demurred. "I'll have a slice of mincemeat pie," he said.

"Do you have a slice of coconut pie?" Bernadette asked.

"Not pie, but we have homemade Coconut cake or a German-Chocolate cake." She turned and pointed to the counter where the cakes sat under glass.

"I'll take the German-Chocolate, thank you," Bernadette said.

An hour later and two pieces of pie and two slices of cake later, Bernadette and Leonard were walking around the square window-shopping. Leonard saw a clothing store and turned to enter and Bernadette followed. As he entered a young girl approached and asked if she could be of assistance.

"Hey Abigail, I was wondering if you had any walking shoes. I've been meaning to get a pair and take up walking for exercise." Leonard requested.

"Sure," she said as she turned and walked back towards the rear of the store. "Do you know what size you wear or do you need me to measure?"

She measured his foot and left to go back to the stockroom. When she was out of earshot Bernadette sat down next to him and asked "How did you know her name Leonard?"

"What do you mean?" he asked perplexed.

"You called her Abigail when we came in. How do you know her name?"

"I must have read it on her nametag," he postulated.

"She's not wearing a nametag," Bernadette accused. The young lady returned from the stockroom with three boxes and sat them on the floor in front of Leonard. "Miss?" Bernadette ventured, "Would you mind if I asked your name?"

"Not at all," she looked between Leonard and Bernadette, "It's Abigail. But..."

"I'm sorry," Bernadette said, "Have you ever met this man, " she pointed to Leonard, "before today?"

"No ma'am, I don't recollect having ever met him before. Should I remember him?"

Leonard spoke up, "No, Bernadette and I have never been to Woodland before today. We're just passing through." He gave a look to Bernadette that he hoped would stop her from this line of questioning.

"Did you know the young lady that was killed in the Iraq war? I think her name was Jill and she was in the Navy." Bernadette prodded.

"Yeah, Jill Capehart; well Jill Lee was her married name. We grew up in the same church right down the road. She was a couple of years older than me, but I remember her pretty well. My older brother actually used to date her when he was in high school." She had opened the boxes and was showing the styles to Leonard. He picked one and she proceeded to assist him in trying the shoes on. "Jill was a great person. We all thought it was hilarious when we heard she was getting married."

"What was hilarious..." Leonard asked, "...about her getting married?"

"It wasn't that she was getting married, it was where she was getting married," she replied. "She met a great guy while she was attending Auburn University and when they graduated, he asked her to marry him. Well... she was to be married at Bear Creek United Methodist Church in Woodland, Alabama..."

"What's so funny about that?" Bernadette asked impatiently.

"We grew up in Bear Creek United Methodist Church in Woodland, California. Is that a coincidence or what?" Bernadette and Leonard just looked at each other with disbelief mirrored in their faces.

Leonard completed his purchase and they returned to the car. It was early afternoon and they decided that they needed to be heading back to Pasadena. Leonard pondered the implications as they drove south towards home. Bernadette asked him a few questions about what had happened that day, but he deflected them all. When they arrived back at his apartment building they said their goodbyes and Leonard thanked her again.

He had just settled into the chair and turned on the television when the door swung open and Penny burst into the room. 

“Where the hell have you been? I’ve been trying to call you all day.” Penny said with what Leonard thought might be a twinge of hurt in her voice.

“I had some business to take care of. I’ve been out and about all day,” he rebutted.

“Well… well you didn’t answer your phone.”

“No, I left my phone here. I needed to focus on the task at hand and I didn’t need the distractions of calls to interrupt my… I wanted to be…”

“You didn’t want me to be hassling you all day. Is that what you are trying to say?” Penny asked.

“No, you’re putting words into my mouth. I just needed to be able to think and I couldn’t do that with the constant barrage of life trying to insinuate itself.” He was about to continue when he noticed that she was holding a package in her hand and something about it looked familiar. "What is that?" He gestured toward the package.

"Oh, when I came by this morning to borrow some milk, FedEx came by and, well I signed for this for you." She handed the package to Leonard who looked at it for a moment. "Well, are you going to open it?" she asked.

"I had forgotten that I ordered this," he said quietly. He slowly peeled the tape from the top of the box and opened the flaps. He reached in and extracted a smaller box from the packing paper within and hesitated before he opened the velvet box and looked at the item within.

"Well..." Penny pried. He raised his eyes to look at her and then lowered them quickly when he saw her looking at him with intense curiosity.

"This was backordered." He closed the box and started to put it away in a drawer. He stopped and turned back to Penny. "Actually, I bought this for you back about our sixth month anniversary." He extended the hand with the box toward her and said, "No need not to give it to you, the sentiment is still valid." She took it from him and gave him a questioning look. He just nodded his head in the affirmative and she slowly pried the box open. She looked at it in amazement.

"Leonard, this is too nice. I can't accept it." Penny closed the box and tried to hand it back to Leonard.

"Please, take it. Besides, it personalized and I can't return it." She looked at him with puzzlement and opened the box again. She looked at the beautifully crafted chain and the small pendant that hung daintily from it. It was then she noticed the inscription on the pendent. It read 'Penny, jIH DIchDaq muSHa' SoH reH'.  
.

"What's it say Leonard? I don't recognize the language." Penny questioned.

"It's a phonetic representation of a ancient language. It roughly translates to 'I will always be there for you'. It's a friendship anklet." He looked past her at the wall behind her. It wasn't really a lie; true the actual translation of the Klingon was 'I will love you forever' and technically it wasn't an ancient language, but it was a language created to fictionally represent an ancient galactic empire.

Penny closed the box and stared at Leonard and tried to think of something to say. She moved her lips but no sound emanated. Just as she was about to give up, a squeak sprang from her mouth. A second later she found her voice. "No, it's not right. You were right, that is a relationship type gift and it would be wrong to accept the gift." She handed the box back to Leonard and he took it with hesitation. She could tell that he was torn by the prospect of arguing with her, but he finally pulled the box toward him and held it tightly to his chest. "I'm sorry Leonard. It really is a beautiful anklet, but I can't... I just can't."

"I understand, really I do." He took a step backwards toward the kitchen.

"Leonard, there's something I want to say to you." She took a tentative step toward him. "I think I was wrong..."

"Whoa, Penny," he held his empty hand up to her. "Like I said before, even if you were to say 'it' now, I don't think I could trust it. Would you be saying 'it' because of guilt or some other ulterior motive?"

"I was going to say I was wrong to be upset at you for going out today. What were you talking about just now?" She gave him a challenging look.

Leonard realized then that he had been speaking to 'Alpha Penny' about a conversation he had had with "Beta Penny'. "You know just ... well... It's been a long day and I think I am going to retire." He turned and walked into the kitchen where he open the lid to the trash receptacle and deposited the velvet box. As he walked toward the hall he said, "Raj and Howard will be here in a few minutes with pizza. Please stay and you can have my slices; I'm not really hungry and I’m very tired all of a sudden."

He disappeared down the hall and she was left all alone. She stood there stunned and in deep thought. Without thinking about the consequences, she darted to the trash receptacle and opened it up. She picked up the velvet box and opened it. She removed the anklet and replaced the box in the trash and once again closed the receptacle with the lid. She took the anklet and made a hasty retreat to her apartment. Once there, she secreted the anklet in a box that she kept hidden in the top of her closet.

She thought about going back over to the guys' apartment and having pizza with them but in the end she wound up taking a hot bath and going to bed early. Her dreams were filled with images of equations she didn't understand and little bunnies hopping around in a field of barley being chased by a ferocious lion.


	15. Pre-Flight Checklist

Leonard walked down the hall towards the office of the department head. The last three weeks had completely changed his life. He was on his way to ask his boss for an undetermined length leave of absence.

The first life-changing event had happened on the first day that the doctor had released him to be able to drive again. He had driven both himself and Sheldon to work that morning and had been redirected due to an accident on his normal route. Because of the detour he had been forced to drive down a side street he usually avoided; he had been forced to drive past the medium to which Penny had taken him. This forced him to remember the beta universe and he had started to slip into the mild depression that always crept in when he thought back to that time. But something had been itching in the back of his mind; something that he knew he needed to recall. They had finally arrived at work; thirty minutes late; and he had set to the task at hand. He was actually trying to shape his dream project into something that may actually yield some useful data.

It was after lunch, which he had spent with the gang, that the final piece of the puzzle in his memory had dropped into place. He had immediately called Raj and arranged for him to give Sheldon a ride home and informed him that he would not be there for the communal dinner. He had gone to the department secretary and told her that he was leaving early and would be back later to finish the report she needed on her desk the next morning. He had driven with haste back to the home of the medium and pulled into her drive. He sat there for a moment wondering if he was really going to do this.

He had entered Madame Olga's outer room and taken a seat. He was the only person there and he almost got up and left but was stopped when the old lady with whom he remembered visiting had entered from the back. "Well hello Mister Leonard, I really didn't expect to see you again. If my memory serves me, you were quite skeptical as to my gift." She smiled as she said this to indicate she was speaking in jest.

"I, umm... I was wondering if you might have a few minutes to talk. I... I would like to ask you some questions." Leonard had to look away from her gaze as he finished his request.

"I don't have any clients coming in this afternoon and I would be happy to speak with you. Come into the back room and I'll make us some tea." She had led him to the back, excused herself and left the room. As he was left alone, he began to explore the room. He was perusing the back wall when he realized what had drawn him back to Madame Olga. The wall was covered with photographs that weren't photographs. As he looked closely at the framed pictures, he realized that they were actually very detailed paintings of people and landscapes. Then another anomaly became very obvious to him; in some of the landscapes he noticed plants and animals that weren't quite true to nature.

Madame Olga re-entered the room carrying a tray with tea and snacks. She sat it on the table and picked-up the crystal ball and sat it on a side table, "I don't think we'll be needing this, do you?" She gave him another smile and motioned for him to take a seat at the table across from her. "Now tell me what I can do for you."

"I was wondering... Your gift; is it something that...umm..." he stammered.

"Leonard, just relax. I realize that it took a lot of courage for you to come here. Penny told me at her last session that you had had a bit of a scare."

"That's sort of the reason I'm here." He stilled himself and continued, "You know that I'm a physicist and by extension my life is ruled by science and logic, but I hypothesize that possibly your gift has a basis in science."

"Oh, so you think that my gift is based in science. I'm intrigued; tell me more."

"I have no proof, but there is a scientific theory that our universe is just one universe of many. In what is called a multi-world theory, each decision a sentient being makes creates another world where the opposite decision was made. As an example, when I made the decision to come here this afternoon, I created a new world. Somewhere out there is a world where its Leonard decided not to come."

"How does that apply to me and my gift?" she asked.

"What if your gift is not technically a gift of seeing the future, but a gift of glimpsing another universe or layers of alternate worlds?" He expected her to rail at him but she merely nodded for him to continue. "What if there is an anomaly or... or a step forward in evolution that allows you to tune into these other universes."

"That's an interesting thought," she said, "but something that can't be proved or disproved. So what brings you here now?"

"If I ask you something, will it stay between us? This is something nobody; and by nobody I mean Penny, needs to know about." He gave her a glare and waited for her answer.

"Of course, it just as sacred to me as a confessional," she replied.

He was satisfied by her answer and he proceeded with the task at hand. "Penny told you that I had flat lined during an appendectomy; well while I was flat line, I had a, I guess you would call it a dream. It was a very realistic dream and I miss that dream. I'm hoping that if your gift stems from contact with the multi-verse... I'm hoping that what I saw was something similar and that you, with your gift can..."

"You're here wanting me to validate your hypothesis. Are you going to publish a paper on this multi-universe thing if I pass your little test?" she said bitterly.

"No, this isn't about research. This is about knowing if... I need to know if that world is out there somewhere. Even if I can never get back to that world, I need to know if she's okay."

"This is about a girl you had a dream about? Are you serious? And you call me a whackadoodle."

"I never called you a whackadoodle; I may not have had any confidence in your gift, but a whackadoodle; that sounds like a Penny term." He steadied his voice and said, "If it was a dream then it's a dream, but if there is any chance that she is out there somewhere... well I need to know."

"What do you want me to do?" she said with a tinge of curiosity in her voice.

He raised the hem of his shirt and showed her the scar along the bottom of his abdomen. "See if you get any readings or hits or whatever you get if you touch this scar."

She reached out tentatively and lightly touched the scar. She closed her eyes and a small smile came to her lips. She stood stock-still for almost a minute before she opened her eyes and removed her hand from his stomach. "Oh my, I don't know if what I saw was real, but... god if that is what you lost..." She stood and pulled him to his feet and then wrapped him in a bear hug."

"What did you see?" he asked with trepidation. "I need to know what you saw."

"She's beautiful and I could see the love in her eyes." She released him from her bear hug and sat back down heavily. "Little Ashley is a beautiful young girl."

"Is she okay?" Leonard asked curtly.

"I was able to see quite a bit, but I don't know if was anymore than you experienced during your time there. What is the last thing you remember?" And then a question occurred to her. "Wait a second. You came here and spoke with my granddaughter; where was I?"

"She told me you had gone to take care of your mother-in-law in Romania."

"My mother-in-law called this morning," she chuckled, "She asked me to come visit her."

"The last thing that happened when I was there, hmmm, Penny and Ashley had just gotten back from shopping and Ashley was telling her about her liver transplant. Then I started to hear a voice calling to me and I blinked out and when I blinked back in, Stephanie was standing over me saying 'welcome back' and I felt like I had been kicked in the chest by a horse. Then there was only darkness."

"I saw that. Ashley told Penny that she had a condition called alfalfa one and you corrected her. You told Penny it was Alpha not alfalfa and then you passed out. Penny called an ambulance and she was there when you woke up in the hospital. Then everything went fuzzy and turned to gray." She looked at Leonard with sympathy, "That wasn't you that woke up in the hospital was it?"

"Not that hospital. If my theory is correct, that was the moment of exchange. Whether he was here in my body as it lay dying in a Quantum Leap scenario or I was merely piggy backing on his consciousness, that was the moment I returned to this life."

"I'm glad you came to me with this Leonard, but you could have gone to anyone that claims to have the sight. Why did you choose me?" She poured herself another cup of tea and asked him again, "Why me Leonard?"

He glanced toward the paintings on the wall. "Am I correct in assuming that you painted all theses pictures on the wall after seeing things you didn't understand?"

She blushed and replied, "I'm no Picasso, but yes I painted those."

"Picasso is not what I need. I was hoping that you could... I'll be glad to pay you... that you could do a painting of Ashley for me. I need something concrete with which to remind me." He glanced at the wall with the photos. What would he do if she said she wouldn't or couldn't do it? "Will you paint me a picture of the girl you saw?"

Olga pondered the question for a moment and then simply nodded her head in the affirmative. Leonard was overjoyed but she cautioned him, "I don't make any promises, now, but I will do my best." She stood and walked over to him and laid a hand on his shoulder, "I may need to... take another look."

He lifted his shirt and she placed her whole hand over the scar and closed her eyes. She sat there for over ten minutes and a number of tears streamed down her face. When she removed her hand, she immediately left the room and returned with a sketchpad. She sat down and drew a quick sketch of the girl she had seen in Leonard's mind. After about thirty minutes Leonard finally stood and walked toward Olga. She picked the sketchbook up off of the table and handed it to Leonard. He looked at it and smiled. He staggered back and sat heavily in the chair and just stared at the drawing.

He had left soon after that and gone back to work. Over the next week, he had made numerous visits to Madame Olga's so that she could refresh her memory. Madame Olga had informed him that she was now seeing a little further into the alternate future. She had seen Leonard being released from the hospital and returning to Woodland, but that was a far as she ever got. After having witnessed his return to Woodland, the next attempt to refresh her memory was met by emptiness. She was no longer able to glimpse Leonard's alternate life and she had asked Leonard to give her a few days to touch up the painting.

Five days later, Olga had called to say she was ready for Leonard to see the final product and he was headed down the hall to check in with the department secretary. As he turned the corner that led to the administration office, he saw Penny walking towards him. He greeted her cordially and they exchanged pleasantries.

"What brings you down here Penny? I can't remember the last time you came to see me at work."

"I just wanted to see if I could take you to lunch; we haven't spent much time catching up lately." She averted her eyes from Leonard and said, "Can I buy you lunch?"

"Actually, I was just on my way out for an... appointment. But I can meet you later, say give me an hour. There's a new Thai restaurant over on fifth and Lee drive. I'd be glad to meet you there."

"Sure, sounds good. But I could ride with you to your appointment; I'll be glad to wait in the car," she offered.

"That's not a good idea, I don't think. I'll meet you there." They parted ways and went their own separate ways.

~ An Hour Later~

Leonard parked his car in the lot for the Thai restaurant and saw Penny's car one row over. He was running about ten minutes late and he rushed to get in and apologize for being late. He strode in through the front door to find Penny sitting in a waiting area.

"There's about a ten minute wait," she said as she saw him enter. He took a seat across from her and she asked, "Did your appointment go all right?"

He smiled and said, "It was great. It turned out..." he paused, "How do I rate you asking me to lunch?" He needed to steer the topic away from touchy subjects. He was about to ask her another question when he felt more than saw someone standing next to him. He looked up to see a boy of about seven or eight standing there just staring at him. "Hello there young man and how are you doing today?" The boy just kept staring at him and through him. "Is your mommy here with you?"

"Jackson, are you bothering the nice man?" Leonard looked over the shoulder of the young boy and saw a woman of about thirty-five who looked like she had been running ragged for days on end. She stood and walked over to Leonard. "I'm sorry, is Jackson bothering you?"

"No, not at all," Leonard said. He extended his hand to her and said, "My names Leonard Hofstader and this is my friend Penny." He gestured toward Penny and she nodded her head.

"Jackson doesn't mean to be rude... He's autistic," she said in an apologetic tone.

"No need to apologize, please, he's not being any trouble at all." Leonard turned back to Jackson. "Hey, Jackson. I have a... I know someone named Jackson. I like that name." He slipped off his seat and went down on one knee in front of Jackson. He got close but knew that he should not invade his space or touch him; he knew from a distant cousin, that some autistic children did not like to be touched. "So little man, what kind of things do you like to do?"

"He can't answer; he doesn't talk much at all. He seldom says anything to his father or me and he's never said anything to someone he doesn't know. It's not that he's..." his mother apologized for him.

Leonard interrupted her, "No need to explain, I have a cousin with autism. I know a little bit about the challenges you have to deal with on a daily basis." He turned his attention back to Jackson, "I can see intelligence in his eyes and I can see; when you were talking to him, love in his eyes. I believe that even though he is incapable of expressing it, he loves you very much." He reached into his pocket and took out a small piece of metal. He extended his hand palm up with the metal emblem in it; it was a Star Trek replica of a uniform symbol. Jackson just looked back and forth between Leonard and the item in his hand. "Have you ever seen the show or movies of Star Trek?" Jackson just stared at him.

His mother answered for him, "He's seen them all; that is one of the things that best calms him down when he gets upset. He seems to like the original series best of all."

"Well this is a replica of the insignia they wore on their uniforms and I would like Jackson to have it." Leonard extended his hand a little closer to Jackson.

"I can't let you do that. You don't need to give him something you cherish."

"Please, I want him to have it. I wouldn't offer if I wasn't being sincere." He wanted to place it in Jackson's hand or pin it on him, but he knew that would not be appropriate. Finally Jackson raised his hand and cautiously plucked the pin out of Leonard's hand. He just stood there without moving; he started to rock back and forth.

A few moments later the hostess called a name out and Jackson's mother said that was them and she put her hand on Jackson's shoulder gently leading him away, giving Leonard one more thank you before they disappeared into the dining area.

"I'm about to starve to death," Leonard said to Penny, "I hope they seat us soon." Penny just looked at him in amazement. She never seemed to cease to be amazed by this kind and gentle man.

An hour later, they had finished a delicious and relaxing meal. Penny asked the waitress to bring them the sampler dessert platter. As the waitress left to put the order in, Penny cleared her throat nervously. Leonard just gave her a smirk and said, "Well, go on, get it over with." She squinted her eyes at him and he continued, "We both know you brought me to lunch to ask me a favor..." She started to protest, but just slumped down a little in her chair. "You didn't have to ask me to lunch in order to ask for a favor. You're still one of my best friends. I will always help you if I can."

"I hate to keep asking you for help; I mean I'm not your girlfriend anymore... well you're not my boyfriend... you know what I mean."

"Yes, I know what you mean," he said with just a hint of bitterness. "But that is not a valid argument. The fact that we are friends is enough to compel me to do all that I can to ensure your happiness. Now what is it that you need me to help you with?"

"My mom called me this morning," she began, "She told me that she was going to need surgery and the doctor wants to do it this coming week."

"Oh," he said, "Is it something serious?"

"Female stuff," she said, "But she asked if I could take some time off and come help her during her recovery."

"So you're going back home to Nebraska?" he stated more than asked.

"I need to go," she said with a hint of sadness in her voice. "It should only be for about three weeks... but that means I won't be able to work and that means..."

"You need help paying your rent and utilities?" he asked. "No problem. I'll get you a check first thing in the morning. When are you leaving? Do you need a ride to the airport?"

"I can't afford to fly, I'll be driving. I'll leave after my lunch shift tomorrow." she took his hand in hers and smiled. "Thank you. Thank you for being my friend and for all your help."

Leonard opened his mouth to say something but caught movement out of the corner of his eye and spun his head to see Jackson running at full speed towards him. He heard from across the room a voice say loudly 'No Jackson, come back here.' The next moment Leonard was almost knocked off of his seat when Jackson collided with him. Leonard panicked for a moment but soon regained his balance only to realize that Jackson had wrapped himself around Leonard's mid-section.

"Whoa buddy, what's wrong?" he asked. Jackson just seemed to cling tighter and started to rock from left to right. His mother finally made her way to the table and placed her hand on Jackson's back. "It's okay, he's okay," Leonard tried to assure her.

"Son, we need to let the nice man finish his dinner; it's time to go home sweetie." Jackson raised his head and placed his lips just over Leonard's ear and spoke so lightly that no one but Leonard could hear him. He then removed his arms from around Leonard, slid off of his torso to the floor and took hold of his mother's hand. His mother quickly made apologies and led Jackson out of the dinning room.

"That was weird," Penny said, "What did he say to you?"

Leonard just stared forward and fought back tears. "Nothing. He didn't say anything." He could no longer hold back the tears and he let them flow. He was still crying when the waitress returned with the desserts. Penny just sat there and watched her friend falling apart and felt anguish in the fact that she could not do anything to comfort him. Leonard reached for one of the items on the dessert platter and brought it hesitantly to his lips, placed it cautiously on his lips and flicked his tongue against it.

Penny reached over a grabbed a dessert and placed it in her mouth and savored the sweet flavor. Its sweetness made her remember back to the night that Leonard had taken her out to celebrate the one-month anniversary of their dating. He had taken her to a Coldstone ice cream store and he had watched her as she ate a wonderful concoction of chocolate ice cream, fudge, chocolate chips, brownies and a large dollop of peanut butter. He had quietly sipped on a cup of coffee while she had enjoyed her feast of chocolate. He had admitted later that he had overheard her tell a friend that she loved Coldstone's but never got a chance to go there because her boyfriend was lactose intolerant. He had sat and watched her eat ice cream and drank coffee because he... he had loved her even then. He had yet to say it, but she knew without a shadow of a doubt that he had loved her.

Leonard picked up a second sampler of dessert and placed it in his mouth. He made a look of disgust but chewed quickly and swallowed hard. "I'll run by and get my oil changed first thing in the morning and you'll drive my car to Nebraska."

"I can't let you do that." She leaned forward in her chair and stared him straight in the eyes. “To paraphrase you, ‘That is a act of someone who is more than a friend and we don’t need to muddy the waters.’ Besides, my car will make it fine.”

“The matter is not open for discussion, now excuse me, I need to run to the little boys’ room.” He stood and walked away, not giving her time to rebut his declaration. She just sat there shell shocked; when had he grown a pair and become so… sexy is the word that leapt to her mind. She was still pondering the ramifications of his demand and trying to find a logical reason to refuse his offer, when he returned to the table and sat down. He repositioned his chair so that he was looking slightly away from her and she saw him make quick glances to the now empty table where the young child and his mother had been sitting.

“So… what are you thinking about?” she asked.

“What?” he returned his gaze to her. “What do you mean? I’m not thinking about anything in particular.”

“That little autistic boy has really rattled your cage hasn’t he?” She reached across the table and took hold of his hand. “What did he say to you Leonard? I could tell that it upset you.”

“He didn’t upset me, he…” his voice trailed off and he again got a faraway look in his eyes. It took him a moment to refocus and he continued, “…he whispered… not going to go there; not today. It is inconsequential; the point is moot. Nothing I can do about it.” He pushed his chair away from the table and stood. “I hate to eat and run, but I have some research waiting for me back at the university. I’ll bring my vehicle by the Cheesecake Factory tomorrow when you get off, we can transfer your luggage to my car and I’ll drive your car back to work.” He was backing away from the table as he spoke and he quietly said “goodbye” and with that he turned and walked out of the restaurant leaving Penny with a confused look on her face.

She sat stunned for a moment and finally composed herself enough to get the waitress’ attention. When the waitress approached, Penny asked her for the check.

“The gentleman has already taken care of the bill, and when you see him, please thank him for me; he left a generous tip.” The waitress then asked if she needed anything further and Penny indicated with a shake of the head she needed nothing more. Penny gathered her belongings and headed out the door.

The next day she had left for Nebraska and true to his word, Leonard had taken care of everything. He had shown up with a paid receipt for her next month’s rent, presented her with the keys to his car and refused her help as he transferred her luggage to his car. She had been driving for about three hours when she pulled into a rest stop to take a break. After she had used the facilities, she popped the trunk in order to retrieve a lunch pack that she had stocked with snacks; she decided she wouldn’t stop for dinner but try to get a little further down the road before she stopped for the night. As she opened the lunch pack she saw an envelope on top of her snacks. The envelope had the words ‘Just in case’ written on the outside. She opened it to find a number of twenty dollar bills inside and she stated to cry. “Damn you Leonard. Why are you making this so hard?” She put the envelope back in the lunch pack and set it back in the trunk; she was ten miles further down the road before she felt calm enough to pick up the phone and call him.

“Hello, Experimental Physics Department,” A voice Penny didn’t recognize answered.

“I’m sorry, I thought I was dialing my friend Leonard’s phone.”

“Yes ma’am. Leonard has had his number forwarded to the department while he is unavailable; can I take a message?” The voice asked.

“How long is he going to be unavailable?” Penny asked.

“He’s in a meeting with the Dean and he has the next three hours blocked out on his schedule for the meeting. If this is an emergency, I can interrupt them.”

“No, No, not an emergency, I’ll try to call him back later tonight. Thank you” Penny said and she hung up the phone. She drove on into the afternoon with her mind running circles in her head, ‘who is this person that I have called lover and friend?’

It was almost midnight when Leonard was finally able to leave the university and he was in the car headed home. He had to pack and be at the airport by 5:30 a.m.; just over five hours away. He had asked to speak with his Dean about some time off, but the Dean had said that he needed Leonard to do him, and the school, a favor. The Dean had acquainted Leonard with the details of a high school student that they were trying to recruit for their underclass program. He had asked Leonard to postpone his sabbatical in order to fly out and attempt to woo the young student into their program. Leonard had initially declined stating that he needed to journey to Alabama in order to set some personal things in his life straight. The Dean had just looked at him in amazement and then chuckled as he said, “Well isn’t that just an improbable coincidence; the student we want you to talk to is in Alabama, a little town called Opelika. What part of the state are you needing to go?”

“It’s a small town called Woodland” Leonard had replied as they both walked over to the computer on the Dean’s desk. The Dean sat down and brought up the mapping program and put in both towns. They were amazed to find that the distance between the two was less than 60 miles. “Well, it looks like I may be able to do both things at one time.”

With that, they had both sat and began to go over the strategy that Leonard was to use to entice the high school senior to come to California and join their program. Now as Leonard parked the car and walked toward his apartment building he began to feel a bit of apprehension. First he had to tell Sheldon that contrary to the roommate agreement, he would be leaving town for an unknown amount of time and would not be able to give the required one week notice. He opened the door and climbed the stairs slowly.

When he entered the apartment, he sat down on the sofa and indulged in a little bit of nostalgia. The girl across the hall had his heart as did the beautiful young girl named Ashley. Not to mention his son Jackson. Then those words came crashing down on him again, ‘Jackson told me he loves you’. How had that young autistic child even known about his dream or other world? Leonard decided that he didn’t need to put on a façade for anyone; he would just let the tears come. But they never got the chance because Leonard heard someone trying to open the door and stood up abruptly. As he stood, the door swung open and there stood the little boy from the restaurant. As soon as Jackson saw Leonard, he ran to him and wrapped his arms around him.

Leonard looked around and expected to see his mother come into the room looking for him, but she never came. He began to panic and asked Jackson where his mother was, but he just hummed a tune and continued to cling tightly to Leonard. A few minutes later a sleepy Sheldon exited his bedroom and exclaimed, “What is going on here? I have a lecture to give at 10:30 in the morning and I need my sleep.”

“Sheldon, please hand me the phone off of the cradle and…”

“What is that?” Sheldon said pointing to the young child.

“His name is Jackson. Penny and I met him and his mother yesterday; well technically two days ago, at a restaurant. He’s autistic and somehow he managed to track me down.” Leonard patted Jackson on the back and soothed him. He surreptitiously pulled the collar away from the back of his neck and saw there his name and a phone number; he had remembered his cousin’s parents doing that for his cousin. Sheldon handed Leonard the phone and he and Jackson just stared at each other as Leonard dialed the phone. After three rings a groggy voice answered.

“Mrs. Anderson?” Leonard inquired.

“Yes, this is she. Who is this?”

“My name is Leonard; Leonard Hofstader. I met you and Jackson in the restaurant the other night.” He paused for a moment. “I don’t know how, but your son seems to have tracked me down and…” A loud gasp of surprised rushed into his ear from the phone receiver.

“Oh my god. Is he alright?” He could tell that she had jumped out of bed and was running to check his room. He could hear a male voice trying to get her attention in the background.

“Mrs. Anderson, he’s alright. I’m going to give you my address and you and your husband can come over and get him. But I would like to try to find out why he came over here.” It took a few minutes to calm her down enough to let him speak with her husband, but eventually he was able to give them the address and the husband said it would take about ten minutes to get there.

When they arrived, they found the door to Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment open and the husband knocked on the doorframe as they entered to find Jackson still clinging to Leonard in the middle of the room and Sheldon standing with the kitchen counter between him and the spectacle that was taking place. As they entered, the mother ran to Jackson and wrapped her arms around him, thus embracing Leonard as well.

“I’m Clive, Jackson’s father” he said as he extended his hand to Leonard, though his eyes said he didn’t quiet trust him.

“Mr. Anderson, good to meet you… I have no idea how he got here. I…” Leonard began.

“While my wife was getting herself together to ride over here, I checked my computer. He had your name and address pulled up in a mapping site. I can only imagine that he somehow figured out your name and… well I don’t know. I didn’t even know he knew how to use a computer.” He was wringing his hands trying to make some semblance of the puzzles before him.  
“Mr. Anderson, do you allow the child in the room with you when you are working on the computer or browsing the web?” Everyone turned their heads to see from where the question had come. Sheldon stood there waiting for an answer. When no one spoke he decided they needed clarification of the intent of the question. “The child evidently learned the use of the computer by watching someone use it… just because he’s autistic doesn’t mean he’s stupid. It just means that his intelligence manifests in different ways.” Everyone just looked at him stunned.

“Daddy’s Jackson miss him.” Everyone’s head swiveled again to look at the young autistic child who had spoken out of the blue. He put his hand on Leonard’s head and said “Daddy sad too. Daddy miss Jackson.” He once again wrapped his arms around Leonard.

Leonard was stunned beyond belief. He just sat there and stared at the top of Jackson’s head. Sheldon made his way around the counter to stand a bit closer to Leonard and the others. “Leonard, why is this boy speaking about you and himself in the third person?” Sheldon stood there with his arms crossed waiting for an answer.

Leonard slowly dislodged himself from the boy’s embrace and held him at arm’s length so that he could see his eyes. Was this child somehow relaying a message from a child yet to be born in another universe? As crazy as it seemed, he prayed it was true. “Jackson,” Leonard said to the boy, “Can you tell Daddy’s Jackson that Daddy loves him and misses him? Can you talk to Daddy’s Jackson?” Jackson just stared at him and swayed from side to side. “That’s okay buddy, thank you for trying to help me.”

Jackson stopped swaying and went quickly to his knees and began to cry. “Jackson sad… Jackson says Daddy Leon not same as Daddy Leonard.”

“Shush little buddy. Tell Daddy’s Jackson that Daddy Leonard will always love him but… Daddy Leon loves him too.” And he prayed silently that it was the truth.

“Leonard, what is this child rambling on about?” inquired Sheldon.

“Sheldon, per roommate agreement section theta sub section 3 I request that you retreat to your room and forget everything you have seen or heard for the last fifteen minutes.”

“That is an extreme request based on what I have seen.” Sheldon argued.

“Never the less, I am invoking the ‘receiving instructions from extraterrestrials’ clause. Please comply with request.” Sheldon just stared at him but finally turned and walked out of the room. Leonard turned to the parents of Jackson who looked like they had just witnessed the possession of Leonard by a demon. He turned his attention back to Jackson. “Jackson, does it hurt you when Daddy’s Jackson talks to you?” He just nodded his head ‘yes’. “Then you need to tell Daddy’s Jackson that it hurts you and tell him that I will always love him but he needs to give all of his love to Daddy Leon.” His voice cracked as he used the name that he assumed was how the Leonard in the other universe was referred.

Jackson bowed his head for a moment before he finally said, “Daddy Leonard’s Jackson say ‘I have been and always will be your… son’.” He looked at Leonard with a tear in his eye and said as he pointed a finger at his own chest, “This Jackson sad.”

“Thank you buddy,” Leonard said as he cried, “I’m sad too, but Daddy’s Jackson has a mom and daddy who loves him very much… just like you. Your mommy and daddy love you very much; I can tell.”

Jackson looked back at his parents and rocked back and forth, “Jackson love parents…” and then he was silent and the distant look returned to his eyes. His parents stood in amazement at the confirmation of all their hopes. Their child knew they loved him and they knew he loved them too.

“What just happened here?” Clive asked.

They had talked for an hour trying to make sense of the events of the early morning but had been unable to make sense of any of it. They had left when Jackson had fallen asleep and Leonard was left alone. He went to his room and packed enough clothes for two weeks travel. He was just about to leave for the airport when he knocked on Sheldon’s door.

Sheldon cracked the door open and asked, “Have the extraterrestrials left?”

“They weren’t extraterrestrials… listen… I’ve got to leave town for a couple of weeks. I know the roommate agreement requires a one-week notice for extended travel, but it was a request by the dean of the college. He’s asked me to go on a recruitment trip. I should just be about a week or two. I’ve got a cab waiting to take me to the airport. Penny’s mailbox key is by the door; please get her mail and pay any bills that come in. I’ll pay you back as soon as I return.” With all the points made, he nodded his head and headed towards the door.

“Leonard?” Sheldon stopped him, “If they weren’t extraterrestrials, what was all that about?”

“That Sheldon, that was about a future I’ll never know. That was about me needing to search for happiness in a universe without the very things that I know make me happy.” And with that he closed the door behind him a descended the stairs into an unknown future. But he resolved that somehow he would find a way to achieve happiness in this universe that seemed to have been drained of all the vibrant colors he had so loved in the face of Penny Beta, Ashley and Daddy Leonard’s Jackson. He would never forget them but he must move forward, if only to honor their memories. And with a smile on his face he placed his luggage in the trunk of the cab and told the driver, “Airport please… and a new and bright tomorrow.


	16. Flight to the Unknown

Penny had spent the night in a motel along the highway. The bed had been lumpy and the couple in the next room had been 'recreating' until early in the morning, but she had managed to get a few hours sleep. She had thought long and hard about trying to call Leonard again last night once she had stopped for the night, but it had been after midnight and she thought he would be deep in sleep. She awoke around ten in the morning and after a brief ablution and a quick snack out of her trunk, she was on her way again. She was ten minutes down the road when she reached for her phone and hit the speed dial button for Leonard's cell phone. There was no connection and she looked down to see that her phone had no service. She hit the off button and set the phone in her passenger seat; she would try again later.

~ Back in Pasadena ~

Sheldon sat in his spot and just stared forward; he was lost. Leonard had left town and he had not made arrangements for Sheldon's ride to and from work. Sheldon had tried to call Raj, but he had already gotten to work and had been called in to a meeting with the head of the astrophysics department. When he attempted to call Howard, his phone went to voicemail. His attempt to call him at home resulted in a ten-minute conversation with Howard's mother in which he achieved nothing. Now he sat there without a clue as to how he was going to get to work.

~ Just outside of Atlanta, GA ~

Leonard drove his rental car westward toward a small town in Alabama called Opelika. For about the tenth time since leaving the airport he said a quiet thank you to the GPS system that was guiding him toward his destination. After just a few minutes, he had left the hustle and bustle of the major metropolitan area and the scenery had given way to rural settings. It was mid-afternoon and he was driving leisurely; he wasn't expected in Opelika until dinnertime and his GPS said his arrival time was just two hours away. He went over in his head the points he and the Dean had felt would be most alluring to the young student. From the contact the Dean had been able to make with the young man he was led to believe that the sixteen year old was still quiet immature and seemed to lean toward a goth lifestyle; although his older sister and guardian was having some success in reeling him back toward a more conventional lifestyle. Time seemed to fly by and before he knew it his GPS was warning him that his exit was coming up. He exit off of the interstate and made his way into the college town of Auburn University. It was 6:30 p.m. local time when he finally let himself into his hotel room.

Before he settled in, he placed a call to his prospective student. The phone rang twice and was answered by a soft feminine voice. "Hello, Thompson residence."

"Yes, hello. My name is Leonard Hofstader. I'm calling for Henry Thompson. Is he available?"

"Mr. Hofstader, we've been expecting your call. Hank wanted me to let you know that the meeting for 10:30 in the morning is still a good time for him. He's had to go out for a rehearsal, but he is looking forward to meeting you."

"Great, no problem. Is the school counselor's office still good for a location?"

"Yes, he's really looking forward to talking with you about the program. Oh, I'm his sister by the way."

"Nice to talk to you." He paused for a moment. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," she said hesitantly, "What do you need to know?"

"I just got into town and I really don't want to eat at the buffet that the Hotel restaurant has. Can you suggest a good restaurant close by?"

"You're staying at the conference center in Auburn?" she asked in the form of a statement.

"Yes, just across from this University," he replied, not being sure as to what the name of the school was.

"Ha, you can tell you're a foreigner," she said in jest, "no one from anywhere in the southeast would refer to Auburn University as "this" university."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to offend." he was amazed at how easily he seemed to say the wrong thing. He looked into his memory for some information about this Auburn University. "Oh, yeah, I do know something about Auburn University... didn't one of the shuttle commanders graduate from here?" He paused; hoping that little bit of trivia might placate her seeming horror at his lack of knowledge.

"Relax Leo, I was just winding you up. I don't expect someone from California to know about football."

"It's Leonard and I know plenty about football. A friend and I have spent many hours watching Nebraska play football; like a whole half of a game." He chuckled to himself. "I guess that doesn't exactly make my case, does it?"

"Sorry" she said in a deep and monotone voice mockingly, "Leonard." She laughed and said, "If it ain't SEC football, it ain't football. But... hold on a second." He heard what he assumed was a conversation with the phone's handset partially covered. "No I will not ask him if he's hot." A muffled response, "Okay, we'll go to Bob's and no I will not ask him that." She returned to the phone and said, "Okay LEONARD, this is what's gonna happen. In approximately thirty minutes I will drive up in front of your hotel, I'll be in a silver Saturn Ion, and you will accompany my friend Emily and me to dinner at Bob-n-Jack's Barbeque. What are you wearing so I don't try to pick up just any strange man?"

"Ummmm, I'm not..." he mumbled, "Listen, you don't have to..."

"Not negotiable. Now what are you wearing," she insisted. "This is happening."

"Alright..." he started, "I'll be wearing a Green-Lantern t-shirt."

"O....kay. So you're one of those nerds, huh?"

"I prefer the term 'imaginative american', it sounds better than nerd." Leonard said with a chuckle.

"We'll see you in thirty minutes LEONARD" and then he heard the disconnect. He stood there stunned. This was going to be an interesting evening.

~ Pasadena ~

Sheldon had finally been able to reach Howard and he begrudgingly left work and came to pick up Sheldon to give him a ride to work. But both Howard and Raj had to work late in order to finish up some projects so Sheldon was contemplating his options for getting home. He finally resigned himself to the inevitable and took out his phone and dialed Amy's cellular number.

"Amy Farrah Fowler?" he asked when the phone was answered.

"Yes this is Amy Farrah Fowler. Is this Sheldon Cooper?"

"Yes, it is. I find myself in a predicament and I hate to be in the position that I must ask this of such a short acquaintance, but I am in need of transportation from my place of work to my place of residence," he asked.

"You need a ride home?" she said with astonishment.

"Yes, I think that is what I just said" he retorted.

"Very well. I'll be out front of your school at precisely 6:10. Don't be late."

"I'm never late" Sheldon insisted.

~ Auburn, Alabama ~

An hour after the phone call had ended, Leonard was sitting in a barbeque restaurant with a large platter of onion rings sitting in front of him. Across from him sat Emily, Donna's friend. She was a pretty girl of about twenty-two. She had mousy brown hair cut just about an inch below her neck and it had a little bit of natural curl to it. When he had made his way into the back seat of the car, she had turned around and stared at him with intensity. After a moment she had simply said 'not bad, but not great' and turned back toward the front of the car. Evidently, he decided, she was on the hunt and he was happy that he didn't meet her criteria.

But Donna was another story. She had been nothing but cordial and polite since she had driven up into the hotel reception area. The first thing she had done was to apologize for being so 'forceful' in making him accompany them to dinner, but she had explained that she could hear the tiredness in his voice and had thought that if she just gave him directions that he was most likely just going to give in to tiredness and go to bed without dinner. "I just wanted to make sure you got something to eat before you retired for the evening; besides it's way too early to retire for the evening. The best way to fight jetlag is to stay awake until it is 'time' to go to bed."

"Actually" he had explained, "Jetlag is a situation that occurs when you cross multiple time zones in a manner as to gain time so as to confuse your body clock. I traveled across three time zones and lost time." He smiled at her in kindness. "It is more likely that I will have trouble going to sleep; for me it is still three hours earlier."

"Well, we have a solution for that too" she had said as she turned back around and proceeded to drive away from the hotel. That statement led to the situation he was in at the present; sitting in a barbeque restaurant with two local girls, a platter of the best onion rings he had ever tasted in front of him and a large glass of 'peach tea' tightly gripped in his right hand.

"So, what do you think about the peach tea?" Emily asked.

He raised the tea to his lips and took another deep sip and as he lowered it back to the table said in a fake southern accent, "Mighty fine tea, I must say, mighty fine."

Donna chuckled, "You do know that there is no actual tea in the 'peach tea' don't you?"

"What do you mean?" he asked.

Emily laughed too, "It's peach schnapps and peach flavored vodka added to..."

"You mean this is an alcoholic drink?" he said wide eyed. He saw a glimmer of guilt in Emily's eyes and decided to have a little fun. "Oh my god, three years two months and six days..."

"What are you talking about?" Emily asked as a seed of panic rose in her voice.

"I've been sober for three years..."

"Crap, I'm so sorry. I had no idea." She reached over and took the glass from in front of him and pulled it towards her. "You don't need this."

Donna had watched the brief exchange and had seen the glint of mischief in Leonard's eye. She took the glass from in front of Emily and sat it back down in front of Leonard. "Well, in for penny in for a pound. He's already off the wagon; might as well wallow around in the mud a bit."

"Donna!" Emily exclaimed, "How can you..." Leonard started chuckling and soon Donna was laughing uncontrollably. The truth of the situation dawned on Emily and she reached across he table and swatted Leonard on the arm. "You dip-wad. I thought I had..." she turned her ire on Donna. "And you, my dear, you just wait. I'll get you for this."

"You should've seen the look on your face," Leonard said as he attempted to control his laughter. He was about to launch into a diatribe on her attempt to get him drunk when the waitress returning to take their entree order interrupted him.

"Are ya'll ready to order" she asked with an extreme southern drawl.

Donna spoke up first and ordered a barbeque sandwich with a side of french-fries. Emily followed and ordered a salad with barbequed chicken on top. When Leonard's time came, he was still staring at the menu trying to make up his mind.

"Do you like seafood?" Donna asked him. He nodded his head in the affirmative, "well, if you like fish, the catfish here is excellent."

"That sounds good," Leonard said and turned to the waitress, "I'll have the catfish."

"Fried or baked?"

He looked at Donna for guidance and she said "Fried. Definitely fried."

He turned back to the waitress, "Fried, please."

"And what side?"

He looked to Donna again and silently pleaded for her input again, she said, "Bring him the fries and go ahead and bring us a large order of the fried dill pickles."

"Yeah, what she said," Leonard told the waitress. She nodded and turned to take their orders to the kitchen. "Wow, that is a lot of fried food."

The conversation turned to general topics and then they settled into a comfortable silence as they waited for their food. Leonard leaned forward as if to say something but thought better of it and retreated back to his tense posture and fiddled with his fork. He was trying hard to think of something to jumpstart the conversation when his phone rang. He was at once relieved and embarrassed.

"I apologize. I meant to turn my phone off before we entered the restaurant. It's rude to have your phone ring in this type of social situation." He looked down at the phone number displayed, but did not recognize it.

"It would be even ruder to ignore the call." Emily said.

"Emily, quit poking the bear" Donna said. "We are not offended by any means. Neither one of us has turned off our phones. Now please answer your phone."

Leonard hit the receive button and put the phone to his cheek. "Hello, this is Leonard," he stated in a questioning tone.

"Leonard?" he heard a voice ask in an unsure tone, "I'm sorry to bother you. This is Samantha Anderson, Jackson's mother. I'm sorry for calling you but..."

"Is everything alright? Is Jackson okay?" Leonard asked with mild panic in his voice.

"He's fine. Everything is okay. It's just that... well we had an appointment with our counselor today and we talked about what happened last night, and well let's just say she was intrigued."

"Well I was there and I don't think I would believe me if I told myself what happened to me last night."

"Well, she was wondering if you could join us for our next session. She would like to see how Jackson interacts with you."

"I would be glad to join you for your next session with the counselor." He hesitated a moment before asking, "Has he... has he...?"

"He's back to his normal self. He hasn't shown any signs of wanting to communicate again," she said in a defeated voice.

"I'm so sorry Samantha, but maybe it's for the best. We both know it was uncomfortable when it was happening to him. I'm still not sure what 'it' was, but maybe it's best if we don't try it again. Listen, I'll be back in town in about two weeks and I'll give you a call as soon as I get back."

"Oh, I'm sorry... I didn't realize you were out of town. I can call you back and set something up when you get back in town. Sorry to disturb you." She tutted and made her niceties and then hung up the phone.

Leonard sat the phone down on the table and looked up to see Emily and Donna staring at him. He realized that they had only heard his side of the conversation. "That was a friend of mine whose son..." he was interrupted by his phone ringing again, but this time he knew the caller by the ring tone. Elvis Presley's version of 'You are Always on my Mind' issued forth from his phone. He looked down and confirmed that it was Penny whose face showed on the screen of his cell-phone. He gave Emily and Donna an apologetic look and put the phone to his ear.

"Hello, this is Leonard." he said into the phone.

"Of course it's Leonard, I called you. What you doing?" Penny asked in a chirpy voice.

"Oh, nothing much. I'm eating dinner with... some friends from work." Leonard obfuscated.

"Isn't it a little early to be eating dinner, shouldn't you still be at work?" she asked in confusion.

"It's a work related dinner. My colleagues are from out of town and they are still on a different time zone. I just thought it would be better for them to eat early. Is there something I can do for you?" he asked with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"I'm sorry," Penny said, "I wasn't implying anything untoward." She was backpedaling and she didn't know why. "What's going on Leonard?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said defensively.

"Whatever. I was just calling... well I've stopped for the night and if I leave early in the morning, I should make it home before too late tomorrow evening."

"That's good," he said, "You be careful and make sure you get home safe."

"Thank you." She paused, waiting for a response. When he remained silent, she continued, "I found your little gift in the snack pack. You didn't have to do that."

"In case of emergencies," he said flatly.

"So where are ya'll eating dinner?" she said wanting to prolong the conversation.

"We are having barbeque and fried dill pickles. Have you ever heard of such?" he said trying to lighten the tone of the conversation.

"Sounds good. We'll have to give it a try when I get back." she suggested.

"I hope you have a nice visit with your family. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Hold on. Is Sheldon there? I have a question I need to ask him."

"Sheldon? Sheldon's not around; I have no idea where he is at the moment. He didn't join us for dinner. But when I talk to him, I'll have him give you a call. Take care and I'll talk to you soon." He sat the phone back on the table and touched the button to turn off the power. "There, no more interruptions." he said as he looked up to meet the gaze of Emily and Donna.

Emily smirked at him, "That was interesting. Was that your girlfriend?"

"Ex-girlfriend and neighbor." He knew she was trying to prod him into saying something embarrassing so he made a preemptive strike, "She is an ex by her choice. I was unable to provide her with the level of emotional companionship too which she aspired for the relationship. We have remained friends in order to keep our group of friends on an even keel."

"Hey, it's none of our business," Donna said.

"Speak for yourself," Emily chided Donna and turned her inquisitive glare back on Leonard. "So you weren't man enough for this cutie-pie blond girl?" He gave her a look that would have killed lesser foes and gave her a questioning glare. "Her picture came up on your phone when she called. She was very pretty."

"Yes she is." he said as she saw their waitress look toward them and he signaled to get her attention. When she arrived a moment later, he pointed to his still full glass of Peach tea and said, "another one please." She made a note and nodded her head and disappeared to fetch him another drink.

"Leonard, those are pretty strong. Maybe you should finish that one before you get another one," Donna warned. 

At that warning, Leonard reached purposely to grasp the Peach Tea, removed the straw and brought it to his lips. He stared Emily in the eyes as he drained the drink in one long draw. Emily looked at him with a mixture of respect and guilt. "Alright Leonard, you don't have to prove anything. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been teasing you about..."

"You know what?" The alcohol had not had time to enter his system, but he used it as an excuse to launch into a diatribe. "It's not my fault that she is an emotional homunculus. I tried to be everything and anything that she could want, but I guess I could never be the one person she could love. Am I really so unlovable as to negate the possibility that someone as beautiful as Penny could love me in return?" Donna started to respond, but Leonard continued. "I mean I'm not a bad boy. I don't drive a motorcycle; is it incomprehensible that good guys deserve to be loved too?"

He paused and was about to continue when the waitress arrived with their food. They all just looked at each other and began to eat in awkward silence. A few minutes later the waitress returned with Leonard's new drink. "Go ahead and bring another," he requested.

"Are you sure sir?" the waitress asked.

"Come on Leonard, I don't think that's a good idea," Donna added to the waitress' plea.

"I'll be fine," Leonard slurred slightly as the effects of the alcohol became noticeable. He popped another of the fried pickles in his mouth and gave a big grin and chewed with gusto. He took the drink that the waitress had sat down and drank half of it in one gulp. "Whoa, that is some good stuff. I've got to get the recipe for this to take home."

~ Somewhere in the Midwest ~

Penny hung up her phone and sat back in the booth of the restaurant that she had chosen to eat dinner. It was still early, but she had felt her eyes getting heavy and her hunger was not being sated by the snacks that she had packed. As the waitress sat down her burger and fries, she reflected on her conversation with Leonard. He had seemed standoffish and annoyed that she had called. She mindlessly munched on her fries and somehow managed to finish off her hamburger without even realizing she was eating, because something was eating her. 'He's had enough of me' she thought, 'He's finally realized that I'm not worth fighting for.'

She paid her bill and drove the half-mile back to the motel that she had checked into for the night. It was still early, but she lay down in the bed and began to cry. She thought sleep would never come, but eventually the monotonous hum of the air-conditioner lulled her into sleep.

~ Pasadena ~

Sheldon and Amy sat at a table in a Chinese restaurant. They just stared at each other as if each was waiting for the other to start the conversation. "I can't do this," Sheldon broke the silence.

"You can't what?" Amy asked. "You can't sit here at a table with me. You can't participate in a conversation with me. What is it that you can't do, Sheldon?"

"I can't order food in a restaurant of which I am not familiar," he replied.

"Well I can vouch for the quality of the food and the cleanliness of the cooking facilities. I have inspected them on numerous occasions, both on a scheduled basis and surprise inspections." She picked up her menu and handed it to Sheldon, "Now make a choice so we can order."

He was a little taken aback but also excited by the tone of her voice. He chose the Kung Pao Chicken and handed the menu to the waitress. 'This is going to be a long night' he thought. He wished for the hundredth time that day that Leonard had not left town.

~ Auburn, Alabama, the next morning ~

Leonard awoke to the sun streaming in the open window of the hotel room. His head swam in pain and he covered his eyes to shield them from the brightness. He groggily attempted to sit up, but the sudden movement caused a cascade of pain to rattle around the inside of his skull.

"Well good morning sleepy head."

He spun his head quickly, causing him to almost pass out from the pain, to see Donna sitting in a chair across the room. "What..."

"You don't remember much after dessert, do you?" she queried.

"No... I remember the coconut cream pie..." he shuddered, "I'm lactose intolerant. If you're here... have you been here all night?"

"Yes, all night. And before you ask; yes I discovered the fact that you are lactose intolerant. I called down to the service desk and they sent up some air freshener. I'm sorry, I ordered the pie hoping it would help sober you up a little bit."

"I need a shower and some coffee," Leonard said as he slowly stood up.

"You want me to call down for a pot of coffee or would you like to go down and have breakfast in the restaurant?" Donna asked.

"I'll take a quick shower and then I'll buy you breakfast; and you can tell me what happened last night." With that, he disappeared into the bathroom.

She heard the shower start and then she saw his phone sitting on the bedside table. She tried to resist the temptation, but her nature won out. She reached for the phone and searched through the contacts and found the name Penny. She hit the send button and waited as the phone rang a number of times. Finally, she heard a groggy voice say, "Leonard? What time is it?"

"This isn't Leonard. This is his friend..." she thought back to the amazing story he had told her after she had helped him back to his room and she picked a pseudonym from his alternate history, "his friend Jill. Listen, he's in the shower right now, but after your call last night..."

"Are you the Jill that he said doesn't exist?" Penny asked as she came to full alertness. "He said you weren't... you're not part of his life anymore."

"We got reacquainted last night," Donna lied. "We need to have a little chat," she asserted. "If I comprehend the saga that has become your and Leonard's relationship, I need to ask you to..."

"Whoa, now wait a minute. What Leonard and I have is none of your business." Penny could feel her temper rising.

"Oh, so you're saying that as his friend I have no right to plead his case for happiness?" she asked. "If you thought I was in someway having a negative effect on him, you wouldn't feel it your obligation to call me on the carpet?" Donna asked.

"I don't know what you are talking about," Penny stated. "Are you saying that I'm the reason Leonard is unhappy?"

"I'm saying that having you in his life, after your betrayal, has locked him into a pattern of self deprivation. He cannot find happiness because the one person he thought would bring him happiness is always just out of reach but still quite visible. Take the carrot from in front of his nose and let him see the salad that lies just beyond the skinny blond carrot." Donna paused and she heard Penny sigh. "Give him the opportunity of happiness, just like he offered you the chance of true happiness."

"Does Leonard know you're saying this?" Penny asked. "Let me talk to Leonard, right now."

"I just left him in the shower, he'll be another few minutes." Donna poked at Penny. "Then he's taking me out to breakfast to thank me for last night."

"Thank you for what?" Penny asked with trepidation. "Did you...?"

"What we did was talk," Donna said with a hint of mocking. "We talked about his need for intimacy." Donna paused for a moment. "Leonard just needs someone that deserves him."

"And that is you?" Penny said with venom.

"No, I'm not the one for him." She thought back to the story that Leonard had told her and decided to skirt the issue. "He's met someone that he cares for and she cares as much, if not more, for him. But in a twist of fate, they live in different worlds and they can't be together."

"You're not making sense," Penny stated. "This is the 21st century, two people in love don't have those kind of barriers. Why am I talking about this with you? You tell Leonard to call me as soon as he gets out of the shower." And with a huff, she hit the off button on her phone.

Donna sat the phone back on the nightstand and settled back into her chair to await Leonard. A few minutes later she heard the shower being turned off and the faucet being turned on. As he finished getting ready, she contemplated this man she had met less than a day ago. She had helped him to his room after he had drank too much at dinner, and sat in amazement as he had drunkenly told her about his dying and his having lived a whole different life in those few minutes he was clinically dead. She wasn't sure how much of the story was based in fact and how much was cascading neurons shutting down. But regardless of the reason for the feelings, the feelings were very real to him and she had to respect that.

The door to the washroom opened and Leonard stood there in a pair of slacks and a stylish button down. "Are you ready for breakfast?" he asked her.

"Yep, I'm starving," she replied. He walked over to the bedside table and stooped to pick up his phone but he thought better of it and left it there as they left the room and headed down to breakfast.

'I've got this feeling that today is going to be a great day' he thought and Donna was please to see a broad smile on his face. She reached over and touched his arm lightly and gave him a beautiful smile. 'Yep, today is gonna be a good day.'


	17. Angels on High

A week had passed since the whirlwind that was Donna had swept into his life and Leonard was finally beginning to adjust his balance. He had met with her brother and stated the case for his coming to California and joining the team that Leonard was apart of. He had been unable to get in touch with Penny in all that time. His calls to her went directly to voice mail and he had yet to receive a reply to his few messages. She had sent him a brief text to let him know that her mother's procedure had gone well and she was now recuperating at home. Sheldon had called him at least three times a day insisting that he come home immediately. Leonard had told him that he would be home when he got home. Sheldon was not happy with that remark. Leonard pulled his rental car up in front of the house where Donna and Henry lived. He had discovered during his week there that Donna and Henry had lost their mother five years ago to breast cancer and they had no idea where their father was. Donna had raised her brother alone since he was eleven and she was just nineteen. They were very close and Leonard had come to envy their relationship; he found himself wishing he were closer to his siblings; he had even broken down and called his sister. She had been bewildered by his call and things had become very awkward before she finally made her excuses and terminated the call. He had contemplated calling his brother, but thought better of it after the debacle with his sister. In the end he had sent an e-mail simply stating that he was thinking of him and to tell the family hello.

He saw Donna come out of the front door and make her way to the car. She opened the passenger side door and got in the car. As she buckled her seatbelt she asked, "So where are we going for breakfast?"

"I thought we'd go over to Waffle House, I... I need to talk to you about something?" Leonard said shyly.

"That sounds ominous", she said in a halting tone.

"It's nothing dramatic. It's just that I need to cut my trip short. I'm going to head up to Woodland after breakfast and spend the day there. I'll comeback here; spend the night and leave for the airport in Atlanta early in the morning. I've booked a flight for Omaha; it leaves at 10:15 tomorrow morning." Leonard had pulled away from the curb and was heading toward the restaurant.

"Why Omaha? You said you were from California." Donna asked perplexed.

"My friend Penny, you know, I told you about her. She's visiting her mother in Nebraska and she has not been taking my calls. I'm afraid something may be wrong."

"So you're gonna get on a plane and fly halfway 'cross the country because 'something may be wrong'? Don't you think that's a little extreme?" Donna said with a lilt of exasperation.

"She's one of my closest friends and in a week, I've only received one text and no replies to any of my calls. Something is definitely wrong." He said with finality.

Donna sat back in her seat and remained silent. Her actions had led to a break in communication for her friend Leonard and his friend Penny. She had thought that helping to extract this Penny from Leonard's life would be a positive thing for him; but now she was beginning to have second thoughts. Or maybe, this was just like withdrawal pains; maybe he just needed to cleanse his system or replace the missing 'drug' with an alternative.

When they arrived at the restaurant, they made their way to a booth and sat down. They sat in silence until a waitress came to take their order. They fell back into a silence until it became too much for Donna. "I think you need to leave this Penny girl alone. Give her some space. She's evidently come to the realization that you need your space too."

Leonard looked at her with astonishment. "Space? What are you talking about?"

"I'm just saying that since she evidently wants to just be friends'" and she did the little air quotes for dramatic effect, "I think that space is the best option for being able to successfully return to a true friendship; in time."

"Just what did I say when I was drunk the other night?" he asked. "Why would you think that we need space from each other?"

"I'm just saying that your friend Jill was closer to what kind of friend you need. Penny is just holding you back from finding true happiness."

"Whoa; where did you... whatever I said when I was drunk... Donna, there is no Jill. Jill was a figment of my imagination."

"No Leonard. You told me that Jill was the most honest person you ever met. You said that even though she was from an alternate universe, she was ten times the woman than any other girl you had ever known."

"And you took that; a story about a girl from an alternate universe told to you by a guy that was drunk off his ass; and you based an interpretation of my relationship with Penny on it?" Leonard leaned forward in a challenging posture.

"Well when you say it like that" she slumped in her seat. In for a penny, in for a pound she thought and then said, "The reason she is not returning your calls is..." She saw him sit straighter in his seat and she continued, "...I used your phone and called her the morning after the Peach Tea incident. I pretended to be Jill and told her to leave you alone. She hung up in anger. But I did it to help you."

"To help me? You pretend to be a fictitious character and tell the only girl I have ever loved, to... Oh my god, what have you done?"

"I'm sorry Leonard, I was wrong to do that. I just thought... well you seemed so miserable and this Penny seemed to be the epicenter of the pain."

Leonard slumped back in his seat, "Well..." he started in a subdued tone, "you weren't far off the mark. But just because Penny is the epicenter of all my emotional turmoil, doesn't mean I want her out of my life. Hell I live on a major fault line in Pasadena. That doesn't mean I want to leave."

"I'm so sorry," she looked at him longingly, "What can I do to make it better?"

"I have no idea," he said as the waitress approached and served their orders. As she turned and walked away, Leonard continued, "It may be too late to salvage whatever Penny and I had left."

Donna picked at her eggs and took a few bites before she finally took out her cell phone. "Give me her number; I'll call her right now and tell her what I did. I promise I'll make it all better."

Leonard pondered that idea for a moment. He didn't know if it was a good idea, but what did he have to lose. "Here," he said as he placed his phone on the table, "use my phone."

She picked-up the phone hesitantly and just looked at it in her hand. She finally began to scroll through the contacts list. She came to Penny's name and with a shaky hand hit the send button. The phone rang twice and was shunted to voicemail. She motioned to the phone with her other hand and mouthed the words 'voice mail'. A panic began to rise in her chest; what was she going to say? The voicemail instructions ended and she heard the beep.

"Ummm Penny, this is ummmm.... my name is Donna. I'm a friend of Leonard's." She looked over to him with a question in her eyes. "Well I was until I... well you know. Before I pretended to be Jill and told you off." She took a second and steadied her nerves. "I just wanted to tell you that... well I'm sorry. Leonard had nothing to do with me calling you. I was out of line. Listen, just give him a call and talk to him. He deserves at least that from you." She reached with her finger to hit the end button, but hesitated and put the phone back to her face. "Listen, I've just known Leonard for about a week, but I already know that he is someone special and if I could coax him away from the west coast, I'd take him home and make an honest man out of him, but he evidently has roots that run too deep for that... just, give him a call please." She pressed the button, ending the call.

"Thank you." Leonard said quietly and took the proffered phone from Donna. He returned his attention back to his breakfast and the rest of the meal was spent in silence.

~ Nebraska ~

Penny was awakened by the buzzing sound of her phone vibrating on the bedside table. She groggily reached out and picked it up so that she could see the number of the caller. It was Leonard; what he hell was he doing calling this early she wondered. But before she answered, she remembered that she wasn't talking to Leonard and she hit the 'Ignore' button. 'Well' she thought, 'I'm awake, I might as well get up.' She rolled out of bed and walked out of her room and down the hall toward the kitchen. "I need coffee," she thought out loud.

"Honey, is that you?" she heard her mother call out to her.

"Yes mom" Penny replied as she paused by her mother's door and cracked the door to peak in. "What do you need?"

"You're up early," she said with confusion.

"Yeah, couldn't sleep in so I decided to get up and make coffee. Do you want a cup of coffee?"

"I think a glass of orange juice would be better," her mother said and Penny just nodded and turned to continue down the hall toward the kitchen. She started the coffee and then poured her mom a glass of orange juice. When she returned to her mother's room, she sat the glass on the dresser and helped her mother to sit up in the bed so she was more comfortable. She handed her mother the orange juice and she drank down half of it in on gulp.

"So, are you gonna tell me what is going on with you and this fella of yours? You've been here a week and you haven't mentioned him once. Is something wrong?" her mother asked.

"I guess you'll figure it out sooner or later, but me and Leonard broke up a while ago. He's not my boyfriend anymore." She was able to finish her statement before her bottom lip began to tremble.

"Oh, my little sweetpea... come here." She held out her arms and Penny sat down on the bed next to her and she wrapped Penny up in her arms. "Did he break your heart?"

Penny made a sound that resembled a choked snort. "No mummy..." she snuggled her head in to her mother's shoulder "...I broke 'his' heart. He offered me his heart and stomped on it like a horse on a rattlesnake."

"Something tells me there is more to that metaphor than is obvious."

"A simile."

"Excuse me?"

Penny looked at her with confusion and then realized what she was asking. "Oh, Leonard explained that a comparison with the word like is a simile. Making a direct comparison such as 'she was a horse stomping on a rattlesnake is a metaphor."

"I tried for four years of high school to get you to pay attention in language class to no avail, but you meet your little geek friend and you start learning things." she said with pride.

"Leonard's not a geek..." she said with conviction, "...he's... he's my little homunculus."

"I have no idea what that means," her mother said.

"I really messed up... but it's for the best. He deserves someone better than me; someone that can make him happy." Penny said as she buried her face in her mother's shoulder. Her mother remained silent but rubbed slow, comforting circles on her daughter's back.

~ Opelika, Alabama ~

They had eaten their breakfasts in silence and Leonard had been overly cordial on the drive back to Donna's house. As a gentleman, he had set aside his anger and disappointment and walked her to her door. As she unlocked her door he reached out and touched her arm. "Thank you for your hospitality over the last week; and tell Henry 'I understand'." He said and bowed his head slightly.

"What do you mean by that?" she asked. "What do you understand?"

"He's not coming to California," Leonard said with certainty.

"He told me he hadn't made up his mind," she rebutted.

"He's in love with the little redhead that is playing the lead in "Our Town" he said with a smirk.

"What are you talking about?"

"Did you not wonder why he had taken an interest in the drama club? Have you not seen the picture he has of her in his room?" he asked in disbelief. "He has posters all around the room of art, sci-fi movies and spacecraft, but the only photos are one of your mother, one with the two of you taken at a sporting event and a small photo of a redhead from a production of Romeo and Juliet. The same redhead that is currently starring in "Our Town."

"It was a little bit of a surprise when he told me he was going to be in "Our Town", but I just thought..."

"That he had spent years as an overly solitary, yet intelligent boy and decided one day to become a social butterfly by joining the drama club. That only happens in the movies; and not good movies." He chuckled and turned to leave.

"Well; so I'm blind. But speaking of drama club, the opening night for the play is tomorrow night. I know Henry would love for you to be there." She looked at him with puppy dog eyes.

"I've already booked my flight and..."

"..and you can change it to a later flight. Don't let my stupidity..." she interrupted.

"Okay, one more night... I guess," he sighed as he turned again and walked toward the rental car.

~ Pasadena, CA ~

Howard and Raj walked into the college and headed toward their respective departments. Howard replaced the smile that he had forced for the ride to work with a frown. He was miserable. He had broken up with Bernadette and his life had become monotonous. The boredom had been compounded by the fact that his friend Leonard was AWOL and the spark of the group, Penny, was in Nebraska.

Meanwhile around the corner, Raj was thinking along the same lines. As soon as he got to his office; with his friends and feeling homesick, he logged on to his computer and sent a ping to his sister Priya. He sent her an email and asked her to call him when she got an opportunity.

Meanwhile somewhere nearby, Sheldon arrived and went directly to his office and sat behind his desk. He spent the next three hours just staring at a whiteboard.

~ Woodland, Alabama ~

Leonard saw the township sign for Woodland and slowed down. He entered the small town and soon saw the place he was looking for. Bear Creek Church came into view and he turned into the parking lot. The lot was empty and he parked close to the path that led around to the cemetery. He exited the car and walked around to the back of the church. He was surprised to see a small contemplation garden set to one side of the cemetery. He would have to make use of the garden, once he had found what he came looking for. He started on the side furthest from the garden and methodically plotted a path to locate the grave of his friend Jill. Thirty minutes later he had located the headstone for Jill Lee; next to the contemplation garden.

He sat down on a concrete bench and contemplated the last six months of his life. As he pondered all that had happened, he heard music coming from the church. 'Beautiful' he thought. He lay down on the bench and closed his eyes and felt the music wash over his soul. He was lying there completely relaxed when he felt a shadow cross over him. He opened his eyes to see a man in his mid-to-late twenties. "I'm sorry, can I help you?" Leonard asked.

"Didn't mean to disturb you," the man said, "I'm just here to do the landscape maintenance. I'll start at the far side so you have more time to..."

"Thanks, I probably need to be going anyway. I don't really belong here anyway." Leonard said as he sat up.

"Please don't go on my account. You look like you're enjoying my garden," the man said.

"Oh... I didn't mean to..." Leonard stuttered.

"Don't get me wrong," he said, "I didn't mean it belongs to me, I just designed it and did the landscaping...," he hesitated and then regained his composure, "My wife is buried just over there." He pointed to the headstone that Leonard had sought out. Leonard felt a pang of guilt. He was here to visit a friend; which in reality he had never met and as his luck goes, he runs into her husband.

“My name is Leonard,” he extended his hand in greeting.

“Paul Lee,” the man replied. “You’re not from around here.” It was a statement; not a question.

“No, I live in southern California. I’m just…” he paused and considered what he should tell this man. “I was visiting Opelika on business and decided to take a drive and see a little of the state.” It wasn’t the complete truth, but it wasn’t a lie.

“A little off of the beaten path, but welcome to Woodland. If you get a hankering to eat, The Muscadine Dinner is a good place to grab a bite.” He pointed up the road in the direction that Leonard had entered town. “The mincemeat pie is… well it’s pretty good.” Leonard thought he saw a twinge of pain at the mention of the pie. He remembered Jill having introduced him to that strange concoction one night at Adam’s Barbeque. Was this another link to that world?

“Thanks, I may give that a try.” Leonard heard another song begin in the church and saw Paul glance up at the church and smile. “That’s a beautiful tune,” Leonard said.

“Yes,” Paul said simply and then seemed to realize that Leonard may not recognize the song. “It’s called Precious Memories. It was one of Jill’s favorite songs.” He zoned out for a moment and then seemed to struggle to come back to the here and now. “My daughter is learning to play it. The preacher’s wife is giving her lessons. She getting very good at it.”

Leonard looked toward the church and wanted to ask ‘What is your daughter’s name?’ but he knew it would not be appropriate.

“Well, I’ll let you get back to relaxing and I’ll get to work.” Paul said as he made a retreat towards the parking lot.

Leonard spent over an hour just listening to the music spilling out of the open window of the church and he felt more relaxed than he could remember in recent months. The music had stopped and he had heard car doors slamming. He rolled his head to the side and saw Paul was still half way across the cemetery using a weed-eater to trim around the gravestones. A few minutes later he heard a rustling that he assumed must be blowing leaves but soon realized his mistake when a voice quietly asked, “Who are you?”

He opened his eyes and immediately wanted to grab the young girl that stood before him and hug her and never let her go. Ashley stood not five feet away and just looked at him with unabashed curiosity. He controlled himself and politely said, “My name is Leonard. What’s your name?” He knew this had to be Ashley. She was exactly as he remembered her and in his mind he wondered if that were an accurate statement. Could you remember something that didn’t really exist in your world?

“My name is Ashley, but my friends cal me Ash.” The girl said politely. She stared at him and her eyes darted from the headstone that carried her mother’s name and the bench he was sitting on. He realized, that he was most likely sitting in the spot that she used when she came to see her mother.

Leonard stood and walked over to a tree about ten feet away and sat down on the ground and leaned against the tree. Ashley walked over to the bench and sat down. He wanted to say ‘I’ve missed you so much’ but knew he couldn’t. No need to frighten this pretty little girl with crazy talk. Leonard realized that the weed-eater had stopped and he looked up to see Paul putting the equipment he was using into a small shed. He watched him finish up and walk over to Ashley.

“Ashley, are you ready to go?” Paul asked his daughter.

“Yeah dad; I’m ready.” She stood and walked over to her dad and took hold of his hand.

“Nice to meet you Leonard. You have a good day. Come on sweetheart, we need to get going if we don’t want to be late.” They walked hand-in-hand towards the car.

Leonard had moved back to the bench when he heard the car make a strange noise and then there was silence. He stood up and walked toward the parking lot. As he approached he heard Ashley ask her father, “Does this mean I don’t have to go to the doctor?”

“Can I be of assistance?” Leonard asked as Paul noticed him walking up.

“No… it’s just my starter. It’s been giving me trouble and it picked a great time to finally give out.”

“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but is this doctor’s appointment important?”

“It’s a check-up for Ashley; She had a transplant just over a year ago and we have to keep an eye on her.” Paul said. “I’ll call the doctor and see if I can reschedule the appointment.”

“No need to do that,” Leonard said as he withdrew his keys from his pocket. “We have a fully functional rental car just raring to go.” He handed the keys to Paul and continued, “I’ll be here enjoying your garden and you take this precious little girl and get that liver looked at.”

“We can’t do that. For one thing you barely know us and second, the appointment is in Birmingham. We wouldn’t be back until very late this afternoon.” Paul said putting is hand up in a negative gesture.

“Well, that’s a different matter then,” he reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet, “if your going to be past dinner time…” he handed Ashley three twenty dollar bills, “you better stop somewhere and buy this little woman a good meal. As for the timeframe, don’t worry about that. I have a shade tree and a quiet bench; I couldn’t be more comfortable.”

Paul looked between Ashley and Leonard and reluctantly acquiesced. “Okay, but on one condition. When the preacher and his wife get back, you tell them I said to take you up to the Muscadine for lunch and put it on my tab.” He took the keys from Leonard and said, “I can’t thank you enough.” He strapped Ashley into the backseat of the car and then got in behind the wheel. As he pulled away, he rolled down the window and thanked Leonard once again.

Leonard watched as the drove northward out of town. And then it dawned on him. He had left his cellphone charging in the center console of the car. ‘Oh well’ he thought, ‘that’ll just make the day that much more relaxing.’ And he walked back to the garden to continue his contemplation.

~ Bob’s Smart Stop / I-20 ~

Ashley had been asking her dad to stop for the past thirty minutes. She was thirsty and wanted a coke. He had finally pulled over and said she could have a water. He had pulled up in front of the store and parked where he could keep his eye on the car from inside. He had locked the doors and told her he would be right back. As soon as she had seen him enter the store she heard a song coming from inside the armrest. She opened the lid and saw Leonard’s phone. She picked it up and hit the answer button. “Hello.”

Penny had agonized over whether to call Leonard back. She had listened to the message as she sat with her mother. Her mother had seen the turmoil on her daughter’s face and had incorrectly deduced that it was her boyfriend Leonard who had left her another message. Penny had not had the heart to tell her mother that it was in fact most probably his new girlfriend leaving the message for her. But she had decided that she had to give Leonard the benefit of the doubt. She owed him that much; and so she had placed the call to his cell phone, and a girl had answered it. “Is this Jill?” she asked trying to contain her rising anger.

“No, this is Ashley.” Penny heard a young voice answer. “Jill is my mommy. Do you know my mommy?” Penny thought she heard a quiver in the voice. “Are you an angel? Can I talk to my Mommy?”

Penny realized that this was a young girl and her mommy must be an angel. “Oh sweetie, no, I’m not an angel. I’m sorry. I was just calling to talk to my friend Leonard. Can you give the phone to Leonard.”

“Mr. Leonard is not here. He’s with my mommy…” and the phone went dead. Leonard had not realized that the car charger had not been inserted all the way and the phone battery had been completely drained.

Ashley just stared at the phone and then replaced it in the console. A few minutes later, her father emerged and they continued on their way to Birmingham.

~ Omaha, Nebraska ~

Penny heard the phone go dead and immediately redialed. ‘The subscriber you are looking for is not available’ She replayed the brief conversation over in her mind. Ashley said her mother was an angel, meaning she was dead; then she said that Leonard was with her mother. “Oh God, Leonard’s dead.” She began to sob. Her mother who had awoken from a nap heard Penny’s declaration and struggled to sit up. She opened her arms and Penny fell into them and cried. Her soul seemed to split and a chasm of pain enveloped her.


	18. The Zombie

Leonard had been alternating between sitting, lying down and walking around the cemetery and churchyard. He had overestimated the attraction of being alone for a whole day. He was currently in the lying down phase of his routine when he heard a truck pull into the parking lot and shut off its engine. A minute later he heard someone say, "Paul?" He rose up and turned to the owner of the voice. "You're not Paul."

"Sorry no; my name is Leonard, Leonard Hofstader." He proffered his hand and the man shook it.

"The name's Tim." He released Leonard's hand, "I was driving by and saw Paul's car. I thought he and Ash were supposed to be in Birmingham."

"Yeah, they're on their way...," he pointed toward the parking lot, "he was having a little car trouble. I think he said the starter wasn't working."

"I've been telling him he needed to replace that thing," Tim said.

"If he knows it needs replacing, why hasn't he done it?"

"He's a proud man. I've ordered the part, but he won't let me put it on until he can afford to pay for the part." Tim was shaking his head. “It would only take an hour or so, but he made me promise not to pay for the starter."

"Problem solved," Leonard said, "I never promised not to pay for the part. You take me to buy the part and I'll pay you to install it."

"I think you need to catch me up on some things before we do anything." Tim said as he took a seat on the bench.

Leonard briefly brought him up to date on where Paul and Ashley were and the fact that they were in his car. When Leonard wrapped it up, Tim stood and turned to him. He shook Leonard's hand and said "Thank you." He turned and started toward his truck. Leonard watched him walk away. He turned back when he realized Leonard was not behind him. "You wanna ride over to Wedowee with me to pick the part up?"  
Leonard nodded his head and followed him to the truck.

As they headed toward the parts store, Tim picked up his cell phone and made a call. "Hey sweetheart," he said as the phone was answered, "would you mind bringing my lunch to the church?" He paused as he listened to the person on the phone. "I'm on my way to pick up that part for Paul's car and I'm going to install it. Also, my friend Leonard looks like he could use a good meal, if you would, bring enough for the three of us." He made a few niceties and turned the phone off. "I hope you don't mind, Trish puts some good grub on the table or in this case, the tailgate."

It took them less than thirty minutes to pick up the part and get back to the church. When they pulled back into the parking lot, Leonard saw a tall thin woman leaning against an older truck. "There's my baby," Tim said with a smile as they pulled along side the cars.

~ Nebraska ~

Penny had been quietly sobbing for over an hour and her mother could only lay there and watch. Every once in a while she would reach out to Penny in the guise of asking her to fetch something for her, and when she brought the requested item she would pull Penny into an embrace and hold tight as long as Penny would allow. She was about to call out to her daughter again when she noticed Penny straighten up in the chair and a look of determination slowly replaced the shattered image of desolation.

“Mom,” she said quietly, “I need to go home.” She moved over and pulled a chair up to her mother’s bedside and sat down. She took her mother’s hand and continued, “I’ll call…”

“I’ve already called your sister. She’ll be here by midday tomorrow. I know you have to go back to California. You need to be there for your friends,” her mother said as she patted her hand. “Just don’t forget, this will always be a home for you too.”

Penny stood up and walked out of her mother’s room and went to her bedroom. She would pack as quickly as possible and be on her way to… ‘where would she go?’ she thought. All that she had considered her ‘home’ was gone. Leonard had, much to her surprise, become her home and she had, with reckless disregard, burned that home to the ground. It suddenly occurred to her that she wasn’t the only person that would be hurting by this news and she dug her phone out of her pocket and called Mrs. Hofstader. She paced the room as the phone rang. On the third ring a very annoyed Mrs. Hofstader answered the phone.

“Hello,” she said in a condescending way, “This is…”

“Mrs. Hofstader?” Penny queried. “Is that you?”

“Is this my homegirl Penny?” she asked as she recognized the voice.

“Beverly,” Penny started again, “I am so sorry. I just found out. When did it happen and why did no one call me?”

“What are you talking about?” Beverly asked.

“God, don’t tell no one has called you either. What is going on here?” Penny croaked out and started to cry again.

“Slow down Penny and start at the beginning. What has gotten you upset? Did Leonard breakup with you?”

“Leonard and I stopped… I broke up with him a few months ago and then he had surgery and then he gave me his car to drive home and now she said he with the angels’” Penny blurted out.

There was silence for a few moments and then Beverly asked in a meek voice, “Are you telling me that my Leonard is dead? Are you saying that he’s gone and I’ll never see him again?”

“Has no one called you either?” Penny asked. “Maybe I should have called Sheldon first.”

“I’ll call him and find out what is going on,” Beverly said and the phone went dead.

Penny just stared at the phone in her hand. She dialed Howard’s number, but the phone went straight to voice mail. She did not leave a message. She thought about calling Raj, but did not think she would be able to get anything out of him. She pondered for a moment and then dialed her friend Bernadette. The phone rang three times and finally she heard the familiar sound of her friend’s voice.

“Hello, this is Bernadette.”

“Bernadette, this is Penny. I need your help.” Penny said in a rush. “I need to know what is going on with Leonard. Is he dead?”

“Whoa, were did you hear that?” Bernadette asked.

I talked to some girl named Ashley on Leonard’s phone and she told me he was with the angels. She said her mother’s name was Jill and she was an angel.” She could feel panic rising in her chest. “I… what am I gonna do Bernadette?”

“Just don’t panic,” Bernadette said. “Have you tried to call the others?”

“I can’t get hold of anybody.”

“I’ll leave work now and I’ll go over to the University. If I can’t find one of the guys, I’ll go to his department head.” She paused before she added, “I’m sure he’s fine.” And she prayed she was right. She hung up the phone and logged off of her work station. Within five minutes she was in her car headed for the gang’s university.

~ Woodland, Alabama ~

They had finished a wonderful lunch of peas and corn served with cornbread and finished off with a homemade blackberry cobbler. Tim had made his excuses and made his way to Paul’s car to begin the job of replacing the starter. “It’ll take me about an hour,” he said as he glanced at his wife and then Leonard.

“Why don’t you come with me Leonard and help me feed the cows? Tim gets a little vocal when he works on the vehicles. He sorta loses his religion,” Trish said.

“I won’t be in the way will I?” he asked.

“Course not; you’ll be big help. I’ll let you toss the bails off the back of the truck.” She slapped him on the back and nudged him toward the passenger door of the truck loaded with hay that she had driven to the church.

“Oh, Boy,” he said with mock enthusiasm.

Two hours later they arrived back at the church to find Tim sitting on the bench in the garden. “She went in fine. I used the key he keeps in the glove compartment and drove it up to Bob’s and let his boys go ahead and change the oil. They put some new spark plugs in too. He should be all set for a while.” Tim stood and met them and drew his wife into a casual embrace. “How did everything go while feeding the cows?”

Trish chuckled. “Once he got his truckbed legs, he did good. After we fed the cows I stopped by to pick okra and he jumped right in and helped with picking the tomatoes. We got ‘bout ten pounds that I can package tonight to go to the market tomorrow.”

“I was wondering what might have took so long. I thought maybe you’d run off with a city boy.” He chuckled to let Leonard know he was joking.

“It wasn’t from lack of trying,” Leonard joked back. “You’ve got a good woman there.”

Tim squeezed her tight and said, “Don’t I know it. She tells me that at least ten times a day.” She swatted at his arm and giggled. “I talked to Paul aways back and he said he and Ash would be back,” he glanced down at his watch, “In about thirty minutes”

“That was quick,” Leonard said.

“Ash got a great report from the doctor and they can’t wait to get back. I told them to head over to our place. I’m grilling out to celebrate and he told me to make sure you came for dinner too.”

“I really need to be getting back to Auburn,” Leonard said.

“Nonsense,” Trish rebutted, “Tim grills some of the best steaks in Alabama. You can’t miss out on that. Besides when Paul finds out that Tim fixed his car, we’ll need someone level headed to keep the two from coming to blows.”

“You’re kidding? Right.” Leonard said.

“It may not get physical, but nobody can argue like those two,” Trish said.

“My brother is one of the most stubborn people you will ever meet… besides me,” Tim said.

Tim drove Paul's car and Trish followed with Leonard in the passenger's seat. They pulled up in front of a quaint little farmhouse and Trish pulled around into the back. By the time he had lumbered out of the truck and walked back to the front of the house, Tim had already started preparing the grill for cooking. "Are you sure this is not an inconvenience?" Leonard asked Tim.

"Absolutely sure," Tim smiled and he turned his attention back to the grill. "I can't thank you enough for what you did for my family." Leonard thought he detected a hitch in Tim's voice. "Ash means more to me and Trish than you could ever imagine. Her mother, Jill, was someone special. She and Paul got hitched very young, but there was no doubt they were made for each other. Ash came around just over a year later. She was the apple of both their eyes. Ash was just four years old when Jill got called up for active duty. Paul wanted her to fight to get out of service, but Jill said that the Guard had paid for her college and she would not neglect her duty. It tore her apart, but she was just as stubborn and honorable as Paul was, and still is."

"When did..." Leonard paused. How could he broach this subject?

Tim saw his apprehension. He finished voicing the question for Leonard, "...Ash get diagnosed?" Leonard shook his head in gratitude. "About a year after Jill had been deployed, a member of our church who is a physician approached Paul and said that he noticed a few things in her behavior that on the surface looked suspicious. He asked Paul to let him run some tests. It took a while, and he had to rule out a number of things it could have been, but he was finally able to diagnose a condition called Alpha-1. Its a..."

"...Its a genetic condition caused by a recessive gene. It usually manifest with emphysema like symptoms, but in approximately fifteen percent of cases there is a liver component that, in a subcategory of that fifteen percent requires a transplant. The transplant usually becomes necessary in the mid to late teens," Leonard finished for him.

"You're well read there, Leonard. How do you come to know so much about Alpha-1?"

"Someone very close to me has the condition. She had a transplant about two years ago. She... She means the world to me." Leonard turned away and wiped away a tear.

As Leonard composed himself, he heard a car pull into the driveway. He turned to see his rental car approach. It came to a halt just ten yards away. As soon as the engine was turned off, the back door opened and Ashley bounded from the back seat. She ran to Tim and hugged him tightly.

"Doctor Robert said I was good as can be," Ashley said with glee. "He said I didn't have to come back for three months."

"That's great sweetheart." Tim jostled her hair.

She then turned her attention to Leonard. She approached him slowly and put her arms around his waist. "Thank you Mr. Leonard. Thank you. Thank you." She hugged him tighter.

"Sweetheart," Paul said, "Why don't you run in and let your aunt know we are here?" She let go of Leonard and skipped into the house. Paul turned to Leonard and said, "First of all I want to thank you for letting us use the car. Secondly..." he held out his hand, "here is the money you gave Ashley for dinner. It was a generous offer, but we can't accept it."

Leonard took the offered cash. He had the feeling that any refusal would be met with great consternation. "You’re very welcome... for the car. I'm glad she had a good check-up."

"That brings me to point three; something that has been making my brain itch." Paul started. “Before we left, you indicated that you knew about Ashley's condition..."

"You told me that she had undergone a liver transplant and that's why you were going to the doctor," Leonard explained.

"I said she'd had a transplant. I didn't mention her liver."

"I don't know, I don't have an explanation," Leonard said.

Tim approached the two. "Let it go Paul. Leonard's been nothing but helpful."

Paul rounded on Tim. "And you... how did you get my car working?"

Tim puffed up his chest. "I replaced the starter and had the oil changed."

"I told you I didn't want you to pay for the starter. I'll make sure I pay you back for it."

Tim took a step forward to crowd his brother. "I won't take it. I love you and Ashley more than you'll ever know..."

Leonard interrupted, "Paul, your brother did not disregard your wishes... I bought the starter and I paid for him to install it, so you see, he did nothing wrong." Leonard walked toward the rental car and opened the passenger side door. He leaned in and opened the center console and retrieved his cell phone. He opened it and saw that the charge was completely depleted. He popped the trunk and retrieved the charger from his overnight bag. "If you don't mind, I'll run inside to plug in so I can call and check in back home."

When he plugged the phone in and turned it on, he first checked the missed calls. There was one from Howard, five from Sheldon and one from, and this surprised him, Bernadette. Why in the world would Bernadette be calling him? He was just about to hit the redial button and call her when he had a thought. He needed to call and leave a voicemail for Penny. She hadn’t called him back but he had to try one more time. He dialed her number from rote and hit send.

~ Nebraska ~

Penny had just finished throwing all of her clothes into a black garbage bag and loaded it into the car. She wasn’t worried about them getting wrinkled, she had to get back to Pasadena. She turned and was walking back into the house when her phone vibrated in her back pocket. She wondered if it was Bernadette or Beverly. She took it out of her pocket and deftly hit the connect button and put it to her ear without looking at the caller ID. “Hey what did you find out?” she asked without preamble.

~ Woodland ~

Leonard was nervous and unsure as to what he would say in the voicemail. He would apologize again and ask her for the umpteenth time to please call him. The phone rang a second time and he steeled himself to leave a message, but the prompt never came. A moment later he heard the voice that he missed so much. “Hey what did you find out?” What did she mean by that?

“Ummm Penny, is that you? What do you mean?” He heard a slight gasp and then a sound like the phone being dropped. There was silence for a few moments and then he heard sounds like a scuffle going on. Finally he heard Penny’s voice again, but it was no less confusing than the first thing she had said.

“Leonard, is that really you? You’re not dead? Leonard. Leonard.” Her questions of disbelief morphed into panic as he was stunned into silence by the weirdness of it all.

“I’m here Penny. Whoa, what is going on? I was just calling to check on you and your mom. What’s all this about people dying?” Leonard asked.

“I… umm… I… let me sit down a second.” She stuttered out.

“Hey, if I got you at a bad time… I must have called with you in the middle of something. Why don’t you just give me a call back when it’s more convenient,” Leonard offered.

“No,” she almost screamed. “Don’t you hang up. Don’t you dare hang up.” She paused for another moment. “Leonard, if it’s you, tell me what you said to me the night you took me out for ice cream.”

“That was a long time ago and… why do I need to prove to you that I am who I am?” Leonard was beginning to feel uneasy.

“Just tell me what you said as we were leaving the ice cream store,” she demanded.

“Guys don’t remember things like that,” he heard her release a sigh that sounded as if she was disappointed, “I said that your kisses were sweeter than any confection that I had ever tasted and you’re lips were… do I really need to finish it? It was really quite corny.”

“No you don’t ‘Have’ to,” she said in a disappointed voice.

“You’re lips are as sweet as the ripest strawberries,” he finished. He turned and saw Trish standing there with Ashley by her side. They were both giggling to themselves. “So are you gonna tell me what all these questions are about?” he said into the phone.

~ Nebraska ~

When Penny had heard Leonard’s voice, her knees had gone weak and she had sat down hard on the ground in a very unladylike fashion. In fact she was already on the ground when she had told him to let her sit down. She had just needed the time to compose herself. She ran through numerous scenarios in her head as she sat there. Is this really Leonard? Is someone playing a cruel trick on her? She had to know, so she had asked him about a moment that she had felt the closest to him. It wasn’t the most physically intimate she had been with him, but it was a moment she had felt closest to him and had allowed herself to be vulnerable to him.

And it was him. She had never told anyone about that moment. That moment was just for her and Leonard. He said the first part but didn’t want to finish it. She needed him to say it. Say it so that she knew; not that this was Leonard, that was beyond doubt. She needed to know that those words still could move her heart. If they could still do that, then she could be certain that she still had a heart to move.

He finished the memory and her heart leapt out of her chest. She relished in the sound of his voice.

After a few moments of silence she heard him ask, “Penny, what’s going on?”

“I called you a couple of hours ago and a little girl answered, She said you were dead.” Penny said abruptly.

Leonard looked across the room where Trish and Ashley pretended not to be listening. He moved closer to them so they did not have to strain to hear. “I’m guessing that the girl that answered my phone was a cute little girl,” he winked at Ashley, “named Ashley. I left my phone in my car and she and her father had borrowed it.” He chuckled. “But how did you get out of that that I was dead?”

“Well,” she thought back to the conversation, “The name Jill keeps popping up so when a girl answered your phone; I asked if it was Jill.”

“Oh boy. Listen, I keep telling you…” he started to explain but Penny interrupted him.

“She said that Jill was her mother and that her mother was an angel. Then when I asked to talk to you, she said you were with her mother and then… then she hung up before I could ask her anything. I tried to call back, but it went straight to voicemail.”

He heard her make a quiet sobbing sound as he formulated the most plausible scenario for what had happened. “Penny, I think a few things may have gotten misinterpreted along the way. It was Ashley that answered the phone; Jill is Ashley’s mother and yes she has passed away i.e. she is an angel. I was with her mother, as far as I was in the churchyard where she is buried. I had let Ashley and her father borrow my car so that they could make an appointment. And this is just a guess, but I don’t think Ashley hung up on you; I think my cell’s battery died. I had to plug it into a wall socket in order to call you just now.” He paused for a moment. “See everything is fine. Nobody is dead.”

“Well…” she stammered as she tried to drink everything in, “I’ve got to make some very embarrassing calls.”

“Just who did you call and tell that I was dead?” Leonard asked.

“Well, I couldn’t get hold of the guys, but I called your mom and I called Bernadette. Do you want to call your mom and tell her that I was mistaken?” she asked hopefully.

“Nah, you can call her or not. I’m sure she’ll figure it out. She’s an intelligent woman,” Leonard replied.

“I hate to sound like a crazy ex-girlfriend, but are you going to tell me who this girl Donna is?” Penny asked.

“I met Donna and her friend Emily a couple of weeks ago. They are the ones I was having dinner with the night you called me. She plied me with drink and coconut cream pie and ended up having to help me to my hotel room. She stayed by my bedside all night to make sure I was okay.”

“Leonard, you’re lactose intolerant.”

“She found that out the hard way,” he giggled. “But evidently in my inebriated state, I made up some wild tale of woe and she went into mother hen mode and tried to fix it for me.”

“So is what she said true? Am I the reason you are unhappy? And where the hell are you that you are staying in a hotel?”

“At that time I was in Auburn, Alabama. Right now I am in a little town called Woodland, Alabama having dinner with the Lee clan.”

“Klan, Leonard did you say Klan?” she asked with incredulity.

He was confused for a moment and then it dawned on him, “Clan… with a C.”

“Oh, okay.” She sighed with relief. “What are you doing in Auburn, Alabama?”

“I came to meet with a prospective student for the university.”

“Did you get to look around the Campus while you were there? I’ve heard it’s beautiful. They say they actually have an Eagle that you can have your picture taken with.”

“No, mostly I hung around with Donna and her brother. Tomorrow night, we’re going to see ‘Our Town’ at the local high school.” He heard a beep and looked down at his phone. It wasn’t him. “Sounds like you have a call coming in. I’ll let you go so you can tell the world that I have become undead.” He chuckled.

“Leonard, I am really glad you’re ‘undead’. I…”

“Enough said. We’ll talk soon and then we’ll have a good heart to heart when we both get back home.” He hit the end button on the phone.

He looked over to Trish and Ashley who were staring at him. They both looked like they had a million questions. He simply said, “Anything I can help with in the kitchen?” and he walked to and opened the refrigerator so that he could hide his head inside.

~ Nebraska ~

Penny just sat on the ground for a few minutes and let the call that had interrupted her call with Leonard go to voicemail. She didn’t have the strength to talk to any one at the moment. Her friend was alive. The despair that had consumed her was evaporating and being replaced by a lightness in her heart. She was so lost in thought that she did not see her father as he walked from the side of the house where he had parked his truck. He bent down on one knee and wiped a tear that had poured out on to her cheek. She raised her eyes to him and he enveloped her into a hug as she openly wept for joy.


	19. Our Secrets

Trisha had been right. Tim had grilled one of the best steaks Leonard had ever tasted. He had told Tim he liked his steak medium-well but Tim had insisted he try it as Medium-rare and Tim had been right. Ashley had complained that she wanted her steak medium-rare also, but Tim had served hers well-done. As Paul had explained to Leonard, because of the immune suppressant medication she was on because of the liver transplant, it was necessary to over cook her steak for health reasons. Leonard thought back in his memory to try to recall if this point had ever come up in his life with his Ashley. He was jarred back to reality when Ashley had asked him a question.

“Mr. Leonard, where is your family. Is Ms. Penny your wife?” she asked innocently.

Leonard’s heart froze and he stared at Ashley like he was a deer in the headlights.

“Ash, sweetheart,” Paul said, “It’s not polite to ask personal questions like that.”

“Sorry Dad. I’m sorry, Mr. Leonard” she apologized.

“No. No. Its alright. It just took me by surprise.” He blinked his eyes to refocus them. “It’s okay. Penny was my girlfriend. I loved her very much, but she couldn’t love me so… we are friends.”

“Why couldn’t she love you?” Ashley asked perplexed.

“Ashley…” Trisha said, “…leave Mr. Leonard alone. That is a very personal question.”

“Soooory,” Ashley elongated. Leonard gave her a smile that was meant to transmit acceptance of the apology.

“The important thing is…” Leonard answered, “is that she is a dear friend whom I would do anything for and I’m pretty sure she feels the same way.”

“Well if I was your girlfriend, I know I could love you.” Ashley looked directly at him and he felt as if a glacier in his soul had calved and he could feel a wave of love crash over his heart.

“And if I were twenty or so years younger, I would so be your boyfriend. But would you settle for having another friend in your life?” Leonard asked.

She reached her hand to him in a gesture of friendship. He took her hand in his and they shook as if they were closing a business deal. “Friends it is,” she said. 

The topics changed to lighter fare and they all gave a round of applause when Trisha brought out dessert. She had baked a pineapple upside down cake as a celebration for Ashley’s good news. Ashley practically squealed when Trisha brought out a single bowl of ice cream and set it down in front of her.

“Hey, I was saving that for me,” Tim protested in jest.

“Hush, you can make another batch this weekend,” Trisha scolded.

“Yuuuuummmmmm. Peanut Butter Ice Cream,” Ashley squealed in delight as she ate the first bite. Leonard froze again with a flashback to his Ashley but no one seemed to notice as they were all giggling at Ashley's joy.

“Hey, I’ve got an idea,” Leonard said as he forced himself back into this reality, “If everyone is free tomorrow night, how about you all come down to Auburn and let me treat you to a play being put on by the Opelika High Drama Club. They’re doing a play by Thornton Wilder, called Our Town.”

Trisha’s face lit up and she looked over at Tim.

“Well,” Tim sighed, “I guess you can count me and Trish in.” He looked at her and a smile crept onto his face. “Trish had a part in that play when we were in high school. It was just after the performance for the students when I finally got the nerve up to ask her out.”

“It was just a small part; I played the role of the mother. But to hear Tim talk about it afterwards, I was the only one on stage.” Trisha blushed.

“You mean there is more than one role in that play,” Tim said with mock surprise.

Leonard looked to Paul and Paul nodded his head. “Sounds good. It’ll get us back a little late, but I’m sure Ash can sleep on the way back.”

And so it was set. Leonard had called his friend Donna and she said she would make sure they had tickets first thing in the morning. Leonard had said his goodbyes and told everyone that he would see them tomorrow. He had made his way to the car when Paul stopped him.

“Leonard, before you go, I wanted to thank you again for everything. I…”

“Hey, I’m glad I was able to help out a little. You have a precious little girl there. You take good care of her; you hear?”

“You need to give me your address so I can send you a check to pay for the starter,” Paul insisted.

Leonard could see that it would hurt Paul’s pride if he refused the request. “Tell you what, Paul.” He reached into his car and brought out a notebook and pen. “I’m going to write down all of my contact info. This…” he began to write, “…is my secure e-mail at work. This is my cell number. This is the number of the department secretary at the university; she always knows how to get in touch with me. This is the mailing address for my office at the university and this…” he said with a flourish, “…is where you should send any monies.”

Paul looked at the list. “These are all California addresses and numbers except the monies one. It’s in Boston.”

“I have a financial advisor there that takes care of all my fiscal transactions,” Leonard said.

“Oh, interesting,” Paul reached his hand toward him but as Leonard took his hand, Paul pulled him into a hug and slapped him repeatedly on the back. “Thank You. Thank you for everything.” He released Leonard and stepped back.

As Leonard drove south toward Auburn, he reflected on these new friends. They were a link to his lost world. He had sought out the memory of Jill and his Ashley, but he had found true friends. They had become more than memories to him. He would never forget his daughter Ashley but the little girl he had met today would, he hoped, be a friend for a long time.

~ Nebraska ~

Penny had finally calmed down enough to talk to her parents. She had explained the mix-up and they had rejoiced with her. "Mom, why am I like this?" Penny asked when they were alone.

"Like what sweetheart?" her mother asked.

"Why can I not tell the best man that I know that I... well you know."

"That you love him? Is that what you want to tell him?" She reached and took her daughter's hand. "Do you love him?"

"I... I don't know. I do know that he deserves to be loved. I want him to be happy but I don't think that I am the one that can give that to him."

"What makes you think that you aren't what will make him happy?" She looked at her daughter with curiosity. "Does he make you happy?"

Penny just looked at her mother without speaking. It was a simple question, but there was no simple answer. ‘That’s not true,’ she thought. The simple answer was yes. But how could she admit that to her mother if she couldn’t even admit it to her self?

“Mom, it’s not that simple.” Penny leaned forward and put her face in her hands. “Leonard… well he makes me feel special; but I’m not special.”

“Hogwash.”

“What?” Penny said at her mother’s proclamation.

“I said, hogwash. You are very special. Why would you think that you are not special?”

“Leonard has a bunch of degrees and he’s a freaking physicist. I… I never even finished community college. He’s a genius and I’m just a waitress slash actress who has never even had an acting job. Did you know that for me to come here and be with my family for a couple of weeks, Leonard paid my rent for me?”

“Honey, I didn’t realize it was such a burden on you. Your dad and me can give you some money to help you pay your rent.” She reached out and took her daughter’s hand. “This Leonard fellow seems like quite a guy. I’m pretty sure he’s smart enough to know what makes him happy.”

“He needs someone smart and pretty; and while I think he’s being honest when he says that he finds me beautiful, I’ll never be smart enough to…”

“You stop right there,” her mother said with authority, “You may not have some fancy college degree, but don’t you dare sell yourself short. You are a very bright young woman and I will not countenance any argument to the contrary.”

“Thanks, mom.” Penny leaned over her mother and embraced her. “Since Sissy is going to be here tomorrow, I think I’ll head on back to Pasadena and see if I can get things… well try to get my life in some kind of order.”

~ Pasadena ~

Sheldon had just arrived home when his phone rang. He had set it on silent during a lecture he had given on the probability matrix of quantum particles in a near black hole time continuum. As soon as he had turned up the volume on his phone, he had noticed over twenty missed calls and messages; twelve of which were from Leonard’s mother. Others were from Howard, Raj and even Bernadette. He hit the send button to connect with Beverly.

“Sheldon, where the hell have you been?” Beverly said as soon as she answered.

“I’ve been where I always am. City of Pasadena, State of California, Nation of The United States, Western Hemisphere of the Planet Earth, Planetary System around the Yellow Sun Sol in the Milky Way Galaxy.”

“Don’t get fresh with me young man. Why couldn’t I get in touch with you when I needed to know about what had happened to Leonard?” Beverly admonished.

“He indicated to me that it was unnecessary to inform you about his surgery and he has recovered quite satisfactorily. In fact he was well enough for the Dean to send him on a recruitment trip to some backwater town in Alabama.”

“Leonard had surgery?” she asked but brushed it off. “Penny called me this afternoon and said that Leonard had died.” She heard an intake of breath. “She called back and said she was mistaken; he’s alright. But when I tried to call you to find out what was going on, I couldn’t get tin touch with you.”

“I’ve been giving a lecture all day,” he said with a slight hint of annoyance in his tone. “What’s this about Leonard dying or not dying?”

Beverly had filled him in about the call from Penny and the subsequent call hours later informing her of Penny’s mistake. Sheldon hung up the phone when the conversation ended and wondered what he should do next. He hit the speed dial for Leonard’s phone and waited.

~ Somewhere in Alabama ~

Leonard answered the phone without taking his eyes off the road. It was a dark moonless night and this stretch of state highway was as dark as any he had ever been on. “Hello.”

“Leonard, is that you?” Sheldon queried.

“Yes, Sheldon, What’s up?” Leonard was pretty sure this was just another call to say ‘when are you coming back’ but was surprised when Sheldon answered.

“Are you okay? I talked with you mother…”

“And she told you that Penny had told her I died,” Leonard finished for him. “Well the reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear it. When are you coming home?”

“I should be home by the end of the week next. Possibly even by Wednesday. I have to make a detour to Boston; but I’ll be home after that.”

“Boston? What’s in Boston?” Sheldon said.

“It’s a long story Sheldon and I’m really tired and I have another thirty minutes until I get to my hotel. We’ll talk about it when I get back to Pasadena.”

“Well. Okay, I’ll see you when you get home.” The phone went dead.

‘Get home’ Leonard thought. Pasadena was not home. It was just a place he worked and laid his head most nights. His friends were his home. Home was in his heart and the hearts of those he loved. He drove on into the darkness, but his world had become filled with light.

~ Auburn, Alabama ~

Leonard parked his car in the hotel lot and walked into the lobby. He was tired to the bone and just wanted to lay his head down. As he approached the bank of elevators, he heard a familiar voice.

"Leonard?" He turned his head in the direction of the voice and saw Donna sitting in a high back chair and Emily was on a sofa to her right.

"Donna. Emily. What are ya'll doing here?" Leonard looked at them with confusion on his face.

"I thought you might like to have a nightcap before you turned in." Donna said.

"And I came along... well she said booze was involved'" Emily added.

"Hello Emily," Leonard drawled. "I appreciate the offer, but I am dead on my feet." He chuckled at the phrase and they looked at him as if he had lost his mind. "Just an inside joke," he explained.

"Whatever," Emily mocked, "Are we drinking or not?"

"Not'" Leonard replied. "I have a lot to do tomorrow and I don't want to be late to the play. Are you going to join us, Ems?"

"No, my usual Friday night sitter is out of town this weekend," Emily said.

"Babysitter?" Leonard asked with disbelief.

"Yes, I have a two year old daughter," she said with her chin stuck out in defiance. A smile crept onto Leonard's face and Emily thought he was about to say something snide. "Well, go ahead and say it."

Leonard's eyes seemed to take on a tinge of wonder. His smiled widened into a broad grin as he asked, "What is your daughter's name?"

Emily was taken aback by the nonchalant tone in Leonard’s voice. She had expected him to make some kind of off color remark. “Her name is Abigail,” Emily said, “But I call her Abby.”

“Abby,” Leonard said as if weighing the sound of it on his tongue. “That’s very pretty. If she is half a beautiful as her mother…”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Emily demanded. Leonard gave her a look of confusion mixed with hurt. She was perplexed by his reaction. “I have done nothing but make fun of you and cajoled you all week and you’re being all nice to me and stuff.”

“Very elegantly put,” Leonard said and paused for a reaction. She just leered at him. “Is that the type of comment you were expecting?” he asked.

“That’s better,” she replied as she stood and put her arm around him.

“If you can’t go to the play with us, can you and Abigail meet us for dinner before the play? I asked the Lee clan to meet us at Bob-Jack’s at 5:00. We’ll eat and then go to the play.” Leonard tilted his head and glared at Emily as if to convey the notion that ‘no’ was not an option.

“Sounds like a plan,” Donna said. “Come on Em, let’s get home and let Leonard get some rest.” Donna gave Leonard a brief hug and she took Emily’s hand and led her toward the parking lot. She glanced back and said over her shoulder, “Sleep tight and don’t let the bedbugs bite.”

~Nebraska, early morning ~

Penny had awoken early, checked on her mom and dad and told them she was going for a walk. She had walked down the lane that led to the road and had crossed to the cornfield opposite. The field belonged to Mr. Eugene and his house was about 500 yards from the road. She walked through the corn which was taller than she was. She had been meaning to go see Mr. Eugene the whole time she had been here but had not gotten around to it. If she was going to leave today, she needed to at least say a quick hello. She walked on following the row of corn so as not to loose her bearing. She recalled playing in the fields as a child and Mr. Eugene having to shoo them away.

“You young whippersnappers are tearing up my corn. Get out of here you delinquents.” A voice boomed from her right.

“Mr. Eugene,” she almost squealed as the form of a man appeared from between the corn rows.

“Well if it isn’t my little Penny blossom,” he said as he spread his arms and she leapt into them. She pulled away from him and took hold of his hand. As they walked on toward his house he asked, “What brings you back to Nebraska?”

“Mum had surgery and I came to visit and be here while she recovered.” Penny leaned in and put her head on his shoulder as they walked on. “How have you been doing?” she asked with concern in her voice.

“You know me, it hard to keep a good man down.” He squeezed her shoulder and gave her a genuine smile. As they approached the house, he stopped walking and she slowed and turned to him. “Did you ever talk to anyone about…?”

She lowered her eyes to the ground and shook her head ‘no’ so slightly that he wasn’t sure if she had answered. But he knew the answer before he had even asked the question. She continued to stare at the ground as she spoke. “No, I can’t tell anybody about that. If they knew they would hate me.”

“Poppycock,” he said with gusto. “As much as you feel responsible, I know that you are blameless.” He took the two steps that separated them and engulfed her in a bear hug. “Adam was…”

“I didn’t come here to talk about this,” she said.

“Adam was sick, Penny. What he did had nothing to do with you. You know he had a history of…”

“Yeah, Yeah. A history of depression and suicide attempts,” she finished for him. “But the fact remains that he called me, not anyone else, before he drove his car off the road directly into a tree.”

“It was never proven that it was not an accident.” He pushed her to arms length so as to look her directly in the eyes. “Did it help any… running away to Los Angeles? Did that boy Kurt help you any?”

“Kurt was a jerk. He was not who I thought he was.” She looked away from her friend. “He screwed around on me and I left him.”

“Saw that one coming. Just surprised you didn’t.” He started walking toward the house again and she fell in step behind him. “Would you like a glass of lemonade?” She just nodded, but he knew the answer to that one as well.

An hour later she had brought him up to date on her new friends in Pasadena and he just nodded his head as she continued. “So, Leonard is a great guy, but he deserves someone…”

“Taller, shorter…” Mr. Eugene said.

She swatted at him. “You know what I mean. He needs someone he can talk to.”

“From what you told me, he hasn’t had any problem talking to you since he got over his shyness. Penny, when you get home from a shift at the Buttercup Factory…”

“Cheesecake Factory,” she corrected, but he ignored her.

“… you don’t want to sit around and talk about menu changes or what percent tips you earned. I’m sure it’s the same with Leonard. He doesn’t want to talk about work; he wants to talk about you.” He took another sip of lemonade. “You’re just making up excuses to stay at arms length emotionally.”

“Why do you say that?” Penny asked.

“You’re afraid that just because Leonard has the same type of intelligence as Adam that he also has the same faults. Not all genius is accompanied by depression and thought of suicide. And before you say it; Adam’s death was not a result of your not…”

“My lack of understanding, is that what you were going to say. I wasn’t smart enough to see what was happening right before my eyes?” she said between sobs.

“Don’t put words into my mouth.” He lifted her chin with his hand. “What happened to Adam; whether it was an accident or not; is not your fault. His mother and I were there and we couldn’t help him. We failed as parents. So don’t you dare say you’re to blame. I won’t let you take that responsibility away from me. I lost him and his mother in the same year. She blamed me for his death and she was right. I was not strong enough to save my son and in the end her disappointment in me was too much for her… and she just let go.”

“Don’t say that Mr. Eugene. Adam loved you and his mother. It was just a sickness. Nothing you could have done would have saved him.” Penny looked at him with pleading eyes.

He gave her a weak smile and said, “You need to remember that too, young girl.” He held his hand out to her and gently squeezed her hand. “Remember too, that it wasn’t his love for you that drove him into that tree. It was some inner demon that we may never know. But you have to quit blaming yourself. It wasn’t love that killed him but…”

“I’ll try to remember that Mr. Eugene.” She stood and stepped to the edge of the porch. “I need to be going if I’m going to make a dent in my trip today.” She turned back to him. “Thank you for the talk; I…”

“You go on ‘fore you get all mushy on me. You drive carefully and be safe. And remember ‘to love another person is to see the face of God’. You need to sit down with this Leonard fella and get things out in the open. Adam would not want to see you suffering like this.”

“Thanks” she said as she walked down the steps toward the yard. She turned back toward him as she reached the bottom. “I… loved Adam more than you could know. I’m just sorry my love for him wasn’t enough.”

“Your love was more than enough, Penny. I wasn’t strong enough.” Without another word he stood and walked in the door to the house. Penny turned and walked toward the road.

They were both wrong, but neither would allow themselves to believe it. But he had said one thing that made perfect since. ‘You need to sit down with this Leonard fella and get things out in the open’. And so she set off to get things out in the open.


	20. A New Journey Begins

Leonard had awoken early that morning and gone to breakfast in the hotel restaurant. As he had taken a leisurely meal, he had set about the task of making a list of all the things he had needed to do that day. He had made a quick call to Donna and asked her to make reservations at the restaurant for 5:00 that afternoon. Then he had called Paul and told him the plans for the evening. Paul had confirmed that everyone was excited about the plans and that 5:00 o’clock would not be a problem. As soon as he thought it was late enough, he dialed Penny’s cell phone number. It rang only once before he heard her voice say in a chipper tone, “Leonard, you’re up early this morning. How are you doing?”

“Hey Penny. I’m doing great. How are you? What have you got planned for the day?” Leonard asked with genuine interest.

“Just driving. I hope to make it to Cedar City before stopping tonight.” Penny replied.

“You’re gonna head home today?” he asked with confusion. “I thought you would be with your mom at least another week.”

“My mom called my sister and she is going to be there by noon today.”

“There?” he said and paused. “Have you already left?”

“Yeah, I got on the road about an hour ago.”

“You must have gotten up pretty early to already be on the road” he stated with surprise.

“I wanted to make sure that…” she started but changed her direction mid thought, “…I wanted to get home.” Leonard stayed silent, pondering the meaning of this statement. Once he had thought that maybe he could be her home and she, his; but those days were long gone. “Leonard. Are you there?” she asked after a prolonged silence.

“Oh, yeah. I… I just… well I got distracted by my waitress.” He lied. “Well you drive carefully. I guess I’ll see you when I get back to Pasadena.” He had almost said ‘home’, but knew now that Pasadena was not his home and he was almost as sure that Penny was never going to be his ‘home’.

“Bye Leonard. Call me and let me know how things go, and I’ll see you when you get home.”

Leonard heard the disconnect and hit the end button on his phone. Had he just imagined it or had Penny put a lot of emphasis on the word home. He pondered that question for a moment and decided it had to be his imagination; Penny had never considered their relationship in that light. He turned his attention to the notebook on the table and put a check mark beside the item labeled ‘Check in with Penny’ and looked at the next item; ‘Check in with work’. He picked up his phone a dialed the number to reach the department secretary.

Thirty minutes later, he had completed all the tasks on his list that could be accomplished with a phone. He paid his bill and headed out to walk around the campus of Auburn University. It was almost lunchtime when he finally walked back into his hotel. He was about to go back into the hotel when he heard his cell phone ring. He looked at the screen and saw the face of Sheldon staring back at him. He hit the 'answer' icon and put the phone to his ear. "Good morning, Sheldon."

"I don't know what makes you think this is a good morning, but here in Pasadena it is cold and gloomy. The meteorologist says it will be cold and overcast all day. We have a mandatory staff meeting in a few minutes and I will have to sit through an hour's worth of..."

"Sheldon. Why have you called me?" Leonard interrupted.

"You need to come home today. Raj is starting to annoy me on the way to and from work. Amy is not able to provide me with transportation as she is currently away at a conference. I fear that after today, Raj will refuse to allow me to accompany him." Sheldon said with exasperation.

"Sheldon. I will be back in Pasadena sometime on Tuesday, unless something unexpected comes up. I'll call you and let you know more details as I get them. Goodbye Sheldon and he hit the end icon.

He was about to hit the up button beside the bank of elevators when he heard a familiar voice behind him. "Leonard, do you have a few minutes?" Leonard turned to see Henry walking up behind him.

"Henry. Hey, how are you doing?" Leonard said as he extended his hand. Henry took it and shook it vigorously. "What can I do for you?" They released their grips and Leonard walked toward a corner of the lobby with Henry close behind. They found seats and Leonard leaned back and nodded his head toward Henry.

"I hope you're not to upset with me about not taking your offer to come to California..." Henry started.

"Hey, we've been through this. I understand your decision and you don't need to explain any further." He leaned a little forward, "Believe me, I understand."

"Can I ask your advice about something?" Henry asked.

"Sure. Advice is free. You get what you pay for." Leonard grinned at him to let him know he was kidding.

Henry chuckled but continued, "Sis mentioned that you had just gotten out of a long term relationship..."

"I don't know if I would call it a long term one, and did she happen to mention that I 'got out of it' against my wishes?" Leonard supplied.

Henry just stared at him with curiosity. "Well... that's still more experience in relationships than me, and I can't talk to my sister." He paused, considering his next comment. "You know about Amanda?”

“Is that the redhead’s name?” Leonard asked and Henry shook his head in the affirmative. “Well, exactly how do you feel about her?”

“We’re friends. But I would like there to be more.” Henry stated.

“And how does she feel about that?”

“I don’t know.” Henry cast his eyes toward the ground and continued. “I don’t think she sees me as boyfriend material. We only got to be friends because we had to do a history project together during freshman year and…” he started shaking his head from side to side, “…she only befriended me because she thinks that I’m ‘safe’; that I would never make a move on her. She has a steady stream of boys that she dates. None of them for very long.”

Leonard listened to Henry talk about Amanda and as he talked, he mentally placed the actions of Amanda into the mental template he had of Penny. “First of all, I don’t believe that Amanda is as completely clueless as you are thinking. She has to know that you harbor some feelings for her. Women are like that; they see the subtle clues we don’t even know we are giving out. Second, you need to be as honest as you can with her. I don’t mean profess your undying love, by any means, but let her know that you have feelings that transcend mere friendship.”

“Won’t she know I love her if I tell her that I like her as more than just a friend?”

“Most likely she will infer that, but not having the words out there as confirmation will act as a buffer. That will give her the chance to guide your future interactions. She may decide to keep you at arms length and remain just friends; and in that case you will have to decide if that would be enough for you. Or she may begin to allow herself to have feelings for you; if they are not already present. But you don’t need to lose focus on the rest of your world.”

“What do you mean?” Henry asked.

“You’re going to be a Junior next year and you’re going to have to make some life decisions. Where are you going to college; you need to consider what is best for you and your sister.”

“My sister?” he asked perplexed.

“Come on Henry, I know you well enough to understand that your sister is very important to you. She has spent the last five years making sure that you had a decent childhood and were cared for. You need to think about her when you are making choices as to schools.”

“I hadn’t thought about it.” He slouched back in his chair. “I never thought about what she’s had to…”

“Listen Henry. I know she doesn’t begrudge anything she has done, but do you really think that given the choice, she would be working in a department store full time and going to night school?”

“Man, I am such an ass. I just always thought that she didn’t have any ambitions. She never showed any interest in science.”

“As much as we would like to think it is, science isn’t the only important thing in the world. I’ve talked with your sister over the last couple of weeks. She is very passionate about literature. I think she would like to be a writer one day.”

“I never knew that. I mean I know she is always reading, but I didn’t know she likes to write.” Henry leaned forward and asked, “Is there anything I can do to help her?”

“You’re still a minor, so anywhere you decide to go to school she will follow you. Think about her when you are making your decision,” Leonard said as he put a hand on his shoulder.

“Is there a good college for creative writing close to your University?” Henry asked.

“I’m not sure, never really thought about it. But I do know that Columbia has a good school and that is relatively close to MIT. I have some ins with some faculty there and would gladly put your name forward for early admission. And it is not to far from New York City, if a certain redhead wants to try her hand at acting.”

“Wow, you put a lot of thought into this.” Henry sighed.

“No, and there are so many variables that can affect the outcome of life. But sometimes thinking ahead can minimize the collateral damage.” Leonard said. “Now, I need to go and get ready for tonight and I’m sure you should be too.” They stood shook hands and parted company. As Leonard rode the elevator to his floor, he thought about the advice he had given to Henry and decided he should apply some of it to his own life.

When he reached the room, he plopped onto the bed and hit the send button on his cell phone. He waited a moment before the voice of Penny greeted him. “Hey Leonard, what ya doing?”

“Just relaxing a little bit. Are you making good progress on your journey back to Pasadena?” He asked.

“Yeah, I’m making pretty good time. I was just about to stop for lunch at the next town.”

“Listen, Penny. I think I’ve come to a decision.” He switched the phone to his other ear and rolled over on his side. “How would you feel if… what I’m trying to say… when I get back to Pasadena…”

“Leonard, just ask. You can ask me anything.” Penny could feel her heart fluttering. Was he going to ask her to be his girlfriend again? What would she say if he did? She had thought that she had changed her mind, but the same reasons for letting him go were still there. She cared for him; in fact she was pretty sure she loved him, but she didn’t deserve to be love by someone as good as Leonard.

“I’ve been neglecting a couple of projects at work and well… I’m going to need to put in some extra hours…” He rolled over again and changed ears, “I think we need to give each other some space. I know it’s not exactly comfortable for you to be around me when the gang gets together, so I’m going to back off a bit and let you spend some time with them without me hovering around.”

She didn’t know what she had expected him to say, but it definitely wasn’t that. “Okay” she stammered out, “If you think that is for the best.” She began to panic. Was he extricating himself from her life? She saw a sign for the next exit and it indicated a number of fast food options. “Leonard, I getting off at this exit. I got to go. I’ll see you when you get back home.” She began to lower the phone from her ear when she heard Leonard speak again.

“Penny, hold on just a second. I just need to tell you… ‘I have been, and always shall be your friend.’ I’m sorry that…” his voice cracked just a bit, “…I couldn’t be what you need me to be, but I will always be here for you if you need me.” He disconnected the line and powered down his phone. If she were able to call him back, he would be either heartbroken if she didn’t or blubbering if she did. It was best not to have the option available to her. 

~ Somewhere in Colorado ~

Penny glanced between her phone and the road. Was this the death knell of their relationship or was it just a transmogrification from love to friendship. She hit the redial button on her phone and waited. It went directly to his voicemail. She had reached the exit and pulled onto the exit ramp. She guided her car, well Leonard’s car, into the first fast food parking lot and as soon as she had put it in park and shut down the engine, she put her face in her hands and began to softly sob. She wasn’t going to make Cedar City tonight.


	21. The Play is the Thing

The play had been surprisingly good, for a group of high school kids. Henry had handled the few technical glitches with what Leonard considered ‘professional demeanor’ and Henry had done exceptionally well in the small part that he had played. After the play Donna had received a call from Emily in order to invite everyone back to her house for coffee and desserts. Paul had taken one look at the puppy dog eyes of his daughter and acquiesced. They had all followed Donna out of town into a small community just north of the city. Leonard was mildly surprised to find that Emily lived in a quite docile community.

Emily had been the perfect hostess and everyone had settled down with a coffee or hot chocolate. Leonard remembered that Emily had said she had to stay home for hr daughter so he asked, “Should we try to keep as quiet as possible, so we don’t wake up…” he had to search for the girls’ name in his memory, “…Abigail.”

“No need to worry about that. Once she is asleep, she is out like a light,” Emily said with a hint of jocularity in her tone. And then, as if on cue, Leonard heard a small voice from behind him.

“Mommy, can I have some water?” Everyone turned to see a young girl standing in the doorway. She looked around the room and slowly stepped inside. She walked straight to the easy chair in which Leonard was sitting and climbed up into Leonard's lap. She snuggled into his side and looked toward her mother with expectation on her face. Abigail closed her eyes and in a few moments she was once again asleep, Emily stood from her seat and began to cross the room.

Leonard shook his head slightly from side to side and mouthed the words 'She's Fine'. He put his arm around Abigail and pulled her closer to him. Emily sat back down and the conversation continued, albeit in a lower volume. Ashley eased from her dad's side and went to sit at Leonard's feet and stared up at the young girl asleep in his lap.

"She's pretty," Ashley said, "What's her name?"

Emily smiled at her and answered, "Her name is Abigail and she's two years old."

Just as Ashley was about to ask another question, the doorbell rang. Emily stood and left to answer it. As she left the room, Abigail opened her eyes and saw the older girl sitting in front of her. Abigail reached out her hand and touched Ashley’s face. Ashley smiled at her and Abigail gave a little laugh.

A moment later, Henry followed Emily into the room. Leonard saw him and said, "I thought you were going to the cast party."

Henry shrugged and sat in a chair next to Leonard. He tousled Abigail's hair and said, "Hey kid, shouldn't you be in bed by now?"

"I'm thirsty," she said as she looked to her mother. 

Henry looked up at Leonard and asked, "Leonard, could I talk to you... outside for a minute?"

"Sure," he replied, "Abigail, would you like to show Ashley your room?" She jumped off his lap and took Ashley by the hand and led her out of the room. Leonard stood and followed Henry out of a pair of French doors onto a deck overlooking the backyard.

Once the doors were closed and they were effectively alone Henry hesitantly asked Leonard, “Is the offer to come to California still on the table?” Leonard just stared at him and squinted his eyes. Henry continued, “It’s just that things are different now. I thought I could go out there and after a few months I could apply for ‘Emancipated Minor’ status. That would free up Sis from having to worry about me and she could get on with her life.”

“Do you really think that it is some legal definition that makes your sister feel responsible for you?” Leonard said with astonishment. “I know you are a very smart ‘man’, but some things don’t come with an IQ, some things have to be parsed out with time. Intellectually you can reason that if you are out of her sight then you are out of her mind, but relationships don’t work that way. She will still be your big sister and feel responsible for you, even if you are two thousand miles away. And running away won’t make you feel any better about what Amanda has done or said.”

“How did you know this was about her?” Henry queried.

“Well I assume you went to the cast party after the performance. If she hadn’t said or done something to upset you, you would still be there. What happened, Henry?”

Henry’s shoulders slouched and he plopped down in a rod-iron chair. Leonard sat in a chair opposite him and waited for him to feel comfortable enough to begin. After a few moments Henry began, “Why do girls do that?” He didn’t look up so Leonard took it as a rhetorical question. “Why do they always pick the wrong guy? I mean… is it not in their genetic make-up to want to search out the most intelligent person they can find so that their offspring will have a better chance at achieving greatness?”

Leonard had to chortle, “Henry, there may come a time in human development when the physical characteristic will be superceded by the intellectual, but presently the human race is in a transitory period. I believe that the Id and the Ego still search out the physically dominate mate and use intellect as, at best, a secondary criteria.”

“So what are you saying? No girl will ever love me because I’m smart but I’m not an alpha-male.” Henry stood and started pacing.

“I’m not saying that at all. What I am saying is that the default on most women’s radar setting is ‘tall, strong and charismatic’ because they are genetically encoded to believe that is what will provide them with like offspring and ensure their DNA’s imperative for continuation of the species. But if that is what this Amanda is looking for, you need to decide if you want to change for her; maybe take up sports and immerse yourself in popular culture; or see if exposing her to your true self will eventually bring her to the realization that your emotional connection to her is the better fit for her happiness.”

“Well I know the answer to that,” Henry said as he once again sat heavily in the chair. Leonard gave him a questioning look so he explained. “After the curtain fell I was… you can’t believe the rush I felt after hearing the applause… anyway, I went up to Amanda and… I just put my arm around her waist to give her a little hug of congratulations. Her performance was wonderful; don’t you think?” Leonard nodded in the affirmative. “Well when she turned to see me, I thought she was going to jump out of her skin. It was like I was potassium and she was water. She couldn’t wait to be out of my reach.”

“What did you do?” Leonard asked.

“What was I to do? I said ‘I’m sorry’ and walked away.” Leonard looked at him in pity. This was every geek's worst nightmare made real. “I decided to just let it go and I would talk to her later. Well I was talking to some of the other A/V people a while later and Amanda walked up and asked is she could talk to me.”

“That sounds promising,” Leonard remarked.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Until she said that the reason she acted that way was because her latest boyfriend didn’t like her hanging out with me. It turns out that he’s a benchwarmer on the baseball team and about as intelligent as lobotomized rock, but he does have impressive biceps.”

“Oh” was all Leonard could think to say.

“My reaction exactly. And when she said… she said ‘it was nice having known me’ like the friendship we had was defunct because the latest piece of rock candy had set forth an edict… well I was yesterday’s pizza that had been left out in the rain. No need of a second thought.”

“Do you think you may be overreacting?” Leonard asked in an attempt to calm him down. “Do you think that maybe you should give her some time to realize that she’s made a mistake?”

“I’m the one who made the mistake. If she can be so nonchalant about our friendship, then I see no extrapolation that would ever lead to a more meaningful relationship.” He stood again and looked in the window and saw his sister chatting with a woman he didn’t know. “Donna has sacrificed so much for me and I didn’t even realize until this afternoon. Maybe if I do something for her… maybe if I try to make her happy then this aching void in my soul will…” he trailed off.

Leonard thought back to the time that he had come to a similar conclusion. It had been a good decision and things had been working beautifully; until he had been yanked forcibly back into this reality. He stood and put his hand on Henry’s shoulder and looked inside. Emily was talking leisurely with Paul and as she laughed at something he said she lightly touched his arm with one hand and smiled at him. Leonard saw a flicker of something in Paul’s eyes but couldn’t put his finger on it. “Let’s not rush to any conclusions. Hormones may have merely hampered Amanda temporarily. It may be an ill placed statement during a monthly upheaval of emotional distress. But what you said about thinking about Donna’s happiness. I would have to concur. It has worked well in my life,” he said as he cast his memory back to his alternate self, “when I put others’ happiness at center stage. But know this, I never went so far as sacrificing my own happiness to insure others.” 

“How is that possible?” Henry turned to face Leonard. “Are the two values not mutually exclusive?”

“They don’t have to be,” Leonard argued. “Let’s take you and your sister as an example. Do you truly believe that by ‘removing the burden you represent’ from her life will make her happy?”

“She’ll be better off without having to worry about me,” he said with conviction.

“How old were you when you lost your mother?” Leonard probed.

Henry shot a glance at Leonard that showed his hurt at the memory, but he answered him. “I was ten years old and Donna was nineteen.”

“Were you happy when she decided to raise you instead of letting you go into the foster system?” Leonard asked as he put his hand on Henry’s arm.

“I didn’t know that was an option.” He lowered his eyes and asked Leonard, “Could she really have done that? Would they let her do that?”

“She was just a child herself, Henry. My guess is that she had to fight to keep you. There was probably a bit of pressure for her to hand you over to the ‘state’. But, again I’m guessing, she loved you too much to risk your happiness to the system.”

“How have I not figured all of this out on my own?” Henry asked.

“You were ten years old; you’re still young. Nobody expects you to have a grasp on these concepts.” Leonard guided him back to the chairs they had been sitting in. They sat in silence for a few minutes. “But to my point. It made her happy to be there for you, knowing that that was what was best for your happiness.”

“For someone who considers himself a genius, I’ve been pretty stupid, huh?” He sat pondering the implications of the revelations from the past few minutes. “I’ll want to talk to Donna, but I really think I would like to take you up on the opportunity your school is offering. If Donna is up to the move, I’ll be honored to accept your offer.”

“That’s not the point I was trying to make,” Leonard argued. “I just want…”

“I want to make Donna happy,” Henry interrupted. “When I first mentioned that someone was coming out here to talk to me about a school in California, she was more excited than I was.”

“Still, that is a big move and a very different pace of life. You need to have a long talk. Go through the pros and cons; don’t just act on excitement. I’ll support you in any decision that you both are happy with.” They stood and Henry wrapped Leonard in a hug before they made their way back into the party.

~ Outside Denver, Colorado ~

She had finally been able to pull herself together and gotten back on the interstate. She had completely forgotten about lunch. When she had heard the dinging of the console warning her that she was low on gas she pulled herself out of her road trance and exited to fill-up. Once the car was full of gas, she glanced up and saw a cheap looking motel adjacent to the quick-mart. Now she was lying on a very uncomfortable bed as the sun went down. She would get a good night sleep and decide whether to continue on to Pasadena or turn around and go back to Nebraska. Either way, she knew it would be in misery.

~ Opelika, Alabama ~

It was getting late and Leonard knew he had a long few days ahead of him so he waited for a lull in the conversation and took the chance to say, “Well everyone, it’s past my bedtime. I just want to take this opportunity to say ‘Thank You.’ You have all made my trip to Alabama a truly pleasurable experience.” He saw a blur and felt a body crash into his. He looked down to see his Ashley clutching tightly to his side. He laid a hand on her head and said quietly, “Especially you sweetheart.”

“Do you hafta go?” Ashley said with puppy dog eyes.

“Ash, sweetie. He has an early flight tomorrow and a long way to go. Besides, we need to get on the way home, too. Somebody has a big day tomorrow.” Paul said.

“That’s right.” Leonard said. “You are playing the piano at your church tomorrow.” She looked up at him and grinned. “Your Uncle Tim has promised that he would send me the video. I can’t wait to see it.”

A tear appeared in the corner of Ashley’s eye and she said quietly, “Its mommy’s favorite.” Leonard suppressed a gasp but immediately remembered the face of ‘his Jill’ and was unable to hold back the sorrow that washed over him. He wanted to stand up and run out of the room before the tears started flowing but Ashley was still holding tightly to his side. He finally gave up the struggle and held Ashley closer to him as his own tears started to flow.

Emily, who was sitting next to Paul, holding the now sleeping Abigail was stunned. Leonard had gone from congenial to a blubbering mass of sorrow in a split second. She reached out and grabbed Paul’s hand. She didn’t know why she did it, but it felt like the natural thing to do. Donna who was sitting next to Trisha exchanged a glance with her and then furrowed her brow. Within seconds the tumblers fell into place. Trisha and Tim had talked about their sister-in-law Jill and Ashley was her daughter and Ashley had had a transplant, and… This was Leonard’s other life. She stood and walked to Leonard. She extended her hand and said, “Ashley, we need to let Leonard get up. He has to get back to his hotel.” She stood up and looked at him with confusion on her face. She reached out and wiped the tear tracks from his cheeks.

Leonard made his apologies and promised everyone that he would be in touch, then he quickly made his way to the door. Once outside he made it halfway to his car before he completely lost his control and began to cry in earnest once again. Once he reached his car he reached to open the door but someone grabbed his hand. He turned to see that Donna had followed him out to the car.

“You aren’t in any state to drive. Give me the keys, I’m driving,” Donna demanded.

“Can’t,” he said through the sobs. “It’s a rental. You’re not an approved driver.”

“O yeah, like that worries you, but you’ll give a complete stranger the keys and let them drive halfway ‘cross the state,” she prodded.

“Oh, you heard about that, huh?” He said as he handed her the keys in defeat, and walked around to the passenger side.

As they made the drive back to his hotel she broached the subject as gently as she could. “So that was your…”

“There are a lot of correlations, aren’t there? Just how much did I tell you when I was, you know, inebriated?”

Enough to recognize the names Jill and Ashley figured prominently and that Ashley mom was dead and she had been a liver transplant recipient.” Donna summed up.

“That’s just the tip of the iceberg.” He took out his phone and tapped a few times on the screen. “I had a friend do a painting of my Ashley; don’t ask me how. But this is a photo of the portrait she painted.”

Donna had pulled up to a stoplight and she took the phone from his hand. She gasped when she saw the young girl that stared back at him. It was Ashley, the Ashley that they had just said goodbye to. “Oh God…”

“You can say that again,” Leonard bemoaned.

“You have to tell her.”

“Tell her what?” Leonard asked.

“Tell her that you are… that you were going to… I don’t know, but you need to tell her something.”

“Oh yeah, I can see it now. Ashley. In an alternate reality, not only is your mommy dead but your daddy is dead too, but good news, I was gonna adopt you and the girl that I love is gonna be your mother, but in this reality only your mommy is dead and the girl I love is unable to love me in return.” He finished with a hurmph . “I’m sure that would go over well, especially with Paul. No. Me establishing a friendship and keeping in contact from two thousand miles is the best thing for everyone.”

She knew he was right and took his hand. “Well if you ever need to talk to someone that knows a little bit about the truth, you don’t hesitate to call.” She continued to hold his hand because it felt as if it were the right thing to do. “What time does your flight for the west coast leave?”

“I have to be at the airport in Atlanta by 1:00 eastern time. But I’m flying to Boston not California.”

She shot a glance at him before turning her attention back to the road.

He saw the glance and answered the unasked question, “I have family there, I’ll have a quick visit and then head back to Pasadena.”

“So, is Boston home?” Donna asked.

How could he answer that? And then he decided that the truth was the best answer. “No, Boston’s not home. “I haven’t figured out where home is yet, but I’m looking. Maybe one day I’ll be fortunate enough to find ‘Home.’”


	22. Home is Around the Corner from the Pub

Leonard had relaxed immediately after takeoff and had fallen asleep before the flight attendant had finished her safety spiel. The weather was perfect, so they were expecting a smooth flight. Leonard opened his eyes to see a table before him. It was a round table made of what looked to be solid oak. A light flashed from a great distance away and he turned to look. When he returned his gaze back to the table, Penny was sitting there. She was wearing a white diaphanous gown. She looked up at him and smiled demurely. Leonard smiled back at her and sat down opposite her. He had missed her dearly over the last couple of weeks and he was pleased to see her.

"Hey," he said with trepidation. "It's good to see you."

She looked at him with curiosity. "What do you mean?"

"I haven't seen you in a couple of weeks, and I hate to admit it, but I've missed you."

"We just had breakfast together an hour ago." Penny said with a question in her voice. "What's going on Leonard? Where are we?"

"I don't know, Leonard replied. "What do you mean that we had breakfast together? I've been... Where exactly are we?"

"We're at the..." she stated as she looked around. "No. We're supposed to be at the doctor's office. You're meeting me here for our thirty week check-up."

"You're pregnant? How? When?" Leonard stumbled out.

"Leonard?" Penny asked confused. Are you okay? Are you sorry you married me? Is that what this is about? I thought we were past this." She looked at Leonard and frowned. Then she drooped her eyes to her hands in her lap. "What am I wearing? "

Leonard's mind was reeling, but he took a couple of deep breaths and started to analyze the situation. "You say that we are married and that you are thirty weeks pregnant. Do I have a daughter by the name of Ashley?"

"We." she said with emphasis, "have a daughter named Ashley."

"What is the last thing you remember before we came here to this place?" Leonard asked.

"I was in the waiting room of Dr. Steele. You just called and said you were stuck in traffic and you would be a little late. I remember that, as soon as I hung up the phone, little Jackson started kicking. He must have hit my kidney, 'cause I jumped up to run to the restroom. And then I was here and you were acting weird. Where is 'here' Leonard?"

"Okay, I'm going to throw out an hypothesis here." She just stared at him with contentment as if she believed his hypothesis would be as valid as any proven truth. He continued with new confidence. "I believe that we are in a place between realities. The last place I remember being was on a plane headed toward... well on a plane. I don't think that I'm... Have you ever heard of a theory about multiple universes?"

"Are you saying that you're not my Leonard? You're the other Leonard again?"

Leonard stared at her with astonishment. "You know about that?"

"We've talked about it in great detail. You, well my Leonard, always said that you; what he called Beta Leonard..." Leonard laughed. "What's so funny?"

Leonard laughed his reply, "When I finally figured out what had happened, I gave you the moniker of Beta Penny."

She smiled. "Tell me about your 'Alpha Penny'. Is she as happy as I am?"

"I hope she is. The truth is I haven't seen her in a couple of weeks. She's visiting her family and I've been kind of busy on a project." Leonard said as if by rote.

“Do you think she needs to be traveling, when she is so close to her due time?” Beta Penny asked.

“Oh no, you’ve got the wrong end of the stick. My Penny is not pregnant. She never was.” Leonard lowered his eyes. “Your Leonard is a very lucky man. He has the life that I could only hope for.”

Penny reached her hand across the expanse of the table and beckoned him to reach out for it. Leonard looked up to see the offered hand and he reached out his hand and took it. Penny said in a whisper, “I thank God everyday that Leonard, my Leonard, did what he did to make me realize that we loved each other. That’s what you need to do for your Penny. Make her see the love that exists between you.” She paused for a moment and Leonard could see the wheels turning in her mind. Oh my god. I just realized… it was you.”

“What are you talking about?” Leonard asked.

“After you had that feinting spell the day I met Ashley…” she was shaking her head, “my Leonard tried to explain…” Penny stood and began to pace. “He told me that it was like he was a diagram on a transparency and a duplicate transparency was stacked on top, but it was different in a couple of different ways. So the Leonard that I fell in love with was really two Leonards. I thought he was just trying to give a way to bow out gracefully, but he was completely serious.”

“How did he say that ‘my transparency’ was different?” Leonard asked.  
“He said that the reason you had been calling the team of researchers from the Cousteau Foundation by those strange names was…”

“Do you mean, Dirk, Al and Lauren?” She nodded her head in the affirmative. “They are characters from a series of books I read as a child. Did they think I… well your Leonard was crazy?”

“They just thought you were eccentric. My Leonard said he was always able to adjust things just enough to smooth the waters. But back to the differences. I need to know exactly when this ‘duplication’ occurred.”

Leonard could see the fear in her eyes and he believed he knew the crux of the fear. “I think it happened the night that, in my reality, I propositioned you while I was drunk. Did that happen in your reality?”

“Yeah, you were so cute. I pretended to be upset with you, but I had to fight the urge to pull you into my bedroom and ride you like a prize bull at the rodeo.”

Leonard blushed at this but continued on, “Well, while I was on the table having an appendectomy…”

“So that was when it happened?” Penny asked.

“I believe so. So that means that your Leonard is one hundred percent the father of your child, and when I returned back to my reality, everything that had happened after that was gone and I woke up the next morning, three months of my life were gone.” His eyes began to get misty. “

“There not gone, we are still here,” Penny said as she sat next to him.

“Was the wedding beautiful?” Leonard asked.

“So beautiful. Even though we did it before church was to start, the whole congregation came to celebrate with us. Jill helped Ashley organize a beautiful reception and Ashley made the most adorable flower girl.” Penny giggled. “When the preacher said ‘you may kiss the bride’, you leaned in a gave a warm but chaste kiss. Ashley pipe right in and said ‘that’s not a real married kiss’. So you but your arm behind my waist and dipped me as you planted a whopper of a kiss on me. You only stopped when the crowd started to hoop and holler.”

“Jill was there? So I didn’t concoct her like I did Al and Dirk?”

“No, she is definitely real,” Penny said. She could see there was something he wasn’t saying. “What are you not telling me Leonard?”

“It’s just that… whatever I say here in this place is just for you and me and maybe your Leonard, but it may be to hurtful for others. You have to promise me you will not repeat this.” She nodded her head in acceptance. “Jill… back in my world in not there.”

“What do you mean she’s not there? Is Ash there? Did you find Ashley and make sure she’s okay?”

“Ashley is fine. She is happy with her family back in Alabama.” He stopped, not wanting to continue, but the look of determination on Penny’s face belied that was not an option. “In my world Jill was Ashley’s mother. She was killed in action in the middle-east and she lives with her father Paul. They have family nearby that looks after them. Ashley is a happy little girl.”

.  
“I’m happy for her, but how are you doing?” Tears ran down her cheeks. “How can I make sure that you find the happiness that we have found?”

“I have happiness in the knowledge that somewhere out there you and Ashley and little Jackson have a wonderful life and that in some way an aspect of me has had a hand in making you happy.” There was a flash of light and they both heard a booming voice say ‘wake up’.

Penny panicked, “Something tells me we are about to be wrenched back to reality.”

Leonard nodded his head, “Live long and prosper and be happy.”

As the light brightened the last thing Leonard heard was “Remember, Eugene Brown; Cedar Creek, Nebraska.

Leonard opened his eyes to see a woman’s face in his. “Sorry to wake you, but I really to get by you so I can go to the washroom.” Leonard just nodded his head and stood up into the aisle so the woman could get past him. After he was seated again, he got the flight attendant’s attention.

“Could I bother you for a Coors Light and a bag of peanuts?” She nodded her answer and turned toward the serving area. “Thank you he said as she walked away.”

An hour later, they had landed in Trenton, NJ. He had taken public transportation to the train station and booked a ticket on Amtrak into Boston, Massachusetts. He had been shaken badly by the encounter on the plane. He had immediately taken out his laptop and made notes on everything he could remember bout the vision.

Now he was on the train, listening to the clickity-clack of the steel wheels. He wondered how much of the time spent with the other Penny, she would recall. He checked his watch. It would be another five hours before they reached Boston and then he would have at-least another three hours before his brother would be in his office. He settled into his seat and tried to get comfortable.

~ North Las Vegas, NV ~

Penny hardly remembered a moment of the drive that day. She had pushed herself to the limit and had finally had to stop, as she could no longer fight the fatigue. She had succeeded in finding another cheap motel and had just spent a good hour soaking in the tepid water of a bath. She sauntered back out of the bath and sat on the bed. Now that she had relaxed, her mind wandered to Leonard. Where was he and what was he up to? She picked her phone up from the nightstand and hit the speed dial for Leonard. It rang a couple of times and the she heard a weary voice answer.

“Hello…” she panicked and her voice froze. “Penny, is that you?”

“Yeah,” was all she could muster.

“Sorry I’ve been incommunicado. It’s been a hectic couple of days. But I should be able to head back to Pasadena in a day or so.”

“Are you still in Alabama?” she asked, finally getting her voice to cooperate.

“Nope, I flew out this morning. I am currently in Trenton.” He responded.

“Are you going to see your mother?”

“No,” he said with what Penny thought was a little too much emphasis. “I’ve got some business to take care of. It should only take a day.”

“I’m in Las Vegas. I should make it home by mid-day tomorrow,” Penny supplied. “About what you said the other day…”

“Listen, we don’t need to talk about this right now. We’ll have plenty of time when we’re both back in Pasadena.”

“Why do you keep doing that, Leonard?”

“Doing what?” he asked with complete honesty.

“You keep saying Pasadena instead of home; like… I know where home is.” Penny said. Leonard was quiet for a long moment and Penny continued, “Pasadena is home; isn’t it?”

“I don’t…” Leonard cleared his throat as if he was congested, “…I don’t think home is a place, Penny. Home is a feeling.”

“Then, if that’s true, Sheldon, Howard, Raj… and me; we’re your friends. Aren’t we home?”

“You are all good friends, Penny and I hope that one day I can find a home that ya’ll are a part of. But I haven’t found my true home, and until I do I will continue to search with due diligence.”

“So you’re saying that we aren’t good enough to be your home.” Leonard thought he could hear a tremor in her voice.

“I’m saying,” Leonard interrupted, “that friendship is the local pub that you visit to have a good time and get a little crazy. Home… well, home is the three room cottage with a white picket fence and a yard with a swing for the children to play on and a porch with a swing for you and the most important person in the world.” When Penny didn’t reply, Leonard concluded. “Even if it takes me another thirty years, I’ll find the home that is right for me.”

“I hope you find what you’re looking for Leonard,” Penny said quietly.

“I hope we both find it Penny. Your home is out there somewhere, too.” Leonard thought he heard a sniffle. “Penny, I really mean it when I say that I hope you find all the happiness you deserve. And I believe you deserve all the happiness in the world.”

“How can you say that Leonard? After what I’ve done to you.”

“You have done nothing ‘to’ me Penny. I looked for happiness in your love and well… It’s not your fault that the equation didn’t balance. To quote Tennyson ‘It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.’ You helped me better define what love is. Even negative results are results in the scientific world.”

“I’m sorry Leonard,” she repeated.

“Again nothing to be sorry for. That experience has served me well. I hold our brief encounter in great esteem.” Leonard could feel his emotions beginning to slip. “Penny, I need to let you go. We are about to enter a stretch where cell service is very sketchy and I would hate to get cutoff in the middle of a sentence. You get a good night’s sleep and drive carefully tomorrow. I’ll see you in the pub in a couple of days.”

She laughed at his terminology and said, “You be careful and I’ll see you soon.”

They both hung up and Leonard stared out the window. “Where are you,” he said to the reflection in the glass. “Where is your home?”

The lights of a small town seemed to flicker as the train sped past. He made a silent promise to himself. He would not let the flickers of his life pass by without notice. He would start paying attention to the details that shaped his world.


	24. Flight of Fancy

~ Cedar Creek, Nebraska ~

Leonard sat in his rental car outside the home of Eugene Brown. He had arrived in Omaha late the evening before, rented a compact car with GPS and found a cheap motel near the airport. He had taken advantage of the motel’s facilities to wash and dry the clothes he had packed into his carryon luggage. He was beginning to regret the decision to have the bulk of his luggage shipped back to his office ahead of him. But now he sat in front of this home in clean clothes. The sun was just coming up and he debated whether it was too early to knock on this person’s door.

~ Pasadena, CA ~

Penny lay in her bed in apartment 4B, unable to sleep. She was tired; there was no doubt about that. She had driven from Las Vegas, stopping only for gas, and arrived well after midnight. She had left everything in the car and gone straight to the fourth floor. She had approached apartment 4A and started to knock; hoping that he was back from his trip also. She had stopped herself with great willpower. Leonard could be only feet away from her and she could… what? Knock on the door and tell him that she had had an epiphany. She knew now that she loved him and wanted to make things work out. She wanted to be his girlfriend again… and by the way I slept with some random guy in Vegas. What had she done? But had he not been the one to say that he wanted to take a step back from their friendship; give each other space. Well she had just given him a light-year of space. Sadly she realized that Sheldon would be proud of her for using the term light-year correctly. She retreated to her apartment without knocking; she would have to figure out how to break the news of her betrayal to Leonard. It wasn’t a question of if; she had to tell him. So now she lay awake running over scenarios as to how she would put the final nail in the coffin of her relationship with Leonard.

~ Cedar Creek, Nebraska ~

Leonard had dozed as he waited for an appropriate hour to knock on this stranger’s door. His head was nestled up to the side window when he was startled awake by a knock on his windshield.

“What ya doing there?” a voice said.

Leonard focused his eyes and saw a man of about sixty glaring at him through the window.

“Ummm… I was waiting to see Mr. Brown,” Leonard croaked out.

“Well you’re seeing him. What do you want of him?” the man said.

Leonard opened the door and stepped out of the car. He looked over the man that stood before him. He saw, on the outside, a crusty old coot that looked like he had maybe slept two hours in the last twenty years. He could see the hint of a caring man in his eyes but that was almost completely overshadowed by a look of ‘tired’.

“My name is Leonard and I am a friend of… I think you know her… Penny?” He ended the statement with a questioning tone. “I believe her family lives somewhere nearby.” Leonard said.

Mr. Brown raised his eyes and looked across his field and across the road to a small farmhouse. “Yeah. I think she lives somewheres about here.” He recognized the name Leonard from his talk with Penny but wanted to find out what he was looking for. “How do you know the Penny girl and what’s it to do wi’ me?”

How could Leonard answer that question? He couldn’t say that an alternate version of Penny had mentioned his name and location in an effort to help him find happiness; and was that her objective? He had assumed so in the beginning, but what if it had been a way to help him find his Penny a way to happiness. And, were those two ideas mutually exclusive. “Penny and I used to date. We’ve parted as friends and… well… listen;

I just want her to be happy. Your name came up a ways back and well I was flying back from the east coast and thought…” he took a breath. “I value her friendship very much. I was hoping you could give me some insight as to how I could, as a friend, help her to be happy.

The old man seemed to smile at this declaration from Leonard, but he couldn’t be sure. Leonard fidgeted a bit and Eugene finally replied, “Come on in. I’ve got coffee and you look like you could use a pick-me-up.” He turned and walked toward the house with Leonard following close behind.

~Pasadena, CA~

Penny got up and took a quick shower; she dressed in a pair of old jeans and a t-shirt before starting towards her door but stopped short as she heard voices outside.

"Come on Dude. If we're going to stop for breakfast we need to get moving," said the voice of Raj.

"I told you when you called..." Sheldon droned on, but Penny tuned him out. She opened the door hoping to see Leonard with them. He was not there. They stared at her in her open doorway and Sheldon finally spoke. "Thank goodness, Penny. You can give me a ride to work. Raj. Penny will give me a ride. I don't need you."

Raj just raised his hands in a gesture of frustration, turned and began to descend the stairs.

"Sheldon, I can't give you a ride to work. My car... well Leonard's car is still packed to the gills with... stuff." Penny explained.

"We can take your car. Leonard left his set of keys in our bowl." He turned and retreated back into the still open doorway and retrieved the keys. He closed the door, handed the keys to Penny and began to walk down the stairs. Penny stared at his back as he descended, but as soon as he had turned the first corner she ducked back into her apartment and grabbed her purse. She followed him down dejectedly.

~ Cedar Creek ~

Leonard had to admit that the coffee was hitting the spot. He was actually beginning to feel as if he had some energy. He knew it had to be the caffeine, but it felt good. He peered across the table at Mr. Brown. What could he say to start the dialog?

Mr. Brown beat him to the punch. "So, Mr. Hofstadter, what exactly is it that you think you came half-way 'cross the country to discover?"

"I was sort of hoping you could help me with that," Leonard began. "I don't have a lot of experience with... relationships and I think I really botched things up with Penny. But the truth of the matter is that I've come to realize that I am not what will make Penny happy. But if I can get some idea as to what 'will' make her happy..."

"You'll see to it that she gets it?" Mr. Brown questioned.

"If there is any way that I can; Yes." Leonard sat his coffee cup down and leaned toward Mr. Brown. "I feel like there is something I am missing here. The context in which she gave me your name..." he paused. It was the alternate Penny that had given him the information. Maybe his Penny didn't have the same connection to this Mr. Brown. "I'm sorry. This was probably a mistake. I took a statement she made out of context. I'm sorry to have disturbed you." He stood to leave. "Thank you for the coffee."

"Sit down, Mr. Hofstader. Please." Leonard returned to his chair and then it dawned on him. He had never given Mr. Brown his last name. Penny must have spoken to Mr. Brown about him.

"What exactly has Penny told you about me?" he asked. Mr. Brown just looked at him without speaking. "Did she tell you that I was in love with her and she didn't love me in return?"

"Now what would make you come to that conclusion, Leonard?" Eugene finally spoke.

"Well, it could be the fact that I told her that I love her and she responded to my declaration with 'Thank you' and then broke up with me in front of all my friends." Leonard replied.

"You said love, not loved," Eugene stated.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, I interpret that as meaning that you still love her." he explained.

"No need to interpret. I gladly admit that that I still love her. I've just had to restructure my paradigm to realize that it is in my... and to some extent, her... best interest that I not 'be' in love with her. I have feelings for her, but those feelings have to be mitigated with reality."

"Huh... you sound just like my son. He was always talking about stuff that didn't make since." Mr. Brown got up and walked to the coffee pot and poured himself another cup of coffee. He turned back to Leonard, "Don't jump to conclusions there son. Just 'cause she didn't jump up and down and shriek like a little girl, doesn't mean that she doesn't love you."

"No, I'm pretty sure it does." Leonard replied. He thought back to his confrontation with Beta Penny. "She had no problem telling her previous boyfriend that she loved him and even telling me that she 'still' loved him after she caught him cheating on her." Leonard slouched backwards into the chair. "I don't blame her for not loving me. It's just not in her nature to love someone like me."

"That's not true Leonard..." Eugene began but tapered off.

"Why would you say that?" Leonard asked.

"It's not my place to say, but I know Penny, and you are just the type of person she needs..." again he stopped before finishing his thought.

"What are you not saying, Mr. Brown?" Leonard leaned forward. "Did Penny say something to you about me?"

"Penny came by a couple of days ago. We talked a bit."

"About what?" Leonard asked.

"Your name came up, for one. And then there was... she said she had to get back home. She wanted to talk to you and get things out in the open."

"Get what out in the open?" Leonard questioned.

"She didn't say. She just seemed to be in a hurry to get back to see you." Eugene sat back down.

 

"How well do you know Penny and her family?" Leonard asked.

"I've known Penny since before she was knee high to a grasshopper. She grew up just across the way there." He gestured toward the front door. "My son Adam and her was in school together."

"She's never mentioned Adam. Does she still keep in touch with him?" Leonard inquired.

"My son is... he's not with us anymore." He lowered his eyes as he continued, "He passed his senior year." He lapsed into silence.

After a minute or two had passed Leonard said, "I'm so sorry, Mr. Brown." So many things flashed through Leonard's mind. Was it an illness? Was it an accident; or was it some other method?

"He was in love with Penny," Mr. Brown said in a rush, as if he didn't say it quickly he wouldn't be able to get it out. "Adam was 'Special'. He was one of those geniuses. Even from a young age, I knew he was to big for... us."

Leonard was shocked by the outburst and it took him a moment to respond. "Don't think like that Mr. Brown." He paused as a question occurred to him, "You say he was special and he was a genius; how did his genius manifest itself?"

"Penny says you're one of those geniuses too." Mr. Brown raised his eyes to look directly at Leonard. "Maybe you can explain something my son said to me... not long before..." he tapered off and looked like he was about to cry. "He told me that love, like gravity, was a weak force until you got too close to a big object. That ain't his exact words, but that's what I remember."

Leonard pondered that for a moment. "Did Penny love Adam?" Mr. Brown didn't answer. "If she did, it could explain what he meant."

"Yes, she said she did and I believe her," he said with a nod of his head.

"Then the gravity thing makes since." Mr. Brown nodded his head indicating that Leonard should continue. "We all think that gravity is some grand force, but it is actually one of the weaker forces. We perceive gravity to be strong because from our vantage point, here on the surface of the earth, gravity keeps us pinned to the ground. But in truth other forces, such as magnetism and electrical forces are much stronger. Gravity, like love, is week unless there is a celestial body of great mass. In that case, the gravity created by the celestial body can even bend the fabric of time and space." Mr. Brown just looked blankly at him. "Look at it like this; do you know what a black hole is?"

"I've heard of them," Mr. Brown replied.

"Good. Well a black hole is formed when a star, like our sun but thousands of times larger, finally runs out of fuel to burn and then explodes. But in almost the same instance, the mass of the star is so great the gravity of the star causes it to collapse back in upon it self. Imagine a star the size of our sun collapses within a blink of the eye to a size smaller than a grain of sand. All that mass in such a small 'singularity' causes the gravity around it to begin to bend space and time. Even light cannot escape its gravitational pull."

"I'm not seeing how this applies to love." Eugene stated.

"It's just conjecture, but I think he was drawing a comparison between Penny and a celestial body." He pondered that thought; she definitely had a celestial body. "Adam most likely was equating his love for Penny as the force of gravity being collapsed back down upon his own genius. I think he may have been scared that his love may have warped the perception that Penny had of him." He paused. "I'm just guessing. I have no way of knowing what he was thinking."

"That's as good an explanation as I've heard," Mr. Brown said. "Can I get you a refill?"

They both settled into a quiet contemplation and just sipped their coffees. An hour later Mr. Brown bid Leonard goodbye and he drove back towards Omaha. They had both danced around the topic of Penny and Leonard had taken away very little useful information. The one thing he had learned was that Penny was a far more complex person than he had realized.

~ Pasadena, CA ~

The drive to work was tedious. Penny had wanted to talk to Sheldon about Leonard and he was happy to do so; but only along the lines of how Leonard's return would be beneficial to him. She had dropped him off, with great relief, but had to relent to pick him up a five o'clock for the ride home. She had gone home and unloaded her car before driving to the Cheesecake Factory and let them know she was back and available for work shifts.

It was noon before she was able to sit down on her couch and relax. She had just closed her eyes when her cell phone rang. She looked down and saw a picture of Leonard as the incoming call. She excitedly hit the answer button. "Hey Leonard. Where are you?"

"I'm on my way to the airport. I should be back this afternoon." Leonard said.

"What time does your flight arrive? I can pick you up." Penny offered.

"Not necessary. I talked to the Dean's secretary and she is sending a car to pick me up. I have a meeting as soon as I get back to discuss the trip.

"Leonard... we need to talk." Penny said ominously.

"Yes. Yes we do," he said matter-of-factly. Leonard replied. "Why don't we tentatively say breakfast in the morning. I'll meet you out front of the building at seven in the morning. I'll take you to the Waffle House."

"Okay," she said wearily. "Since when do you eat at the Waffle House?"

"Things change, Penny. Things change." Leonard chuckled. "Sometimes change is good."

"Will I see you when you get home tonight?" Penny asked.

"I'll probably be pretty late getting back to the apartment. I have a lot of paperwork to clear up and I have a lot of messages that have to be returned." He paused for a moment and then continued, "How late is too late for me to knock on your door?"

"No time is too late. Wake me up when you get home." Penny lowered her voice to just above a whisper. "I've missed you, Leonard."

"Ditto," Leonard replied, "I'll see you tonight; if it's not too late. If so, I'll see you in the morning. Take care Penny." He lowered the phone and disconnected.

Penny stared down at her phone and reluctantly pressed the end button. She leaned back against the back of the sofa, threw her head back and closed her eyes. If she took a nap now, she could be more awake when Leonard got home late. She had noticed Leonard was still not using the word 'home' in reference to his apartment.

~ Somewhere Over the Rockies ~

Leonard had returned his rental and made his flight with plenty of time to spare. He had received an e-mail as he waited for his flight to begin boarding and found that Tim had uploaded a video to him. It had taken a while for it to download and it had completed just before he boarded. The first half of the flight had been taken up by his being polite to the older lady sitting next to him. She had informed him that she was going to Pasadena to see her daughter who was in the last week before her due date. He had finally been able to get a word in and asked her if she would like to see the video of his 'niece' playing a piano solo for her church. She had politely said yes and he had opened up his laptop.

The video started with the preacher introducing Ashley and her walking up to the piano on the dais. She sat down and looked over to see her father. Tim panned to show Paul with the biggest grin on his face. He smiled the biggest smile Leonard had ever seen and Tim panned back to see Ashley begin her song. Ashley played beautifully and made only a few minor mistakes. The congregation broke into applause as Tim panned the crowd. He slowly zoomed in on Paul and that is when Leonard noticed that Emily was sitting next to him and she was holding his hand. Leonard was overjoyed to see his friends finding happiness. As the video ended, Tim turned the camera on himself and gave a thumbs up sign.

"She's a very pretty and talented girl," the lady said.

"Yes she is. She is very precious," Leonard said with pride. They made small talk the rest of the flight. The stewardess informed the passenger that they were preparing to land and Leonard looked down at his watch. It was just after three o'clock Pacific time; the flight was going to land on time.

~ Cal Tech College ~

Raj sat at his desk pondering the calculations that he had scribbled in his notebook. But his mind kept wandering. His sister had called and said that she had some business in LA in a couple weeks and asked if she could stay with him. He turned to a new page in his notebook and started to make notes. There were certain items in his apartment that needed to be removed; he would ask Howard if he could store them in the utility shed behind his mother's house. Priya did not need to know about those vices.

In another part of the building, Howard was working on a connection to a servo for a mechanical hand. He was beginning to get frustrated when the phone rang. He picked it up and without any politeness said 'hello.'

He listened for a moment and replied, "Yes sir. I'll bring you the update on the hand before five." He hung the phone up without preamble and went back to staring at the robotic arm.

In Sheldon’s office, all was quiet. After Penny had dropped him off he had gotten directly to work on the most previous problem with which he was contemplating. But his mind had wandered to Penny for some unknown reason. Amy had skyped him last night and they had spoken at length about numerous topics, but Amy had asked him about his roommate Leonard and his current status had come into the conversation. He had tried, without success, to steer her to more interesting topics but Amy persisted. He had explained to her that he had been dating their neighbor, but that they were no longer having coitus. They were trying to remain friends but he didn’t think it would work. Amy just nodded and said that she hoped they could work it out. And then she was on the next topic.

Sheldon looked up at the whiteboard, sighed and reached into his desk drawer and brought out a box of milk duds. His mind was too cluttered to think. He have another go after lunch.

~ Bob Hope Airport ~

Leonard’s flight had actually landed a few minutes early and not having any luggage to collect he was sitting outside at the curb waiting for his transportation to arrive. As he saw the University’s car approaching, he heard a familiar voice behind him and it sounded upset.

“No. No. You don’t worry about me. I’ll get a taxi and be there as soon as possible. You go take care of Tracy.” Leonard turned to see the sweet lady from the plane trying to carry two pieces of luggage with one hand while holding on to the phone with the other. She looked up and saw him staring. “Mr. Hofstader, I figured you would be half-way home by now.”

“My ride is just pulling up.” He reached for one of bags. “Let me give you a hand. I thought your son-in-law was picking you up.”

She let him take part of her burden and set the other bag down for a moment. “They were going to induce my daughter in the morning, but the little one had other plans. He called me while I was waiting on my luggage and told me Tracy has gone into labor. He is in admitting with her now.”

He looked over at the taxi stand and there was a very long line. “You don’t need a taxi. You have your own private car right here.” The university car pulled up and he saw the dean’s PA was at the wheel. He walked over, opened the passenger side door and spoke to her. “Hey Tonya. Change of plans; we’re going to give my friend a ride to… what hospital is your daughter in?”

“Our Sisters of Mercy,” she replied.

“Of course; Tonya, Our sisters of Mercy Hospital.” He grabbed her luggage and tossed it in the trunk before she could protest. And moments later they were on their way.

An hour later and a promise from Teresa; that was the lady’s name, to call him as soon as her granddaughter was born, Leonard was walking into his office. He was just going to check his inbox before going to meet the dean. He glanced over at the closet on the far wall. Maybe he had a few minutes to spare; he could just spend a few moments in his ‘other’ world.

‘No’ he thought, ‘I won’t rush it. I’ll come back when I have more time.’ He turned on his workstation and typed in his password. Over a hundred e-mails came up on the screen, but he was able to prune over half of them as spam or people he had no interest in conversing with. It took about twenty minutes to respond to the few that needed his immediate attention. He turned off the monitor and was walking towards to door when Tonya appeared in the doorway.

“Hey, I’m glad I caught you,” Tonya started, “Dean Stockwell got a call from his wife. Evidently there is some food emergency for a dinner party they are having tonight. He’s had to leave to take care of it. He says he’ll see you first thing in the morning; about eight o’clock.”

“Oh,” he replied. That would occupy the same point in the dimension of time as his breakfast with Penny, but his first responsibility was to the Dean. “That will be fine. Are we still meeting in his office?”

“He suggested the dining room in Darryl Hall. He’ll see you there at eight sharp.” Tonya smiled as she turned and walked down the corridor.

Leonard needed to call and let Penny know that things had changed but his phone rang just as he was about to dial. He hit the answer button and raised it to his ear. “Mrs. Anderson. Good to hear from you.” He listened for a moment. “I just got back within the hour. I was going to call you before I started the pile of paperwork on my desk. This was good timing.” He sat down and started moving things around as he listened. “No, that will be perfect. Tomorrow at one o’clock. I’ll be there with bells on. No really, I’m looking forward to seeing Jackson again and I’d like to meet this counselor. I’ll see you there.” He listened for a few moments more as she made her salutations and then he hung up the phone. The mention of Jackson had brought his mind into sharp focus on his other life. He walked to the closet and opened the door. He walked in, shut the door behind him and took a seat on a stool that was against the sidewall. He reached up and pulled a white cloth away from the object leaning against the opposite wall. He stared at the face of his beloved daughter. Madam Olga had done a magnificent job. It was as if he were staring into the eyes of his daughter and not a painting.

Leonard lost tack of time as his mind swirled around the love and devotion this child had shown him. He thought of his Jackson and those words that Jackson Anderson had whispered to him. Leonard broke down and cried and his body gently shook with sobs. He needed to call Penny… but he couldn’t talk to the Penny he needed. His sobs began to lessen, but he stayed completely quiet. His phone rang; he looked down to see the face of Penny looking back at him. He pressed the power button on his phone and set it on the floor next to the stool. He was where he needed to be. Let the world crash in on him tomorrow.


	25. Premonitions Revisited

~ Cal Tech ~

Leonard awoke to the sound of the beeper going off on his wristwatch. He had set it the night before because he was afraid he would miss his meeting with the dean. He had spent the night on the small couch in his office because he didn't have the energy to call a cab and be driven home. He had finally forced himself out of the storage room at about two o'clock in the morning and decided to lie down on the couch and take a nap. Now it was six in the morning and he was opening up the luggage that he had shipped back from Alabama. He removed his toiletry bag and stepped into the small bathroom to freshen up and brush his teeth.

After finishing his ablutions he took out his cell phone and sent a text to Penny apologizing for the fact that he would have to postpone their breakfast He hit the send button and then pulled his carryon bag onto the desk and extracted his charger. He plugged the charger into the wall and then into his phone. He left his phone on the desk and left his office.

~ Apartment 4B ~

Penny awoke and looked at her clock. It showed 6:30 and she panicked. Leonard would be waiting for her in thirty minutes; and if she knew Leonard, he was probably already downstairs. She rushed into the bathroom and quickly showered. She was showered and dressed and she picked-up her phone to check the time. It showed 7:05 but she also saw that she had an unread text message from Leonard. She opened it to read and noticed that the time that it had been received was 6:10 that morning. She looked at the current time again and decided he had already left for whatever reason he had sent the message. She sat down on the couch and typed a response to his text message; 'I LOVE YOU'. She stared at the message for a long moment before she hit the delete button.

~ Downtown Pasadena: Office Building ~

Leonard had arrived early and was in the waiting room when the Andersons arrived. In addition to Jackson, Clive and Samantha, a young girl also arrived; she was about twelve or thirteen if Leonard had to guess. As they entered, a middle-aged woman stepped out of the office and greeted them. Samantha introduced Leonard to Dr. Voorhees and she ushered them all into her office. The family had spoken for the first segment about the events of the past week. Leonard noticed that the young girl; whose name was Jill; had very little to say. About half way through the one-hour session, Jackson crawled down out of his mother's lap and walked over to sit on the floor at Leonard's feet. He wrapped an arm around Leonard's leg and started to hum.

Dr. Voorhees observed this and asked Leonard, "Why do you believe that Jackson has this connection to you?"

Leonard opened his mouth to speak but no words ushered forth. He tried again with the same results. Finally he was able to speak, "I don't know... well not for sure." He hesitated and Samantha reached over and put her hand on his arm. "What I say here... well it's private isn't it? I mean... you can't tell anybody what I say and you can tell me if I'm crazy... right?"

"Why would you think you're crazy, Leonard?" Samantha asked.

Dr. Voorhees raised her hand to interrupt Samantha. "Leonard, I think that what she means is, what would make you think we might conclude something is out of the ordinary?"

Leonard looked around at the others in the room. He lowered his eyes a bit and began to speak. "Well it all started, I think, about two months ago. I was having an emergency appendectomy and... well they say that I was clinically dead for just over a minute." He jerked his head to the left as he heard a sharp intake of breath. He realized that Jill had gasped at his statement. He turned back toward the doctor. "The weird thing is that in that seventy-three seconds, I kinda had a... it's like a lived a different life." He glanced back at Jill to see her reaction to that statement; she was back to her stoic demeanor. "My logical mind tells me that it was just an hallucination as a result of flat lining, but my heart tells me that that other world is out there somewhere."

"What does that have to do with Jackson?" Dr. Voorhees asked.

"Well in the hallucination, my ex-girlfriend is three months pregnant and we had plans to get married." He reached down and put his hand on Jackson's head. "Well, when they revived me, I was back in this world and well everything was back to... well normal I guess."

Jill spoke up and asked, "So are you gonna get to the point? Why does my brother like you?"

Leonard turned toward Jill and said, "We had not picked a name for our child before, well, you know, I got sucked back to this reality. When I realized what I had lost, I started to... I needed to put a name to the memories and I picked the name Jackson. I never told anyone about my hallucination but when your brother ran up to me in that restaurant I was stunned. He was giving me a message from that other life. It was all I could do not to grab him, hold on to him and never let him go."

"It's called a coincidence, dummy. You had a little dream and when you woke up..." Jill said mockingly.

Her mother interrupted her, "Jill. Don't be rude. Leonard was nice enough to come with us to this session; try to be nice."

"Leonard," Dr. Voorhees resumed speaking, "Can you tell us a little bit about this... other reality?"

Leonard spent about twenty minutes recounting the similarities and difference between the two realities. Jill had shown great interest when Leonard had talked about his friend Jill from the other reality. When he had concluded his explanation, Jackson had let go of his legs and climbed up into his lap. Dr. Voorhees simply stared at him and remained silent. Clive was shaking his head from side to side in astonishment. Samantha stood and walked over to him; she sat down next to him and put her hand on Jackson's back.

"I don't know... I don't know if it would be sadder if it were just a dream or if it was real. How can you... how are you coping?" Samantha asked.

"It took a while, but I'm starting to adjust." Leonard glanced at Jill and she actually seemed to be crying. "I really miss the friends... and family that I had to leave behind."

Jill sniffled slightly and then asked, "Can I wait outside until its time to go home?"

"Alright sweetheart," Clive said, "We won't be much longer." Jill got up and slowly walked to the door. As she opened it she turned briefly to glance at Leonard and then quickly stepped outside. Clive turned to Leonard and asked, "Leonard, is there anything..."

"I appreciate the sentiment, Mr. Anderson, but unless you have a device hat can erase memories, there isn't much to be done." Leonard gave him a genuine smile and relaxed back into the seat. Jackson readjusted himself and looked up at Leonard; a smile on his face. "I think I'll head on out and let ya'll get to the crux of the session." Jackson seemed to sense that Leonard was ready to leave and he slid down out of his lap and walked over to his father. He climbed up next to him and rested his head in his lap.

Leonard made his salutations and left the office. As he stepped into the outer office he noticed Jill sitting in a chair in the corner. He nodded his head toward her and walked toward the exit. Just as he put his hand on the knob he heard a small voice say, "do you miss her?" He turned to see that Jill had risen and was walking in his direction; he took his hand off the doorknob and collapsed into the nearest chair. Jill sat down in the chair next to him and just stared at him. Leonard lowered his eyes to the floor and fought back tears.

"Will you tell me about your friend Jill?" Leonard lifted his head to see that Jill was staring intently at him. She continued, "She sounds like she was... awesome."

"She is," Leonard replied. "Jill is an amazing woman."

"I mean it, I would really like you to tell me about her," Jill reiterated.

"I would like that, but why would you want to hear me talk about someone that you'll never get a chance to meet?" Leonard asked.

"I had a friend that moved away last year," Jill started as she averted her eyes, "Her name was Isabel." She shifted in her seat and sat up straight. "I... I have trouble sometimes remembering things about her. Mom never met her and my other friends at school don't seem to care about remembering her. I was just thinking that... if you told me about your friend... I could maybe help you... you know remembering her."

Leonard was shocked; this girl was offering to help him remember his friend. "Thank you for the offer; I know you mean it, but you need to make your own memories and cherish them."

"Will you tell me about her 'cause she sounds like a interesting person?" Jill asked.

"I'll be glad to tell you about my friend Jill, but only if you tell me about your friend Isabel," Leonard said.

"Its a deal," Jill said as she extended her hand. "My family is going on a picnic this Sunday after church; will you go with us?"

"I don't know if I need to intrude on your family's together time," Leonard rebutted.

Just as he said this, the door to the office opened and her parents walked out with Jackson close behind. "Daddy," she exclaimed, "Can Leonard come with us on Sunday on our picnic?"

Mr. Anderson looked perplexed, "Of course he can if he wants to." He turned to Leonard and continued, "Leonard you're welcome to join us if you would like to. We like to go on a picnic at least once a month."

"I would enjoy that," Leonard said "What can I bring?" They spoke for a few minutes about plans and Leonard bid goodbye and headed home.

~ Apartment Building Stairs ~

As Leonard climbed the first set of stairs, his phone rang. He looked at the screen and smiled. He answered it and said, "Well hello Mr. Thompson. How are you this fine day?"

"I am doing fair to middling," he chuckled, "and how are you?"

"I am about worn down to a nub. I got back to Pasadena yesterday, but tonight will be the first chance I get to sleep in my own bed."

"And whose bed did you sleep in last night?" he said with a laugh in his voice.

"Ha, Ha. I slept at my office last night. I had some things..." he trailed off.

Henry could hear the sadness in his voice and tried to change the mood. "Well, I expect you to have a big shindig for me and Donna in two weeks when we arrive."

"So ya'll have decided to move out here? That's great." Leonard said with excitement.

"Yep, we're coming out to see about finding a place to live, week after next, " Henry said.

"Well, I will treat you and your sister to dinner the first night you are here. I'm excited for you, Henry. Do you need me to pick you up at the airport?" Leonard asked.

"No. The young lady in your office has taken care of everything. I just wanted to call and thank you." Henry said.

"Thank me for what?" Leonard asked.

"Where do I start? Your advice concerning my sister for starters, and well your advice concerning Amanda was spot on. I let her go," he said with a tremor in his voice.

"Are you okay?" Leonard asked.

"Donna's been real supportive. I had a few bad days, but it's for the best. Our lives are completely different. I need to lead my own life. I'm going to be okay."

They talked for a few minutes more as Leonard settled onto a step and leaned back against the wall. He had just hung up the phone when Penny rounded the corner and saw him.

“Hey Leonard, welcome home,” she greeted as she squinted her eyes in a question. “What are you doing sitting down here on the steps?”

“I got a phone call from a friend and well… I didn’t think talking and climbing stairs was a good combination at the time.” He could see she was wearing her Cheesecake Factory uniform. “Started back to work already? I figured you would take a few days to decompress before going back.”

“Well, I thought about it, but I owe you a lot of money and it didn’t seem right to…” she tapered off.

“Penny, don’t worry about that. You can take your time paying me back. I’m not going anywhere.” He smiled at her and she smiled back, but he could tell it was a forced smile. She sat down next to him and put her hand on his knee. “Penny,” he said meekly, “there is something I need to tell you.”

“No Leonard, there is something I need to tell you first.” She stood back up and looked down at him. “I need to tell you before I lose my nerve.”

“Penny, if it makes you uncomfortable, then don’t say it. Only tell me what you ‘want’ to say, not what you ‘have’ to say.”

“I stopped and stayed over night in Las Vegas on the way home,” she blurted out.

“That’s a fun town, we took Howard there when Leslie broke up with him.” He smiled at the memory.

“Well I didn’t have fun,” she retorted with a snort.

“Then you should go back when you have more time. There is a lot to do there.” He thought that he was starting to sound like a commercial for Las Vegas.

Her will was starting to crumble. If she didn’t tell him now she never would. “Leonard,” she started and he looked up at her with eyes that betrayed his innocence. She fell back in retreat; how could she inflict the pain that was her life on this dear man? “I… I lost all the emergency money you gave me.” She surrendered. Leonard deserved so much more than her weak attempts at loving someone.

“Well… that probably wasn’t the wisest thing you’ve done, but it’s not the end of the world.” He smiled at her and then his phone rang. “Sorry, I need to take this.” He put the phone to his ear, Hello… hey Jill… yeah, that’s no problem, I’ll put a copy of it in my car so I don’t forget it on Sunday… I’m looking forward to it too. See ya’ll there.” He disconnected the phone and turned to see Penny; her face an ashen white. “You’ve got the wrong end of the stick Penny,” he said.

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” she replied.

That was not the Jill of which we have had previous conversations. I did not lie to you about my Jill. That was another Jill. I just met her today in fact,” Leonard explained.

“Why do you think I would care,” Penny argued.

“I don’t think that you care that it was Jill. I would hope that you cared that I didn’t lie to you. I don’t want you to believe that I could ever lie to you.” He stood and reached for her hand but she back up a step, nodded her head and darted up the steps. Leonard sat back down and pondered the situation. Penny would come around; she would work it out and make her way back into his life. It would just take some time. His real dilemma was what to do about Jill; she was a sweet little girl and his heart said to befriend her and her family. He knew they would be a positive influence on his life, but her name was Jill. He had ignored the implications with his Jill because… well he had needed a friend like his Jill, but this was a different set of values. If Jill Anderson never met Penny and vice-versa, then that conversation between Penny and Jill could never happen and he would be safe. He sat back down on the step and closed his eyes. The memory of those dreams came unbidden to his mind’s eye. He was in a room that was completely white. He heard a noise to his left and turned to see emptiness. A voice spoke “Jill, Leonard’s been shot in the abdomen.” Suddenly, a countdown clock that sped up and quickly reached the zero hour covered the wall opposite him. Light exploded and just as suddenly the room turned to pitch black. Leonard opened his eyes as if waking from a sleep. He had awoken in that exact manner many times over the last twenty years, but where those times he had been covered with perspiration, this time he had a smile on his face. The Andersons were good people; to hell with this premonition crap.

He stood and walked up the last few flights of stairs. He couldn’t wait to sleep in his own bed again.


	26. Picnics and Ponderings

Picnics and Ponderings

Leonard lay back in the cool grass. He had spent a leisurely afternoon with the Anderson family. They had eaten a light lunch at a picnic table and talked about their weeks. Jill had told them all about the softball camp she had attended and Clive had told them about running into a b-list celebrity; but they had all gotten a kick out of the story. Jackson had swayed from side to side the whole time, but he never took his eyes off of the person that was talking. Leonard and Jill had spent a little time playing on the jungle gym and Jackson had joined in.

The family had packed up all of their belongings and put them in their cars and set off on a walk around the small lake at the center of the park. They walked at a slow pace and the children danced around them as the adults talked and joked. When they had made their way around the lake, Clive and Samantha sat back down at the picnic table and Jill took Jackson and went to play on a swing set. Leonard had told them that he was going to sit under a tree and take a nap.

So he lay there with his mind drifting from one inconsequential thought to the next; he was completely relaxed. Suddenly he felt something he couldn't put a finger on. He cracked one eye open and found Jill standing above him, staring down at him. He opened both eyes and smiled up at her. "Can I join you?" she asked.

"Sure; there's shade enough for two," he said as he sat up on his elbows. She lowered herself to her knees and to Leonard's surprised twisted and laid down in the grass with her head on his stomach. He chuckled and asked, "Are you comfortable?"

"Yep; you have a cushy tummy," she said as a matter-of-fact. "Leonard," she asked shyly, "that story you told us the other day..." he felt her fidget, "does it make you sad to remember them?"

He shuddered at the memories and wondered if it had been a physical shudder or merely mental. He held his breath but there was no reaction from Jill. "It does, but it also makes me happy." He felt her shift and knew she had turned her head to look at him. He kept his eyes closed because he was afraid tears would flow if he were to look at her. "My friends... the ones in that other world are very important to me. I will always cherish my time with them."

"So you think that they are real?" she asked.

"I don't know... sometimes they seem so real I know they have to be real... but then the scientist in me starts to rationalize everything and..." he started.

"Don't listen to the scientist," Jill said sternly. "They are real."

He chuckled and he felt her weight shift again and then she was gone. He opened his eyes to see that she had moved a small distance away and sat Indian-style staring at him. "You are just full of surprises," he said. "What makes you say that?"

"Sometimes being grown-up is not fun." She shifted forward and sat up on her knees as she reached for Leonard's hand. He shook his head in the affirmative and gave her a wide smile. "Leonard," she asked, "if you could go back... you know... there; would you go?"

"I can't answer that question," Leonard replied, "there is no simple answer to that question."

"What if you could bring them here?" she asked.

"That would mean they would have to leave their friends and leave their world behind. I don't think I could ask that of them. Besides they have their Leonard there and they love him." He sat up and turned to sit facing her. He needed to change the subject. "Tell me about your friend Isabel." It worked; she talked for the next twenty minutes about her friend and Leonard found himself actually enjoying her discourse.

"So," Jill was wrapping up, "Now she lives in Vermont on a dairy farm. Can you imagine?"

"It sounds like a wonderful place," Leonard said. "Have you written to her recently?"

"We've e-mailed a couple of times, but it's just not the same as talking with her," Jill answered.

"May I make a suggestion?" he asked. She shook her head 'Yes' and settled back down on her haunches. "Try writing her a letter and sending it by mail. I know that sounds sort of old fashion, but the act of thinking out what you are going to write and then putting it in your own handwriting is so much more personal than an e-mail."

"Have you written letters to your friends in... What should I call it?" she asked.

"Just call it beta world," Leonard replied. "And no, I haven't written them letters. I don't have anywhere to send letters."

"You could send them to me." She squeezed his hand. "I won't open them, but you can write them and send them to my house. I'll keep them for you, you know, if you ever need them."

That was probably the nicest thing anyone had ever said to him and he wanted to hug her so badly. "Just how old are you?" he asked.

She furrowed her brow and asked, "What does that matter? How old do you think I am?"

"Well my first impression was twelve or thirteen or at the most fourteen, but from this conversation I would have to up my estimation to... I don't know... seventy two." He chuckled and smiled to let her know that he was joking with her.

"Well for your information, I'm fifteen. I'll be sixteen in five months." She jutted her chin out. "Leonard, I mean it. I'll be glad to save the letters for you." She stood up and took a few steps toward the tree and then turned back. She began to pace back and forth. "Would you mind helping me to write a letter to Isabel?"

"I'll be glad to help you write a letter," he said as he too stood. He noticed that Clive, Samantha and Jackson were walking in their direction. "Looks like it's about time to head home."

"Could I come by your office one day and work on the letter to Isabel?"

"If your mom or dad can bring you, I would be glad for you to come by," Leonard said.

"Mom," Jill said as her parents approached, "Do you think I could ride my bike over to Leonard's office tomorrow? He said he would help me write a letter to Isabel."

"Sweetheart, I'm sure Leonard has enough to do at work. He doesn't have time to..." Samantha began.

"Actually, I suggested it so I would be glad to do it. If you or your husband have the time to bring her," Leonard said.

"If you don't mind," Samantha continued, "but she can ride her bike over. We only live about a half-mile from your campus. In fact, if she does that, I'll send some fliers with her and have her post an advertisement for a new part-time babysitter." Leonard furrowed his brow and she explained, "Our current live in babysitter is leaving to go to grad school."

"She lives at your house?" Leonard asked.

"Not in our house. We actually have a detached garage with a two bedroom apartment above it." Clive answered.

"Does the babysitter need any special abilities?" Leonard asked.

"Not really as long as they are of good moral fiber, get along with Jackson and Jill and they have time to help me out around the house." Samantha laughed. "Are you applying for the job?"

"No, I don't think I would be good around children. But I have a friend who is moving to town to attend school. He and his sister will be looking for a place to stay and I believe Donna might be what you are looking for. Would you mind if I introduced her and Henry to you when they come out to look for housing?"

"We'll be glad to meet them," Samantha said. "Now, we need to get home and get ready for Sunday evening services."

"I've really enjoyed spending the afternoon with your family." Leonard shook Clive hand, turned to Samantha and gave her a brief hug. He turned to Jill and gave a slight bow. He pivoted and looked at Jackson. Jackson just stared at him. Leonard fidgeted and was unsure of what he should do. The question was answered when Jackson lurched forward and hugged him tightly around his waist. After a few moments Jackson released him and stepped back in line with his parents. They all said goodbye and headed toward their cars.

~~~~

Leonard walked slowly up the stairs toward his apartment. He was feeling as if he were on cloud nine. The afternoon with the Andersons had him feeling the most relaxed he had felt in a long time. The last time he remembered feeling this good was the day he had introduced his daughter to Penny. He stopped walking up the steps and his spirit crashed to the depths of forlornness; but then he reminded himself that the friends in Beta world were happy and he had his friends here in Alpha world. He forced a smile back on his face and continued up the steps. As he slowly made his way up the steps he heard someone sprinting up the stairs behind him. As the sound approached the flight he was on, he stepped to the side and plastered himself against the wall to make way for the sprinter. A moment later, a figure flew past him and it registered in his mind that it had been Penny that flew past him. He eased away from the wall and continued his leisurely pace up the stairs. When he reached the fourth floor landing he found Penny standing in front of her door.

"I thought that was you," she said, "as I ran up the stairs. Sorry about that, I've been trying to use the steps as a cardio workout. I run up them instead of walking; you know for the exercise."

He started to correct her and tell her that she expended the same amount of energy whether she walked or ran, but he let it lie. "Good for you. I'm proud of you." He turned toward his door.

"Leonard, do you have a few minutes to talk?" He turned to see her standing in her open doorway nonverbally inviting him in.

"Sure," he answered. "But I've got to take care of a couple of things first. What say we meet up on the roof in say an hour?"

"The roof?" she questioned. "Why the roof?"

"If you'll bring your canvas chair, I'll bring mine and we can talk as we star gaze." He took a step toward her but then stopped and stepped back to his door. "Is that okay with you?"

"Sure. Yeah, I'll see you in an hour, but I don't have a chair to bring."

"Oh, I thought..." then it dawned on him that it had been the other Penny that had spent time on the roof stargazing. "... well, Sheldon has a couple of emergency chairs. I'll bring an extra one for you." He took the nod of her head as confirmation and stepped into his apartment. As the door closed behind him, he let all thoughts other than the task ahead of him slip away and headed to his room. Once he had locked the door to his room, he went directly to the small desk in the corner and booted up his laptop.

 

~ Movie Theater, Pasadena ~

Raj sat in a dark theater and watched the classic science fiction movie Fantastic Voyage. He had told Howard that he needed to spend time at work doing research. He wanted to spend some time alone and Howard's constant chatter was not welcomed today. He watched the movie intermittently as his mind kept wandering back to his friend Leonard. Leonard had been different the weeks after his surgery and the trip to redneck central had surely caused a few quirks, but in the last week, he had begun to return to his old self. Maybe, he thought, he should start spending more time with Leonard and wean himself away from his friendship with Howard. Leonard was definitely the more stable of the two. He settled back into his seat to enjoy the rest of the movie.

~ Rooftop ~

Leonard opened the door to the roof and strode out into the nighttime. He set up the two canvas chairs well apart and was startled when he heard a cough from the edge of the roof. He looked up to see Penny sitting on the ledge at the front of the building. "Sorry I'm late," he said.

She did not respond to the apology but walked over to on of the chairs and sat down. "What is going on with you Leonard?"

He sat in the chair opposite her and said, "I'm not sure what you mean." She just stared at him. "Oh, I've been meaning to ask, how's your mother doing? Is she recovering well?"

"I talked to her yesterday. She's doing great. My sister was able to go home earlier than she had anticipated." Penny smiled as she recalled the conversation. “But you're changing the subject."

"You asked what was going on with me. My wondering about your mom was what was going on."

"You know what I mean," Penny said sternly. "Since you got home, you've been avoiding me."

"I've been avoiding you? It seems to me that you have been the one that hasn't been around." He leaned toward her. "We've both been busy since we got back to Pasadena; let's just leave it at that. But we're here now, talking; tell me what's on your mind."

"I'll tell you what's on my mind. You've changed; you're not the same person that I..." she tapered off.

"That you what?" he inquired. "That you dumped... that you..." he stopped before he went too far. "Penny, listen, I'm not the same person that lay next to you and declared his love for you. I do still love you; that will never change, but there is a world full of love out there and I am going to search out the love that I can find and grapple it to me with hoops of steel." She just looked at him with confusion. "Its a quote from Hamlet. It means that when you find true friendship or love you need to hold it close and never let it go."

"Are you saying that you're looking for someone to love you?"

"No. I'm saying that when I find someone that loves me, I'm not going to push them away." Leonard stood and walked toward the ledge.

"You're saying that it's my fault; that when you said you loved me I should have grappled you?"

"No, I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying that when I found people that I consider friends, I hold them close and make them a priority in my life."

"So you've made other friends and now you are going to write me off'" Penny accused.

"You're not listening to anything I'm saying. Did you not hear me a few minutes ago when I said that I still love you? I wouldn't say that if I was planning on forgetting you." He walked back to the chair and sat down. He looked as if he was pondering something; he leaned forward and asked a question that took Penny by surprise. "Do you ever wonder what it would have been like if we had had a child?"

"Where the hell did that come from?" she blurted out. Leonard didn't respond, he just sat there and studied her face. "Why would you ask me something like that?"

He ignored her question and asked her another question, "Would you have been willing to adopt a daughter if you had loved me?"

"Who are you? Where are these questions coming from?" Penny said with panic rising in her voice.

“Like I said, I’m not the same person I was back then. I’ve come to the conclusion that I want to be happy…” she started to interrupt him but he held his hand up to stop her and he continued, “… I want to be happy, but I will not purposefully cause one of my friends to be unhappy to achieve my own happiness. And as a further extension of this new outlook, if I can bring happiness to a friend or loved one without causing undue unhappiness to myself then it follows that I will attempt to do so.”

“Leonard, stop.” Penny requested. “What is making you say these things? This all started when you had your emergency surgery. Is that the reason you're acting like this. Did something happen to you when you… you know died?”

He just looked at her wondering if he should answer that question honestly. He decided if he did answer her it would have to be honestly. “Penny, it’s not as simple as that, but yes, something happened to me during that time of… unconsciousness; and before you ask, I’m not going to talk about it. Just know that I have deep feelings for you and that will not change, but I need to have them manifest as friendship. I need you to respect those boundaries.”

“So, first you jump in bed with that slut Dr. Plimpy…”

“Her name was Dr. Plimpton.” Leonard corrected.

“…that slut, and now you moved on and are in love with… whoever you’re in love with. Where does that leave me?” Penny whined.

Leonard was becoming frustrated and he stood again and paced behind his chair. “You’re missing the point Penny.” She looked at him with confusion. “My point is that I value your friendship and I don’t want to lose you… as a friend. I need you to be my friend and I want you to value my friendship. If you ever need anything, I will be there for you.”

“Oh, god Leonard, I am so sorry. I am saying all the wrong things, aren’t I?” She stood and walked to him, forcing him to stop his pacing. “Is what happened to you something you don’t want to talk about or something you don’t think you can talk about? Because if you want to, I can be what you need me to be. I can be the friend you come to for… I’ll be here for you.”

“Thanks for that, but it is… very private and I don’t need consoling. I have come to terms with the consequences of coming back.” He reached toward her and put his arms around her. He hugged her tight and she returned his hug with equal enthusiasm. He broke the brief hug and looked at her with a smile. “I like this; I like having my friend back.”

She smiled at his exuberance, “I’m glad you’re home,” she said watching his face for his reaction to the word home, “I’ve missed my friend.”

He fought not to show his disdain at the characterization of this as his home and he felt he did quite well. “It’s good to be back. Now, I need to head to bed, I’ve got to get an early start in the morning.” He smiled at the thought; he and Ashley had come up with a plan to stay in touch. She had access to a computer at her school with which she could skype with him, but it had to be before the school day started; seven-thirty her time. It was summer time, but she was helping one of the teachers as a teacher's aide for a summer program. That meant Leonard had to be up by four-thirty Pacific Time. He was able to talk her out of chatting everyday and they had settled on Mondays and Wednesdays. Tomorrow morning would be their first chat and he couldn’t wait to see her smile again.

Penny saw the smile and misinterpreted it as being intended for her. She smiled back at Leonard, kissed his cheek and said, “Goodnight Leonard, sleep tight.” And she turned to go as her mind recalled the time he had attempted to explain where that saying had originated. She wished now that she had paid more attention and showed at least a perfunctory interest in what he had tried to say to her. She decided that the next time she had the opportunity she would ask him where that saying had originated.


	27. Take the Compliment

Leonard sat at the table in an upscale steakhouse in Beverly Hills. He had arrived early and had been seated for about ten minutes when he saw his brother and his fiancée enter the room. They were escorted to his table by the maitre d. Leonard stood as they arrived and Michael pulled the chair out for his fiancée. "Good evening Leonard," Monica said. She smiled at him as she sat down. Michael helped her move her chair closer to the table and then extended his hand toward Leonard who took it and shook it briskly. Michael and Leonard both took their seats. The waiter appeared and took their drink orders.

As soon as the waiter was out of earshot Michael spoke. "I have all of the paperwork to complete the task you set me to." He reached into the breadbasket and took out a roll. "It was pretty straightforward, but the anonymity requirement was a little tricky. In the end, I was able to set-up..."

"Honey," Monica interrupted him, "let's talk about that later. We are here for a nice dinner with your brother. Let's talk with each other, not at each other. Leave the legal talk for after the cheesecake." Michael smiled at her and reached over to squeeze her hand. She returned his smile and said, "Leonard, how are Ashley and Jackson doing?"

A broad smile came on Leonard's face. "They are great. I skyped with Ashley Thursday morning and she is spending her last week of summer vacation going to a math camp."

"Math camp?" Monica said, "Do they really have camps for math?"

"Hey, I went to math camp every summer when I was a kid," Leonard protested. Michael snorted and Leonard shot him a glare. "I wouldn't laugh; I recall someone attending debate camp." Michael looked sheepishly back and forth between Leonard and Monica.

"It wasn't a camp; It was debate tournaments," he said in defense, Monica just laughed.

"My two favorite nerds," she said and laughed until tears streamed from her eyes.

"So, getting back to more mature topics... I'm glad you were able to bring the paperwork in person. It's good to be able to spend time with my brother and future sister-in-law," Leonard said.

"Well..." Michael started.

"We jumped at the opportunity to fly out here. We are going to spend a day at Disneyland and then we are taking the train north and will spend a week in wine country." Monica said.

Leonard looked at her with disbelief. "You talked Michael into going to Disneyland? He didn't even want to go when the family took the one and only vacation we took as children. He said he could stay home and house sit while we all went."

"Well, it was his idea." She got a look in her eye as if she was remembering something pleasant. "I remember we had just gotten back from lunch and Carnita told him the package was complete and ready to send to you via FedEx for signatures. She handed him the papers for him to look over and the FedEx packaging. He took the papers and looked at them for a long moment. He got a grin on his face and handed the packaging back to Carnita. He turned to me and asked 'What if we change our vacation plans? Instead of going to Martha's Vineyard; what about a week in wine country. Maybe spend a day in Disneyland first?' If Carnita hadn't been there, I would have jumped his bones right there. I said yes and he asked; I mean asked, not told Carnita if she would book us a fight to Pasadena."

"That was sweet," Leonard said with a catch in his throat. I appreciate you bringing it in person. I would take you and introduce you to Jackson and his family; but it would sorta defeat the purpose of the anonymity. They would surely put two and two together."

"We understand," Michael said, "Its not as mushy as Monica makes it out. I'm looking forward to seeing the wine country."

They spent the rest of the dinner chatting about everything from Leonard's current project at work to Michael and Monica's wedding plans. Michael and Monica ordered the New York cheesecake with a chocolate-blackberry sauce; Leonard had a brownie in lieu of the cheesecake. Dinner complete, Michael went over the paperwork and explained how he had set-up the accounts. Leonard was pleased, but surprised when Michael would not accept any payment for the work he had done. After all the paper work was done, Michael summoned the waiter and ordered a round of cognac for the three of them. When it arrived he held up his glass in a toast. "To Leonard. My brother and the best man I have ever met."

Leonard blushed and said, "I appreciate the sentiment, but..."

"No buts, Leonard. Take the compliment," Monica said.

Leonard raised his glass, "Thank you." He put the glass to his lips and sipped. The sweet liquid slid down his throat and created a warm glow in his stomach. He smiled as the warmth grew. "Wow, that is good."

"It's my one vice," Michael said as he took another swig.

They sipped in silence for the next few minutes enjoying the warmth spreading throughout them. Leonard saw a look pass between his brother and Monica. He knew that look; it had passed between he and Penny many times when they were dating. "I think," Leonard said, "that is my cue to get a cab home." He reached for the check but Michael reached it first and just shook his head.

"This one is on me; for the many times that I've maligned you." He raised his glass to Leonard in a tribute. "To a man who loves with his whole heart; I'm proud of what you are doing for these children."

"It is nothing more than any person should do," Leonard said.

"But not every person would," Monica said as she took his hand. "I will be very proud to call you brother." She stood and reached to take Michael's hand. "Take me to bed or loose me forever." Leonard watched in astonishment as his brother stood on wobbly legs and followed his fiancée out of the restaurant. He waived the waiter over and paid the bill. He couldn't blame his brother for his lapse in memory; in fact he felt a slight pang of jealousy.

~ Cheesecake Factory ~

Penny and Leonard had fallen into a routine of hellos and 'what's new'. He noticed that Penny seemed to be working a lot lately. He had hardly seen her in the last month except passing in the stairway. He had told the guys that he had an errand to run during lunch; he was here to see if he could talk with Penny. As he walked in he saw that she was working a shift behind the bar. There was no one at the bar and Penny had her back turned as she arranged the liquor bottles. Leonard quietly sat down and watched her work; his mind wandered back to the time he had awoken in the middle of the night with Penny sleeping next to him. In the dim light from a streetlight he had spent the rest of the night just looking at the back of her head and listening to the steady breathing. He was jerked back to reality as Penny turned and said, "What can I get you?" When she realized it was Leonard she said, "Hey, how are you doing?"

"I'm good. Do you have time to talk?" he asked. She looked around theatrically to emphasize that there was no one else at the bar and she nodded. "Can I have a little Dutch courage?"

"I don't know how to make that," Penny said.

"How about a cognac?" Leonard proffered.

"Ohhhh, getting all sophisticated," she said as she poured the cognac. "What would you like to talk about?"

He took the drink and took a long sip and sat the glass back down. He looked up to stare into Penny's eyes. He screwed up his courage and said, "I need to tell you some things. I've been a real bastard to you over the last three months and I... well I don't have a good excuse but I want to tell you what has happened to cause me to act like an ass."

"Leonard, I want you to talk to me, but I don't think you've been acting like an ass; very peculiarly, but not an ass." She walked to the end of the bar and raised the door and proceeded around and sat next to Leonard. "Now tell me what is going on with Leonard Hofstader."

He smiled slightly and began his confession. "Well you know the bit about my appendectomy and the little mishap that occurred." She nodded her head. "Well, while I was unconscious or when I was... you know; it seems I had a dream, for a lack of a better word." She could see from the expression on his face that this was hard for him. She put her hand on his arm and he smiled at her. "Well in this dream," he continued, "It was like an alternate universe... everything was the same but with some differences..." he paused and she waited for him to continue.

When he seemed reluctant to continue she asked, "what was different in your dream?" He got a faraway look in his eyes and she got the impression that he was no longer with her. She just looked at him and was reluctant to bring him back to this reality.

When his eyes regained focus and he fought his way back to reality, he answered her question. "There were a lot of little things; like my car was green, not red; I had a friend named Jill..." He lowered his eyes and said in a rush, "and you were having our child."

Penny's jaw dropped. She thought back to the day that she had gone to him in the hospital. She realized that he had probably realized it had just been a dream before she arrived, and when she had walked into the room he hadn't just seen her; he had seen a child lost to him. "Oh Leonard, I'm so sorry." She didn't know what to say.

"It was just a dream. Then things started to happen that reminded me that my life was not all it could be. In the dream, I was working on a project and I got it in my mind that I could recreate it and... well I don't know what I was thinking."

"So this dream life was better than your real life and you what, wanted to make reality like the dream?" she inquired.

"No. Not that the thought didn't occur to me, but there were things that could never be in this reality" Leonard said.

"What do you mean this reality? This is the only reality, isn't it?" Penny asked.

He ignored the question and continued, "Do you remember the young boy at the Thai restaurant?" She nodded her head yes. "Well the day that you left for Nebraska, the dean asked me to take a trip to Alabama for a recruiting trip. I had gone home to pack when the door opened and Jackson entered the apartment."

"How did he find you?"

"He found me on the internet and took the bus. Well, I called his parents and they came to get him. Long story short, I've become friends with his parents and sister." He stood up and started to pace. "I would like you to meet them. The family has a picnic once a month, would you like to join us this Sunday afternoon and meet my friends?"

Penny looked at him with incredulity written on her face. Was Leonard finally going to open up to her? She had been aware of something hidden, lurking under the façade that he showed to his friends for sometime now. She wanted to contribute that to the incident with the near death experience, but she had thought long and hard about it over the past two months, and she realized the kernel of it had been there long before that. "Leonard," she started but paused. Should she push him for more now that he was starting to open up to her? "Do you have regrets about the time we were together?"

His eyes widened in surprise. "God no Penny. I wouldn't trade one moment of that time for anything." He looked at her with a steady gaze to convey that he truly meant it, but even as he said it he knew it was wasn't the whole truth. He silently admitted to himself that he wouldn't trade it for anything in this reality. He finally lowered his gaze as he could feel her becoming uncomfortable. "Penny," he began as he saw a couple of businessmen take seats at the far end of the bar, "I'm going to grab a table and eat a bite." He took his cognac and tilted his head. "If you get a break in the next little while, you could join me." She nodded her head in the affirmative and strode back behind the bar to wait on the new customers.

For a mid-afternoon, the bar had gotten very busy. Leonard could see from his vantage point that Penny was going ninety to nothing. 'Good' he thought, she should be making some great tips. He paid his bill and tried to catch her eye as he left the restaurant, but she seemed to be dealing with a belligerent woman and did not see him.

When Penny was finally able to take a breath she looked over to see the table where Leonard had been seated was empty. She looked at her watch and saw that over an hour had passed since the last time she had been able to look over in his direction. She reached beneath the bar and took out her phone. She quickly texted him 'Sorry I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. Have a good day'. She placed the phone back and started cleaning up the area for the next shift. Just as she was finishing up, Max, one of the waitresses walked over.

"Penny, did you know the geeky looking guy that was sitting in my section?" Max asked.

"If you mean MY FRIEND Leonard, yes I know him. In fact, he used to be my boyfriend'" Penny answered. She didn't know why she felt she had to add in the last part, but she did.

"Oh," Max said with eyebrows raised, "Never would have taken you for the charitable type."

Penny's cackles were raised. She fought back the urge to berate this newly hired hussy. "For your information, Leonard was probably the best thing that has ever happened to me." She slouched forward and continued, "He's the best person I have ever met."

"So why did he 'Used to be your boyfriend' if he is so great?"

"Because," Penny sighed, "I'm an idiot with commitment issues.

"Well, he must still care," Max said as she put a hand on the counter and then removed it. "He left you a hell of a tip for just one cognac."

Penny looked down to see two twenties before her on the counter. She was at once both thankful to him but also upset with him. Leonard had always been generous with his tips when they were out on their dates, but this was a three hundred percent tip and she knew it was because he thought she needed to be taken care of. She decided that on the way home, she would stop and buy him something. She could give as good as she got. She smiled at Max and Max went back to her section.

~ The Comic Book Shop ~

Penny had stopped on her way home to see what she could find something to give Leonard as a thank you. She had been browsing for a few minutes before she realized it was hopeless. She had no idea what Leonard would like; he would probably like any of it she thought, but she wanted him to know that she had put some thought into the present. She saw Stuart at the counter and caught his eye. He saw her and walked over to check on her.

"Hey Penny. What brings you into this bastion of Geekdom?" he asked.

"Hey Stuart. I want to get a present for Leonard and I'm completely lost. Do you have any suggestions?"

"Is it his Birthday? I thought it was in May."

"No, not his birthday, just a little something to say 'thanks for being my friend'. Any ideas?" Penny implored.

He showed her a number of items but they were all either too expensive or she had no idea what they were. He tilted his head in thought and then said, "Okay, one more thing." He ducked into the back room and appeared a few minutes later holding a small box. "I think this may be what you are looking for." He opened the box and a smile spread across Penny's face.

~ 4th Floor landing Sunday at Noon ~ 

Leonard walked out of apartment and crossed the landing to 4B. He raised his hand to knock but the door opened before he could rap his knuckles on the door. He looked up to see Penny standing in the doorway dressed in a beautiful light yellow sundress. She smiled sweetly and said, "all ready to go." He turned to walk down the stairs but she put her hand on his arm and stopped him. He turned again to face her. "Before we go," she said demurely, "I wanted to... to give you this." She handed him a small package that was wrapped in Star Wars paper.

"What is this?" he asked.

"Just something to say 'Thank You'. I just want you to know how much I appreciate your friendship." She tilted her head downward toward his hand. "Go ahead, open it."

Leonard ran his finger under the tape that held the paper together, but never took his eyes off of Penny. As the paper came loose, he folded it and put it in his pocket. He looked down to see a white cardboard box and gently pried the lid off and put it under the bottom of the box. He lifted the white tissue paper and a laugh escaped his lips. "Oh my god. That is... that's... Thank you Penny."

"Do you like it?" she asked.

"Of course I like it. I can't believe you got this for me." He reached in and lifted the gift out of the box. He turned it over and over in his hands.

"Well you've taken up cognac, so I thought you might need something to carry it around in. When Stuart showed me that with the Star Trek insignia, well I thought it would be perfect for you. He said the flask is an official replica of the one Kirk used in one of the movies."

"Well thank you very much. That is very sweet of you." His first thought was to admonish her for spending money on him but then Monica's voice echoed in his mind, 'Take the compliment, Leonard' and he let it go. He would let her do something nice for him and just accept it and appreciate it. He smiled at her and put the flask back in the box, "I can't wait to fill it up and sneak sips when no one is looking" he said with a hint of kidding in his voice. He reached over and squeezed her hand and he saw a smile on her face that lit up her whole face. "What say we get going? I can't wait for you to meet my friends."

He released her hand and they walked down the steps side by side. They both had smiles on their faces and Leonard began to whistle quietly to himself.


	28. Return to Normal

Return to Normal

They had driven the whole way to the park in silence. Penny was nervous; Leonard was going to introduce her to his newest friends. For Leonard's part, he was both excited and scared. He loved the time that he was able to spend with his friends and he was excited to have Penny meet them; but he was afraid that they might not like each other. As he pulled into a parking spot she turned toward him and asked, "Do you think that they will like me?"

"What's not to like," he responded without hesitation. "They are excited to meet you."

They exited the car and she followed as he led on toward a picnic area. As they approached a group of people sitting around a table, they all turned to look at her. She recognized one of the women as Jackson's mother and then saw Jackson staring at her intensely. She smiled at him and she watched as he stood up and slowly walked toward them. He reached Leonard and immediately wrapped his arms around his waist. Leonard hugged him back and Jackson tilted his head to look at Penny. Jackson extricated himself from Leonard's hug and approached Penny. He looked up at her and she reached out a hand towards him. He recoiled back and ran back to his mother. She looked like she was about to cry.

"Hey, don't worry about it," Leonard said, "It's his autism. He'll have to warm up to you before he let's you get close. In fact, one of the main manifestations of autism is the aversion to contact."

"He didn't have any problem with contact with you," Penny said. 

Leonard smiled at this fact. He was about to respond when a voice from behind him said, "Lenny seems to be the exception to the rule. Jackson took to him almost immediately."

"Hey Jill," Leonard smiled, "I would like you to meet my friend Penny." Penny recognized the name Jill from previous conversations and Freudian slips by Leonard. Leonard saw the recognition on Penny's face.

"Jill is Jackson's sister. She is a sophomore in high school and a very talented writer."

Penny extended her hand in greeting and Jill took it with caution. "Pleased to meet you Miss," Jill said. "Leonard has told us all about you."

"Don't believe everything you hear," Penny responded jokingly. She looked up from Jill to see a young couple approaching her. She extended her hand to the girl and said, "Hi, I'm Leonard's friend Penny."

Donna took the proffered hand and said, "Hey. I'm Donna and this is my brother Henry." Donna saw the recognition of her name in Penny's eyes and hastened to quell the storm she saw brewing. "I just want to apologize again. I was completely out of line." Henry took her hand and shook it briskly.

"Donna told me what happened," Henry said, "She has been beside herself since she..."

"Apology accepted," Penny broke in. "Let's not rehash old injuries."

"Good," Donna said as she put an arm around Penny. "Come on over, grab a sandwich and sit down. Everyone can't wait to pick your brains."

She let Donna lead her to the picnic table and saw that Leonard had made his way over to sit between Jill and Jackson. He was chatting with a man that looked to be Sarah's husband. He stopped talking and took his laptop out of the backpack he had brought with him and sat it on the picnic table. He opened it up and powered it on. He glanced at his watch and said, "She should be making contact in just about thirty minutes."

"So," Sarah began, "Leonard tells us that you work at the Cheesecake Factory."

~ Apartment 4A ~

Sheldon and Amy sat at opposite ends of the couch and were reading. Amy looked up from her book and stared at Sheldon. He finally felt her gaze upon him and glanced over at her. "What?"

"I was just wondering," she began, "What's up with your roommate?"

"He and Penny have gone to lunch," Sheldon said.

"Doesn't that seem odd to you?"

"I don't tend to ponder the social interactions of Leonard. Since he and Penny have reverted back to being, just friends, it has become quite... boring."

"I am no longer enjoying being here. I am going to go home and feed my monkey."

"Is that a euphemism?" he asked.

"No... I really have a monkey that needs to be fed," she said flatly.

"Well..." he said, "I think I'll defrag my laptop and do a total back-up." He stood and walked toward his room. "You can let yourself out."

~ Raj's Apartment ~

Raj sat in front of the computer and video chatted with his sister. They had spent the better part of an hour catching each other up on what they knew of their siblings' lives and Raj noticed a shadow fall cross Priyah's eyes. "What's up," he asked.

"I may..." she hedged, "I may be coming to California in a couple of weeks."

"That's great," he said. "I'll have to take you on a tour of Hollywood while you are here?"

"What's up with your friends?" she asked. He detected a hint of expectation in her voice, but he ignored it. She continued, "What are their names... Leonard and Howard?"

"And Sheldon," he completed the list of friends. "They're still as nerdy as they ever were." They spoke for a few more minutes and Raj said goodbye and signed off. He sat back and stared at the ceiling. Things had begun to return to normal and he looked forward to tomorrow night when the gang would all be back together for the first time in months.

~ Sunday in the Park ~

Everyone had enjoyed a good picnic meal and Mrs. Anderson had surprised them all by returning from a trip to the car with a box that was obviously a sheet cake. She opened the box to reveal a cake with chocolate icing with 'Welcome to LA' written in pink icing.

"What is this for?" Leonard asked with confusion, thinking that it looked delicious, but he knew he would have to take their word for it. The icing was evidently butter cream and he would not dare the lactose around all of his friends.

Leonard caught Henry's eye and he saw a glint of mischievousness in them. Henry smiled and nodded at his sister. She began to sing, "For she's a jolly good fella..." the others joined in and Leonard looked to Penny. She was just as confused as he was. His confusion was short-lived as he heard a screech from behind him. He turned quickly to see a blur launch itself toward him and fell off the back of the bench and landed hard and a moment later, eighty plus pounds landed on top of him. Penny acted without thought and in a moment was on a knee at Leonard's side.

"Are you okay?" she asked with concern heavy in her voice. She looked at the figure that was attempting to right itself and asked, "Who are you?"

"Ashley?" Leonard asked incredulously. "What are you doing here?"

She leaned back down and hugged him tightly. "We came to go to Disneyland." She gripped him tighter, "And to see you."

He saw Paul walk up behind her and gently lift her up off of him. "Howdy Leonard. Surprise." He reached down to offer Leonard a hand up.

Leonard stood and encircled Paul in a hug. He looked past Paul and saw Emily and Abigail walking towards the group. "Wow, this is a surprise. How... when... what..."

"Whoa buddy," Emily said, "All will be revealed."

"Emily," Leonard said with mock iciness.

"Leo," she said with sternness. She glared at him for a moment and Penny could feel the tension crackling around them. And then just as she was about to step between them, Leonard lurched forward and embraced her. She wrapped her arms around him and squeeze tightly. They released each other and each took a step back. He looked down to see Abigail looking up at him. He leaned down and picked her up and swung her around in a circle. He giggled with delight.

"Weeeeeee...." she screamed in delight. Leonard lowered her to the ground slowly. She reached her arms upward wanted him to pick her up again. "Uncle Leonard...." she whined. Emily picked her up and she struggled to get back down.

"Honey, let's let Uncle Leonard have a few minutes to talk to everyone and then..." she glanced at Leonard, "...then you can annoy him as long as you want to." She giggled as Paul took Abigail from her.

"Leonard," Penny asked, "would you mind introducing me to your friends?"

"Penny, I would like you to meet Abigail..." he reached and gently caressed Abigail's cheek, "and her mother Emily." Emily bent her head forward slightly in acknowledgement. "And this," he gestured toward Ashley, "is my friend Ashley. And this is her father Paul." He took Paul's hand and shook it. "Everybody. This is Penny." They all formed a circle around her and in their time took her hand and shook it.

"I'm sorry," Ashley said when it was her turn.

"What for?" Penny asked.

"Leonard said that I scared you."

"Scared me?" she said with confusion

"Ashley was the one that you accidentally misinterpreted as saying that I was..." Leonard trailed off.

"Oh, the angel thing," Penny deduced. She leaned down to eye level with Ashley. "That was my fault, sweetie, I jumped to conclusions and ended up making a fool of myself."

"Mommy and daddy said I had to say I'm sorry," Ashley said shyly.

"Mommy?" Leonard asked with confusion.

"Umm, maybe I should explain," Paul interrupted. "There have been a few developments since last we saw you." He fidgeted a bit and Emily took his hand. Paul continued, "Emily and I have been seeing a lot of each other and well... we decided that..."

"Paul has asked me to marry him and I have said yes," Emily finished.

Leonard turned to Ashley, "And what do you think of this?"

"I love Ms. Emily and I want her to be my new mommy." Abigail walked over and took Ashley's hand. "And Abby is going to be my sister." Abigail giggled and hugged Ashley.

"That is amazing," Leonard said. "I am so happy for you all." A cloud covered Leonard's eyes and he asked reluctantly, "What do Tim and Trish think of this?" He knew they had been very close to Jill.

Paul understood the question within the question and said happily, "We had a long talk before I asked Emily. Tim and Trisha are very happy for me and they are excited for Ashley."

The group all took seats and had cake and sodas and talked amongst themselves. Penny was enjoying getting to know Leonard's friends and had fallen into a comfortable conversation with Jill Anderson.

"So Jill, how did you meet Leonard?" Penny asked.

"He came to a counseling session with my family a couple of months ago. My brother Jackson is autistic and well he seems to like Leonard. And then he promised to help me..." she trailed off.

"He's a nice guy, isn't he?" Penny stated.

"He really is," Jill stated. "If I was twenty years older..."

"Twenty years?" Penny laughed. "How old do you think Leonard is?"

"I don't know, forty something?" Jill guessed.

Penny chuckled, "Close enough."

"Can I ask you something?" Jill asked Penny. Penny nodded her head and braced herself for a personal question about her and Leonard. She was completely befuddled when Jill simply asked, "How can you tell if a boy likes you?" Penny looked at her with confusion and saw Jill's eyes dart to where Henry was sitting. 'Oh boy' she thought.

"Is there someone in particular in mind?"

"No," she said with too much emphasis. "No," she said quietly.

"Well," she began and then spent the next hour talking with her about boys.

Meanwhile Henry had coaxed Leonard away from the group and they were walking around the small lake. "Leonard..." Henry began, "I need some advice."

"What's on your mind Henry?"

"Well you know about my debacle with Amanda... so I'm not really good at reading signs and... well I kinda think I like Jill, but..."

"Whoa," Leonard stopped him, "You live in an apartment owned by Jill's family. You and your sister are guests of her parents. You need to be very careful."

"I know all of that, and I don't even know if she feels the same way." Henry said.

Leonard thought back to the last couple of picnics and things fell into place. He had seen all of the glances that Jill had been giving Henry and now they all made sense. "You need to walk on eggshells. Take everything slowly. Make sure you show every respect to both Jill and her family. You are a guest and need to respect their home."

"Do you think she might like me too?"

"Of course she likes you, but remember that even though she is just a year younger than you..." Leonard started.

"I know... she is not as mature as me." Henry finished.

"Maybe, but she may surprise you in that aspect. But my point is that you are both teenagers and hormones are running rampant in both of you. You need to make sure you wrangle them in and not do something that you both may regret." They continued their walk around the lake.

When they arrived back at the picnic table Penny stood and met them. "I really like all of your friends. They are all very nice." He took her hand and lifted it to his lips. She blushed. Everyone said their goodbyes and Penny and Leonard made their way to the car.

Leonard had made plans to spend part of the week with Paul, Emily Ashley and Abigail. He had a smile on his face as they drove out of the parking lot. "Tomorrow night is Chinese night and Howard says he has a surprise for us. Will you join us for dinner? It's been a long time since you hung out with us."

She was unsure whether she was ready to immerse herself back into the group but she relented, "Yeah, I'll be there. Leonard, thank you for introducing me to your friends."

"They're more than friends, I consider them my family," Leonard explained. They lapsed into a companionable silence. They were making their way back to normal and it felt right.

A/N And thus begins Season 4 back to canon.

The End


	29. Epilogue

Epilogue: Saturday, June 14, 2064

Leonard sat on the porch of the log cabin to which he and Penny had retired. He had finally relented a year earlier and retired from his teaching and research position; but he still received video link calls on a weekly basis asking for his opinions on research projects by both former students and colleagues. Some of them, he was sure, were merely attempts to make him feel relevant; and he appreciated the efforts. After twenty years as a researcher at Cal-Tech he had finally left when offered a research position at Cambridge and Penny and the kids had followed him. Penny's career, though never meteoric, had been very fulfilling for her. She had gotten a small part in a sitcom that had blossomed into a ten year run and opened up opportunities for movie roles. She had never been the 'movie star', but she never went long without work. She had taken on the lead role in a revival of "Our Town" in London's theatre district within a month of arriving in England. Leonard had spent almost twenty-five years in Cambridge before the lure of California had called him back to finish out his academic career.

Their daughter had followed in her mother's footsteps and gone into the entertainment industry. She was currently a successful producer in Wilmington, NC. It was still hard to believe that the movie and TV industry had relocated most of their production facilities to the east coast centering around the outer banks. That was part of the reason that he had chosen to move to Woodland, Alabama for retirement; it was much closer to his daughter and the home of one of his best friends.

His son had followed in his footsteps and pursued academia. His son was more successful than he had ever been. Jackson was currently director of the supercollider project that was being built just north of Roswell, NM. It was being constructed to replace the rapidly deteriorating facility at Cern. The Cern facility had taken heavy damage in the European-Greco conflict in the 2030's. Although efforts were made to repair and update, it was eventually determined to be to expense to repair. New Mexico was chosen by the international scientific community because of the discovery that there was a large deposit of a new isotope of uranium; uranium 476. It had the same energy potential of uranium 235, but did not have the drawbacks. It was basically an unstable isotope within a stable molecule. Leonard had been on the original team that was tasked to determine its origin and potential danger vs. potential benefits. Sheldon had been on the team also. It was Sheldon's insight that realized that when in the presence of sodium chloride (table salt) uranium 476 was radioactive neutral and when exposed to potassium chloride it became extremely active and a very effective means of producing vast amounts of energy.

Sheldon had won his second Nobel Prize for the work he did on uranium 476. It had given Leonard his first Nobel Prize. Five years later Leonard had received his second for his work with ceramic molecules excited by u476 and it's application to anti-gravity propulsion systems. This research had led to a new generation of space travel vehicles. The space program had been dead for over twenty years when Leonard's research had launched a new generation of Space Shuttles. They had finally reached Mars ten years later. The Western Hemisphere alliance had established a permanent base on Mars just three years ago. There were now monthly flights leaving for the final frontier. Leonard had been offered the opportunity to take a flight as one of the first civilians to visit Mars, but he had gracefully declined. He had no desire to be that far from his family.

A slight beep sounded in his earpiece and he glanced at an icon in the upper right quadrant of his field of vision; a drop down menu indicated that it was an incoming video call from his wife. He twitched his eye and his field of vision was filled the lovely vision of his wife. Even now in their golden years, she was a vision of loveliness.

"Hey beautiful," Leonard said, "How's everything in London?"

"Okay, but I can't wait to get back home to you." Her hologram shimmered and blinked out. A moment later she was back in focus. "Sorry 'bout that. I was just inserting a video crystal into the master unit. I had them download one of the scenes from today's filming. I think it is some of the best work I've ever done."

Penny had been contacted about three months ago and asked to star in a modern version of Agatha Christies' Ms. Marple. New scripts were being written and updated for the current technological state. "Leonard, I hope to wrap this up in about another week. We're working on the last episode now. I thought we might meet in Wilmington in about two weeks and spend some time with Ashley; maybe call Jackson and see if he can get away for a couple of days. It's been too long since we all spent time together as a family."

"That sounds good," Leonard said. "I'll call him this evening. Will you call Ash?"

They talked a few more minutes and then Penny said they were calling her back to the set. "I'll talk to you again tonight. I love you Leonard."

"I love you too," he said as he signaled the disconnect. The flashing icon in the corner indicated that the video file had downloaded successfully.

He nodded his head and the video file loaded. The first thing he saw was Penny, still in character talking to the recorder. "Just to set the scene up for you; Ms. Marple has just stumbled on the body of her prime suspect and she has to tell his girlfriend that he is dead." She giggled. "The funny thing is... the characters name is Leonard. That made the scene much harder for me, but I think it brought out some extra depth to my performance."

The scene shifted and he saw Penny standing over a dead body and he saw true sadness in her eyes. She stepped around the body and the camera tracked her into the hallway where a young girl stood looking as if she was lost. "Can you help me find my friend?" The girl said. "I've looked everywhere and no one has seen him."

"Oh, poor girl," Ms. Marple said as she laid her hand on the girl's shoulder. "I'm afraid dear girl that your friend is..."

Recognition dawned on the girl's face, "Oh God. Is he... is he..."

"Yes, dear girl. He is deceased." Ms. Marple empathized.

"How," she stuttered.

"Jill, Leonard's been shot in the abdomen," Ms. Marple said, but it was Penny's voice and Leonard gasped. The scene went on but he no longer was paying attention. He had not had that dream in over thirty years and now he was living the dream he had been having since childhood.

The program had recognized that he was no longer focused on the video and had self paused it. He motioned toward the console and turned off the video program. He sat in silence for a moment and slowly a smile came to his face. He felt the first twinge a moment later and grimaced. He prayed that this would not be painful. Tightness pressed on his chest and the world seemed to darken. He leaned back in the rocker and let the inevitable happen. Suddenly a light flashed and he looked up to see Jill standing by his side.

"Hey buddy," Jill said. "I'm here. Everything is gonna be okay."

"I've missed you so much. You don't know how much the last thirty years have been missing... missing you."

"I know how much you've missed me. That's why I waited for you; so you'd have someone to cross over with you."

"Make sure I'm not getting the wrong end of the stick; I am dead, right?" Leonard questioned.

"Just about it," she replied, "Your neurons are shutting down and in the next few moments you should start feeling the euphoria of oxygen deprivation and then you slip into a semi-conscious state." She paused as he cycled through the steps. "Now... you are clinically dead. Come on, let's head toward the light. I can't wait to get over there."

"What happens to all my family and friends?" Leonard asked.

"They'll make their way," she replied.

~ An hour outside of Pasadena, January 12, 2011 ~

Leonard opened his eyes and wondered where he was. As his mind gained focus, he recalled that he was lying in the back seat of Donna's car and they were headed back to Pasadena. Donna and Henry had invited him to drive to Glendale, Arizona to attend the BCS National Championship game between their Auburn Tigers and the Oregon Ducks. He had originally declined but after the fiasco that had been New Year's night and the costume party, he had called Donna to see if the ticket was still available.

Paul, Ashley, Tim and Trisha had flown from Alabama and joined them for the pre-game tailgating and post game celebration. Emily had not been able to make the trip but she had called a thousand times.

As these thoughts flooded over his conscious mind, they fought with the memory of the dream; or was it a dream. He could still feel the ebbing of his soul as Jill had beckoned him to follow her. He felt the calmness and the happiness of a life well lived and a heart that had truly been loved. A tear formed in his eye and he blinked it away. The image of Penny’s face as she told him, (or at least one of him) that she loved him. He would never forget the look of pure honesty in her eyes as she said those words. Fear began to insinuate itself in his mind; would he ever hear those words from his Penny? And then he shut his eyes again in an attempt to call back that other reality. If he concentrated hard enough, could he slip back into that other world?

‘STOP’ he screamed inside his head. ‘You know damn well that this is your reality and this is where you must be happy.’ He sat up in the back seat and Henry turned around to speak.

“Good morning sleepyhead. You’ve been asleep for over four hours.” Henry smirked. “We’ll be back in Pasadena in about 45 minutes or so.”

Leonard looked out the window and saw that the sun was still down but he could see a tint of red on the eastern horizon. The sun would be up in less than an hour. He smiled at Henry and then spoke to Donna, “Do you want me to drive the rest of the way in. You have got to be beat.”

“No, I just took over about an hour ago. Me and Henry have been tag driving while you snored away,” she said with a laugh. Leonard settled back in the rear seat and thought about what to do with the rest of his day; his wasn’t due back at work until Thursday the 13th. And then his mind clicked and he remembered what January the 12th was. His friend Paul Harris had been married on January 12th, eight years ago. Paul and his new wife had become good friends over the past couple of years and Paul’s death had been very hard on Paul’s wife.

Leonard took out his phone and scrolled through the contact info. It was too early to call, but he sent an e-mail message to Sandra Harris asking her to call him as soon as she got a chance. He put his phone away and started a casual conversation with Henry and Donna. In what seemed like no time, they had arrived back at the University, where Leonard had left his car. After they had transferred his luggage and souvenirs into his car, they said their good-byes and ‘see ya’s’ for the picnic this coming Sunday afternoon. Leonard was just about to put his seatbelt on when his phone rang. He looked down to see Sandra’s name on the caller ID. He touched the ‘accept’ icon and put the phone to his ear.

“Hey Sandra,” Leonard greeted with as much lightheartedness in his voice as he could muster.

“Hey Leonard. I got you message. What are you up to?” Sandra said, and Leonard could hear the strain of emotion in her voice.

“I just spent a couple of days in Arizona, and I am looking for someone that will have breakfast with me. I’ve been driving all night and I am famished. Can I talk you into a big breakfast?” Leonard said in a tone that, he hoped, would not brook a negative response.

“Leonard, Thank you…” she began and he could hear her wariness.

“Okay, I wasn’t going to admit this up front, but I actually called because I was going to ask you a favor.” Leonard countered.

“You don’t have to ask me to breakfast in order to ask a favor. You are… were Paul’s best friend in college. You know I would do anything I could…”

“Let me buy you breakfast. It will ease my conscience.” He paused to let her convince herself that he was telling the truth. “What do you say?”

“Alright Leonard,” she conceded. “Where can I meet you?” 

“I’m about ten minutes from your house. I’ll pick you up and we’ll head over to the Parker House. I’ve got a hankering for some biscuits and gravy.”

She laughed. “I haven’t been there since…” her voice trailed off.

“Sometimes,” Leonard said softly, “we need to remember.” He let that statement linger as he heard her quietly sobbing. “Sandra… I know today is going to be… We’ll take some time to talk about him and the love we all shared.”

Through her sob she said, “It’s been over a year and when I woke up this morning I just could feel this…” she seemed to lose focus and Leonard could hear her as she maid a clicking sound with her tongue.

“Sandra, I am not going to lie and tell you I know what you are feeling, but I have lost someone just a couple of months ago…,” he forced down a lump that had taken root in his throat. “Each pain is unique, but I do know that sometimes just a simple gesture or touch of a hand on your shoulder, can mean the difference in abject forlornness and a sense that there is still light in this world. I have found some friends that are that light for me.” He paused. “I may not be able to be that light for you, but I can at least buy you breakfast.”

She laughed. “Since when did Paul’s nerdy friend become so worldly wise?”

“I had a chance to experience true love and that made the universe look completely new to me. It took me finding that one person that could love me with all my faults and scars to make me see that the world is what we make it. I want my world to be filled with love and happiness. And what is going to make me happy right now is…” he teased her with a pause, “is a plate full of bacon, biscuits and gravy and fried eggs.”

She snorted. “I’ll leave the front door open. Make yourself at home and I’ll be ready as quick as possible.”

Two hours later they were sitting on a park bench near the Cal Tech campus. Breakfast had been casual and fun. There had been moments when they had talked of Paul that she had become teary eyed and started to lapse into a funk, but Leonard had steered the conversation back to the happy times they had spent together.

“Leonard,” she said with a question in her tone, “You said you had lost someone this past year. Who was it?”

Leonard looked at her and wanted to tell her everything, but knew that she couldn’t understand. “In all but the legal sense…” he started and made a decision to be emotionally honest if not factually honest, “my wife and family.” She looked at him with astonishment. “It’s hard to explain, but… I found a family and they were my world; are my world, but that world is lost to me.”

She continued to stare at him and she could see the complete anguish in his face; but it was more than just his face his whole body had become a taut string and the wind that blew gentle made him vibrate. She knew it had to be her imagination, but she thought she could hear music of his soul as he stared into space. She gave him a moment and stood so she could move closer to him and sit down again. She put her arm around him and gently rocked him as she smoothed down a strand of hair that was blowing in the wind.

A few moments passed and he whispered to her, “I invite you to breakfast and you end up comforting me. I’m supposed to be comforting you.”

“Sometimes the best way to make yourself feel better is to find a way to make others feel better.” She leaned away from him so that she could look him in the eye. “Is that what you were trying to do for me? You really didn’t have a favor to ask, did you?”

He panicked. Had she caught him in a lie? “No, not entirely. I do have a favor to ask, but I did want to spend some time with you today.” He reached over and put his hand over her hand.

“So what is this favor?” she asked with a note of doubt in her voice.

He struggled to think of something that would fit the bill. “Ummm, Are you still working at the production company? Are you still trying to get that series idea sold?”

“No. I’m still working for the production company, but that idea has been mothballed. I went to work in our shorts production division and I help out in the advertisement department when they need it.” She sat back. “It’s not as creatively rewarding, but it keeps me busy. So what is this favor?”

It finally coalesced for him. “I have a friend that is trying to get her foot in the door as an actor. Any way you could help her… not hire her just on my word, but give her a chance to audition.” He let that hang there.

“Is this someone you care about, Leonard?” She asked.

“She is a friend. We were once more, but that…”

“Is she the family you lost?”

How could he answer that question? He decided honesty was the best answer. “I love her, but she is not my family. She does not love me and I have come to terms with that, but she deserves to be happy…”

“Making her happy will make you happy,” she stated.

Leonard looked at her shyly, “I hope so.”

“I have a national commercial we will be shooting in the next couple of months. If you get me her info, I’ll see that she gets an audition with the producer.” She smiled at him.

“Just one thing, Sandra.” She looked at him with a question in her eyes. “She never gets to know that I had anything to do with getting her the audition.”

She nodded knowingly and smiled. They spent the rest of the day just being lazy and he returned her home about four in the afternoon.

He entered apartment 4A and everyone was sitting around eating take out food. They all greeted him and offered him containers. He just smiled and said he was going to turn in early. As he passed Penny on the way to his bedroom she reached out and touched his arm.

“Welcome home Leonard,” she said with a smile.

He touched her hand and smiled back. He made his way to his room and lay on his bed. Life was going to be okay. Moments later he was asleep and dreaming about his happiness equation.

The End


End file.
